Hello~ so, I've been so busy with work and life. My own therapy has been incredibly hard and August was particularly difficult with loads of crisis. To top it all, my boyfriend and I broke up so I've been heartbroken and keeping myself busier to move on. I apologize for making you all wait so much, but I was trying to survive day to day.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for all the comments. You remind me I love Jinyoung and Jaebeom too much to let them behind.

Bel, xx

∞

         When Jinyoung gets home he's exhausted. His body is heavy, taking one step is a herculean task and most of the time he doubts he'll even make it to his room. At home, his mother is doing the dishes and cleaning, his father is watching television and his sister is probably out or in her room, it's hard to know. The young man walks in slowly, the lock at the door signals its locking mechanism as he takes off his shoes and slides in his slippers, and that's as much noise as he makes. Jinyoung barely lifts his feet as he steps out of the receiver and makes his way through the three-room apartment, to his room. His father barely lifts his eyes to see who's coming in, but aside from a nod, there's no other acknowledgment. His mother probably doesn't even hear him coming in with all the noise in the kitchen.

Quietly, Jinyoung makes it to his room, slowly closing the door behind him. He wants to crawl inside his bed and close his eyes, but he does not make it. He kneels next to the mattress, his upper body resting on the surface, his face buried in the duvet. Since he left Jackson and Mark, Jinyoung only focused on walking, making sure to put one foot in front of the other and get home. He has not thought much about it because he knows that although it was such a pleasant afternoon, his mind will easily twist it and cover it in a dark veil that will ruin it; it's what always happens and the young man is only delaying the inevitable for a bit.

If everyone has a talent, Jinyoung's talent is to ruin even the best moments and memories.

Jackson and Mark's kindness was surprising and like fresh air when he was drowning, but as Jinyoung sinks in his bed, he starts feeling that jealousy kick in. That energy, ease to smile he saw with the young couple, their selflessness and will to just hang out with a stranger out of pure goodwill makes Jinyoung feel more miserable because he's never felt like that. He's never just done good for no reason at all. He's never been able to make a strange happy. He fails at understanding how people can be like that, so happy and easygoing. Why are they so different from Jinyoung? Why can't he feel like that?

Often, Jinyoung asks himself why... why he has to be the way he is.

A groan, frustrated and wounded, escapes his lips. The young man blocks all thoughts and just lets the darkness crawl in, engulfing all of him. There's no space for thoughts, worries or memories. There's only darkness. That is familiar for him, the numbness that comes with the shadows, and as odd as it might sound, he can rest. His body is heavy, he doubts he can move when the darkness comes from him, but he's not thinking, there's nothing and that is better for him.

Darkness is comfortable. Darkness is familiar. Jinyoung prefers the darkness.

But something makes it through the black fog, and it is hard to notice it at first, but it persists, a little light and it's coming from his phone.

Jinyoung reaches it to see five new notifications from Im Jaebeom. Just with that, seeing that name on his screen, the darkness starts to recede.

The first text is a short hello, the second is a picture of the sunset, from a high building with the sun hiding behind some clouds. The buildings of different heights, the billboards and every other thing in the horizon is painted in warm orange and pink tones, velvety and soft, and it's just so beautiful.

This view reminded me of you.

I wish you could've seen it.

How was your afternoon?

A smile tugs at the corner of his lips, involuntarily and it's surprising, the speed of his change and sparkling feeling in his guts.

I've seen better

Jinyoung replies, the little curve of his lips not going down and he doesn't even put the phone down.

Exactly. If you had been here it would've been better. I'm glad we agree on this.

The young man actually chuckles, easily picturing Jaebeom with a smile as well.

What is true is true

Are you busy right now?

No. Just got home.

Jinyoung doesn't get a chance to ask why the other man is asking, as soon as the little yellow one next to his bubble text message disappears, his phone announces a call from Im Jaebeom. Hi hesitates for a second but ends up sliding the thumb across the screen and picking up the call.

"Yes?" He says, slowly and tired.

"Hi there. How are you doing? Had an exciting afternoon?"

"Went bowling," he shares without wanting to go into details. "How's your mother?"

"She's okay, therapy was a bit harder today so she was super exhausted. I put her to bed very early and then I went to the rooftop for some air. The picture is from there."

"You have a nice view," Jinyoung comments. "I'm sorry it was harder for her today."

"She's a fighter. Even on the hardest days, she doesn't give up." The pride in Jaebeom's voice is so clear Jinyoung is a bit surprised. "She's the strongest woman I know."

"It sounds like it."

There's silence, Jinyoung does not know what else to say, and he can hear Jaebeom's calm breathing on the other end. It's not a suffocating silence but it's not exactly comfortable either. He is so tired he does not want to think something to say to keep the conversation going, but he doesn't want to hang up either. Can they stay like that?

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Jaebeom asks then, and Jinyoung feels relieved the conversation will continue for now.

"Mmmmm let me check my super busy agenda, with all my plans and important meetings," he replies, his voice dripping sarcasm but he's smiling. "Mmmmm yup, I was right, it seems I'm very busy doing nothing."

Jaebeom laughs at the other end and Jinyoung's smile grows a bit.

