I was pulling down the shutter when a sudden tap on my shoulder forced me to let go. Thanks to gravity, the metal door reached its destination with a loud wham that left a ringing in my ears.

"Shit! Sorry." Beck stood beside me as I tried getting my heart rate under control.

"When did you become such a master at sneaking up on people?" I pulled him closer by his jacket's collar and flicked the underside of his chin. He grabbed my wrist, and I was sure he could fear the erratic dum dum dum that came from my heart.

"I don't think someone needs to be an expert when it comes to you." Beck kissed the inside of my wrist, on my pulse point, and rubbed his thumb over it. "You're always so lost in your own head."

I snatched my hand back. "So, you hung around just to prove that to me?"

"No." He grabbed my shoulders, turning me around and then proceeded to push me from behind. "I came to pick you up."

"Beck!" I laughed and dug my heels into the pavement, but that just turned into me sliding along, making it easier for him to continue his antics. "I need to go to the gym."

"Don't worry. What I have planned is definitely cardio intensive."

"I don't doubt it. But I have a test on Friday. I need to study."

"We can study after our cardio session." He stopped hauling me like cargo and opened the passenger door to his car, signalling with his head to get in. "I have a test too. We can study together."

I crossed my arms. "When you're around, the term study loses all meaning."

"Fine. I promise I'll take you to the library and we can study there. I'll sit like five tables away from you. Please, just get in." He started to whine and bounced on the balls of his feet. "I haven't seen you all day. I just wanna spend time with you."

How could I ever say no to this guy? "Okay. Let me text Krishna and tell him I'm not coming."

"Well... I don't know about that."

I shot him a dry look. "Why are you like this? Great, my phone's dead. Give me yours." The moment I opened Krishna's contact, Beck's phone started to buzz. Someone named Isaac was calling him. Isaac followed by a heart emoji.

"Uhm. Beck? Who is Isaac?" My brain turned on lightning mode and began jumping to so many conclusions it made me dizzy. I was sure there had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Beck...He was honest. Right? Or did I read everything wrong? Maybe there was someone else. Maybe there were more.

"No one." He yanked the phone from my hands. He rounded the car and, before entering the driver's seat, fidgeted with his phone a little. Brows crossed, frown deepening by the second. Then he lifted his head up and looked at me, a smile forming across those lips. "Come on. Let's get outta here."

I smashed every siren that blared inside. Beck had an explanation for this.

I trusted him.

And I had to repeat that all throughout the drive to not completely lose my mind.

~

I fell on Beck's chest as every single muscle that made him trembled in a deep after-sex haze. With shaky arms, I held myself up and kissed Beck, thoroughly, deeply, till I felt him grinning.

"I can't feel my legs," he said and wiggled his eyebrows. "Wanna give me a massage? You know, like that time in the park when you were itching to get my dick in your sneaky little paws."

I rolled off him, smothering my smile, and rested my head on his outstretched bicep. "I can't feel my arms. And big of you to say that when you were literally shoving your cock in my face."

"Hey, forgive me for giving you what you wanted."

"Ah, another kink unlocked. Public sex. You are one nasty dog."

Beck pulled me closer. "Does it turn you on?"

"Try it again next time."

"Whoa, now, who's the nasty one?"

I laughed and pinched him in the side. He chuckled, rubbing the spot, and stared down at me. I wanted to capture him this way. His naked chest as it rose and fell, the look in his eyes as he gazed at me. Everything. Only the faint glow from the hall poured into his room, lighting him from behind. It dipped into every right crevice, reflected and bounced off every sharp curve. He would be perfect on paper. He was already perfect as he was.

I want to draw you.

What would he say when he saw my sketchbook? I'd need to buy a new one soon with the way I was going at it any moment I got. I was pulling out memories and tracing them on paper like a madman. Like if I didn't get them down, I would never be able to remember it. I could show them to him. Pages and pages of how he looked like from my eyes. Some were intricate and deeply shaded, others were just outlines and side profiles I sketched when I was day-dreaming of the moment I'd have him back in my arms. I was drawing like I had found the secrets to the universe, preserving each wonder I came across.

Maybe, in a way, I had. Christopher Beckett had turned me inside out, had remade my entire world. He made me look forward to tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after. I didn't wake up to a dread-filled morning anymore. I counted down the hours to when I could see him again. When I could hear his laugh, feel his touch, see his smile. This wasn't just excitement or happiness. He was making me feel like living wasn't so pointless anymore.

And I could only hope he felt a fraction of the tornados that swarmed inside me.

I snuggled closer to his side, throwing an arm and leg over him. My palm roamed his chest. His heartbeat slowed down.

