Rose

The atmosphere around the house was quite depressing. Caroline had apparently called Trisha, probably knowing that Zayn didn't tell her and told her everything about his results.

Trisha took us all to the couch, including his father and she explained us everything. I knew it already, but I still started crying again. It almost made me feel guilty, knowing his parents and sisters knew him for so much more years and I only knew him for a couple of months, but it still didn't take away that I was hurting too.

I had told them all about me and Zayn after that, they were all so happy for me but at the same time so sad. They told me they understood what I was feeling and that it wasn't weird that he meant so much to me too.

I felt relieved because of that but once again sad because of all the bad news we had been receiving.

However, Yaser really tried to enlighten the mood. The quiet, serious man of a few words was now cracking jokes so now and then, being extremely teasing towards his daughters and even me. I was surprised as I knew deep inside he was hurting as much as we were, but it made me happy that he was like that. It made the atmosphere less depressing.

Safaa was still deep in thoughts. The little girl was confused, "But mama, does that mean Zayn is going to die now?"

Trisha sat down on the couch beside us and looked at her, "Most likely, yeah." She tried to smile for Safaa, but it didn't grow into a proper one.

"But daddy, what is dying?" She now asked her father. Me, Doniya and Waliyha were just listening as we weren't really in the mood to do anything else.

Yaser cleared his throat, "It's like you fall asleep, but you never wake up again." He frowned a little as he looked at Trisha but she just gave him a nod with a small smile on her face.

"Oh.." She stayed quiet for a while and we could all see that she was thinking deeply, which surprisingly made all of us smile. "So does that mean he has to stay in bed forever?"

Trisha shook her head, "No, love. Zayn will fall asleep and he will be so tired that his heart will stop beating. And if your heart stops beating, it means that you will never wake up again."

"Then what happens to him, mummy? Will he go in the ground?" She asked with wide eyes, not really understanding the emotions from everyone yet.

Trisha sighed a little and wiped her eyes before she spoke up again. "Yes. We will bury him. We will make him wear his favorite outfit and as his soul is going up to heaven, we will bury his body."

"But in the ground are all dirty insects what if they eat him?" Safaa asked, her eyes widening even more.

Yaser briefly looked at us before looking down at his youngest daughter, "He'll be laying in a coffin, Safaa. No one can hurt or touch him."

"Oh," Her head went down again as she started processing everything they just said. "I want to wear my pink dress. I don't have to wear all blacky blacky, right?"

We all laughed a little. I was happy Safaa was around because although some of her questions were a bit blunt, she was too innocent and young to understand the concern and sadness of everything. She processed everything in her own child way and it was something that lit up the mood in here.

"You'll have to ask Zayn what he wants but I'm sure you don't have to be in black. He isn't like that." Trisha smiled slightly.

Safaa slowly nodded her head, "Mummy, you said he will go to heaven. Why is everyone sad then? You say being with God is the best that can happen. He will be in a good place."

Trisha and Yaser looked at each other and I was also so impressed yet so happy that they believed it as well. I knew he would be in a good place, we all knew it. And that was a whole consolation.

"You're right Safaa. We are very happy that he will be with God, but at the same time we have the rights to be sad. Because he won't be here with us anymore. We will miss him if he's not around, right?" Trisha explained softly. Safaa nodded on that and she stayed quiet after that.

Trisha stood up, "Well, I'm going to prepare some snacks for the night as our family is coming over. Do you like fireworks baby? There's all fireworks tonight because it's the last day of the year." Trisha asked Safaa as she walked over to the kitchen, her youngest daughter following her.

Trisha had told me about the previous happening, with Zayn constantly crying while she was washing him. It hurt me. Nothing was worse than seeing Zayn in pain and cry.

She had also told the whole family that he was terminally ill, so this could be the last time they saw him alive. She didn't know how she was able to bring Zayn downstairs, but she knew she had to.

I felt relieved after the good conversation we had about Zayn, before Safaa started asking her questions. We were all allowed to express our emotions and ask questions as well. We talked about when he was young and sick, how they coped with all of that. We talked about his normal years, the day he got sick again and the nice memories they all had with him. About his positivity, his strength, his humor. It all made us smile yet cry at the same time.

We cuddled, we prayed, yet most importantly we told each other to stay positive and get the best out of all the days we still had together.

Hours later, the bell started to ring and his family arrived at the house. Most of his aunts were crying once they saw his mother, because of all the news and emotions.

"Where is he?" Maryum, Zayn's aunt asked while they all went to sit down on the couch, his younger cousins being way too excited over the fireworks they were going to crack.

