Zayn

It had been a few days since my surgery and I hadn't left the bed ever since. The past few days were the most painful days I had ever experienced in my entire life. Painkillers had helped me to at least reduce the pain slightly, giving me rest. Day by day, step by step, I was getting better. The wound on my stomach was extremely itchy, but that'd mean it was healing- so the doctor said.

They had given me a catheter as I wasn't allowed to leave the bed yet. It was a slightly weird concept, the bag with your urine hanging on the side of your bed, a tube attached to your body, though, I was grateful for the fact that it existed. I'd be in too much pain to walk over to the toilet.

Sleeping a lot and barely eating, I knew it was a bad thing, but I couldn't keep the food down and the appetite was simply not there. Because of that, they had decided to give me tube feeding from now on. I wasn't exactly looking forward to that, but I needed the food, I needed the energy to fight and heal.

It was currently seven am, and although I had huffed because it was way too early in my opinion, I knew it most likely had a reason.

Caroline had opened the curtains and she moved the upper part of my bed up so I could sit down. Rubbing my eyes and yawning a few times, I quickly took my painkillers, knowing the others were almost worked out.

"Zayn, as you know Rose needs to do some things here for paragraphs and one thing is applying and adjusting tube feeding on someone. Do you mind if she's going to do it on you today? I'm still here to watch if she does everything right, but we need your consent." Caroline questioned, her eyes fixed on my face.

I looked up at her, "Rose?" Then I smiled. "Yeah, of course!" That was way too happy, Zayn. I thought, so I coughed, "She.. needs to learn it after all."

Caroline chuckled, "Somebody is feeling better today."

I rolled my eyes and bit my lip to hide my smile. "The painkillers are working."

"And so is Rose." She mentioned.

I frowned but chuckled, "What do you mean by that?" Of course I was happy when Rose was around, but I'd never admit it.

"Rose is working today." Caroline tried to look serious but she couldn't prevent herself from smiling playfully.

And the moment I wanted to defend myself and tell her how Rose didn't do anything to my feelings- the beautiful girl walked into the room, quickly glancing at the clock and sighing in relief when she saw she was on time.

"Good morning." She smiled softly, my eyes falling on her as she looked different today. Her hair was wet and it wasn't wavy like it normally was. Instead her hair was separated in a few thick straight strands as that was what water did to long hair.

"Hey Rose! Good to see you." Caroline gave her a soft smile, retrieving the needed material for the tube feeding.

Rose walked over to me and looked at my face in concern, but when I gave her a smile, her worried frown disappeared and a smile came back instead. "How are you feeling, Zayn?"

"I'm better. Thank you," I stared into her deep dark eyes, the mystery in them making me long to get to know her even better. But, I quickly shook off the thought as it was confusing me and I looked away, focusing my attention on something else.

"That's great, Zayn. I'm glad to hear that." She tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear and shuffled over to Caroline to see what she was preparing. A scent of apple shampoo was revealed as she'd turned around and that explained her wet hair to me- she had showered.

"I thought it was raining." I said, getting Rose's attention instantly.

She chuckled, her eyes squinting as she did so, "No. I was super late this morning and then I realised it was both of my brothers birthday so I needed to take a shower as I don't have time after work. My family will be there already so yeah.."

"Oh, I see. Are they twins?" I asked, a smile visible on my face and Rose nodded, smiling back. "Happy birthday to them."

"Thanks. I'll tell them." Rose said genuinely, her lips curling up lightly. Walking back over to me as Caroline left the room for more stuff, perhaps, she sat down on a chair beside my bed, glancing at me.

I couldn't help but tell her. "Your shampoo smells nice."

"Oh, thanks." Rose laughed softly, her eyes averting to her lap. "My favourite one was empty so I had quickly grabbed another one. I don't even know which one this is."

I shrugged, smiling. "It doesn't matter. It's good."

"Well, what shampoo do you use?" She questioned, making me laugh as I, obviously, thought she was joking, but when she didn't join my laughter, I glanced at her and realised she had been serious the whole time.

Giving her a look, I couldn't help but chuckle when her eyes turned questionable. Taking off my beanie, I flashed her my bald head, raising my eyebrows after that.

Rose's cheeks flushed red, "Wow, where's my oscar for making everything ten times more awkward?" She groaned softly, shaking her head at herself, making my heart flutter for split second.

I laughed, secretly staring at her. "Don't worry about it. I can handle it."

"I'm glad you can." Rose's slight laughter died down to a soft smile, her eyes twinkling when she looked at me. She stood up when Caroline came back, the both of them rolling the small nightstand with the table towards me.

Caroline walked over to the other side of my bed and crossed her arms over her chest while another nurse just entered my room to help and watch. "Alright, Zayn. Bringing in the tube isn't really painful but it might be uncomfortable. I want you to swallow when she's bringing it down. That'll help to bring the tube down to its place."

Nodding, I noticed how nervous Rose had suddenly become. Tying her hair into a ponytail, she prepared the tube that would go down my esophagus very soon.

"You might gag or throw up. It's okay, but once the tube comes out we have to do it over again. Which isn't a problem for us, but you might not like it." Caroline explained softly, her eyes meeting mine for a brief moment.

