III - butterflies

Guess who had time today at work and decided to do soemthing compeltely unrelated but productive? that's me! enjoy the fluff

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                             It's hard to relax when someone is staring at you so intently; Jinyoung even has a hard time meeting Jaebeom's eyes because the older one seems too fascinated watching him.

"Do I have something on my face? Because otherwise you need to stop staring," Jinyoung snaps, not too hard, just too nervous.

"No, there's nothing, but you're just so pretty to look at," Jaebeom smirks, blushing a bit because he knows he's being lame and too buttery, yet Jinyoung still reacts, his cheeks bright red and lips tightly pressed together.

"You're lame," Jinyoung accuses, trying so hard to look unfazed, but his palms are sweating.

"If you don't wanna hear my lame lines, why don't you tell me more about yourself?" Jaebeom trades, grabbing one of the forks to take a bite of the cake. Jinyoung can't help following the movement and how his lips curl in a tiny satisfied smile. Jinyoung doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but Jaebeom seems to really enjoy the cake and he's tempted to try it. "Do you want a bite?" the older offers, making a motion with his fork to share.

"I can grab a bite myself," Jinyoung replies, but it's as if Jaebeom doesn't listen and instead cuts a piece himself with the other clean fork and immediately offers it to Jinyoung.

The younger's eyes widen in surprise and embarrassment, he quickly looks around and to his horror, people are watching them (or maybe just Jaebeom, after all he is handsome enough to capture people's attention). He feels his cheeks burning brighter than ever and he wants to disappear in that moment, but Jaebeom has a soft smile on his face, kind eyes that show only good intentions; and Jinyoung is captured. Without thinking, he leans forward and accepts the piece the older is offering, pulling back quickly and tasting the cake. It's extremely sweet and not something he could eat in large portions (or even small portions), but it's delicious. However it's Jaebeom's satisfaction, the happiness that shines in his smile that make it taste even sweeter.

"Good?" Jaebeom asks as Jinyoung swallows the bite of cake.

"Yes," he replies, still looking into Jaebeom's eyes and finding so endearing the way his eyes disappear when he smiles bright and wide.

Where did this handsome stranger come from?

"So tell me," Jaebeom starts, taking another bite of cake, with the same fork he used, only that now he uses it to eat himself, and Jinyoung tries hard not to pay attention at how his lips wrap around the utensil that seconds before was in Jinyoung's mouth. "What do you do on your free time?"

"I haven't had much free time lately," Jinyoung replies. "Mostly walking, it's nice to do that."

"You like taking strolls, even when it's cold?" Jaebeom asks.

"It's not too cold, but it's not only for that." He shrugs. "After being in a coma for like six months, and being in physical therapy for other two more, it's just nice walking on my own."

Jinyoung doesn't know why he shares that, why his tone is dark and bitter when it's not like it's anyone's but his fault he was like that. Maybe it's that part of him that wants to sabotage everything that looks promising for him. Here he has, a handsome man clearly flirting with him, watching him as if he was the sunlight of his days for no good reason, and Jinyoung is babbling about the weird things in his life. Who would want to know as a first thing one was in a coma?

Yet, somehow, Jaebeom doesn't even seem startled. He doesn't even show concern or shock. Other people that have heard look sickly sympathetic and it makes Jinyoung somewhat angry, but Jaebeom only looks... understanding.

"You're right, it must feel great walking on your own." Jaebeom nods. "My mother woke up from a coma as well, not so long as yours, but she still has sequels and can't walk like before, but she still says she's grateful she can move."

Jinyoung is surprised for such a coincidence that allows Jaebeom to truly understand what Jinyoung means, even when he's being cynic about it.

"May I ask about the sequels such long coma left? Either mental or physical. Only if you want to talk about it."

No. Jinyoung doesn't want to talk about it, that's all he ever does, explaining things to people who want to understand but can't.

Yet he replies: "The mental sequels are too many. I don't like sleeping, apparently I'm more depressed than before because the gap of something missing in my life is too big. My psychiatrist says I'm missing those months of my life, but it doesn't feel right. Yet I don't know how to explain what I actually feel." Jaebeom's eyes don't look pitiful, or sad, his look understanding, as if he could relate.

"You miss something you don't even know... must be harder than knowing what you miss." Once again, there's no pity in his voice and Jinyoung doesn't understand how that's possible.

"It's... weird."

"Like hurting but not knowing where, so it's like all over the place?" Jaebeom suggests.

"Have you heard of people that have lost limbs but still feel them? They hurt or itch. I guess is more like that." Jinyoung explains and watches Jaebeom nodding.

"I'm sorry it's like that for you," the older states, looking down for one second. "I hope one day that improves for you."

"Me too," Jinyoung says, the longing in his soul burning stronger as he stares at Jaebeom, something pulling and twisting his heart when he sees the expression of the older becoming sad, melancholic. "And as for physical," Jinyoung speaks again, trying to distract himself from what he's feeling and to catch Jaebeom's attention once more. "There's a small degree of paralysis in my left arm, but not too much. It hurts when it gets really cold."

"Oh, that's not too much, what a relief." Jaebeom smiles, really looking relieved as if he cared deeply about Jinyoung. "I mean, it still sucks but for such a long coma it's not that much."

Jinyoung smiles, knowing what he means.

"Does your mother deal with too many sequels?" Jinyoung asks, hesitant as he doesn't know how sensitive Jaebeom is about the problem. He mentioned it first, though.