"He's still asleep. We will wake him up in a bit and get him downstairs somehow." Trisha replied, placing some snacks on the table.

Everybody was asking questions about how they found out and why they couldn't do anything anymore, but I just wished that Zayn was here right now. I needed to see him.

And it was like Yaser knew what I was thinking, because he went to walk upstairs, over to Zayn's room to get him. We all expected him to walk down the stairs with his father by his side, but no.

Yaser was slowly walking down the stairs with Zayn in his arms, carrying him like a small child. His one arm underneath Zayn's legs and the other one around his back while Zayn's arms loosely hanged around his father's neck. His head was pressed to Yaser's chest and his eyes were closed. He was weak, so weak.

The view was so sad, knowing Zayn didn't have the strength to walk by himself so that his dad had to carry him all the way downstairs. It was probably slightly heavy and I could only appreciate Yaser so much.

Sure, Zayn was thin and didn't have any fat on his body, but he was still rather tall so he didn't weigh nothing at all.

I had tears in my eyes when Yaser finally managed to be down on the floor. He walked over to the couch and placed Zayn in the corner of the couch, beside me.

Trisha had asked the aunts and uncles and cousins to be a little bit quiet for him which they all understood perfectly of course.

So one for one, his aunts, uncles and cousins greeted him. He only gave small nods and smiles as he was trying hard to keep his eyes open.

"How are you feeling, love?" His one aunt asked, placing a kiss on Zayn's face.

"Good." Zayn whispered and we all knew it was a lie. But then again, it was Zayn. He was selfless. He didn't want people to feel bad or sad because of him.

Trisha handed me his pills and something to eat which I took happily. I wanted Zayn to say something to me too, how selfish it maybe was from me. We hadn't had a proper talk since he confessed everything.

Zayn seemed to notice before I even got the chance to do something and the moment he looked up at me he gave me a weak yet genuine smile and tried to lean in. When I was sure not everyone was looking, as I didn't want to be inappropriate, I quickly pressed a kiss to his lips and held the food up to his lips.

He gratefully eat some of the snacks and even if it wasn't much, I was still glad he at least had something in his stomach.

Then he took all of his pills but it took him a long time to swallow them down. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed while he did so, but his face showed relief when they were finally down.

Not much later, he fell asleep and not even the loudest noise from his younger cousins would wake him up. I grabbed his hand and held it for the whole time, just wanting to feel him.

The adults, Zayn's sisters and older cousins started to play a game and I was half joining as I was on Doniya's team, but I would sometimes just sit back and watch them as Zayn softly whimpered every time I slightly moved away.

It was an hour later when it was almost twelve, meaning the new year would start very soon. Zayn was still asleep, head leaned against my shoulder and his mouth slightly parted.

His cousins couldn't hide their excitement as they were almost allowed to crack their own bought fireworks. They were squealing and screaming, but Zayn would only stir in his sleep so now and then. He didn't seem to be bothered.

"1 minute!" Doniya clapped her hands together and everyone started to count. I counted in my head, a small smile plastered on my face while I kept brushing my thumb over Zayn's hand.

"Five, four, three, two, one! Happy new year!" Everybody exclaimed at the same time. I let go of Zayn's hand and stood up as everybody started to wish and kiss one another.

I first wished Trisha, Yaser and Zayn's sisters before moving on to his aunts and uncles, all while Zayn was still asleep. It was moments later when I noticed a few of his aunts crying while kissing Zayn's cheek.

"He made it to the new year!" Safaa smiled cheekily, her little teeth showing while she started to shake Zayn.

Trisha walked over to Safaa and pulled her off him, "Be careful, love, he's sleeping."

Safaa pouted, "But the fireworks! He needs to see them!" She got distracted easily as all of his cousins started to run outside to use their own fireworks.

I sat down beside Zayn on the couch and stared outside the window, seeing how all of the different colors were coloring the sky in the most beautiful ways. I smiled slightly and slowly shook Zayn.

It took him a while but he eventually opened his eyes, staring right into mine.

"It's the new year," I whispered, pressing a soft kiss on his lips.

Zayn nodded, "Sorry, I forgot." He mumbled quietly and I frowned at his answer, but I figured he was just too tired to notice everything.

I let him sleep again and stared up at the sky, listening and watching all the fireworks and people going crazy because how wonderful was a new year? You could start over everything. Except, not everything.

God, how many months will You still give him?

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Do you think things will get better?
Or worse?

Safaa's questions?