Zayn

Christmas was getting closer and my fever still hadn't improved. I was still feeling like a dishcloth with a bouncing head, glowing body and a strong nausea. All of my bones and muscles hurt extremely much but luckily Caroline gave Rose some painkillers for me to lighten the pain.

I sadly didn't see Rose as much as I wanted to. My eyelids were usually way too heavy to keep them open during the day and sleep would take over me completely. It took me a lot of energy to eat, go to the toilet or even talk, but I tried my hardest.

The bath was currently being filled by my mum with warm water, but I would have wanted to do it myself. It wasn't like I couldn't do anything at all. Sure, it took me way too much energy but I didn't want to be dependent upon her.

"Come here, love." My mum tugged at my shirt as I was tiredly sitting on a small stool near the tub.

I softly pushed her hands away, "I can do it myself mum." I mumbled. She got the note and quietly left the bathroom, closing the door behind her to give me some privacy.

Trying to take of my sleep blouse, I felt how almost all of my strength had lost my body. It made me feel worthless and sad, but I couldn't do anything about it. It was the sickness that took away a lot of good things.

The buttons took me a lot of time but I could luckily drop my pants and underwear easily. I sat down in the bathtub and closed my eyes immediately as my bare skin touched the warm water.

It made me feel even more tired although I had just awoken from my deep slumber. Everything made me so extremely tired and I hated it. I had missed a lot of things already like my sisters and Rose going Christmas shopping, my grandparents came over but I missed them as I was asleep the whole time, then the afternoons and evenings where Rose and my sisters would play games..

It wasn't fair to me, but nothing could help it. I wanted to give Rose a good time here, and I couldn't even be the one who could make sure she actually had it. I tried so hard to be fun but my body would always disappoint me and tell me when it was enough way too fast.

My mum became extremely protective which I could appreciate yet it annoyed me sometimes. I felt like she was babying me too much sometimes, even if her intention was good.

I reached for the knob with my hand and turned the shower head on so I could wash my face and head while sitting down. I wanted to get out as soon as possible as even the bones on my bum started to hurt.

I gripped on the edge of the tub and tried to push myself up. At the same moment, my mother came in and rushed her way over to me to help me out. I glanced at her and sat back down on purpose, a frown forming on my mother's face as I did so.

"Mum," I sighed, "I told you.. I can do this on my own."

My mum stroked my cheek. "I can tell a small action like this eats all of your energy. Come on, I'll help you. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You're my son."

"I can do this on my own." I looked at her and couldn't help and accidentally clench my jaw. There were times where I was just tired of people helping me all the time, like in hospital. I knew I should appreciate it, and I did a lot, but at some points I still needed my privacy and a bad mood didn't really help either.

My mum pulled her arms back but kept standing there. When she started to search for some towels I slowly, as I simply couldn't do it any faster, stepped out of the already slightly cold water and I tried to cover my manhood as she held out a towel for me.

I dried my lower body first and slipped on my underwear, drying my upper body after that. "Why are you not leaving me alone, mum?" I asked, but kept my tone soft.

"Sorry.. I just want to be protective. What if something goes wrong?" She sighed softly.

"Something like overprotective exists too." I mumbled but felt guilty as I saw my mother's expression changing to a sad one.

She softly grabbed my arm and gently pushed me towards the mirror. "Well look at you, Zayn. You're bruised, you're thin. You don't look well. It looks like I'm abusing you. How can I not be protective?" Tears had formed into her eyes and as I stared at myself in the mirror I knew she was right. I didn't look well. At all.

"Mum.. the chemo is still kicking in. That's why I'm sick right now. I'll be fine." I assured her, though I deep down felt like I was lying for reasons I didn't understand.

"You're right.. my strong boy." She smiled through her tears and pulled me into a hug. I hugged her back and kissed her cheek softly.

After that, my eyelids already felt heavy because it was an intense action. Mum was right. It ate all of my energy and it was only morning. My emotional state was weak now as well so I could cry just because my bones and muscles hurt and because I was tired.

"Sleep, baby." She whispered into my ear as she pressed another kiss to my cheek. "Rose understands it all. She will check on you."

My mum helped me into my bed again and it didn't take long before sleep hit me and took me back somewhere far away.

After hours of sleeping I had finally awoken again by to my surprise my sister Waliyha. I never expected her to be here with me as I knew she still didn't really know how to act because of my sickness.

"Hey Zayn. Sleep well?" She asked, souding as happy as she usually does.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with the back of my hands and a small yawn escaped my lips before I could answer. "Yeah," I coughed as my voice sounded hoarse from the sleep.

My head was throbbing and I felt my body glowing up so I was happy that I was still sleeping in just my underwear.

"Good." Waliyha pressed her hand to my cheek and I gave her a small smile.

"Where's Rose?" I asked, my eyes slowly moving around the room to find out if she maybe was here as well, and I just didn't notice. But she wasn't.

Waliyha smiled, "Rose is downstairs helping decorate the small Christmas tree. She has been watching you for the whole time you were asleep so I offered her a small break."

