Zayn

It had been a week since Nathan had passed away, and I would lie if I said it hadn't drained me- mentally and physically. I was awfully tired, had one person on my mind as I missed him, badly. The time was rough, I had never imagined grief to be this hard. I slept so much, to the point that Caroline forced me to have a conversation with her, asking if I was okay, if I needed someone to talk to. I figured I would get over it.

She took me away from my room to play games with me, scared that I'd become depressed from being so isolated in my room, about the fact that I was only sleeping. Honestly, I was just tired. I didn't mean to lock myself up, not anymore.

I just slept at daytime because I wouldn't sleep at night. Thoughts were the strongest around that time, something I had definitely noticed the past few days. I couldn't stop thinking about Tyler, Sarah and Nathan. But always when I was thinking about the friends I had lost, one specific person made her way into my mind. Like she was awake too and thinking of me, telling me that she was still here for me.

She really made me feel like that when she comforted me that day. She said she was here for me and I believed it. Her words were written on my heart now. I felt so much closer to her after that day, I just hoped she would feel the same too. I was so vulnerable in front of her. I had only cried in front of Caroline before, not even in front of my parents. I was ashamed at first, but Rose took the feeling away when she told me it was fine.

Only because I trusted her and because I could feel she was speaking the truth. I hadn't seen her ever since. Caroline gave her other things to do and she had university and weekend.

I could only think of her hug and imagine I was back up there, on the eighth floor and hugging her. But this time without crying- we would both be happy.

Thinking of her hug, it made me feel it again. I could feel her arms around me and her soft hands rubbing my back while she rested her beautiful face on my head. She felt so safe. She felt like I had known her for years and that was a feeling not anyone could give you. Especially not to me as I started shutting girls out after my break up.

Before I could think about my feelings for that specific girl, I got interrupted as Caroline walked into my room.

I opened my eyes and went to lie on my side, my hands under my cheek as I looked at her. "Morning." I spoke, coughing a little when my morning voice acted up.

"Hi, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?" She adjusted her blue medical gloves on her hands and grabbed my tube feeding breakfast, if I could call it breakfast, even.

"Yeah." I shrugged slowly and went to lie down on my back as she moved the upper part of the bed up so I was slightly in the sitting position. I rubbed my eyes slowly and watched how she was warming up the package of puréed food with her hands.

"Great, love." She grabbed the loose tube that was attached to my sleep shirt attached it to the infusion.

I looked at her, confused. "Why are you giving me my food so early?" She set up the infusion and not long later, I saw the food going through the tube into my nose, all the way down to right into my stomach.

"Well.. as you know every week we choose a patient who can go out for the day with one of the nurses just to bring you guys some fun in this boring hospital, and because you've been through.. a lot these days, we decided that you're going out today." She smiled brightly.

I scratched my bald head, "Oh.. thanks but I don't really feel like it, if I may be honest."

"You don't? Oh okay. I had asked Rose to be your company but I'll tell her you canceled the plans. Too bad, she was looking forward to it." Caroline said nonchalantly.

"Rose? I mean, no uhm.. I changed my mind. I do want to go. Where are we going?" I gulped. Of course I wanted to spend the day with her. It wasn't even a question.

Caroline shook her head, "You said no. That's sad for her." She sighed a little but smiled cheekily when she looked away.

I groaned, "Caz.."

She chuckled, "What's that with you and Rose? You know nurses are not allowed to fall in love with patients and vice versa."

I sighed quietly, "Caroline, we're not in love."

"Even if you were, do you hear me complaining? Just make sure no one else sees it because it can cost her job. I'm keeping it safe." She placed her finger on her lips.

I rolled my eyes, "We're not in love."

"Mhm." Caroline checked the infusion and changed the subject, which I was totally okay with. "Aren't you full already?"

I shook my head. "I'm not."

"You're eating more then, that's a good sign." She smiled at me and waited for a little while before stopping the feeding and disconnected the tube from the infusion. I took my pills with a glass of water and sighed a little after that, feeling full.

"Can you take off your shirt? I need to take care of your belly." Caroline asked. That explained why she didn't attach the tube to my shirt. I took off my shirt and stared at the scar.

The stitches were still there and it was still slightly painful but a lot better, compared to after the surgery. The medical ointment would be applied about three times a day. It was cold, but refreshing and it seemed to work, which was a good sign.

Once Caroline had put on clean gloves, she started cleaning my wounds, making me whimper in pain as it stung. Soon later, the pain faded, making me breathe out in relief. She added some ointment to her finger and started applying it on my belly and on the scar. "It's looking good, Zayn."

"It looks ugly." I sighed a little, staring at it.

