Zayn

Now that I was feeling much better, physically but also mentally, my mum and I decided to go out for the day and buy some new beanies for me. The doctor and nurses had allowed me to go, which I was grateful for.

It had been a few days since I had become completely bald and I started to accept it more and more each day that went by. The first day was horrible, but after crying everything out with Caroline I felt much better. I could already look at myself in the mirror the next morning without a lot of negative thoughts.

Of course they were still there sometimes, but I was doing well. I tried to stay positive and see the good things in it. I had discovered a few freckles, seven to be specific, on the sides of my head I would've never noticed when I had hair. Those were just small and useless details, but it was something positive for me to focus on and I quite liked it. Who had ever counted freckles on their bald head before?

Rose hadn't seen me yet and I was happy for that because for some reasons, her seeing me bald, was going to be a difficult and nervous situation for me. I didn't want her to see me bald and I couldn't really explain why. Maybe I was still slightly insecure about it and especially because I sometimes felt like impressing her, also not really knowing why.

My mum had seen my bald head on Facetime already but I still didn't really feel comfortable without anything on my head. I liked to cover it up with my beanie but I only had one. That's why mum came up with this idea.

I was sitting on my bed with my jacket, shoes and of course- the beanie already on. My mum would be here any moment and I couldn't wait to hug her. It was one of the many things I missed about her. Her hugs would never fail to make me feel better.

I glanced at the clock and then at my phone, wondering if someone sent me a message. I had a few messages with the best wishes and 'get well soon' but I hadn't replied to any of them. It was probably rude, but I just didn't feel like it yet. I did hang up the cards and letters I got, though. I thought letters were more personal, so I did appreciate them a lot.

Coincidence or not, my mother came into my room with a small bag full of envelopes. "Good morning, darling." She gave me her warmest smile and I stood up to pull her into a big hug, feeling her comfort and warmth.

"Hi, mum." I sniffed and her familiar perfume filled up my nose, making me smile. Oh, how I had missed her. I pressed a kiss on her cheek and pulled away from her, my eyes roaming over her face.

"How are you doing, sweetheart?" She stroked my cheek and placed the bag on my bed. Her expression stood concerned, but then again, it always was.

I smiled. "I'm fine. Do you want to see?" I knew she was curious. It looked different in real life, obviously. So, without hesitating I took off my beanie and showed her my bald head.

She now stroked my head and placed a soft kiss on it. "You're beautiful Zayn." She kissed my cheek again and I could feel how she was pouring her motherly love into them, making me feel warm and extremely grateful to have her as my mother. "We're going to buy a lot of nice beanies or whatever you want."

I nodded and smiled while pulling the black one I had over my head. I pointed at the bag. "Are these for me?"

"Yes." She smiled. "They're all asking when you're coming home." She sighed softly and sat down on my bed while emptying the bag on my bed.

I grabbed a random card and opened it. "I don't know if I'm allowed to spend a weekend at home, but I can always ask." I said, wondering who wrote the card for me.

"It will be good. Your sisters miss you, Zayn. But their studies are so busy, it's not practical for them to spend their weekends here. They'll come along soon, though." My mum stroked my back softly and read the cards with me.

"I miss them too." I replied, staying quiet after that to focus on the message written on the card. "Who on earth is she?" I pointed at the name on the card and my mother laughed.

"That's your great aunt." Mum chuckled, shaking her head and placing the card on the bed.

I pulled a face and chuckled as well. "Oops. My bad. I'll read them all later. Let's just go now?" I looked at my mother and she nodded while planting loads of kisses on my face.

"Have you got your pills? I want to take you out for dinner." My mum asked while opening my room's door, leading us outside and into the long hallways.

I nodded. "I stuffed them in your bag."

"Alright, that's great. Lets go." We walked out of my room and went to the first floor with the elevator. We greeted the nurses we saw on our way and once we were out, I took a deep breath as I was finally able to smell the nature again after being in bed for days.

It felt good to be outside. It was slightly cold, but the sky was clear blue. No clouds were seen and the sun was shining brightly. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and let my imagination go. Wishing I was healthy and being able to jog in the woods, or swimming in the sea with all of the energy I used to have, but had lost due the sickness. I loved nature and I always would and had.

"Zayn.." my mum dragged me back to reality and I quickly stepped inside her car.

