Zayn

I had no idea what had happened to me last night. Doctor Lane's call gave me many, many dreams, which affected my mind and messed up the reality. I didn't know what I was doing, though when I had done it, I knew it clearly. I wanted to apologize to everyone I had done bad things to, because of the Doctor's words.

I knew I had embarrassed myself in front of my mum and Rose, and I knew all of these thoughts and phone call made me sad, so I decided to focus on something else.

Ignoring the thoughts last night gave me, I started watching the movie mum had put on for Safaa while cuddling her.

I was sitting in the corner of the couch, with my legs resting on it and Safaa on top of me. I had wrapped my arms around her and mum had laid a blanket on us. She tried talking to me, but I waved it off, not wanting to bring it up again.

"Can I have some painkillers, though?" I asked quietly, not wanting to disturb my sister.

My mum sighed sadly and walked over to the kitchen where I heard her preparing a glass of water and some painkillers for me. She walked back over to me and stretched out her arms, "What's hurting, love?"

I took the glass of water, took a small sip and laid the pills down on my tongue, swallowing them down with more water. I gulped down the rest of the water and looked at my mother. "Everything."

"Like?" She took the glass back and sat down beside me on the couch.

I stared at the glass in her hands and bit the inside of my cheek, "My bones, my muscles, my stomach." I mumbled softly.

My mum held my face and pressed a few kisses to it. "Let's hope these pills will do their work then, yeah? And if you want to rest you can always go to bed. You know we won't make a problem out of it now." She teased, probably referring to when I always wanted to take naps on a regular day without being sick.

"Yeah." I smiled slightly and kissed my sister's head who was almost falling asleep.

"Zayn?"

I looked at my mother again and gave her a questionable look, "Yeah?"

My mum hesitated a bit before speaking up, "What happened last night? Please tell me, sweetheart. We were so worried and we're still confused."

I looked down and started playing with my sisters fingers. "Don't want to talk about it, mum. It's nothing.."

"It definitely is something because you never cry in front of me, Zayn. Never." She grabbed my hand and started brushing her thumb over it.

I bit my lip and rested my head back as I stared up at the ceiling, "It was an accident. I was still half dreaming."

"We all know that's not true." My mother gave me a sympathetic smile and stroked my bald head, as I wasn't wearing my beanie as it was extremely itchy today.

"I just don't want to talk about it. I wished it didn't happen." I gulped, quickly staring outside the window as I couldn't face her or I'd break out in tears again.

My mother sighed, "I'll give you some time, but you need to tell me." She pressed one last kiss to my head before she stood up and went over to the front door where I heard my sisters and Rose arriving from their trip to the Beauty Salon.

I quickly reached for my beanie and pulled it over my exposed head, wanting to look at least a little decent for Rose.

The three girls entered the room, smiles plastered all over their faces while they were soaked from the rain. Doniya said something I couldn't quite hear but it made Waliyha and Rose laugh.

I stared at Rose and I couldn't believe how beautiful she looked, once again. Her hair was straight and strands looked like thin ropes as the rain had messed it up completely, loosely hanging over her shoulders. It almost looked black now as it was wet. She said she hated it, but I loved it. It made her look more innocent, maybe even cute.

Her cheeks were red from the coldness outside, and her eyes were twinkling because of the fun she was having right now.

But the more I stared at her, the more I felt like cupping her cheeks, like hugging her, like kissing her. I needed her, right now.

She finally noticed me and gave me one of her sweetest smile as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. I smiled back, never losing eye contact.

"Rose, why don't you take a shower first?" My mum said, making her nod her head and leave my sight. I was disappointed, but I knew I still had chances.

I took it for granted when I heard the bathroom door opening after thirty minutes. I softly sat my sister down on the couch and I ran upstairs, over to the bathroom.

"Rose," I stood still and tried to catch my breath as running up the stairs wasn't a good idea.

Rose looked up at me while she was brushing her hair, "Hey, Zayn." She said sweetly while giving me a smile. She laid the brush down and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Come," I said as I extended my hand out to her. She looked a little confused but still took it and so we both walked over to my room.

I closed my bedroom door and sat down on my bed, waving her over and patting on the empty spot beside me.

"What's up, Zayn?" She smiled unsure.

I wanted to sound tough, but of course I failed miserably and blurted it out, "I-I want t-to kiss you." I gulped after I stuttered, making my cheeks blush furiously.

Rose looked down as she was trying to hide her smile. When she looked back up to me her dark eyes bored into mine, "Then do it."

