Zayn

Sleepily opening my eyes as I felt someone unbuttoning my sleep blouse, I realised it was mum, making me frown lightly. "What are you doing, mum?"

Her cold hand was pressed to my face, making me feel how warm I actually was. "You're sweating like crazy, Zayn. Just taking off your blouse so you can cool off a little."

"Oh.." I swallowed, feeling gross. "Sorry, mama." I had slept in the same bed as my mother after all, I didn't mean to scare her off like that. Trying to keep my eyelids open when my eyes met mum's, I could see the sad expression she had.

"You never have to say sorry, Zayn. You can't help it." She shook her head and fully removed the blouse from my upper body, along with the covers. Sleepily laying in my pajama pants, I watched her as she threw the blouse into the washing machine.

Exhaustion was the only thing I felt at this very moment. My thoughts had kept me up almost all night long and I was sure if I would fall asleep right now- I would sleep through the whole day, but I didn't want that. Knowing I had scans later today and wanted to spend some time with my mother.

Mum walked over to me, her cold hand once again resting on my red flushed cheek. "Are you okay?"

Staring at her, I tried to wrap my arms around her neck and kiss her cheek, but as the position wasn't really practically to do so, I gave up with a deep sigh. "I'm tired."

"You're so touchy, Zayn. You only do that when you need comfort.. I know you." A small smile appeared on her face, I tiredly stared out of the window. "What's up, sweetheart?"

Sighing a little, I turned my attention back to her, not feeling like spilling the negatives, but what else could I do if she asked so explicitly? "My body just hurts.. my bones and muscles. Nauseous, the cold.. I'm just tired."

"Sounds like the flu to me.." Mum's eyebrows furrowed, she observed my face.

Shrugging slowly, I swallowed my emotions away. "Just not feeling well. I wish I could be home, sleep in my bed with the music notes covers and Boris." I mumbled out, smiling a little at the thought of my dog.

"We want that too, Zayn. We can ask them if you can spend a weekend at home, alright? Now cheer up, sweetheart. I don't like seeing you like this. How about we have some light breakfast at the restaurant?" Mum smiled, it made me feel warm. She always knew how to cheer me up.

My lips curled in a smile, I sat up slowly. "Okay, but we need to take the elevator, otherwise my bones won't be able to handle such effort."

"That's my boy." Mum grinned at my, rather, lame joke, pressing a kiss to my forehead after that. Once I was fully dressed and washed, we went down the elevator to the first floor and made our way over to the restaurant.

Mum had asked Caroline before, so lucky for me, I hadn't needed my tube feeding in the morning, unless I wouldn't eat enough. For now, I could enjoy some light bread rolls with jam from the restaurant. The bread rolls reminded me of Rose, I smiled by myself.

Eggs and bread rolls were on my mum's plate, we both started eating quietly at first, silently enjoying the food and my mum's company. No place was better than being with my mum and family- the ones who made me feel so happy. They truly were the most loving persons I knew, and could have around me in such difficult times.

"Zayn, about last night.. Was it about Rose?" Mum asked, trying to suppress her smile. I was surprised about it, knowing last night it had surely given her the opposite emotions when I had asked her. I didn't dwell on it, I was long happy that she was smiling.

Gulping, I acted as if I was dumbfounded. "Rose? What are you talking about?" Quickly taking a bite of my breakfast, I took this chance as an excuse to think about my answer a little longer as I was taught not to eat with a full mouth.

Mum raised her eyebrow, in a playful way. "You were talking about what if you liked someone.. was it about Rose?"

Groaning lightly, I whined as I answered. "Mum, no." Swallowing my mouthful, I watched the nurses, some patients, or family that came to eat here walk by. "It was just a thought. I told you, if I liked someone."

Except, I didn't really know if what I was saying was true, as that had been the exact thought that had kept me awake all night long. Did I like Rose? I truly didn't know- I was just so confused about everything, and my rather tired and sick state didn't exactly help me with that.

"Okay, okay." Mum held her hands up in defense. "Forget I ever said anything." She chuckled softly, her smile cheeky so I knew she thought otherwise, but I tried to ignore it.

Eating my breakfast for the remaining of the time in silence, I enjoyed looking around still. My eyes falling on different people, patients I recognized, nurses that greeted me and whom I greeted back, recalling they had been on the department once or twice. Overall, I was happy to be out of my room and be with my mum, who had been staring at me for the whole time being, a warm expression on her face. I didn't really know why she looked at me like that, but I knew once she would be going home, we would miss each other, so I let it be.

"I really wish I could join you with the scans today, Zayn, but I can't. Your dad has to work and no one is there to look after Safaa.." Mum sighed softly, reaching for my hand. Her expression was sad, almost apologetic, which made me feel sad for her.

Disappointment came over me, but I shrugged it off, knowing left at home went on too- it would be unrealistic if she would be here all the time. "It's okay, mum. It's fine, I understand it."

