Rose

"Did everyone get their medication?" Caroline asked as she looked up from her computer as she was reporting.

I nodded, "Yeah, except for Zayn. He wasn't in his room so.. I don't know where he is." I sighed a little.

It had been a while since I last spoke to him. Yesterday after I took out his tube, I had a conversation with my teacher and Caroline about how everything went and I then left to do an exam at university. I hadn't seen him anymore and when I came into his room this morning to give him his medication, he was still fast asleep.

I had stared at him for a while and I really wanted to hug him, knowing my behavior was strange yesterday. He had looked so innocent and peaceful, I didn't want to hurt him in any way.

I just hoped that he understood I said that because the teacher and Caroline were around. The teachers at university always told us how a relationship between nurses and patients were strictly forbidden, and if you noticed a patient was growing closer to you, you had to stand for your limits.

I, obviously, wanted to hug him back and I already grew feelings for him so it was too late to stand for my limits. And besides, I didn't even want to stand for it as I liked us being rather close. He was my friend, a friend I liked. But I knew I would've gotten problems with my teacher. I had to say it to Zayn so she could hear and think I was good at declaring the things I had learned.

"Zayn?" Caroline frowned, then had a soft expression. "Oh, I think he's eating lunch outside. You can maybe eat your lunch outside as well? The weather is nice and you could give him his medication."

I nodded and grabbed my lunchbox out of my bag, "Yeah sure. If he doesn't mind.." I hesitated, secretly referring to yesterday. Although Caroline didn't know, Zayn might have told her.

"He wasn't talking much, so I don't know if he's in a good mood." Caroline sighed softly but shrugged. "He'll be fine once he sees you." She winked.

I blushed a little as I didn't really know what she meant with that. Nobody ever confirmed our feelings over here, so I didn't know if he liked me and he didn't know that I liked him. It was okay, though. I didn't mind keeping it this way for a while.

Walking down the stairs, I carefully shoved his medication in the pocket of my jacket so I wouldn't lose it.

Finally, after the way too many stairs I was on the first floor and I opened the door which led outside to the hospital yard, which was only for the patients, doctors and nurses.

I stepped out of the hospital and saw several patients playing games, like I always. It took me a while to find him, but I eventually saw him sitting on a low stone wall, watching the other patients playing a game while eating a sandwich.

I walked over to him, "Hey Zayn."

He looked up at me and squinted his eyes as the sun was shining right into them, "Hi." He said quietly, quickly looking down at his lap again.

The fact that he didn't smile said enough. I hurt him yesterday and I had to make it right. I just hoped he would believe and understand me, because I wouldn't be lying.

I stared at him and saw how red his cheek still was. It didn't seem to go away, not even with the cream he was applying on it everyday. I felt bad for him.

"How's that?" I pointed at his sandwich, referring to the fact that he was tube feeding- free.

He glanced at me and stared at his sandwich after that, swallowing his mouthful. "It's good." He gave me a small smile, but it looked a little sad and forced.

I sighed sadly. It was never my intention to make him feel like that.

My hand slid into the pocket of my jacket and I fished his medication out. I handed the small bag to him, "Here's your medication."

"Thanks." He took it from me and his fingers brushed against mine. I could swear I saw him blushing slightly and it made me smile a little.

I took my sandwich out of my lunchbox and took a bite while I played with a loose strand of my long hair. I secretly stared at him as he ripped the small bag open, placed all of his pills on his tongue and gulped them down with water.

He started coughing as he almost choked on his water and I softly patted his back. Zayn glanced at me and smiled slightly then looked down at his lunchbox after he stopped coughing.

"You okay?" I chuckled softly, placing my lunchbox beside me as I didn't feel hungry for some reasons.

He nodded slowly, closing his lunchbox and placing it neatly on his lap.

I sighed softly. He wasn't himself right now, that was clear. Or maybe he was.. but he felt sad because of the situation from yesterday. I knew I had to make it right, now. I didn't want to go on like this with him feeling like that everyday because of me. He was my friend, we were supposed to have fun the days I worked here.

So I started to apologize, "Hey, Zayn?"

He looked at me, his eyes staring right through me which threw me a bit off guard as I had expected him to stare at his lap again. It was what he was doing all the time today, after all.

"I'm sorry for yesterday. I really didn't mean it like that. I don't know why you're so.. off today but if that's one of the reasons just know it wasn't meant like that." I said carefully.

