Rose

After I finished my lunch while sitting all alone in a small office, I stood up to leave my break a bit earlier. There wasn't a lot to do in here, so I decided to do some work as I couldn't quite sit still.

Caroline had asked me to join her and Zayn for his scans because it would be something new for me and I could learn from that. I wasn't going to lie, I was kinda excited about it because I had never seen it in real life before and I was curious about how it worked. I did watch some YouTube videos when I had to, but that was about it.

"Are you ready, Rose?" Caroline stepped inside the small office, clearly having picked up on me being finished with my lunch.

I nodded my head while I ran my fingers through my long hair. "I'm a little nervous though." Following her out of the office, I straightened my uniform jacket, looking around the quite quiet department.

"Well, it's a whole happening, yeah, so I can imagine but it won't be as bad as you think it is. Not for us at least. Zayn might think differently about it." She sighed sadly but clearly tried to hide it as she did it as quietly as possible.

I decided not the reply because I simply didn't really know what to say. So I followed her in silence to a part of the oncology department she did show me, but didn't say a lot about it that time.

I observed everything in silence and when we arrived at the first door she handed me a cape to wear and a mask to cover my nose and mouth. Once she elaborated it was for the bacteria and all that, I tried to remember the words she said so I could put it in good use for later.

"Wear this when we enter the room the MRI scans will be in, okay? We will be there so I can explain you about those machines and stuff. After that we will prepare Zayn for the scan and we will leave while the machines are doing their work. We can watch him from small screens in another room. Do you have any questions for now?" Caroline asked calmly, clearly wanting to teach me as much as possible, which I could appreciate.

"No, I'm good." I answered and gave her a smile while I watched Zayn and a doctor arrive. He came walking, which surprised me a little. He was super nauseous this morning and his hand had felt weak, but maybe he felt better now. I wouldn't know.

"Hello, Rose, I'm Doctor Lane. I heard you're a new student here. I hope you'll learn something from today." The around fourty year old man smiled at me while he shook my hand with a firm grip, making me swallow, scared that he'd have to cast my fingers after it.

"Thank you for this opportunity." I said politely and I glanced at Zayn, seeing he was already looking at me, giving me a warm smile when our eyes met. Smiling back, I turned my attention to Caroline as she started talking to me.

She opened the first door which led us all to a small room with computer screens. "Alright, now it's time to wear our masks and capes. I will show you around."

The doctor was talking to Zayn, probably to calm him down or comfort him. I sighed again as I couldn't help but feel bad for him all the time. Not just him, but all the patients here.

Caroline showed me around the room and I almost felt claustrophobic myself when I saw the MRI scan Zayn had to get through in a few. The tunnel was rather small, and I didn't want to imagine what it would be like to get through that.

Once Caroline had showed and explained everything that was settled in that room, we walkee back over to the doctor and Zayn, taking off our masks and capes.

Zayn was absently staring at the tunnel, and a thousand thoughts seem to race through his mind. He was blinking tiredly, staying quiet.

"Okay, Zayn. We'll start the scan soon. I need to ask you to take off your jeans and shirt." The doctor instructed him. I hoped it wouldn't make him uncomfortable because I was standing here, but then again, I was a nurse to be- we had to stay professional.

"Why do I have to take off my clothes?" He questioned, his voice still deep but sweet at the same time, genuinely wondering.

Caroline softly nudged his shoulder. "I told you you had to wear your sweatpants. You're not allowed to have small metal or iron things on. Your button and zipper." She pointed at Zayn's pants and he slowly nodded while sighing a little.

"Yes, and your shirt because the effect will be better for the scans. We're going to have to look at your stomach after all." The doctor replied while switching on the camera's in the room and starting up the computers.

Zayn didn't ask more. He slowly took off his shirt and I couldn't help but stare at him. He was thin, but he did have some muscles. Especially around his shoulders and besides that, abs were slightly visible. It made me feel for him, as it was clear he used to work out, but most muscles had faded due to the loss of strength because of the sickness.

The moment Zayn was undressed, the doctor led him into the room and we could see through the camera videos on the computer screen what they were doing.

He instructed Zayn to lie down on the table and once he had- we could see Zayn from every angle on the computer screens as there were several camera's hanging in the room.

"Okay, so what the doctor is telling him is that he has to lie down very still. He's not allowed to move or talk, only when something is wrong. The scan will probably take about 20 minutes and we'll get the results in a few hours." Caroline elaborated, pointing at the several screens that hung just above our eyesight.

Nodding, I watched Zayn through the screens, seeing him closing his eyes. The machine made very loud noises, the doctor explained, so that was the second reason for the music that was playing throughout the room to try and make it at least a bit bearable for him.

