Zayn

"Do you also want the salmon sandwich dear?" The woman that worked at the hospital kitchen asked me, a warm smile on her face.

I nodded my head while staring at the plate a girl before me was holding. The sandwich didn't look too bad but I knew it the salmon would probably taste nothing like it. Hospital food wasn't just exactly.. good, although I was still grateful for it.

The woman handed me my plate and I got myself a glass of water, to swallow my pills with. Walking over to an empty table, I sat down and placed my plate and glass on the table, closing my eyes for a quick prayer. Once I was done, I brought the sandwich to my mouth and observed the area.

It was Friday and it was very quiet, rather boring. Lots of patients were going home today to spend their weekends at home but I wasn't allowed to, due to my new results. My family would probably visit me though, so that was one excited thing.

Another thing was that even if I didn't see Rose all the time, in fact, I had only seen her for not even an hour a day, I could still feel that she wasn't here. Seeing her for even one minute made my day a little better because she was an amusing person. She had this positive vibe around her that she brought into the hospital by just walking around. I wasn't used to it.

Digging into my sandwich, I cringed when I tasted the salmon. It really wasn't good but I still swallowed it down, knowing I had to eat something if I wanted my medication to work. I looked around me while slowly eating up the sandwich and I sighed when no one came to sit with me, not that there were much people, but still. It was quiet enough, some entertainment would've been nice.

I stuffed the pills in my mouth and gulped my water, swallowing all of them down in less than a minute. I was getting better at it each day. Suddenly, my eyelids started to feel a little bit heavier and I rested my head on my arm, closing my eyes and listening to all the surrounded back ground noises.

"Zayn." Caroline's voice rung through my head, and I looked up instantly.

"Hi." I responded, watching her as she sat down across the table, a concerned expression visible on her face.

She pushed my plate aside and rested her elbows on the table, clearly observing my expression as she stared intensely into my eyes, "How are you doing? I heard the news from Doctor Lane."

Playing with the crumbs on my plate, I thought back about the news I had gotten. I was relieved, in some ways, that she knew it already, not feeling like telling everybody about it. The spot on my stomach had started to get more swollen and it still hurt a lot, but I luckily was allowed to get painkillers today.

"I'm fine." I answered truthfully, as I had accepted it easily. I had had time to think it through, and at the end I could only think about the fact that there was nothing else we could do, except for accepting.

Caroline grabbed my hand, brushing her finger over the back of it, "Are you sure? You're allowed to have different emotions, you know that."

I gave her a smile, "I'm fine Caroline. I'm very sure. I accepted it."

Caroline sighed and shook her head. "Sometimes I don't understand how you're so positive about all of this." She smiled at me. "It's a good thing though. It really is, but even I teared up when he told me that."

I smiled again, not saying anything as I didn't exactly know what to.

"Rose told me that you didn't tell her. She was a little shocked when I told her the news. She said you were very cheerful yesterday." Caroline handed my plate to the woman who always washed the dishes when she walked past and she looked back at me again.

"She did?" I thought about Rose. Of course I was cheerful yesterday. Sarah made me forget about the bad news and when Rose came along later she made me forget about it too. That was exactly what I meant with Rose's positive vibe. She didn't even have to try and she already made you forget about the bad things. She was humorous and that's what I needed around here. Everyone knew.

I hated if people pitied me and I knew she felt bad for me, but she didn't show it and that's what I liked about her. I was sick, yeah, but it didn't mean I was a poor victim everyone had to pity and cry about. I was the same as everyone.

Caroline nodded, "I'm sorry, by the way. I just thought she needed to know. She can follow your process as you just got into it. Those were my thoughts but Zayn if you don't like that, please tell me. Okay?"

I shrugged. "I don't really mind. If she can learn from it, then it's fine."

"Good." Caroline smiled. "I feel like you two get along well already."

"I guess, yeah. She's nice, got humor too." I gulped a little. I didn't want her to think that I liked Rose, because I didn't. Those feelings weren't there and I didn't want them to be because I would only hurt myself.

Caroline didn't take it the wrong way, luckily. "That's nice Zayn. At least you'll have someone to maybe do activities with. I heard that Nathan is almost clean. He'll probably go home very soon."

"He is?" I frowned, wondering why he hadn't told me any of this.

"Yeah, he didn't tell?" Caroline waved at a patient who was enthusiastically waving at her. One of the kids I didn't really know.

"No." I mumbled. "He didn't tell me that. I haven't seen him around much lately either. Maybe that's why." I shrugged, staring at the woman, who had given me my salmon sandwich, as she cleaned the tables.

Caroline nodded, her expression thoughtful. "He'll tell you. Is your family coming over this weekend?"

I smiled, "Probably yeah. I can't wait to see them."

