Rose

"I'm terminally ill." He spoke quietly as a few tears rolled down his cheeks.

The feeling those words gave me were indescribable. It was like my heart already broke into two, although no one had done anything to break it. Like he was being pulled away from me and I couldn't do anything to get him back, while we were ripping into two. Like he had already died, when he was sitting right in front of me.

You know, I had heard this so many times. Those exact same words, but they were all people I didn't know. Once someone you know speaks those words, it's like you just heard those words from to doctor speaking to yourself. It hits you so, so hard. It's something no one can describe.

My head felt heavy and my heart already empty, which wasn't good. I had to tell myself that he was still here right now, and if he wasn't going to be later- then I had to enjoy all of the moments we would get together as much as possible.

I hadn't noticed that I was crying until I felt his warm hands cupping my cheeks and his lips softly kissing my tears away.

I opened my eyes and stared into his watery ones and I couldn't believe that he was the one comforting me. How could he be so strong?

Zayn brushed the fresh tears away with his thumbs and he pressed a long yet soft kiss to my cheekbone, "I hate to see you cry. It hurts me, Rose." He whispered.

"What did he say, Zayn? How long did he give you?" I asked, my voice cracking throughout the sentence.

He looked at me and closed his eyes for a while, quickly wiping away his tears and trying to stop crying. "He didn't know. He said it could be weeks, months, maybe even a year."

I nodded slowly as more tears started to fall. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed my head to his chest and started rubbing my back soothingly. I felt safe in his embrace and his own little scent smelled so familiar. It was like I could appreciate it even more now.

"D-did you tell your mum?" I asked, looking up at him.

Zayn looked down at me and wiped my cheek with his fingers, slowly shaking his head. "No, I haven't told her yet."

"Why not?" I asked softly, almost whispering.

He stared at me, his glossy hazel eyes looking more green than brown at the moment because of the tears in them. "I don't want to, Rose.. they said I was incurable when I was seven as well and I survived. I don't want her to give me false hope."

"But what if it isn't false hope? What if you're going to survive again?" I asked, hope filling my voice.

Zayn kept staring at me while he never let go of me and he slowly shook his head, "No, Rose."

"Why not?" I whispered.

He looked up and he slightly clenched his jaw as he tried to stop crying, but he failed. New tears filled his eyes and one even managed to escape them. "Because I feel myself slipping away." He said quietly.

I started biting my cheek as more and more tears fell down my face. I couldn't stop them, I couldn't even contain them. There were so many and it was so uncontrollable, that it hurt my face.

The thing I loved about Zayn was that he let me cry for a moment. He knew that I needed it right now, he also understood that nothing could stop it. He was sad too, he was crying with me.

I didn't know how long it lasted, but after a while the tears finally seemed to be up and I dried my face with the sleeves of my sweater as they were soaked. I took a deep breath and looked up at Zayn who was giving me a small smile.

"I'm here, Rose. I'm still here," He said softly, stroking my cheek with his warm hand.

I nodded and tried to smile back, but I couldn't. It was too hard for me right now. I knew he meant a lot to me, but only now I realized how I had grown so attached to him in just a few months. Moments like these made people realize it.

"And I want to be yours." I said, staring deeply into his eyes.

Zayn slightly frowned, "You're hurting, Rose. I don't want to hurt you even more, for when I'm not here anymore for real.."

"Zayn," I said, "My brother told me that love requires sacrifice and I'm willing to sacrifice myself for this all. I don't care if it's going to hurt me. I like you and I want to be yours. If the doctor told you you still have weeks, months or maybe a year, then we will spend them together."

He looked down and a small smile grew on his face. He stayed quiet for a while and looked back up at me, "Then you're mine, Rose. You're mine from now on, even though I had claimed you a long time ago in my head."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips on his, kissing him softly while hugging him at the same time. It felt so extremely good, I wanted this moment to last forever.

"I'm yours," I whispered. I laid my head down on his shoulder and closed my eyes as he pressed kisses all over my hair.

We stayed like that for a while until I noticed he was starting to feel tired. I pulled away and gave him a small smile. "Do you want to sleep?"

"No, but I don't think I have a choice." He said, softly poking my cheek.

His smile made me smile and I grabbed his pajama which he had left on the floor. I patted the dust off them and laid them on his bed. "You're tired. You need your rest."

"Okay, Rose." He slowly started taking off his shirt and grabbed his sleeping blouse, buttoning it up while he stared at me as I stood up. "Rose?"

I turned around and looked at him, "Yes?"

"Don't be sad. It will be okay. Let's live in the moment." His warm eyes made me feel sad for a moment, knowing there would come a day where I would never see them again, but I had to listen to his words.

I slowly nodded my head and tried to hold back new tears, "Sleep well." I whispered, slowly closing the door behind me.

