Rose

"So we have arranged a toilet- chair which we can place next to his bed so he doesn't have to walk all the way to the bathroom," Caroline explained, "The bathroom isn't that far.. but for him, it is."

I nodded slowly while I stared down at my feet. When Caroline called me yesterday that he had fainted and didn't wake up until a few hours later, I couldn't help but worry all the time. I didn't close one eye last night and I was an hour too early at work today, just because I wanted to check on him.

The results were once again not good and even Caroline's hope was slowly fading away. We knew that we really had come into the last stage of Zayn's life, not knowing how long the last stage was going to be.

"He was scared when he went to sleep last night. Asking for me to stay with him all the time, until he fell asleep. Which only worked when I rubbed his back." Caroline smiled sadly.

I stared at Zayn, who was deep asleep and didn't know I had been here for a few hours already. He looked a little pale, his cheeks slightly red and it made me wonder why he still seemed 'healthy '. Was he really that sick?

But of course he was. Otherwise the things that had happened wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't have been so weak, he would've been happy, he would prank people or he would draw, sing, or do the activities the hospital offered for the sick patients.

"You have a night shift soon, yeah? He'll probably be relaxed and feel safe when you're there to help him fall asleep." Caroline smiled.

I nodded, "Yeah," I said quietly. And suddenly, out of nowhere, tears started to fall from my eyes and roll down my cheeks, soaking them in no time. Soft sobs left my mouth and I covered my face as I stood there crying.

"Oh, sweetheart." Caroline mumbled. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me. She held me tight while she started to rub my back soothingly. "It's the hardest thing, losing people you can't miss."

"I don't want him.. don't want him to d-die," I gulped, trying to cover up the cracking and sobs that ruined my sentence.

Caroline brushed my tears away and held my face up so I was looking at her, "I don't want him to die either." Tears had formed into her eyes as well and it made me realize that I wasn't the only one hurting.

She had helped Zayn since the beginning of his sickness and I knew their bond was really strong. She had told me before that Zayn felt like a son to her because what their bond was much more personal than a regular nurse- patient bond. They had something special, just like me and Zayn.

"We'll be here for each other in this hard time." Caroline assured, rubbing my back for a few more minutes until my tears had slightly dried up.

I nodded and gave her a smile, "We will be."

She sighed deeply, but had a smile on her face. "Alright, let's wait until he wakes up. We can let him try out the toilet- chair and prepare him for the tube feeding he, sadly, has to get again."

"He does?" I frowned slightly, feeling sad because his irritated cheeks had just healed properly because of the band aids and now he had to get it again.

"He lost a lot of weight, Rose. Yesterday it took him about fifteen minutes to finish one small sandwich. He needs to eat, otherwise the medication won't work and he'll pass out even more. His blood value was also very low." Caroline walked over to the toilet- chair and set it up so Zayn could use it once he woke up.

"Oh.." I replied, wondering how much bad news I was still being able to take.

I sat down on Zayn's bed and stared at the sleeping guy, who's arm was connected to the infusion which would give him painkillers. He wore his blue and white striped pajamas, making me smile slightly as I remembered seeing it for the first time. It was one thing I liked about him. That he still wore pajamas, unlike most guys I knew.

It was just a few minutes later when I noticed Zayn was starting to wake up. It all started with him slightly frowning, mumbling something we couldn't really understand and slowly turning onto his side. He then opened his eyes and it was like he knew, because they met mine instantly.

A small smile appeared on his face but I could tell it was genuine. He couldn't do it more enthusiastically as he was simply too weak. He slowly stretched his arms out to me as his eyes were twinkling, "Rose," His voice sounded extremely hoarse as he had slept for hours.

I smiled and leaned in, feeling his warm embrace as he wrapped his arms around my back and started kissing my face. It made me feel so warm and loved and I wanted this moment to last forever.

But I felt how his arms loosened around my back as he was weak and it took him a lot of energy to keep his head up. So I slowly pulled away from him to let his arms and head rest back on the bed. The smile still hadn't left his face, even when he closed his eyes.

"Good morning, Zayn." Caroline said, causing Zayn's eyes to open again.

"Morning," He said quietly and slowly rubbed the sleep from his eyes, frowning slightly when he noticed he was stuck on the infusion.

Caroline noticed, "Your painkillers and medication." She pointed at the infusion and Zayn nodded as he stared at the toilet- chair next to him. "It's new. You don't have to walk all the way over to the bathroom. You can step out of bed and do your business right away. Isn't that amazing?"

Zayn shrugged and moved the upper part of his bed up. He didn't really seem excited about the toilet- chair and I knew it was because he had a hard time letting go of things he used to do, and let people help him instead.

"Come on, try it love. We will close the curtains." Caroline held her hand out to him so he could step out of bed but he just looked down.

"I can walk over to the bathroom."

