Rose

"So how did you like your first day?" Caroline pulled out two chairs for us to sit on, I chose the green one.

Reliving the day in my mind, I thought about everything I had seen and heard today. "It was different, especially because I didn't.. you know, signed up for this function in the first place but, uhm. It was fine. A lot of information I have to process." I smiled, carefully. I was really tired from all the nerves, new people, new ways of working and information about everything, but satisfied.

Caroline nodded her head, "Yeah, darling. You might either sleep well tonight, or not at all. I know the feeling. My first week here was terrible. I didn't know how to cope with those precious sick children. I hated to see it, but you somehow get 'used' to it." She spoke sweetly, her warm hand on top of mine.

Caroline was such an amazing nurse and woman, and I was grateful for the fact that she was my mentor. She was really humble, funny, and made sure I understood everything before moving on to the next topic, room or object.

"Yeah, it is quite difficult at times." I said quietly as I stared down at my lap. Images from today made their way back into my mind.

This afternoon, Caroline and I had visited a child. I think she was only about three years old. The little girl was attached to a thousand of tubes and machines and they told me she wasn't breathing on her own anymore, she was done fighting and ready to go.

Tears had fallen down my cheeks once Caroline had spoken these words. I just couldn't stay strong at that point, it almost made me angry. This young, little and innocent girl, already having to give up her life because she got a sickness for no deserved reason. It made me so extremely mad, it was just so unfair.

"I can imagine, Rose. But how about the older patients?" Caroline dragged me out of my thoughts. "The ones from your age, or the even older adults? Is it less hard?" She wondered.

Thinking about it for a while, I shrugged slowly. "I don't ever like seeing sick people. It gives me mixed feelings. But like.."

My thoughts went back to Zayn, the patient I had met earlier today. He still had a full mop of black hair on top of his head, and his hazel eyes, that were surrounded by thick and long eyelashes, were still so bright. I'd almost say he looked healthy, with the rosy blushes on his cheeks, paleness still far away from him and his coffee colored skin. His deep, but soft voice had sounded mature, the northern accent standing out and making me think he wasn't from around London.

Now, I'm not saying he attracted me, I just wasn't that type of girl to be flustered by boys easily and I knew it wasn't possible because he was my patient. No one could ever allow us to have something together.

He just caught my attention because he was one of the less to still have hair and look healthy around there, and not to forget- his positive attitude with added humor.

When I looked up I noticed that Caroline was still waiting for me to speak up further. "Uhm, I mean, the guy with the black hair.. he didn't look so sick so I felt myself talking to him more easily than the other patients. It's not like I'm afraid of the other ones.. it's just, I don't know. I'm scared to say something wrong to them." I said honestly.

"You don't have to be scared to say something wrong. They're just humans like us. They're sick, yes, but there are no wrong things to say or ask. They're all very open and if they don't like talking about it, they will tell you that. Don't worry about it, okay?" She assured me, making me feel better.

"I'm very happy that you took the chance to see how this department works, Rose. You're very positive in my eyes and that's what they all need here. Some positivity." Caroline smiled warmly at me, making me feel a bit shy.

"Thank you." I smiled at her for her compliment towards me. It meant a lot to me, especially after being so extremely nervous and almost starting to cry because this still wasn't what I really wanted to do.

Caroline gave me a warm smile back. "Okay, how about you'll go to room 28, you know, the guy with black hair, on your own tomorrow morning and ask him the same thing as today? It might take away your nerves you will probably have again tomorrow morning. Just a small familiar thing for now."

Slowly nodding my head, I tried to breathe out to calm myself as I knew tomorrow would give me the same nerves all over again. Though, I knew I had to go through it. "Yeah, that'll do."

"Great! Thank you for today, Rose. I had fun with you and I hope we can both make the best out of this internship, in order for you to learn a lot." Caroline shoved her chair away, and I copied her action, taking it as a sign for me to leave. "See you tomorrow!"

"Me too, thank you Caroline. See you!" Smiling at her, I shrugged my coat on, took my car keys out of my bag already and walked out of the room. I slowly stumbled my way towards the elevator, looking around the department for the last time.