After that, I went back to the bathroom and started washing my face. I hated that it was so obvious that I had cried and I hoped his family wouldn't start asking me questions, because what was I supposed to say?

'I cried because he just told me he is terminally ill and after that we became a thing'.. that would be weird. And besides, I didn't even know if Zayn wanted to tell his mother because he hadn't himself yet.

Deciding to stop my thoughts, I finished washing my face and I applied some mascara, walking back to the room I was staying in and laying down on my bed for a while.

After a few hours I had awoken again while Zayn was still asleep. I had come downstairs and ate some dinner, then played games with all of his sisters. It distracted me from everything and they hadn't noticed that I had cried either.

Trisha had prepared some snacks for us just now while we started to watch a movie and she went upstairs to feed Zayn as he hadn't eaten anything for hours.

It was a Disney movie as Safaa was watching as well and we all secretly still loved Disney movies. She chose Frozen and it immediately made me think of Zayn and little Sarah.

They were so cute together and he made her always so happy. I remembered the time when he was playing the piano and singing in Olaf's voice, making her giggle like crazy.

I wondered how little Sarah was doing. She was clean, she had survived the battle. Why couldn't he? I thought to myself. Life was so unfair. Don't get me wrong- I would never want Sarah to not survive but Zayn instead, I just wished everyone would survive. Or that the stupid sickness didn't even exist. It ruined people's lives, literally and figuratively.

Zayn's words kept hitting me. It was like I still didn't believe it, then reality would come back into my head and scream those words again. 'He's going to die.'

My mind was like something falling from the sky. While it was falling, the thoughts of Zayn having cancer where there, but it was okay. We weren't at the end yet. He had cancer, yes, but he could still go up and survive or go down and die. But every time the thing crashed down on the floor the sentence hit me hard. 'He's not going to survive. He's going to die.'

It felt like my mind was constantly falling asleep but woke up when the same sentence hit me again, like someone scared me in my sleep. It was a weird feeling and I couldn't ignore it.

Doniya's voice startled me, "Rose, is everything alright?"

I looked up at her and felt sad immediately. She was going to lose her brother and she didn't even know it yet. "I'm uh.. I don't feel that well actually."

"Why don't you go to sleep? It does miracles and tomorrow is the last day of the year, we're going to stay up until late, of course." She suggested, making me nod my head and stand up.

"Sounds like a good idea." I gave her a small smile, wished everyone goodnight and went up to my room where I heard Zayn's deep voice talking to his mother. I wondered if he was telling it her right now, but when she came out of his room smiling, I figured he didn't.

"Oh, are you going to sleep, Rose?" She asked.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm a little tired." I smiled while holding the doorknob.

"Alright, have a good sleep. And congrats on you and Zayn." She whispered the last part and gave me a hug, making me blush and wonder why Zayn did tell that, but not the other thing.

After that I went to sleep. Or well, tried to sleep. Thoughts always hit harder at night, so I couldn't fall asleep. The only thing I could think about where these four words. I am terminally ill. I wanted to talk to the doctor, I wanted to talk to Caroline. I wanted to find another solution. There must be something, right? Is there really nothing they can do about it anymore?

I rubbed my face and new tears started to form in my eyes. He was sick. He was very sick, and we all knew that. If something went wrong now, he would probably not survive.

Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I stared up at the ceiling. I hated that I was crying now, because he was still alive. But just the thought knowing he isn't going to be here someday soon hurts so much.

I turned my face to the wall. Zayn was sleeping in the room next to me. I wanted to see him, I wanted to feel him. That's why I got out of bed and quietly made my way over to his room.

I opened his door and read that it was around three am on his clock, the red letters beaming through his room. Zayn was in a deep sleep and I listened to his breathing for a while. It was something that I wouldn't hear anymore.

More tears streamed down my face and I couldn't hold back my sob, causing Zayn to stir in his sleep and slowly wake up.

I kept standing in the doorway and I kept crying. My emotions were so messed up that I couldn't do anything else. It took me a while to trust guys again, and it took me a while to fall for a guy again and here he was, ready to be taken away from me in a while.

Zayn woke up completely and slowly turned around in his bed. "Rose?" He whispered. He slowly sat up, as he simply couldn't do it any faster, and he stretched his arms out to me. "Come here."

I slowly made my way over to him and sat down on his bed, feeling once again safe in his embrace.

"It's okay," He whispered, softly kissing my temple and hugging me tight. And that's how we had spend hours together, before erasing all my thoughts and going back to sleep in my own bed.

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Opinions?

I'll never forget the moment when everything happened with my aunt and we went to visit her and she walked over to me and hugged me while I was crying and she was like "I'm still here, love."

I still can't believe she isn't here anymore. I miss her so much