"Who is Isaac?" I asked. It might've been better to stay in the dark. To ride this wave of anticipation for longer. But I needed to know if there was something here. If we had the potential to become something more.

His hand that was caressing my forearm stilled. I strained my neck to look up at him. He was staring at the ceiling. I guided his face to mine and kissed his chin.

"Beck, who is he?"

"An asshole. Don't worry about him." His lips pressed against my forehead. The caressing resumed.

"An ex?"

"A douchebag." He sighed. "And...also my ex."

A fleeting thought flew past me. The supposed love of my life. The first night we met, he had mentioned something about a past love. It felt like a lifetime ago. Questions spilled out from me. How many relationships did Beck have? Who had come before me? How long was he with them? Why didn't they work out?

"Why is he calling you?" I asked.

"He keeps calling from time to time. Sometimes, I pick up. Sometimes I don't. Finally, today I blocked him and deleted his number."

"Today?"

"Tonight, when he called, I realised it was something I should've done ages ago, but never did."

I smiled into his shoulder. "I'm glad you did. But why does he keep calling you?"

"Because he's a grade A asshole who thinks I'll take him back the moment he falls to his knees and begs." He chewed on his top lip, avoiding all eye contact with me. "For a while there, he wasn't wrong."

My eyebrows shot up.

"When I was in the hospital, I didn't get a lot of visitors. It was in the summer, and most people didn't even know I had an accident. My mom took me home to Edmonton the moment I was discharged, and I wasn't really in a state to walk for a couple of moments. I don't..." He groaned. "I'm not someone who can stay alone for so long. But I had no choice. My mom coaches the university team there, so she didn't stay at home a lot. The at-home nurse she hired liked her phone's company more than me. So, I used to just stare at drywall for hours together."

I couldn't imagine Beck that way. Chained to a bed with no one surrounding him. He was like a magnet for company. He spread joy wherever he went. Whenever I saw him with someone, they were all smiles and jokes. Beck had that effect on people. He was kind and caring and made people feel like they had a place in this world.

"Then Isaac called one day, and I..." He squeezed his eyes shut. "I didn't mind talking to him. I just wanted company, and he provided that. I know I'm an idiot for even thinking he was capable of change. But it felt nice to not be alone."

I knew that feeling all too well.

"It wasn't even like we were getting back together or anything. I know he was leaning into that, though he didn't explicitly state it. It was like I was back in freshman year again. He was charming, funny, knew exactly what to say, and I fucking fell for it all over again."

His eyes met mine, and he seemed to search me while our fingers tangled together. "What scares me is that if he wanted to get back together, I wouldn't have said no. Even after all he did to me, I wouldn't have said no. But then I found you. And you showed me what it means to be cherished and respected. When you came over that evening to drop me, I could see it in your eyes, how much you wanted to stay. Yet, you put yourself first and said no. You knew what you deserved, and you stuck to it. That's what I admire about you, the authenticity with which you live."

My voice caught, and I fisted my hands, squeezing so hard my hands went numb. "I'm not...Beck, I'm not—"

"You are. And you are so much more. I've seen you care for people. I've seen your compassion and kindness. Your love for your family. For your friends. I mean, dude, normal people don't keep a list of groceries their friends might need."

I scoffed. "If I don't keep the fridge stocked, those two rats would be malnourished by now."

"Maybe so. But you push me every day to work hard and overcome the pain. You believe in me more than I believe in myself. And I wonder every single fucking moment I'm with you about how I turned so lucky to have you in my life."

Did he not know? Did he not realise he was the one saving me? I was drowning. I was drowning and I let myself drown because there was no reason in sight to remain afloat. Then one redhead swept me away and showed me a million reasons. He gave me a reason to draw again. How could he be so oblivious to the darkness he pulled me out of?

"You don't know what you've done for me, Beck. You brought me back. You've given me my life back. I thought I was done when my cricket career was. I spent years just pushing, pushing and pushing. I pushed my family, my friends, my..." I pushed Arya. "My best friend. I thought my life would continue like that. Loveless. Hopeless. Worthless. I thought I'd never feel inspired again. I—I can't even put into words, Beck, how much you've done for me. Knowingly. Unknowingly. I don't know, but you brought me back, Beck. You saved me."

He held my face in both his hands. "No. That was all you. You found your way on your own."

I leaned into his touch. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"But you did. Be proud of yourself. I know I am."

I nodded and moved closer. Our foreheads touched, noses grazed, and I held his blue gaze in which I could see a future. I pulled him to me for a long, achingly slow kiss that I hoped conveyed the overwhelming sensations he brought about in me.