I honestly didn't even know if it was because of yesterday because honestly, did he even like me? Maybe they were just wrong signs he gave me. But at the same time, why would he act like this after yesterday's happening while he had never acted like this before? Not even in the whole entire time I had worked here?

Zayn shrugged slowly, "It's okay." He said so quietly, that I could barely hear it.

"No, I mean it, Zayn." I tried, "I said that because the teacher was in the same room. You know it's not allowed that a nurse and patient grow a personal relationship and she would've known we already did that. I would've lost my job and I would've gotten a bad grade. I'm sorry if I did it the wrong way."

He bit his cheek on the inside of his mouth and played with buttons of his warm coat. "It's fine, Rose." He mumbled, staring at the buttons like they were the most precious things ever to exist.

"It's not. You're not happy. Why is that?" I turned my body towards him so I could get a better view of him.

Zayn frowned slightly, then looked up at me and smiled. "It's fine. I just felt a little.. you know.." He hesitated and didn't finish his sentence. "But I know why you acted like that now so it's okay."

"Are you sure?" I didn't know if he was telling the truth, but at least his smile seemed real now.

He nodded. "Pretty sure, Dawson."

My stomach twisted at his nicknames all the time. I loved how he called me Rosie, and I loved how he called me Dawson when he was in a more joking mood. It made him more precious and believable. It even made me like him maybe a tiny bit more every time one of those names left his mouth. I mean, even when he said Rose it made me feel some type of way.. he was just extremely intriguing, how much I hated to admit it.

"Okay, Zayn." I sighed in relief. He wouldn't lie to me, would he? So I had to believe him.

It stayed the comfortable silent between us as we both watched the guys play basketball. Zayn took his last sandwich out of his lunchbox and I watched him unnoticeable as he took bites of it.

He ate very neatly and I liked that in some weird ways. I felt like a creep, staring at him how he took bites, chew and swallowed it down but I just couldn't help it. Something just attracted me to his face. I had to look at it.

"I see you staring, Rosie." He mentioned.

I felt the heat raising to my cheeks and I quickly looked away, feeling stupid that I just had been busted by Zayn himself.

"You can't hide everything behind your thick and long hair." Zayn turned his face to me and let out a small chuckle.

I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, yeah, whatever." I chuckled, threw all of my hair forward and made a messy bun out of it, not caring one bit about how it actually looked.

Now Zayn was staring at me. I could feel how his eyes were roaming over my bun and all over my face.

"I see you staring, Zaynie. You can't hide everything behind your beanie." I mocked him in a playful way. Now he was blushing but he hid it by rolling his eyes and slowly standing up. He patted the dust off his bum and looked at me.

I looked back at him, waiting for him to speak up.

"I'm going inside. I'm cold." He held his lunchbox with two hands, pressed to his stomach as he pressed his lips to the inside of his coat to cover his chin and mouth from the cold.

I nodded. "Okay. Do you want me to do anything for you? Like make your stuffed animal slash hot pack warm?"

"No, I'm fine, but thanks." He said quietly.

I didn't feel like he was still a hundred percent okay, but I also knew that there was no way I was going to get it out of him today. He was usually not so stubborn around me, but it was different today. I was scared that it was because of me.

"Alright.." I said, feeling slightly disappointed. I wanted to make him feel better in some ways. "Uhm, I have a night shift on Sunday, do you think we can spend time together again?"

He couldn't say no now. It was our tradition. We always did that when I had a night shift. We'd always go to the eighth floor and the old crackly hospital room. It was our thing. If he said no now.. something really was bothering him with me as the main reason.

"Uh.. no. My mum is sleeping over. I don't think I can be gone for the whole night. She'll go crazy." He looked down at his feet.

I felt something uncomfortable in my stomach. He said no, but it was because of his mother so I still didn't know if he was acting like this because of me. I sighed, but couldn't ignore the slight hurt feelings inside of me.

"Okay. I get it. Have a good week, Zayn." I gave him a small smile which he returned sweetly but I didn't know what to think of it.

"Bye Rosie."

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Do you think Zayn is still sad because of what happened? Do you think he believes Rose?

I didn't write much as I'm spending all the time with my family (which I loooveee) and I only have time when I'm going to sleep or wake up but I'm usually tired so yeah..

but once I'm home on Friday and Saturday I'll write write writeeeeee