She started leaning in and so did I. I gently cupped her cheeks and leaned down as I pressed my lips on her soft ones. Our eyes were closed and nothing was heard except for our heartbeats and breathing. I brushed my thumbs over both her cheeks and I scooted closer to her, wanting to feel her warmth.

It was a slow and passionate kiss full of the affection we had for each other and I could only wish and pray that this moment could last forever, but of course, it couldn't.

We pulled away and I knew it was the time to tell her my feelings, because it had been taking me way too long. I stared at her blushing cheeks and her lovable smile for a few more minutes before speaking up.

"You, Rose.. you're so beautiful." I stroked her smooth cheek softly, causing her to blush even more.

"Zayn.."

While one of my hands was on her cheek, the other one went up her hair, slowly massaging it and revealing the apple shampoo I had smelled before in the hospital.

"No, Rose. You are beautiful." I smiled and looked into her deep brown eyes as I kept on admiring them.

Rose smiled down at her lap, then looked back up at me, "Well, you're handsome." She placed her soft hand over my warm cheek and stroked her thumb over it.

"I wish I still was," I chuckled.

Rose frowned but smiled, "You still are! You need to believe me when I say such things. Because I'm speaking the truth."

"Thanks," I mumbled but smiled. It stayed quiet for a while and I felt like I needed to tell her it now, about last night and Doctor Lane, until she spoke up again.

"Zayn?" Her expression had changed into a serious yet soft one and it made my heart skip a beat. One, because she looked extremely beautiful, two, because it sounded way too serious for my liking.

"Yeah?" I replied.

She slowly licked her lips and as her eyes roamed around my room she thought of what she was going to say, "Did you mean it? When you.. when you said I was yours?"

I looked at her and waited for as long as it took her to look back into my eyes, "How do you feel about it? When I say something like t-that?" I stuttered, frowning at myself for my weird behavior. The thought of finally admitting everything to her was exciting yet extremely nerve racking.

"I want it to be true," She said with a slight hesitation.

"What's holding you back?" I asked her, slowly reaching for her hand and holding it tight.

Rose looked up at me and bit her cheek from the inside, "What's holding you back, Zayn? Is something holding you back?" Her deep eyes bored into mine and I knew I had to admit it now.

"Rose.. let me tell you something. I.. I like you Rose. I like you a l-lot." I swallowed quickly, wanting to hide the fact that this wasn't as romantic in real life as in my head because of my stupid stuttering.

Rose looked at me for a while before she replied softly, "I like you too Zayn. A lot." Her expression stood a little concerned for some reasons, "But..?"

"But nothing." I answered, swallowing once again. "Rose, I have been selfish. I really have been selfish. I have liked you for a long time. God, maybe even the moment you walked into my room, how cliché it may sound, but.. you know, people tell me I always seem positive and maybe I am but I have been selfish Rose." I gulped.

Rose looked at me with an not- understanding look. "Why, Zayn? What do you mean?"

"I have been selfish because I have liked you for such a long time and I never admitted my feelings because I was scared for the things that could happen. Bad things. Negative things.. Like losing you, because I would die. I didn't want to hurt you, I still don't want to hurt you, but this hurts too," I looked down at our hands.

"What are you saying Zayn?" Rose scooted closer to me and I lifted up my head, looking back at her.

"I want you to be mine Rose. I have been waiting so long to call you mine, but I'll hurt you. And if I had to choose between my own feelings or yours, then I'd choose yours because they're more important and I would still be really selfish if I choose my own." I said, my voice suddenly starting to sound shaky and I didn't even know why.

Rose had a slight sad frown on her face as she kept staring at me, "Why can't I be yours? How will you hurt me if you choose me? How is it selfish?"

I didn't answer for a while. I didn't want to say it, because it would feel like a confirmation to me and I didn't know if I could handle that.

"Zayn, what's wrong? Why are you so quiet? Does it have anything to do with last night?" She almost whispered, her expression even more concerned. It was like she could feel it.

"Rose," I looked up at her, only to find out that she was blurry because tears had formed into my eyes, "When the Doctor called, he gave me the results of everything. The news messed me up, so bad that I started dreaming about everything. All the things I had ever done wrong came up in me because I had to say sorry. I needed to, because tomorrow could be too late. How can I die with that?"

I took a deep breath and continued, "Rose, I want you to be mine and if I had to answer your question if I meant it, then I'd say yes. Heck, I'd scream yes. But I will hurt you, so bad. How can I die with that too?"

Rose had tears in her eyes and she slowly shook her head as she still didn't quite understood what I was saying, "What did he say, Zayn? What's happening?"

"Rose.." I bit my lip and quickly wiped my now slightly wet cheek, "I'm terminally ill."

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