Rose

The medication Zayn was getting, had caused him not to be himself lately. The chemotherapy and other pills he was taking, were affecting his mood badly, moodiness replacing his optimistic behaviour. It made me feel a bit disheartened, it'd been a while since our last, fun, moment and I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it.

It wasn't like he was moody at specific persons, though. Just sometimes that he didn't want to talk or leave his room at all, which I couldn't blame him for.

Today was the day of his surgery, he'd get in there soon, though, something was holding him back.

"Stop pushing me into things I don't want!" He exclaimed, furrowing his eyebrows and not making any eye contact with his parents or Caroline, clearly upset.

I stood near the doorway, quietly listening but not making him aware of presence yet, as I didn't know how he'd react to it. It didn't want to make him even more upset if he didn't want me to be there.

"Zayn, you need it. It's needed for the surgery and it's not even a question so you're going to wear it, if you want it or not." Caroline pointed at the hospital gown, her eyebrows raised. She was strict at times, but it was needed as Zayn could be stubborn. Which was, again, totally understandable to me.

Zayn shook his head furiously, "You're all controlling me like I'm some sort of robot! Stuffing me full of toxic stuff and pills. Stop doing that, I'm still human." He brought out, his voice suddenly cracking but he recovered quickly.

His mother placed her hand on his shoulder but he roughly shook it off. "Don't touch me." He hissed.

"Zayn. Your surgery is very soon. They have delayed a few other surgeries just for you because you're in a lot of pain. You have to wear it." Caroline reached for the hospital gown and gave it to Zayn, but he refused and didn't take it from her.

He crossed his arms over his chest and clenched his jaw instead, ignoring Caroline's outstretched hand with the gown.

His mother sighed, the sadness clearly visible in her eyes. "Zayn, come on.. they did this for you. Don't be so stubborn. You're not a seven years old child anymore," She didn't mean it in a bad way, but he surely took it like that.

"Seven years old child?! Don't tell me I was stubborn when I was seven years old because I had cancer and I went through all this, when I was young while I was supposed to be playing with kids from my age and living my life as a child with a normal childhood. I let you all do everything with me because I had cancer and I was in pain. You took me in and out all of he hospitals and don't tell me I was ever stubborn. You don't know what it feels like and you have no right to say that about me." His voice cracked, like he was almost about to cry but he quickly recovered himself and looked away, clenching his jaws.

"It's not like things will get better than they are right now," He threw his hands in the air and turned around on the bed so he wasn't facing any of them anymore, the sight breaking my heart.

His mother wiped her eyes, rubbing her temples after that while Caroline slowly shook her head. His father tried to talk him into it, but when Zayn didn't say anything anymore, they gave up. Walking over to the doorstep where I was standing, Caroline whispered,

"Can you try it for us, Rose? You've got a special effect on him. He needs to wear the hospital gown for surgery but he doesn't want to because he is not allowed to wear clothes underneath it. His medication didn't exactly lift up his mood." Caroline sighed and patted my shoulder, then left the room with his parents.

I took a deep breath and walked over to the bed, sitting down on it and placing the hospital gown on my lap while staring at his back. "Hey."

"Not today, Rose." He immediately said while he was facing the wall and staring at it, eyes blinking slowly.

Okay, I see. He had to be warmed up again. I knew him.

"Have you ever seen a singing bowling ball with a dress on?" I brought out as a serious question, knowing humor was a way to get people to warm up to certain situations. And besides that, I knew Zayn was a guy of humor.

To my surprise, he already chuckled and it wasn't even a sarcastic one. "What? No."

"Me neither. I'd like to see it, though." I said, still staring at his back as he wasn't showing his face to me.

He stayed quiet for a while, then started laughing softly while shaking his head. "Is it bad that I just realized what you were saying?" He slowly turned around so he was finally facing me. He looked a little tired due to the dark circles that had appeared underneath his eyes, but the smile on his face made him look so much better.

"Yeah, it kinda is." I chuckled, playfully nudging his shoulder.

He laughed a little, but it died after, it becoming a small smile instead, something I was still happy with. "I'm sorry. I'm just having one of those bad days."

I became serious. "That's okay. You're allowed to have bad days."

He looked at me, his eyes boring into mine before looking down at his lap again, "Am I, though?"

"Of course you are." I assured him, wondering what had made him feel so disheartened.

He sighed softly and rubbed his eyes tiredly, blinking slowly. "Well, you're the only one who makes me feel like I'm allowed to have those bad days." He looked up at me again but his expression stayed unreadable. He just stared at my face instead.