"More than you, at least. There's still a percentage of paralysis so she can't do her daily life as before, she can walk with a crane now. Her speech is also different, slower and clumsier. But she lives positively and is grateful to be alive, regardless of the difficulties." Jaebeom explains with a proud smile.

"She's a brave and strong woman," Jinyoung comments, feeling a bit jealous of the way Jaebeom looks when speaking of his mother, the spark in his eyes and that loving smile.

He doesn't feel the same about his own mother.

"She's a great woman," Jaebeom agrees easily. "Well, I'm glad you woke up from the coma with only small physical sequels."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Aren't you happy you woke up?" Jaebeom asks, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

Jinyoung should've remained silent instead of making that comment. He doesn't need to tell Jaebeom about his lack of passion for life and how he does not have anything that makes being alive worthwhile.

"I don't... feel so enthusiast about being alive. And it's not like it matters to anyone that I woke up." Jinyoung isn't hurt about it, at this point of his life he's used to it, yet Jaebeom looks incredibly sad when he hears him.

"I'm sure there must be someone incredibly relieved you're alive."

"Not that I know of," Jinyoung shrugs, dismissive.

"That doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there," Jaebeom insists, his eyes intense and serious, like he truly means it. It's a bit intimidating. "I'm glad you woke up."

"You don't know me," Jinyoung refutes, not knowing why he feels so defensive.

"But I want to know you, can't I?" He asks and Jinyoung feels disarmed, not knowing how to reply to such blunt and honest request. "I'm just glad I have the chance to get to know you, buy you a cup of coffee; so yeah, I'm glad you woke up."

Jinyoung swallows the lump in his throat, feeling touched and uncomfortable, not knowing what to do with the man in front of him, so straightforward and daring. He sounds sincere when he states he's glad, carrying more emotion that anyone in his family showed. He holds Jinyoung's eyes fearlessly, making his own heart beat so much faster, so much stronger.

"You're weird," Jinyoung mutters, looking away and trying to calm down.

Jaebeom chuckles, lowly and softly and Jinyoung closes his eyes, trying not to pay attention at how nice that sounds.

They stay in silence for a bit, until Jinyoung has pulled himself together enough to look into Jaebeom's eyes again.

"So, do you have a more normal life?" Jinyoung asks, trying to focus on something more innocuous.

"I guess? Or you could say just boring." Jaebeom shrugs.

"You said you're a photographer now. What type?" Jinyoung asks.

"I haven't decided yet, but I think I'm more inclined to portrait photography." Jaebeom says. "But with everything that happened last year for me, I've taken it easy trying to find a job or anything. I guess you can say I've been just waiting for a while."

"Waiting for what?" Jinyoung feels pulled to Jaebeom, the way he looks at him and that lazy smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"The right moment... the right person?" Jaebeom shrugs. "I think I'm also missing something in my life and I'm waiting for it to come back."

"Something you lost?" Jinyoung's eyebrows rise in a questioning manner. "Or someone?"

It's silly, it's childish but Jinyoung feels jealous at the idea of Jaebeom waiting for someone. He even feels used because, why is Jaebeom being so flirty, so forward if he's waiting for someone else? And why does Jinyoung even care?

"Hmmm," Jaebeom mumbles, not really answering. "I guess I'm waiting for the chance."

It makes no sense to Jinyoung, Jaebeom is a strange man and he clearly is avoiding being clear about this issue. Jinyoung can see that and he won't probe where he won't find an answer, instead he closes the topic.

"I hope you find whatever you are waiting for." It's not his intention to sound so snappy but that's how it comes out, and he can see Jaebeom's surprise. "Also, it's getting late and I should go. I have early appointment with my therapist tomorrow."

Jaebeom does check the time and nods, but he doesn't seem willing to start moving, so it's Jinyoung who stands up first, ready to walk away.

"Wait!" Jaebeom exclaims, standing up as well so quickly the chair almost falls back. He grabs Jinyoung's wrist to stop him from going anywhere, and he tries not to notice how warm Jaebeom's skin is. "May I have your number at least?"

Jinyoung is surprised Jaebeom asks for that but he doesn't seem any harm in agreeing, so he nods and recites the number way too quickly. But Jaebeom is fast and immediately grabs his phone to save the number, yet Jinyoung doesn't ask for Jaebeom's number in return. He guesses that if the older wants to contact him, that's how he'll get it.

"Then, I'll be leaving," Jinyoung announces.

"Can I walk you home at least?" Jaebeom asks, his voice low and hesitant.

"I live far, I'll take a bus," he lies, not knowing why he wants to put immediate distance between the two.

"Oh..." Jaebeom is clearly disappointed and Jinyoung realizes just then the older hasn't let go of his wrist, he's actually holding it tighter. "Then... I'll text you later."

"Okay," he hums. "Good night, then." He pulls away from Jaebeom's grip, bowing slightly and starting to walk away.

"Jinyoungie!" Jaebeom calls, surprising him for the endearing way of calling his name, but mostly for how familiar it sounds, how warming it feels.

He turns around and meets the older's eyes, not saying a word.

"I'm happy I met you today, truly."

Jinyoung presses his lips together, not wanting to say anything, not knowing how to reply to that. Blushing must be enough, he thinks before bowing again and walking away even faster, shutting his eyes so tight.

It's not butterflies, it's not butterflies, he chants in his mind, refusing to acknowledge the tickling feeling in his stomach.

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