Caroline frowned, "And then getting a bleeding nose, throw up, faint and not waking up after hours only to scare us to death again? No, thank you. Come on, try it out." She pulled him up and I saw how reluctantly Zayn walked over to the toilet- chair.

I felt so bad for him and I wished I could help him but I didn't know how. He really had to get used to this. He couldn't walk a lot anymore and it was something he sadly had to accept..

Caroline closed the curtains to give him some privacy and we waited for him to be done with his business, Caroline sometimes peeking through the curtains to make sure everything went well as this was something new for him.

"Are you done?" Caroline asked.

Zayn just mumbled something and when Caroline shoved the curtains away he was sitting on his bed, softly rubbing his eyes and a slightly unhappy face as Caroline started cleaning up the toilet- chair.

"So, Zayn, we have decided that you're going to get tube feeding again, so we can make sure you're getting enough food into you." The moment Caroline said those words, Zayn frowned and looked up at her.

"What? No, I don't want that." He started, making me feel worried of what was about to come as we all knew he needed it.

Caroline nodded sympathetically, "Sorry, love, but you really need it. You can't get things down on your own, and if you do- it's only one sandwich and you really can't live on that."

"No, but no.. I promise Caroline, I will try my best and I will eat everything you give me, just please don't give me tube feeding." Zayn said, a begging look visible on his face.

"Sorry, Zayn." She started to collect everything she needed for the tube feeding and Zayn started to go against it.

"I don't want it, Caroline. I don't want it. I promise I'll eat. I promise, okay? Please Caroline," He begged, tears already forming in his eyes and I wondered why.

Zayn was always positive, he'd never cry in front of people and here he was already getting emotional over a thing that didn't really bother him before. Sure, he never liked it, but this was going to help him live for at least maybe a few weeks longer.

Caroline looked at him, "And then what? If you don't eat well, you can't take your pills and you know what that leads to.." She said carefully. She didn't want to hurt him, but he had to know the consequences.

"No, no. I don't want it." He started to look down and he covered his face, his body already starting to shake slightly.

It made me want to cry with him because I hated to see him like this. I hated that he had to go through all of this and I hated that he didn't want it. I agreed with Caroline, it was only for the best for him, but I could also understand Zayn so well.

"It's his new medication. It makes him tired and he's much more sensitive." Caroline said quietly so Zayn didn't hear. I nodded as I understood it and she laid Zayn down on the bed.

His cheeks were wet already but when he looked at me he gulped and dried them with the sleeves of his blouse, "Sorry, but I don't want it." He choked out as he stared up at the ceiling, more tears falling down his face.

Caroline didn't reply, she instead asked me to stand beside him and hold his hand as she started to apply the tube feeding.

At that moment, even though he was weak, Zayn shot up and started trashing around in the bed, "Stop! No, I don't want it! Stop, stop!" He started to let out sobs and there were so many tears, it hurt me so extremely much.

"Caroline, I can't do this." I let go of Zayn's hand and took a few steps back as I felt a tear roll down my cheek as well.

It was like that hurt Zayn, because once he saw me, he became calm instantly and he stretched out his arm to me, "Rose, sorry.. sorry. I'll do it, sorry, I don't want to hurt you, sorry," He kept apologizing as he tried to stop his tears.

"Zayn, it's okay." I assured him, slowly brushing away his tears as I stood closer. After a while he had completely calmed down and apologized to Caroline as well, claiming not to know what was happening to him.

We understood it and I watched as Caroline brought in the tube as I held his hand tightly. He threw up once, but I was quick to get a bucket so it didn't mess up his sheets and pajamas.

Caroline left us alone as Zayn wanted to sleep but he was afraid to, so I stayed with him for as long as it took him to fall asleep.

I slowly and softly rubbed his back while I was laying on the bed, Zayn facing me. His eyes were still a little red and glossy and a lost sob would sometimes leave his mouth. His hands were underneath his cheek and he was staring at me as I tried to make him feel sleepy.

"Sorry, Rose. I really don't know what happened." Zayn whispered as he stared deeply into my eyes.

"I understand it, baby. Don't worry about it, okay?" I pressed a kiss to his nose.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I don't know what came over me. I just didn't want it. I don't want anything anymore. I'm tired of it, Rose." He whispered again, making me slightly tear up at his words.

I pressed kisses to his tube- free cheek and kept rubbing his back. "Go to sleep. I'm here. You're safe."

Zayn gave me a small smile and he closed his eyes. He snuggled deeper in my embrace and it took him a few minutes to actually fall asleep. I kept rubbing his back and eventually when I was sure he was in a deep sleep I started crying.

"Heal, baby. Please.. heal."

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Opinions on what happened with zayn?

Do you think he will get better?
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(BTW LET ME IS SO GOOD!!! I love zayn!!!!)