three | mornings & new nurses

Zayn

Staring outside the hospital window, my eyes landed on the huge trees and tiny birds that flew in and out again. It had been three months since I had been diagnosed with Leukemia and it had been two and a half months since I moved into the hospital, in London. They told me the treatments I had to get weren't available in the hospital in my city- Bradford- so I had no choice but staying here.

Not that I really minded it, though. A hospital would always stay a hospital, if I was in London or not. The only sad thing was that my family couldn't visit as much as they could have when I would be staying in Bradford.

I just had my first period of medication and treatments of the immunotherapy and I had never been more tired in my life. I slept a lot, even if I didn't want to. There were a lot of activities here and every time I signed myself up for it, I had to cancel because my body simply couldn't take it.

I slept through the night and sometimes even the mornings, and I'd take another nap later in the afternoon. The nurses sometimes told me I couldn't take a nap as, apparently, giving in to your tiredness wasn't always good, but I couldn't keep my eyelids open sometimes, even when I was sitting on a chair.

It wasn't my most favourite thing about being sick, but I had to deal with it. Chemotherapy, which I, perhaps, had to start any time soon as well, would make me feel worse than this, so I quickly pushed my thoughts about it away.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I grabbed the small remote to move the upper part of my bed up, so I was in a sitting position but could still rest.

I glanced at the clock and was surprised when I found out it was still super early. For me to wake up at least. It wasn't a bad thing, though. I could start the day like any normal person would.

It was about minutes of staring outside the window, when I heard a knock on my door. "Yeah." I replied, curiously looking at the door.

The door opened and I saw Caroline, my favourite nurse, and someone I didn't know entering behind Caroline as well. Our eyes locked instantly and I couldn't help but stare at her for a while.

Her deep dark brown eyes seemed curious yet nervous and she was playing with her fingers as she stepped inside my room. I couldn't help but notice that she was pretty. Probably not outstanding to another boy- but I quite liked the simple yet pretty girls.

Her cheeks were round but her jawline was visible as it was slightly sharp. Her brown eyes made her face look a whole lot less harsh and the pink flushed cheeks made her look sweet. Her long dark brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, stopping somewhere mid- back and her pink lips were naturally full, a small nervous smile playing on them.

"How comes you're awake already, Zayn?" Caroline dragged me back to reality and I looked at her instead, watching her as she rolled up the sleeves of her uniform.

Caroline had always been an important woman to me, she had always been my favourite nurse. The moment we had shaken hands, I had already felt a friendship blooming because of the humor we shared, and the love she gave me. She had always taken care of me in a way that no other nurse had. Caroline was more than that, she was always up for a laugh or cry.

Back to answering her question, I simply shrugged. "Don't know. Just woke up." I ran my fingers through my black hair - which I was thankful for I still had- and turned my attention back to the girl while Caroline opened my curtains, causing rays of sunshine to shine right in my face.

I squinted my eyes and kept staring at her, actually waiting for her to tell me who she was, because the nerves and shy girl hadn't uttered one single word yet.

It stayed quiet for another few seconds but the moment Caroline walked over to the bed we started speaking at the same time,

"Who are you?"

"Do you want breakfast?"

She started blushing a little, pulled a face at herself and looked at Caroline. I smiled in amusement.

Caroline chuckled softly. "Zayn, this is Rose. She's here for her internship which will last for a year. Rose, this is Zayn. You probably already guessed why he's here."

She nodded, smiled and walked over to my bed as she stretched out her arm, her petite hand reaching for mine..

Taking her hand in mine, I softly shook it and felt how soft, warm and smooth her skin was, but I tried to ignore it, which was rather hard as my hand was mostly cold, so it gave me comfort in some ways.

"Nice to meet you, Rose." I told her, smiling at her.

She nodded again, "You too.."

"Zayn." I chuckled. "Such a hard name, isn't it?" I sat up more straight and slowly raised my eyebrow at her in a teasingly way.

She noticed and smiled a little, playing with her wavy locks. "Well not everyone has an unique name like you."

"Thanks for the compliment." I grinned a little, testing her.

She seemed more confident now, "What compliment? I didn't say that I liked your name. I just said that it's unique." She joked then quickly recovered as she remembered Caroline was still in the room.

I just laughed a little. "So, Rose. Did they teach you how to wash people in bed? I could use a good bed bath."

She gulped and her eyes widened, a worried frown appearing on her forehead. "Uhm, she.. Caroline- they didn't tell me that I have to-"

I laughed at her innocent behavior. I liked the way she acted. She seemed to be shy and modest, very modest, but her humor made her look more outgoing.

"Yeah, that's Zayn." Caroline rolled her eyes playfully, shaking her head at me in disapproval and laughed. "He's just joking, love. He can shower himself perfectly fine. He's just like a puppy. He needs to test you to find out who you are and how you handle stuff."