I felt warm at hearing she had been watching me for the whole time. "Okay.. but it's okay Waliyha, you don't have to watch me all the time. I'm fine." I said tiredly.

"You were having dreams, Zayn." Waliyha frowned. "Don't you remember?"

Now I frowned, "No.. I don't remember any of it."

Waliyha sighed, "Rose was constantly calming you down. You were searching for her hand the whole time so she held it for as long as needed to calm you down while talking to you."

"Oh." I said as my cheeks were starting to heat up, although my body was already glowing from my medication and the fever. I could only hope I didn't do or say something embarrassing.

"Yeah. Anyway, mum asked if you could come downstairs. Just to get a little bit of food into you. Do you want me to help you?" Waliyha asked sweetly.

"I think I'll be fine." I mumbled. Taking a deep breath, I pushed myself up and tried to ignore the pain I was feeling. I furrowed my eyebrows and squeezed my eyes closed for a while until I finally sat up straight.

I didn't know how I ever was going to make it downstairs, but I somehow managed to step out of bed, holding onto my sister as I almost fell down due to balance loss.

"Wow, careful there." Waliyha said as she tried to hold me up.

Standing still for a while to gain my full balance, I slowly slipped on my sweatpants and hoodie before walking down the stairs, clutching to the railing for support.

When I was down, I was greeted by Safaa, Doniya and mum. I had given them a weak smile and went to lay on the couch, wondering where Rose was. After a minute, Rose came out of the restroom and she gave me a bright smile.

"Zayn," She said quietly as she came to sit down beside me.

"Rosie." I said back, smiling as our eyes met. She pressed her hand to my face and frowned a little.

"Still not feeling too well, do you?"

I looked down at my lap and slowly played with my fingers, "Not really." I said quietly.

Rose stroked my bald head and gave me an extremely short yet sweet hug, making me feel warm at the affection. "You'll be fine."

I looked at her and stretched my arms out to her, wanting a bigger and longer hug. She understood it and wrapped her arms around me with a big smile on both of our faces. I rested my chin on her shoulder as I felt comfortable in her embrace and when I made sure no one was looking, I quickly pressed my lips to Rose's soft cheek, giving her a quick kiss.

Rose pulled away right after that and I was scared I had screwed something up, but when I looked at her I saw her pink colored cheeks and a smile on her face.

I sighed in relief and smiled back, feeling slightly disappointed when Doniya called her name as they were continuing to decorate the tree.

Rose left me and helped with finishing decorating the tree. I watched her the whole time, until Waliyha came to sit beside me.

"She's so beautiful." Waliyha sighed as she was looking at Rose as well.

I stared at Rose and smiled when I saw and heard her laughing with Doniya. The way her eyes lit up and her cheeks became slightly rounder made me feel warm. Her smile was beautiful and if I could I would've wanted to see it all the time.

"She is." I replied.

Waliyha looked at me and handed me my beanie, "I wish I was her, to be honest."

"I don't. You're my sister and that would've meant I kissed my own sister," I chuckled, just then realizing what I had said.

Waliyha's eyes widened, "You what?!" She whisper- exclaimed. "You and Rose kissed?"

"Waliyha," I gave her a warning look and shook my head, "Be quiet." I sighed. I couldn't turn back what I said, so there was no point in denying it either.

"Holy.. but wait, you're not together?" She frowned and I shook my head. "You're such an ass." She huffed.

I frowned, "Why am I an ass now? She kissed me back."

Waliyha rolled her eyes, "That's not the point, Zayn. You can't just kiss a girl and leave her hanging like that. What must she think? Poor girl, she probably thought you wanted more but no you just leave her hanging after the kiss."

My frown became deeper, "What? No, no, that's not what it's like. I didn't leave her hanging.."

"Did you talk about the kiss and told her you were too caught up in the moment? Did you tell her you wanted to kiss and that you wanted the both of you to grow into more? No. So yeah, you did leave her hanging." Waliyha raised her eyebrow and shook her head in disappointment.

I swallowed, "It wasn't a mistake, I wasn't too caught up in the moment. I want her to be mine, but I can't Waliyha."

She squinted her eyes, "Why not?"

I hesitated for a long time before I finally could say it, "Because I feel myself fading away." I half whispered, suddenly feeling slightly emotional.

Waliyha stared at me and I saw her jaw clenching, "Don't say that."

"Why not?" I asked, finally shoving my beanie over my bald head.

My sister stood up and looked away from me. "Because it scares me."

"It scares me too."

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Give me your opinions on..

Trisha helping Zayn?

Zayn kissing Rose's cheek??

Zayns words to waliyha..

Today was my aunts funeral. It was so, so beautiful and difficult for me and my family. We got to say goodbye to her and we have now time to mourn. She will be missed so so so so so much. No one will ever fill the emptiness.

In case you were wondering, I'm doing okay. I'm really tired from all the emotions, but after today, its good. She's in good Hands.