"Well, do you think you can make some bit of room in your incredibly busy schedule?" The older man asks. "As you know, I'm a proudly unemployed man, but I get some gigs here and there. Tomorrow there's this exciting event where I'll be the photographer and what do you think about coming with me?"

"When you say 'exciting' it sounds very sarcastic," Jinyoung comments.

"What gave me away?" Jinyoung can only laugh, and Jaebeom echoes him. "It's a kid's birthday, but it's going to have an ice skating ring and other cool things because rich kids, you know?" Jinyoung can picture in his mind how Jaebeom rolls his eyes. "So I thought it would be fun if you come with me. There'll be food, too."

Jinyoung chuckles. The idea of spending time around kids doesn't appeal him in the slightest, but spending time with Jaebeom does and seeing him working makes him very curious.

"What time?" Jinyoung isn't sure, but it sounds like Jaebeom whispered an excited 'yes' on his side, and that makes the young man smile, amused.

"It's at three and only for three hours, so later we could go to a park for a walk?"

"Mmmm you really want to spend time with me, don't you?" Jinyoung tries to tease him, he can hear the uncertainty and nerves that make Jaebeom's voice a bit trembling.

"Can you blame me? You have a great ass."

Jinyoung snorts laughing, his whole body shaking with laughter at the absurdity and randomness of that comment. Out of all the possible things Jaebeom could've said, he never imagine a compliment to his bum.

"I knew you only wanted me for my body," the young man laughs. "Is this how women feel? Objectified and sexualized? I should join all the manifestations, I finally understand."

"I don't know, I hope not, it truly sucks if every woman feels like that. But in your particular case, if you keep going on dates with me, I'll want you for more than your body. See? You have to come with me so you don't feel objectified."

Jinyoung continues laughing, his body lighter now so he can move, finally crawling and lying on the bed.

"You're in a good mood, aren't you? Aren't you tired, though?"

"I am, but I also want to talk to you. Are you tired? Am I bothering you?" Jaebeom asks, clearly worried.

"I am, but I it's not like sleeping is any better. I would probably stay awake anyways. It's better staying awake talking with you than staying awake doing nothing."

"Well, great news for you, because I'm great at talking nonstop."

"Really?" Jinyoung asks, not believing that. "You didn't strike me as the talkative kind of guy."

"Oh yeah, for real. An acquired talent. When Eomma was in coma, the doctors encouraged me to talk to her all the time, so I used to tell her about my day, or anything. Even when I didn't do much at the beginning, only being by her side and even then I had to find things to talk about. I can do it effortlessly by now," Jaebeom speaks fast, and Jinyoung cannot stop smiling, even if the reason why the older man is good at endlessly talking is such a sad story. "I can talk all night until you fall asleep if you want. I can even sing!"

"Oh really? Then do it. Talk all night," it's almost a challenge, but Jinyoung feels a bit excited about the prospect.

Still in his clothes, he kicks the duvet and buries himself under it as Jaebeom just starts talking, nonstop. He talks about the gig he has the next day, how he got it and about other things he's done. Not his favourite activity, but the kid is his father's boss's son, so it's more of a favour and he feels so obligated to do it. Still, Jaebeom goes into so much detail, just to keep talking even if Jinyoung won't remember anything.

After that, Jaebeom talks about this super weird gig he had once for a theme party, where everyone had to be a mushroom. He thought it was the haircut, but turns out it was more than that. Everyone was wearing mushrooms costumes.

And then he talks about another gig, and another. For hours, Jaebeom talks and talks with Jinyoung occasionally asking things, or making comments, but overall just listening. He closes his eyes and although there's darkness, it doesn't cover it everything, it doesn't consume him. There's also light, and warmth inside him as Jaebeom tells him all sort of things he's seen.

At some point in the night Jinyoung falls asleep, to a dreamless night. He only realizes he fell asleep when he wakes up the next morning and the call is still going, for over ten hours.

"Hello?" Jinyoung asks, rubbing his eyes and looking around his room, realizing how light it is. The clock on his nightstand says it's past ten AM. "Jaebeom hyung?"

No response coms from the other side, instead Jinyoung only hears a very soft snoring, like a cat's and his smile is automatic, finding adorable that's the sound Jaebeom makes when he's sleeping.

"You sleep some more, I'll hang up now. Thank you, hyung," Jinyoung says, finally ending the all-night call.

It's surprising how rested Jinyoung feels, even if he slept just a few hours. He did not have any nightmares and his body feels so much lighter. He cannot believe all that was possible because of Jaebeom, because he made him company and talked to him all night. He's shocked and he looks at his phone as if it will give him an explanation, but the screen is black and when he moves it, only his lock screen shows with the time on it.

He remembers the last session he had with his therapist and how they talked about sleeping next to someone, the company and warmth of having someone by your side. Talking to Jaebeom was nothing like having someone next to him, but he didn't feel alone, he had someone talking to him all the time and didn't give him time to think of anything else.

If just having Jaebeom talking to him over the phone did that to his sleep, what would happen if the other man was actually next to him? The image comes to his mind too easily, Jaebeom holding him and talking nonstop to help Jinyoung fall asleep, fingers slowly brushing through his hair. Blissful peace and contentment, just the two of them together; it's too perfect.

It fills his stomach with butterflies and that is terrifying.

Exciting.

Heartwarming.

Yet still so terrifying.

Jinyoung does not know what to do.