"Why do they have to look at his stomach?" I asked Caroline, suddenly realising he has Leukemia and that was basically, a blood disease.

Caroline sighed softly. "He didn't show or tell you, did he? He's very good at hiding, but he's in a lot of pain, Rose. We don't know what it is but he's been having bad stomach aches for a while. It has been known as a symptom of Leukemia, but the pain he has is more than that. We decided to let him do another MRI scan as we're afraid it's something else."

"I feel bad for him." I mumbled slowly, genuinely feeling sad.

"Don't let him hear that. He doesn't want people to pity him, and he's the most positive person through this all. It's amazing." Caroline smiled by herself as she watched him through the screens. "I mean, he does get outbursts sometimes, but I don't blame him for that. Do you?"

I slowly shook my head. I didn't blame him for that at all, it was only understandable. "I heard it this morning.. when I came into his room."

"You did?" Caroline furrowed her eyebrows and turned her attention to me, wanting me to explain the situation.

I nodded, "He told the other nurse that it was obvious the immunotherapy wasn't working. He was throwing up and his nose was bleeding again."

Caroline sighed softly, "We just wanted to try the immunotherapy because the side effects are less harmful than chemotherapy. It works really well for some people, but not for Zayn. We're probably going to start with chemos soon, meaning he will lose his beautiful black hair."

Processing her words for a while, I nodded in response, fiddling with my fingers as I stared at the sick guy, lying on a hard and cold table. "I hope he gets better."

Caroline smiled at me and placed her hand on my shoulder. "We all do. But it's not guaranteed. We've seen so many children and adults go on this department, only. Just a few survived and went home clean. We just don't know.. cancer is really unpredictable."

"It is.. Are his parents supportive?" I wondered.

"They are very supportive. I can tell they love their son dearly. They're doing everything for him to make this all less awful. But they cannot be here for every scan he has to go through. They live four hours away from here so they come in the weekends and spend them at a hotel or sometimes one of them sleeps over in Zayn's room." Caroline explained, piling up the sheets of paper that were scattered all over its desk.

"That is great," I smiled, knowing support like that was extremely important in difficult times- to me, at least.

Doctor Lane spoke up, once he was back into the room where we were standing. "Alright Zayn. Can you hear me?"

Zayn opened his eyes, a sign to let him know he could hear the doctor's voice in the room he was in. He wasn't allowed to move, after all. Kind of ironic.

"I want you to breathe in and hold it for ten seconds, okay?" The doctor instructed, "Alright, breathe in and hold it, hold it, hold it."

He went on like that and as I stared at Zayn, I could count his ribs now he was holding his breath. The doctor told him he could breathe out again and he had to do that about three times.

The scan went on for another fifteen minutes and after that he got off the table himself and stood up straight. It was as if lying down made him more nauseous because the moment he stood up- he threw up all over the floor.

Zayn kept standing there but the doctor spoke through the small microphone. "It's okay Zayn, come here. It'll be cleaned up."

I watched him as he walked over to the door, opened it and stepped inside the small room we were in. He quietly slipped on his clothes while the doctor was saving his scans and doing some more stuff I didn't understand because I simply had no knowledge of it.

"How about you get some sleep for now and join the activity later on today? I feel like you need some sleep." Caroline told Zayn in a quiet voice.

Zayn nodded slowly, "Sounds okay." He ran his fingers through his hair and furrowed his eyebrows when he saw one of the cleaning ladies cleaning up his vomit. "I hate this."

"You can't help it, darling. It's okay." Caroline assured him. "Rose, do you want to walk with him towards his room?"

"Oh, yeah sure." I nodded and turned my attention to Zayn, wondering if he was ready to go. Once I thought he was- I opened the door for him and gave him a smile, which he returned.

"I'll see you outside his room, okay?" Caroline smiled warmly at me, her eyes somewhat twinkling for reasons I didn't understand.

I nodded again, "That's good."

I followed Zayn out of the rooms and we silently walked through the long hallways. I didn't really know what to say but he seemed to be comfortable with the silence, which I was thankful for.

"Are you tired?" I wondered as I side- glanced at him.

Zayn shrugged a little, "I'm always tired, but I could really use some sleep right now." He gave me a sheepish smile.

I could tell that Caroline was right. He really did sound positive even if he felt far from it. His hand was reaching to his stomach so now and then, making me know that it was still hurting. He was pale and I also knew that he was nauseous because of the previous incident, but he still managed to smile.

"I can imagine." I told him. We reached number 28, his room and I opened the door for him again. Zayn stepped inside, grabbed his pajama and sat down on the bed.

"Thanks for walking me here, Rose." Zayn spoke slowly, his deep voice making me like my name a little more.

I gave him a smile. "It's fine. Have a good rest."