"I can walk with you, though." Mum suggested, to which I nodded. Once we had both collected our trash and a few leftovers, we brought it over to the designated places and threw away the napkins we had used. Mum paid for the food, we walked over towards the elevator after that.

Pressing myself against the wall as a bed got rolled down past quickly towards the intensive care, I stared at the many nurses and doctors that seemed to be in complete haste, their eyes big. I glanced at the patient, I wondered what his family would be feeling like at this ver moment- they must be so worried.

Stepping into the elevator with mum, we went up to the fourth floor, my department. The doors opened, and I found myself looking for Rose in an instant as we walked towards the room where the scans would be held. I knew she was sick, though, which made me pull a face at my own action, causing my mum to look at me in confusion. Simply shrugging it off, I acted as if nothing had happened.

"How long will it take, the scan?" Mum wondered, glancing at the watch she wore on her wrist.

Shrugging, I bit my lip thoughtfully. "It depends, but usually about twenty minutes, I guess?"

"Long enough, huh." Mum sighed softly, pulling me in a hug after that. "I need to go home, good luck with the scans. You'll get through it!"

Hugging her back for a brief moment, I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Thanks, mum. I love you. Be safe while driving back." Pulling away from her, I felt how she rubbed my back, eyes glistening with tears- she usually was emotional when it came to us saying goodbye.

"Bye, sweet sonshine. I love you." She gave me one last wave before she went down the elevator, the sad feeling coming up again as I didn't want to miss her for another week.

Sighing, I opened the door, where I saw the doctor who was already waiting for me, his hand holding the folder that held all of my medical records. "Zayn, good to see you! How have you been feeling?"

"Good morning, still." I chuckled lightly, my eyes falling onto his face. "I've been fine." Fine could mean anything, I didn't feel like telling him about the constant ache in my muscles and bones.

"Your voice sounds as if you caught a cold." The doctor mentioned, his eyes scanning through the papers.

Sniffing shortly, I watched how he flipped through the pages. "Uh, yeah. Caught a cold, I guess." I said, sheepishly.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Zayn. I hope time goes fast throughout the scan for you." He gave me a serious look, but a smile after that, to which I nodded. "If you would take off your clothes, keep your underwear on. You have a button on your trousers, how many times do I still need to tell you?" He teased.

Sheepishly taking off the trousers, I mentally face palmed myself, wondering why I barely prepared myself for these things. Caroline had always told me sweatpants would be easier, I wouldn't have to lie down in my underwear only.

Once my clothes were off and I was left in my underwear, the both of us walked over towards the table, where I lied down. Biting my lip harshly, I tried to ignore the pain that shamelessly bored through my entire body as I moved.

"Remember to lay still, alright? Good luck, I'll see you soon." The doctor patted my shoulder and walked away as he sat down in the smaller room, where he could keep an eye on me while switching on the machine.

Soon later, the loud, beeping, noise of the scan surrounded me fully, stinging my ears like loud screams. I closed my eyes, feeling so uncomfortable with the loud noises and the ache my body was giving me. Nausea came up as well, my head felt as if it was turning and floating, along with the waves of the sound.

If there was a place I'd rather not be right now, then it would be these scans, but of course I had to be here today, when I was feeling miserable- physically. But if we wanted to know if the chemotherapy had killed the last cells of the tumor, I had to go through this now.

The rather cold and hard table made me shiver, making me wish I was lied down in a warm bath, with soapy water, which I hadn't had in ages. My eyes glanced around the area, falling onto my bare upper body that was engulfed with goosebumps. Suddenly realising I had also forgotten to put ointment onto the wound, I had to try really hard to suppress my deep sigh.

Great. Where was Rose when I needed her? She was the one who would always remind me of these things.

After a rather long time, I breathed out in relief when the doctor spoke that the scan was over. Opening my eyes, I saw and heard how the scan machine went back to its normal position, the loud noises fading finally.

Slowly sitting up, the stiffness and aching of my body drove me insane, but I tried to ignore it and got off the table, walking over to the doctor, who welcomed me back into the smaller room he had been in.

Closing the door behind me, he gave me an sympathetic look. "Twenty minutes are long when you're not supposed to do anything, isn't it?"

"Truly is." I chuckled half- heartedly, taking my trousers and sweater from the floor. Slipping them on, I glanced at the computer, hoping he would have the results already, but I knew I had to stay realistic. When did hospitals ever had the results within the same moment?

"Right, we're going to take a look at this and wait for the results. Once the scans have been looked at and we've come to a conclusion, we will tell you right after, is that alright?" The doctor said, neatly shoving the papers with information about me back into the folder.

Nodding again, I shook his hand. "That is alright, yeah. Thanks a lot, again." Once he had said his goodbyes, I walked out of the room.

A deep breath left my mouth, the scans for today were done.