Caroline sighed a little as well, giving me a look, "It'll get better, Zayn. I promise." She stroked my head and cleaned up the stuff she used, I watched her as she threw things away into the trashcan. "Now get dressed because she'll be here soon. You don't want to let a lady wait for you, now do you?"

"Caz.." I groaned again and rolled my eyes but I couldn't hide my smile. She knew more than I did. I was still confused about my feelings.

I started undressing myself and took some clothes out of my wardrobe while listening to Caroline.

"You need your tube feeding in four hours. I'll give Rose a syringe and the food so she can help you. I'll give her the ointment also. You can do it yourself if you want but she'll be there to help you, okay? No fat food but you can eat light things like bread or whatsoever besides the tube feeding. The medication is in your bag." She explained. I simply nodded and slipped my pants and sweater on, trying to calm the goosebumps that had appeared on my skin.

"Where are we going?" I folded my pajamas and placed them onto my bed. Watching how Caroline grabbed my backpack, she stuffed the food, syringe and ointment inside.

"Rose chose that. You'll have to ask her. I told you I'd give it to Rose but you got your own backpack so I stuffed it in here." Caroline zipped up my back and handed it to me, afterwards.

Nodding, I thought about what she instructed when it came to eating food that wasn't tube feeding. "Random, but, I can't eat a snack like chocolate or crisps or something?"

"No, Zayn. That'll be too heavy for your stomach." She sighed softly.

"Okay." I pouted and walked over to the sink to wash my face and neck. Spraying some cologne on my wrists and neck, I pulled my large, red beanie over my head, covering the baldness of it.

Caroline walked over to me and gently tilted my head back, "Your nose is looking good. The tube hasn't irritated your skin yet so that's a good thing."

"Uhu." I replied. "At what time do we have to be back?"

"Zayn, I'm not your mother. It's your day today. You can decide. Just make sure you're here before midnight but I suppose you are because you'll be exhausted and it's still Rose's workday, which is usually only until four." She said while adjusting the beanie on my head to her liking.

I smiled a little, "Okay."

Sitting down onto my bed, I waited for Rose while watching Caroline doing some of my laundry. I usually did it myself, but since she offered and I was feeling tired and sad still secretly, I didn't decline.

But the longer I waited for Rose, the more nervous I became. What if she did think something of me when I cried? Or what if she regretted hugging me and wanted to keep distance between us now? What if she's going to spend the day with me because she didn't dare to say no but she actually doesn't want to?

I rubbed my forehead and stared down at my lap while I played with my fingers. These thoughts didn't exactly help me- they were only bringing me down.

Luckily, all these thoughts flooded out of me when I saw her entering my room. She looked different but beautiful, as always. She wasn't wearing her nursing uniform today. She instead was wearing a yellow oversized sweater tucked into denim boyfriend jeans. Sisters that were into fashion worked in my benefits at times.

She wore low black shoes with avocado socks and her long dark hair was up in a messy bun. She gave me a soft smile, I returned it, slowly waving my hand at her.

"Hey Rose!" Caroline cheered and she started her long story about my tube food, ointment and the further things she needed to know for today. I watched them as they were talking and I slowly wiggled my toes and feet. My mother once told me it was a habit I had had ever since I was a little boy when I was enjoying something. Perhaps, she was right.

"Alright, have fun today guys. Don't forget to take a picture for me." Caroline grinned a little when she looked at me and I rolled my eyes once again, pretending to be annoyed.

Standing up, I snatched my backpack from the bed and followed Rose outside my room, smiling at her. "Rose, I'm looking forward to it." I mumbled quietly.

She smiled back at me, her eyes twinkled. "Me too, Zayn. Let's empty our minds and just enjoy ourselves today, sounds good?"

The fact that she wasn't being distant relieved me, so I quickly nodded my head. She was the same, old Rose she had always been, and that made me feel happy. It proved her loyalty, especially when it came to her words that she didn't mind me showing my emotions, that she was there for me.

"Where are we going?" I asked her while we went down the elevator, the two of us glancing at each other through the mirror wall. Stepping out of out, I zipped up my jacket as we left the hospital building.

"I bought tickets for the zoo, only then I realized it's your day and you can decide so.. where do you want to go?" She chuckled and pulled a face at herself, I wondered if she did that because she chose.

Which I didn't mind, at all, may I add. "I love the zoo. I love animals." I answered genuinely, the two of us walking over to her dark, blue car.

"I'm serious, Zayn. You can choose." Once Rose had unlocked the car, we sat down and I placed the backpack between my legs, looking at her.

"I'm serious too, I want the zoo." Chuckling, I reached for the seatbelt and wore it, making sure it didn't hurt my wound.

Rose kept glancing at me for a while. Eventually, she playfully rolled her eyes and nodded. "Alright, alright. I can't wait!" She cheered.

"Me neither." I looked out of the window, and smiled.