About half an hour later we arrived in the busy streets of London and I tried to catch up with my mother as she was walking rather fast towards a specific shop. People were crossing each other, they were talking loudly and honks from cars were heard, along with barking dogs and children screaming and crying.

There was a market as well, so the smell of meat and other kind of foods were filling the air but it made me all nauseous. It didn't smell good, it was disgusting. The man who was trying to sell his food was screaming towards the people who were walking past but most of the people ignored him as they simply did not want to buy the food.

"It's so chaotic here." Mum mumbles as she grabs my hand and pulls me into the shop. "Maybe we should've went to another place but oh well, we're here already."

"It's fine mum. It's not like I can't handle anything at all." I tell her as I follow her towards the right section.

She sighed. "That's true. I'm sorry."

I shrugged it off and stared at the colorful looking beanies right in front of me. There were many of them and a mirror was standing against the wall so you could see if they fitted.

My mum got all excited by seeing them and she started grabbing a lot of different ones I had to try on. "You like green, right? Try this one. It's such a beautiful color."

I took the dark green beanie from my mum and stared at myself in the mirror while taking off the one I was already wearing. My bald heald was exposed even more as the lights were shining brightly on it and I glanced around me if people were looking at me, but no one was.

I placed the green beanie over my head and ears as it was rather big, but I liked that. It needed to keep me warm too since I didn't have hair anymore to do that. "This one is good."

"Okay, we're taking that one then." My mum smiled while staring at me and she grabbed another one for me to try on.

I gave her a look but smiled when I saw she gave me a Marvel beanie. I had been obsessed with Marvel since I was a little boy even if I'd never admit it. I took off the current beanie and handed it to my mother.

"Mummy look! He's sick and bald!" A little boy pointed at me while tugging at his mother's hand, making her look at me.

She nudged his arm, "Don't say that!" She hissed, giving me an apologetic look as she looked up at me. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." I gave her a smile and placed the beanie on my head. He was a little boy, he couldn't help it so I didn't blame him either. I would probably have to get used to comments or looks like that.

My mum sighed but I didn't reply to that. I was scared to make myself or my mother feel worse if we kept dwelling on the comment the boy just made. So we continued fitting beanies until we chose five nice colorful ones and two caps. A black and a grey one. I was very thankful for my mum that she bought all of them for me and I had to mention it so now and then.

"Thanks mum, again, for this." I held up the bag as we waited for our dinner to arrive. We were seated in a small but cozy looking restaurant and it wasn't that busy, which was good.

My mum grabbed my hand and held it for a while. "We'll have to make the best out of it. I want you to be comfortable and you know I would've bought you more if you wanted me to."

I gave her a warm smile as response to her comment. "I've got a question."

"What is it darling?" My mum thanked the waitress as she brought our food and I did the same, adjusting the plate in front of me and smelling the food, sighing in satisfaction.

"Do I have to wash my head with shampoo or soap?" I took a bite out of my food and swallowed my mouthful carefully as it was still a little too hot.

She took a sip of her glass, "Oh.. I have never thought about that before. I think it doesn't matter what you use, sweetheart."

"Oh." I chuckled. It was such a random question if you think about it, but I genuinely hadn't known the answer to it.

"So, how's that Rose girl doing? She seems young. Is she a nurse already?" My mum asked, a sudden smile growing on her face as she looked at me.

I groaned, "Mum.. I know you."

She chuckled, "It's just a question Zayn. I don't mean anything with it." She started digging her fork into her salad and looked at me with her eyebrow raised, waiting for me to reply.

I sighed. "She's nineteen. She's a student so yeah, she's becoming a nurse."

"You do get along, don't you?" My mum tried to be serious, but I knew that she was teasing me.

"Yes." I replied shortly, but with a smile on my face I couldn't hide. I didn't really know why I was smiling, but I also didn't want my mum to get the wrong idea of me and Rose. Nothing was going on.

My mum coughed, "We'll see what happens." She laughed when I groaned and whined again but she did change the subject after that.

When we were done eating we had walked for a little while, just talking about things like home, my family, my sickness. It was good to have a talk like that with my mother and I couldn't wait for more days like these.

Once in the car, I fell asleep and she had to shake me a few times to wake me up. Walking back to the hospital was awful as I was exhausted and I could barely walk, my eyes not being able to stay open completely.

So like I said, days like these were great, but it drained all the energy out of me and I'd be exhausted at the end of the day.