Zayn

Finally, I was allowed to leave my bed today. The morning had started with a nurse removing my catheter, which was extremely uncomfortable for several reasons, may I add, but at least I was freed from it now and could go wherever I wanted to again.

I had my first few meals through the tube feeding and I didn't know if I had to be thankful or disappointed that I couldn't taste any of the food. The pureed food didn't exactly look good, but I was still slightly curious about how it tasted. I did get the feeling of being full and I didn't throw up, so that was a good thing, after all. I had gained weight too, the nurses couldn't be happier.

They all told me that I looked more healthy, despite the fact that I was still bald and had a tube through my nose attached to my cheek, but, it didn't matter.

Caroline and sometimes Rose took good care of my wounds and scar, which still hurt sometimes, but it was healing really well- their words. I didn't need as much painkillers as I used to anymore, which made me happier overall.

The second chemotherapy cure was finished, and it would be in a few months until I'd get my new one. It gave me time to rest up and take things easy, which I was grateful for.

Missing the outside air, I decided to take a careful walk through the hospital garden, the brightly shining sun inviting me there.

So, I stepped out of bed, slipped my jeans and a wide oversized sweater on as I was too scared to hurt myself with wearing tight ones because of my surgery wounds. Attaching the small tube to my sweater so I couldn't get stuck, I pulled a beanie over my head after that, slowly and carefully leaving my room.

Gaining my balance, I started walking faster. The feeling of stretching my legs and moving my bum after lying in bed for days, was amazing, making me sigh in satisfaction. I smiled by myself, but did take the elevator in case it would become too much for me. Over- asking was a bad thing, after all- according to the nurses.

All the way down, I stepped out of the elevator and walked over to the back of the hospital, which took a few minutes as it was huge here. I took my patient pass out and held it in front of a small reader, which was hanging on the wall.

The door opened and I stepped out, sniffing the fresh air and smiling again. I looked around me and saw kids playing, other patients playing sport as usual and I walked over to it, searching for Nathan.

Sitting down on the grass, I plucked a blade and ripped it in two, a habit I had had ever since I was a little boy. I watched the guys playing basketball and my eyes roamed around the field to try and search for Nathan. We hadn't spoken much lately as I was asleep a lot, I didn't know what he was up to and I'd missed him.

I frowned when I didn't see him. He was always out here playing sports, especially when the sun was shining like how it was now.

Shrugging it off, I plucked another blade of grass, ripping it in three now. He must be in his room, maybe spending some time with his girlfriend. Or maybe at home as he was allowed to be there for some days. Either way, I couldn't wait to see him, I had spending time with him.

Leaning my hands back, I held up my upper body with them. I tiled my face back, letting the slightly warm rays shine on it. The air was crisp, so the warmth was nice. Though, eventually, something blocked the sun, the shadow and goosebumps appearing.

I opened my eyes, a smile growing on my face instantly when I saw who it was. "Hey!"

"Hey there, Zayn!" Rose said spontaneously, taking a seat beside me on the grass. She crossed her legs, and opened her lunchbox after that. "How are you doing?"

"Good, yeah." I smiled again and watched how she took a bite out of her sandwich, her eyes squinted lightly because of the bright sun. She was pretty, even when she was eating.

Rose swallowed her mouthful, her eyes on my face for a brief moment. "You look good."

I rolled my eyes, though, couldn't help but blush, turning my face away so she couldn't see. "Why thank you,"

She finished her first sandwich in silence, but spoke up again when she reached for her second one, "Don't you want to join them?" She pointed at the basketball teams, licking one of her fingers.

I shook my head. "I actually came for a walk in the garden but I decided to take a look here. Do you have lunch break?" I pointed at her lunchbox, although it was pretty obvious, but maybe she was just hungry.

"You have a garden here? Where is it?" Rose looked around her, her eyes wide, "and yeah I do. I thought eating outside was nice with the sun. I just love it and hope the winter will be over soon!"

"Me too." I agreed then stood up slowly, awkwardly looking at her. "I'm going to the garden. I can show you if you want.." I hinted. I obviously just liked her company with me, especially in such a peaceful place like the garden.

Rose smiled and closed her lunchbox while holding her sandwich in her other hand. "That'd be nice." She stuffed her box into her bag, swinging it over her shoulder while she stood up.

Smiling by myself, I stepped towards the garden, Rose following me close. We arrived not much later and as I opened the small gate and held it for her- she stepped in. The garden wasn't big, but it was nice, green and had some flowers, who were luckily still there although it was the early winter, made it colorful.

"Oh, I love this! It looks beautiful," Rose smiled while looking around, her eyes falling onto the different flowers and plants.