Nodding again, I couldn't help but start to feel nervous as well, the words she spoke already making me feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Can you lie down? She needs to check your nose." I did what Caroline told me to do and moved my bed to the standard position, slowly lying down. Looking at both of the nurses, I swallowed and turned my attention to Rose after that.

Her hands were shaking slightly, making me feel bad for her. I could understand why she was nervous, as the two nurses were here to watch her and criticise her if she was able to do the proceeding all alone next time.

She grabbed something what looked like a flashlight, but was really thin and small so she could look into my nose. She placed her warm hand on my forehead to slightly tilt my head back. "I think it's fine." Rose bit her upper lip, anxiously looking at the nurses, whom checked my nose after that as well.

"Very good, Rose."

Rose retrieved some gel for skin and gently smeared it around my nostril.

The nurse glanced at Rose. "Rose, can you explain what you're doing? It's better for him so he can understand and for us so we know you're doing it in the right order." Her tone was rather harsh, even making me cringe.

I really wanted to say something to that nurse because she was already super nervous and I figured she didn't need comments like those but, I kept shut.

"Yes, sorry. I uhm.. I just applied some cream so it's easier for the tube to come in and so the tube won't irritate his skin around his nose once it's settled. Next, I'm going to bring in the tube." She elaborated as she briefly looked at the nurse. When Caroline gave her a nod instead as the other nurse didn't react, Rose sighed a little in relief.

Rose took the tube from its place and looked at me, "Can you sit up?" I nodded and brought my bed up again, so I was in a sitting position.

"Okay.. I'm going to bring it in." Softly grabbing my chin with her warm and soft hand, she held the tube in her other hand. Bringing the tube to my nose, she swallowed thickly, glanced at me for a few seconds long before finally sliding the tube inside my nostril.

Caroline was holding a glass of water with a straw in it, so I could swallow while she was sliding the tube inside. It all went rather well, until she reached the back of my throat with the tube. I started to gag instantly, but Caroline brought the straw to my lips. "Swallow, Zayn. You need to swallow."

Drinking the water, I swallowed and swallowed but the feeling was so uncomfortable, that I couldn't help but close my eyes and furrow my eyebrows. I wanted to swallow faster, but nothing seemed to work. Gag after gag, I eventually held up my hand to let her know she had to stop for a while, the nausea hitting me hard.

"Am I doing it wrong?" Rose whispered, her voice sounding shaky but Caroline quickly shook her head and gave her a smile.

"You're doing very well, actually. It's just really uncomfortable for him but it's okay. We have time. Do you think she can go further Zayn?" She asked me, observing my expressions.

I nodded and the moment she pushed the tube further inside I couldn't hold back anymore and threw up all over my lap. A wet, yellow looking substance seeped over the blankets. Not once, but three times. It hurt my scar and wound but I couldn't do anything about it. The sudden action and stinging pain on the spot my tumor had been on previously, my eyes watered.

"Don't worry about it, Zayn. It happens all the time. You're doing amazing." She comforted me, softly rubbing my back as she noticed me staring at the substances on my lap in disappointment.

Rose continued to slide in the tube and after gagging for another thousand times and throwing up for one last time the tube was on its place and I could breathe again. Tears had appeared in my eyes, not from pain but because I had thrown up.

I wiped them away and I sighed in relief when it all was over. I laid back down again while Rose adjusted the tube on my cheek with a band aid.

Only now I could enjoy the feeling of her soft fingers on my face. They were warm and gentle as she pressed the band aid to my skin. She then attached the tube to my shirt as it wasn't connected to the food infusion now, obviously and I stared at her face. She was really focused. I thought she did really well for her first time on a real person.

The nurse walked over to the side of my bed Rose was standing on and she softly grabbed my face to see if everything was well. The nurse only gave her a small nod, she didn't even compliment Rose and she left.

I hated her reaction. "You did really well, Rose." Caroline assured her, gently placing her hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry about her. She has bad experiences with students so she barely takes them serious anymore."

Rose nodded and looked at me. "Did I hurt you? Did I do it okay?" She asked, a slight tone of worry audible in her voice.

"No. I don't think you deserve the paragraph." She looked away immediately and her expression changed to a disappointed one.

I felt extremely bad as I was only joking, "Hey, just kidding. You did really well, obviously." I gave her a warm smile and she rolled her eyes playfully.

"Idiot. You scared me." She sighed and grabbed her book out of her bag, handing it to Caroline after that.

Caroline smiled at the both of us and signed her book, as she had her paragraph for tube feeding now.

"Alright Zayn, for further information, you are allowed to eat something through your mouth so now and then but that can only be specific food. Other than that you're going to have to live on the tube feeding." Caroline told me while cleaning up the used stuff.

I rubbed my eyes and nodded. It really did not feel nice, but I at least could still maybe eat some nice food.

Rose walked over to me, grabbed my beanie and carefully placed it over my head. She pulled it down but pulled it back over my eyes as she accidentally covered them. I stared at her and as her eyes roamed all over my face, they eventually stared back into mine and we gave each other a smile.