His words made me feel warm but also sad because I felt like his family and the nurses should allow him to have bad days as well. Life wasn't easy, especially not if you were sick like Zayn. He was always so positive, he obviously would get days where it was simply too much for him and that was okay.

"They always tell me what to do and I know I have to listen and I know it's for the best but my mood takes over sometimes. I just.. it's not even only that stupid hospital gown. It's just everything. I want it to stop and I want it to be over." His voice cracked again, like it did when he had a small outburst with his parents, but he again tried to hide it.

It made me feel sad again. He was also allowed to cry, but he didn't do it. I was sure he was a person to bottle it up and let it all out at one specific time. And the fact that he wanted this all to be over.. it just made me sad. Oh, how I wished I could make him better in one second.

"I'm sorry." He chuckled and shook his head, huffing at himself.

I placed my small hand over his bigger one, feeling how cold they were, "Don't say sorry. You can tell me everything that's bothering you. I'm listening." He stared at our hands for a brief moment, then back up at me.

"Thanks, Rose." He gave me a smile and I slowly removed my hand from his. "I don't know if you heard but Sarah is home for good now too.." He frowned a little, as if he wasn't sure he had to tell me this, though, still did it.

I sighed softly, "She is? I'm sorry, Zayn. You must miss her.."

He nodded his head. "I do. She made me happy. I miss my job as a music teacher for kids and she made me do my favourite job at a less nice place. It was so much fun. I mean, don't get me wrong. She's clean now and that's everything she deserves and I'm really happy for that but.." He gulped, "I'm selfish, ain't I?"

I shook my head, "No, you're not. You got attached to her and even if she's clean now you're still allowed to have sad feelings about it. You miss her, that's obvious and not a wrong thing. You've spent time with her after all."

"You're too good for the world, Rose." He said, making me blush a little but I shook it off. He snatched the hospital gown away from my lap. Giving my a cheeky smile, "You kept it warm for me."

Laughing softly, I couldn't help but secretly applaud myself for what I just had achieved. He was going to wear it! Not even his parents nor Caroline made hime do it, making me feel slightly proud of myself, but definitely proud of him.

"Yeah I did. I still want to see a singing bowling ball in a dress after all. I thought I had to do something good to deserve that back, as a reward, you know." Soft laughter left my lips, his melodic sound mixing together with mine.

Our laughter died some time after, Zayn slowly pointing at the hospital gown. "I'm going to change." He said softly, his eyes lingering on my face.

"Alright, I'll leave you alone. I don't know if I'll see you before the surgery, but in case not I wish you all the best, Zayn. I'm sure you'll get through it just fine." I gave him a smile which he returned warmly.

"Thank you, Dawson." He smiled cheekily, which made me smile even more because he hadn't used that nickname in a long time, making me feel relieved as things were okay, for now.

I left his room and closed his door for privacy, my eyes falling on Caroline and his parents, who were seated in a small lounge where family or patients could wait. A soft breath escaped my lips as I walked over to them, taking a seat near Caroline.

"Did it work?" Caroline asked, Zayn's parents' eyes filled with hope as they briefly looked at me.

I nodded, "He's changing into the gown right now, so I guess it worked." I smiled genuinely, also feeling relieved for his parents, who had clearly been waiting with nothing but nerves.

His parents sighed in relief and happiness, while Caroline smiled by herself and shook her head, making me wonder why.

"Alright, Rose. We're allowed to be in the room where the doctors will bring him to sleep so I can show you the effect of anesthesia. It's very interesting to see if you've never seen it." Caroline explained. "The surgery will take a few hours and we'll be with him again when he's in the recovery room where he'll wake up." She explained us, his parents nodding at her words.

Caroline glanced at the clock then back at us, "He needs to wake up with us around him because I need to check if everything is alright like his blood-pressure and breathing. Also because some patients can be confused and wake up restless, which can cause them to accidentally kick or move away the infusion and that's dangerous because they can hurt themselves. There's also a chance that he'll be in pain and I'll be there to give him medication."

We all processed Caroline's words and we nodded when we understood it. I saw how Zayn's dad grabbed his wife's hand and I could just imagine the fear or worry they were going through right now. Every surgery was risky, including Zayn's.

"If you have any questions you can always ask." She smiled at his parents. "I'm going to check if he's ready for it while you can go to the surgery room."

Caroline instructed where his parents had to go and they followed her instructions, leaving me behind. Caroline left and walked over to his room, watching how she knocked on the door and walked in. It didn't take her long because only about two minutes later she was back, a small smile on her face.

"I don't know how you do it, Rose, but.." She briefly shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "You bring pink blushes to his pale face."