Tiny trains were scattered on the floor, surrounding a young boy that waved at me with a cheeky smile once he noticed me. Waving back, I smiled by myself and knew I might like this department eventually, I just needed some time to process and let everything sink.

I stepped into the elevator and went all the way down and within a few seconds I stepped out of it. I wore my backpack on my back and fished the keys out of my pocket. I also grabbed my phone and saw it was over four pm, meaning I had worked for over nine hours. No wonder I was extremely tired.

Stepping into the elevator, I stared at myself through the mirror and went all the way down, stepping out of it after seconds. Swinging my backpack over my shoulder, I paid for the parking, unlocked my car and glanced at my phone before stepping in. Four pm, meaning I had worked for over nine hours. No wonder I was exhausted.

Sitting down in my car, I stared at the steering wheel for a while. Yawns and a sigh escaped my mouth and while I started the motor and switched on the lights, a lot of emotions suddenly started to come up.

While driving home, I could barely focus on the road. I was exhausted and for some reasons, I teared up when I thought about today.

My mind was constantly battling positive and negative thoughts. I don't want this. It might turn out to be just fine. But no, I don't want this. It will probably be okay. I can't do this.

The nerves, the thoughts, the images from today made me tear up even more and I eventually felt a tear roll down my cheek. I was extremely sensitive and emotional when it came to things like this and so I was sure I wouldn't be able to handle it, like I said when I found out I had to work at the oncology department.

Also the tiredness, I had just gotten, kicked in and made me even more emotional. I just wanted to sleep and work at the labor and delivery department tomorrow. But I know it wasn't going to happen.

Pushing my thoughts aside, I parked my car in front of our house where I lived with my parents, my two older twin brothers and our fat and old cat Cappuccino.

Locking the car, I walked over to our door and stepped inside once I had opened it, the warmth and lights engulfing me. The days were getting darker earlier, as winter was upcoming. Kicking off my shoes, I hung up my coat in the wardrobe and left the small hallway to fall down on the couch after that.

"Rose! How was your first day?" Mum asked as she walked over to me, drying her hands on the kitchen towel.

Sighing deeply, I simply shrugged as I didn't know what to tell her. I couldn't exactly say that I had enjoyed it, but hate would be a big word.

Mum sat down on a chair across me and raised her eyebrow, her gaze falling on me. "Don't answer me with a simple shrug. Tell me about your day."

I slowly sat up straight and stared at her for a while. "I honestly don't know." The emotions suddenly became too much, and I bursted out into tears, not completely understanding why myself.

Mum frowned and sat down next to me, draping her arm over my shoulder in a comforting way. "Did something bad happen to you, Rose? Did someone do something to you?" My mum rubbed my back soothingly and I simply covered my face, trying to contain my sobs.

I shook my head, "N-no it's just.." I wiped my nose and eyes and looked up at my mother. "You know how much internships scare me for some reasons and now because someone sent their solicitation earlier they chose her for the labor and delivery department and they put me on the oncology one." I continued sobbing, not really sure why but I blamed all of my nerves and mixed feelings and emotions.

"What? Oncology? Patients with cancer, right? But, why?" Mum pulled away from me and frowned deeply as she stared at my face, drying my tears with the pads of her thumbs.

"I just told you that." I sighed and dried my face with my sleeves, seeing a few wet drops on my blue jeans as well. "The solicitation was sent earlier."

My mum nodded her head, "Look, Rose, if you really don't want to do that I can just call them or school or whatsoever. I don't want you to be nervous every time you have to work there. It's not healthy."

I shook my head. "Don't call them. I'll probably get used to it." Part of me was saying I just had to stay where I was right now. I didn't want to do it, but I somehow felt like I had to. Maybe it would eventually be what I wanted in life. You'd never know if you didn't try.

And despite the fact that I was always nervous, I wasn't the type to give up easily and just let it slip by if I didn't feel like it. I hated getting out of my comfort zone, but it, how hard it was for me to admit, was also a good thing, sometimes.

So maybe staying where I was right now would be a good thing to do.