I agreed, "Yeah." The strong scent of nature was present, making me sniff as I had missed that as well. Being inside in bed surely didn't do me well. Staring at Rose, we slowly walked around, her hand touching the plants and flowers sometimes. Her hair was flinging to her face as a sudden breeze hit us and she pulled a face as her hair came into her mouth. It amused me.

"It really is pretty here. Do you come here often?" Rose suddenly looked at me, making me quickly look in front of me.

I shrugged. "Not that much. Just sometimes. It's better to have some company." I answered truthfully, sitting down on a wooden bench.

She sat down as well and stared in front of her, her eyes lingering on some flowers. "Well, it's nice that they have it. Who doesn't love the nature?"

"Right?" I plucked a flower and carefully shoved it into my pocket, hoping she didn't see.

Rose looked at me and raised her eyebrow, an amused chuckle leaving her mouth. "Why are you doing that again?"

I laughed softly and looked back at her, a grin appearing on my face. "Don't be so curious, Rose. Curiosity doesn't flatter you."

Her mouth fell open and she nudged my shoulder. "And not all girls fall in love with mysterious boys."

Another laugh escaped my lips, the silence engulfing us after that as we were enjoying the sun and nature. A few lost birds were singing, making me close my eyes. The soft breeze that hung in the air sometimes hit us, making the both of us shiver.

"What are your sisters like?" Her sudden voice in my ears startled me, but I didn't let her show it.

Opening my eyes, they fell onto her face. "Annoying yet, sweet. Siblings, you know the drill. My eldest sister is working while my other one is studying. My youngest sister just started primary school."

"Nice." Rose smiled, processing the information. "I'd love to meet them someday. I bet they're all very beautiful. I've always wanted a sister, you know?"

I laughed softly, "Yeah, I know. You told me once. And I've always wanted a brother, although I love my sisters. What are your brothers like?"

Rose sighed. "They're fine. They're twins as you know and they're twenty five years old. They just finished their study and both work now. One of them got a girlfriend. They're the complete opposite of me though. In and out."

"Are they? Do you have a picture?" I asked curiously, genuinely interested.

Rose fished her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through her gallery, "Must have one." She kept scrolling until she had one. "Don't look at me. I wasn't in the mood as they were super annoying before the picture was taken." She chuckled, removing a strand of hair from her face.

Taking her phone out of her hand, I couldn't help but smile lightly when our fingers touched. Staring at the photo, I noticed Rose was sitting on a low stone wall while her brothers were standing on it. Rose had crossed her arms over her chest and she wasn't smiling, but she didn't have to. Her neutral expression was still sweet, pure. It did something to me, I could feel it. She was so natural, so beautiful in my eyes.

Staring at her brothers, I realised that was the reason she was showing me the photo in the first place. They were both blonde, though, I could tell they weren't identical. One of them was leaning his hands on Rose's shoulder and the other one had his hands on his sides, grinning at the camera. He had darker blonde hair and looked slightly taller than the other one. They did not look like Rose, as she said.

"They look nice." I smiled genuinely. "What are their names?"

"Lucas and Thomas. They're always bullying me because I have dark hair and dark eyes. Even my parents don't have it." She shrugged. "Oh well. I always tell them I'm just special." She whipped her hair to the other side of her face, making me laugh.

Squinting my eyes, I gave her a thoughtful look, "I mean, you kinda are."

Rose bit her lip and playfully rolled her eyes, bumping my shoulder. We went back to silence again and we quietly enjoyed each other's company, closing our eyes to the sun, our hairs moving lightly because of the breeze.

After a while, she stood up, looking at me. "My break is over. I'll see you around, yeah?"

I nodded, though felt slightly disappointed. "Sure. I'll see you, Rose."

"Bye, bye." She softy patted my beanie and I chuckled at her random action. She really was something else. But that's what I liked about her. She said it herself- she was special.

I stayed in the garden for about another thirty minutes until I went back inside as the sun was blocked by clouds, the now crisp are making me feel cold.

I hugged myself and once I arrived back into my room Caroline rushed inside, staring at me for a long time before speaking up, the silence actually making me anxious.

"Did you hear it about Nathan?" Caroline asked, placing her warm hand on top of mine.

I frowned, then understood it. "Yeah. Is he home? I mean that's great right? I'll miss him a lot but-"

"Zayn."

I kept rambling on, "He has a girlfriend, you know? He has something to come home to. And I'm sure his parents missed him too."

"Zayn-"

"And it's so good that he's clean.. I wish-"

"Zayn, listen to me." Caroline sat down on my bed and looked at me with a serious expression.

I frowned, "What?"

"Nathan passed away."