I stood behind Dinah like a child behind their teacher as they told their parents what thing they'd done wrong at school. So, a throwback to the myriad of times this very thing had happened, but I wasn't glad to be back here. I thought I'd moved past that when my teacher became my parent.

Paul could lecture me, give the disappointed dad stare, and tell Mom. Not that he usually did. We agreed she deserved to have the facade of a good child, so he'd keep my mishaps secret. I loved him for that. Best step-dad of the year award. (Not that he had much competition. I'd give it to a fire hydrant before I would Gabe.)

Now, was the entire situation made weirder by the fact that she was talking to Kaldur? Yes.

"I've put a lock on the Med-Bay specific to Joy, and it won't let her in unless someone else is with her. And if, for whatever reason, you choose to take medicine from there, make sure it's safely locked up so she can't access it. Robin has a good number of locks, so I'd ask him which one would be the easiest for the others to open."

"Most of the Team won't need the combination to begin with," Kaldur mused. "It would be highly effective, considering emergencies would necessitate easy access."

How many times could I get past a lock before Dinah realized it was fruitless? Kaldur would be the only one inconvenienced, short of turning water into a blade and cutting the lock off that way. Which--

I could also do, though neither knew that. 

"You know," I drawled. "My powers mean I have a faster metabolism. Mixing meds is about as dangerous for me as it is for the Flash, and we both know he's mixing meds and alcohol to get drunk." Not to mention demigods' livers were bolstered by the fact that ambrosia is what the gods get drunk on. Us bursting into flames if we consumed too much is akin to liver failure. Just faster, and more painful. 

"And he's ended up in the infirmary from doing that," Dinah said. "You know that's not the only reason I'm worried about this."

I scowled. "If I wanted to kill myself, I'd go drown myself in the ocean."

"I assume I'm to add that to the list of places she is not allowed to access?" Kaldur's expression had turned grim, a hardened set to his lips that was out of place compared to the open worry I'd seen earlier. "Should we perhaps make sure knives are locked up as well?"

"That was a joke." I scowled and scratched my head. "You don't have to be taking her seriously."

"Joy, you have to admit that is rather concerning, and that Canary harbored suspicions on this matter for you to know what she meant does not help as well."

"You make a single joke about doing a back flip off a space station and suddenly you're suicidal." I rolled my eyes. Sure. There was more than one. And sure, maybe she caught me staring intently at one of Batman's knife injuries and saw how well I was able to treat it without using my powers, but that didn't mean anything.

Not suicidal. Not overwhelmed with the urge to hurt myself. 

I hated that the only reasonable explanation Dinah could come up with were those things; what other options did she have, though? As far as she knew, my dad was dead, my powers were the result of an accident, and I was on the run. Based on Batman, it wasn't a surprise she jumped to me being self-destructive.

Maybe there were a few days where I didn't feel quite as good, when the weight of everything crushed my ribs, but that was fine! We all had those. I just also happened to have a healthy fear of a teenage therapist and his haiku loving father--who'd surely get summoned if Olympus's best weapon on call was getting too reckless. Apollo had a soft-spot for me (I hoped it was due to helping his sister); that wouldn't save me from getting trapped somewhere I didn't want to be.

"Do you make a habit of joking about your own death?" Kaldur asked.

I shrugged. "It keeps me going." A small smile spread on my lips. Oh, I couldn't resist. "Besides, I can't drown."

Dinah's eyes instantly narrowed. "How do you know that?"

"I passed out in the bathtub when I was sick once."

She looked between me and Kaldur, sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Jokes or not, I'm taking this seriously, kid. Kaldur, keep her away from the beach unless you or Megan are out there."

"For-- If you want to assume everyone making suicide jokes actually wants to die, you're going to have a lot of conversations with pretty much any student." Oh gods, the other demigods would be dying from this. Threatening to maim and kill each other is fine, so is threatening to throw yourself from the climbing wall. Why were mortals so opposed to this?

Was it the lack of constant impending death?

"I'm fine," I said, uneager to have my freedom so heavily restricted. "I only took the medicine to knock myself the fuck out because I couldn't sleep, and one or the other doesn't cut it when my body burns through as many calories as it does."

Dinah sighed, and her careful hands dropped onto my shoulders. I could've melted under the touch. "You're supposed to talk to me about this stuff, kid."

"I know."

Kaldur shuffled uncomfortably before slipping away with only a couple words. Lucky bastard. Training under a king had to have included: getting away from weirdness without making a scene.

"Why couldn't you sleep?" she asked.

"Nightmare."

"About?"

"If they find me, I--" A trembling exhale was all I could get out. "This is the first real freedom I've had since I ended up with them. They can't keep constant tabs on me. They aren't always watching, and I don't have to worry about what I'll be used for next. I don't want to lose that."

I sniffled and looked up at her until her blue eyes met mine, still hidden under my visor. "I can't lose this."

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