"What a comparison, Caroline. I like it though." Smiling, I tugged at the white covers that hugged my legs, actually feeling good today.

I noticed a smile playing on her lips, "Oh, are you flattered now?" Caroline shook her head, still laughing like she was before.

"Of course I am. Never have I ever gotten a compliment like that before. I mean, who doesn't want to be like a puppy?" I stretched my arms out. "Everybody loves them,"

I looked back at Rose and noticed that she was still a little embarrassed or shy.. either way, her cheeks were flushed red and she couldn't make eye contact with me anymore.

"Whatever, Zayn." Caroline smiled and pointed to my small wardrobe. "Did you get dressed yet? And you still haven't answered her question."

I covered my mouth when a small yawn escaped my lips. "I didn't get dressed yet and I do want breakfast but not here."

"You want to have breakfast with the others?" Caroline wondered, a small frown visible on her face as she knew I usually liked having breakfast on my own.

I nodded my head slowly as I tried getting out of bed. Most people would probably not notice that I was sick, but once they saw the medication I had to take, they'd believe me.

It was like Caroline could read my mind, about the medication. I tend not to take all of my pills because they were simply just too many in the early morning. I had to take six every morning, two at lunch time and three at dinner time. In the morning I had two of the same pills, and three different ones.

The problem was that I was really bad at swallowing them down. I knew it was just my mind telling me that, but I really couldn't bring them down. Especially not when I just woke up, so that's one of the reasons why I sometimes threw away a few pills.

It was strictly forbidden, because first of all I really needed those pills and secondly I couldn't just throw medication away since it was expensive and my family had to pay for it, but I couldn't help it sometimes. They didn't know what I felt like.

"Alright. But you're going to take all of your pills." Her teasing tone changed into a serious one and I couldn't help but sigh. I was a grown up guy, I could decide myself.

"Okay." I answered shortly.

Caroline gave me a look and after that she instructed Rose to walk out of my room. Caroline left as well and I heard her starting the conversation to Rose about how she has to observe strictly and needed to correct patients behaviors if they didn't take the pills.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Being here really did affect my mood. I could go from happy to moody in one second. I blamed my sleep and medication.

I got out of bed, walked over to my wardrobe and grabbed my black jeans and white sweater. I had lost a little weight and so I became cold easily. Despite the fact that it was getting winter, most people were still walking around with short sleeves.

Stepping out of my striped pajama pants and blouse, I made my bed, folded my pajama and stuffed them underneath my pillow. I slipped my clothes on and walked over to the sink to wash my face with a cold washcloth.

Staring at my face for a while, I knew people wouldn't tell I was sick. My cheeks had a healthy rosy colour on them from sleep, my hazel eyes still bright and more green now the sun was shining. I mean, I obviously didn't want to look like a sick person, but it was just strange knowing my body was fighting so hard from the inside, and not seeing it on the outside.

Rubbing my face, I couldn't help but think about the new trainee, or internship girl me and my friend Nathan would call them. I usually wasn't too fond about them, as earlier experiences with one girl that felt the need to keep correcting my behavior on anything I did, had made me grown annoyance towards them.

She got fired, though. They didn't think she was a good student, and I'd lie if I said I hadn't grinned when Caroline told me the news. Rose's first impression to me was way better than all of the ones I had seen in the months I had been here for.

Rose seemed to be a kind, young, woman with a personality that fitted mine, in a way that the contact we could have would be fun. She seemed nervous, but she seemed humorous, something I quite needed as the hospital could be a quite depressing place at times.

There weren't much people from my age, except for my mate Nathan. Our other friend- Tyler- had passed away a month after I moved here. I didn't want to attach myself to other patients anymore, knowing they might pass as well, but I felt down ignoring Nathan. I needed a friend here. I felt lonely.

So I failed miserably at that, I started hanging around with Nathan again, and I also started hanging around with a little girl called Sarah. She was only five, but obsessed with me for some reasons. I met her at an activity for children once.

I had been bored that day, and since they needed more people to look after some of the kids, I had simply signed myself up for it. She had fallen down and started crying in a way that made me feel protective. I helped her up and I comforted her because the nurse was helping another young kid with his shoelaces. And ever since that day she was basically obsessed with me, like I said.

I loved her. She was already bald, but wasn't doing extremely bad. She was such a cheerful girl, always happy and hugging me, bringing positivity in here.

So yeah, I did attach myself to Nathan and Sarah and I could only pray that they wouldn't pass, as I wouldn't be able to handle their loss.

I wondered what Rose was going to bring us, to bring me. She had already caught my eye and I'd lie if I said she hadn't taken my interest the few minutes she had been standing in my room.

I finished getting ready, stood still for a while to prepare myself for the walk and got out of my room to leave and have breakfast with other patients.

~~~

This story is inspired by my aunt I love you and I hope God will heal you.

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