"Good, Zayn." Caroline gave me a warm smile and stood up. "I'm going back to work again. How about you take a nap and I'll serve you your dinner later today? You look tired."

I slowly nodded my head, "I am tired." I remembered how heavy my eyelids felt before Caroline came here, side effect of my medication. "Sounds good, Caroline."

"Alright, bye, Zayn." She waved at me and I simply waved back at her.

I stood up and rubbed my eyes, trying to make them feel less tired. Sometimes I wondered if they had swapped my medication with sleeping pills. I could literally fall on the floor and sleep for hours straight on the concrete. It was the closest explanation to let people know how tired I actually was.

I walked out of the eating area and stumbled down the hallways, through a few doors and to the hallway my room was in. I glanced into some of the rooms and saw families already there, making me more excited. They'd usually come every weekend, sometimes one weekend in two weeks. It was far away, so I didn't blame them. My mood had been quite good this weekend, which made me feel relieved as I had times where I let it out on my family, which I didn't want to happen at all.

Despite the fact that I was always positive about everything, I couldn't stop my mood swings. Some days I didn't feel like talking to anyone and the other days I'd try to have a conversation with everyone I saw. But it was probably common.

Opening my room, I closed the door behind me and sat down on my bed after that. I stared at my feet and tried to catch my breath, clutching my stomach. Even the walk through the hallways had made me feel exhausted.

Standing up, I retrieved my pajamas from underneath my pillow. IT consisted out of a sleep blouse and loose pants, white and dark blue striped. My sisters had laughed at me when I had bought it, because 'what guy sleeps in a pajama like that?'. I hadn't minded their opinions.

I changed out of my clothes and slipped the pajama on, buttoning up the blouse and taking off my socks as I didn't like sleeping with them on. Opening the covers, I crawled inside my bed, covered myself with the blankets and closed my eyes, drifting off minutes later.

My deep sleep took about four hours when I got awoken by the familiar sound of my little sister's laughing. I opened my eyes and saw how my father was playing with her while my mother was talking to one of the nurses- the one who was with me when doctor Lane told me the results.

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I reached for the small remote and moved the upper part from my bed up, so I was in a sitting position. My mother smiled when she noticed I was awake and she got up from her chair to hug me. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her back, feeling how she pressed a kiss to my cheek.

The nurse spoke up after me and mum had pulled away, "Alright, good afternoon Zayn. It's time for me to go. I explained your mother everything about what's going to happen Monday. See you later."

I nodded slowly, "Bye." My sleep intoxication hadn't fully left yet, so I gave her a small wave, not many words leaving my mouth.

Turning my attention back to my family, I smiled slightly when my father hugged me. Hugging him back, I pulled Safaa on my bed after that, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Hey, little one."

"Zayn!" She giggled and pressed her head on my chest, staring at the ceiling as she started rambling away about things I had no idea of.

"How are you doing, Zayn?" Mum asked, her expression slightly concerned.

I gave her a genuine smile, "I'm fine, mum."

"Can I see it?" She wondered. Agreeing, I carefully pushed Safaa off my lap, watching her as she started playing with her stuffed animal at the end of the bed. Lifting up my sleep blouse, I exposed the swollen spot where my tumor was to my parents. It had grown a little and I hated to see it, because now it was visible, whilst it hadn't been before.

Mum came closer to me and inspected the spot, softly brushing her finger over it while tears collected in the corners of her eyes, one managing to roll down her cheek.

"It'll be okay mum. I'll get chemotherapy on Monday." I said softly, wiping away her tears with my thumbs. Dad didn't say much, though, concern had laced his features. My dad had always been a wise man but a man of less words. It didn't matter to me, because his expressions said more than words ever could.

My mum stroked my hair and kept staring at me for a while, her eyes roaming all over my face. "I just hate the thought of knowing you're in so much pain. Chemotherapy will be good but also damaging." She almost whispered, pinching my cheek as she tried to smile through her tears.

I wrapped my arms around her neck and pressed my head to her chest, feeling sad for once. "I know.. but it's for the best. He even said he might be able to remove it in surgery."

"But still.. your Leukemia. It's not fair. You have to fight against two terrible things while one is already more than enough." My mum sighed softly, dad grabbing her hand to comfort her.

Giving her a small smile, I pressed my hand to her cheek for a brief moment. "Don't worry mum, it'll be okay."

My mum kissed my face a few times and sat back down on her chair, wiping her face. "I know, sonshine. I'm sorry, my emotions have been a little messy lately." She chuckled. "Let's just talk about something else, yeah? I've brought you something."

Mum opened a box and the smell of butter chicken filled my nose instantly, making my mouth water. "Mum, my favorite." I licked my lips and I grabbed the box, bringing it up to my nose and closing my eyes as I smelled it again.

"Go eat something, sweetheart."