Take my mind and take my pain.

Rose

"Please work, just work!" I pressed on the buttons repeatedly but nothing happened, so I jumped out of the elevator and ran over to the many, many steps of the stairs.

I didn't care about the souring muscles in my legs as I ran up as fast as possible. I had to get to his room right now. There was no time to lose. Caroline hadn't explained me why I had to come, but I heard the tone in her voice- I needed to come and I wished everything could go faster, for some reasons everything seemed to be against you when you were in a haste.

Once I was finally up the fourth floor, I breathed heavily as I had used more energy than I actually had, but the adrenaline quickly covered it up and I ran over to room 28, only being met by Caroline before I could actually enter.

"Caroline," I breathed out, "Did he die?"

Caroline looked at me and she stretched her arm out to me. "Come," The fact that she didn't tell me if he did or not scared me so much, but before I could worry about that she took my hand and slowly led me inside of his room, closing the door behind him.

His room was dark, only a few dim lights were on, making the atmosphere around here so emotional, heavy, but beautiful. I saw his family sitting around his bed and I swallowed thickly, because I didn't know what I could expect.

Caroline slowly and quietly walked me over to the bed and tears welled up in my eyes as he stared right into mine. He was still alive, but he looked so sick. I didn't think I had ever seen him that sick before. Dark purple circles had formed underneath his eyes, his lips were almost blue. His body looked limp as his strength was only put into his breathing now and his face was paler than ever, but still, his smile was present.

Emotions got caught up in my throat, I could only stare at him. I didn't know for how long Caroline had held my hand, and I didn't know how long Zayn and I had just stared at each other, but Caroline eventually let go and Zayn turned his face to his mother.

"Mum.." He said and it was enough for her to stand up, along with his dad, sisters and a few aunts.

Trisha hugged me tight when she walked past and kissed my face several times. "He wants to talk to you. Please, please keep this moment in your mind forever. It's never going to come back." Her tears mixed with mine as she hugged me close, confirming now that he was going to pass away today or tomorrow.

They all left the room, even Caroline and for a moment I stood there, just staring at him and not saying anything. That, until my tears started to fall once again and he tried to wave me over.

"Rose," He whispered, his voice weaker than ever. "Come here, babe."

I slowly made my way over to him and sat down on his bed while I covered my face. Zayn wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer with all of his last strength he had. I buried my face in his chest and started crying, sobbing loudly because this was it. This was the last time I was going to see him alive.

Zayn hugged me tight and pressed kisses to my head, waiting for me to calm down for a moment. "Rose, look up. I want to see your beautiful face. Please?"

So that's what I did. I knew he didn't care about me crying. He understood me. He was my boyfriend after all. My soulmate, my life. Even if I had only known him for months. It was the amazing thing of love. It seemed and felt like you had known each other for years even if it was only for a month.

I looked into his eyes and he gave me a smile. "You're so beautiful, do you know that?" He stroked my cheek and played with my hair with his other hand.

I didn't reply, I just stared at him while I continued to cry. "You caught my eye the moment I met you. I knew you were going to change my life."

"Zayn," I sobbed, feeling more tears slipping out of my eyes. "Why do you have to die? Why you?" I asked, not even knowing why because who had an answer to that question? "How am I going to live without you?" I whispered, staring down at our hands as I cried more tears.

"Hey," He said quietly, "Look at me."

I shook my head and kept my head low, I couldn't look at him. I didn't want him to see me so sad because I wanted him to feel at peace.

"Rosie," He whispered, placing a few kisses on my head. "Please, for me."

That was all it took for me too look up at him. I dried my face with the sleeve of my sweater but it didn't make any sense. Tears started to make their way down my cheeks right after, completing soaking them in no time.

"Did I ever say that you have to live without me?" He asked. I slowly shook my head. "Exactly. Rose, you're in my heart and I'm in yours, aren't I?"

I nodded my head, accidentally letting out a loud sob that made him hold me even tighter. "So that means I'm with you. I might not be there in physical ways soon, but I'm in your heart and that's all what matters. I'll be with you always, no matter what you do, no matter where you go. You're never alone. Never. Do you hear that? I'll always be with you." He spoke slowly yet with the most genuine voice I had ever heard.

I nodded again and hugged him closer, "You too, Zayn. Please know that I'm so proud of you, of how strong you have been and still are." I tasted the tears as they rolled down into my mouth and I had to take a deep breath because I almost couldn't due to the sobs and crying.

"I know that, I've always known that." He smiled weakly as he kept staring into my eyes. "I can never thank you enough for what you've done for me, Rosie."

"And I can never thank you enough." I cried silently, sobbing loudly and Zayn pressed his hand to my cheek to that. "There's so many things and words I want to say, Zayn, but I just don't know them right now."

Zayn smiled, "Don't worry about it. I know it all." He said quietly as he held me to his chest, softly stroking my hair and face.

It stayed quiet for a while and I tried to contain my sobs as I absently stared at our intertwined hands on his lap. He played with my hair and kissed my head so now and then.

"What does it feel like?" I whispered.

Zayn rested his cheek on my head. "I'm calm, Rose. It's okay. I'm ready to go. It's not scaring me anymore. God is waiting for me." I nodded but couldn't help and more tears started to fall, making me wonder how many I still had of them.

"I don't want to let you go." I bit my lip and looked up at him. I had to blink a few times because he was blurry.

Zayn stared at me for a while, "I don't want to let you go either." He whispered, "But I have to. This hurts me too, Rose. So much, you have no idea, but I know you'll get through it. You're a strong beautiful woman. And as I told you, you're not alone. You don't have to go through this all by yourself. I'm there with you."

I nodded and kept staring at him as I pressed my lips on his for a long time. He slowly kissed me back and I was sure he could taste my tears through it.

"You're in here," He whispered, holding his hand to his heart. "Even if it doesn't beat anymore, you'll never leave it." I couldn't reply to that, I could only cry. Something I had been doing for the whole time already.

"Rose, there's one last thing I need to say." He said as he brushed my tears off with his thumb.

"What is it?" I looked up at him, right into his beautiful brown- hazel eyes which were soon to close and never to open ever again.

Zayn looked down and smiled a little before weakly looking up at me again. "When I said that I liked you, I actually didn't.. well, of course I did, but it's more than that. I don't just like you, Rose. But I love you. I don't know why I didn't tell you this any sooner, but I would never forgive myself if I didn't tell you before I died. I love you Rose, like.. a lot. More than anything else in my life."

His words touched me so, so deep that I didn't know what to say for a moment. I just cried and cried, not being able to control myself and speak up. He loved me. And I loved him too. Longer than I had thought myself.

"I love you too, Zayn. I love you more than anything else in my life as well." I said. He pressed his lips on mine now and we kept slowly kissing each other like that. The affection and intimacy was so precious, so nice, we both needed it at this moment.

After we cuddled and kissed for minutes, I felt he was starting to become even weaker. I looked into his eyes and he slowly parted his lips, "It's time for me to go, baby."

"No, Zayn, no, not yet. Please, give me more, the doctor said it could take months, maybe years, this didn't even last for two weeks." I cried harder, my whole body shaking as all the emotions froms the past few days, weeks and maybe even months were expressed into my crying.

Zayn gave me a small smile and stroked my cheek, "I won't be in pain anymore, I'll be free. And I'll be looking down on you."

No matter how hard it was for me to do, I nodded but didn't let go of him. I knew it was his time to go. He had fought enough. His body was tired, he was too sick and he was in too much pain. He deserved to be free, he deserved to be in the most wonderful place ever to exist.

That's how I weakly called Caroline, his family, siblings and his parents inside as they all gathered around his bed. Trisha sat down on the bed as well and she held him close to her as I held his hand tightly.

Zayn looked at Caroline and each member of his family one more time before looking at me as last, a small smile forming on his lips as his eyes slowly closed. That's when it started.

His breathing became deeper and slower. His grip on my hand started to become loose and we all cried silently as we heard how his breathing became irregular. We stared at him and for a moment we thought he had left the earth as he didn't breathe for a long time, but it suddenly came back in a slight gasping form, his mouth parting but his eyes kept closed. It went on like that for a few minutes long.

And then it was time to stop the endless battle.

He took his last breath at exactly 3:19 am with the presence of his favorite nurse, his family, his mothers arms around him and with his hand in mine.