Samrat walks the hallways of the airbase after a short break with his friends in a cafeteria - the Hawks. They are no longer a team but they mean the world to him, only people he can love and trust. He also owes them a lot - they gave him a chance at survival.

Surviving is a tough task for someone who loathes himself . The heaviness in his head lightened in the presence of his friends. Now it returns tenfold, his limbs heavy, breath short. He hasn't slept in more than a week, but come on, he can do more! His body can handle more.

A few more steps, it becomes too difficult to put his foot forward. He holds the front of his uniform with a sigh, a hand resting against the wall. After taking a few deep breaths, he tries to move again. As he staggers further once more, a figure comes into his view, blurred by his vision. Now he can't even see? His condition is deteriorating fast!

"Samrat!" The approaching figure calls his name. He recognised her before she did that. Tanvi...

No, no, not her. He doesn't want her to see him in this pathetic state. She was inside until a moment ago, and her break time is longer than his; why did she step out?

"Samrat! Sun rahe ho?"

As she calls his name again, he tries to face her with a smile. He's happy to see her chase after him though. Part of him is relieved. Her crush is someone else. She's in love with someone else. Not him...

The hollow numbness he feels is relief, isn't it? But of course he was a bit offended when he heard someone else's name on her lips. Agitated, even. His reaction was puzzling, but he couldn't entertain that thought. He even made fun of the guy she liked without even realising. How pathetic-

"Samrat, kya hua! I felt your smile was odd earlier. Are you okay?"

His stupid body staggers as her face comes into his view, the image blurred again. She catches his arm, her concern rising.

"I knew it! Tumhari tabiyat theek nahi hai! What happened?"

Just as she inquires a wave of dizziness hits him. He clutches his head at the sudden pain. She has to tighten her grip on her arm, he presses a kerchief to his mouth dreading the worst - he's also nauseous all of a sudden.

"Samrat! Oh god..."

As Tanvi screams for him again. He tries to reassure her, regaining some composure.

"I'm fine, Tanvi... b-bas thoda sa chakkar aa gaya..."

"Thoda sa?"

She repeats his words, her tone echoing her disbelief. Then another colleague Fl. Lt. Aseem passes by them. He's dressed in overalls holding a helmet, clearly returning from his regular flight training.

"Samrat, tumhare flight ka time ho raha hai!"

Samrat stands tall using all his strength. Stepping away from Tanvi he nods at Aseem. "I remember. Got that, yeah. Chalta hu."

"Flight?" Tanvi rounds on Samrat once they are alone. "Samrat, tum is halat mein plane udaaoge? No!"

"I'm fine, Tanvi. It was momentary weakness-"

"Nahi! Main abhi Farhan ya Abhi ko batati hun!"

He catches her hand before she can run to the cafeteria. God knows how he's gained back his strength. But it's back momentarily.

"Nahi... unko mat batana!"

"Arey kyu nahi! Plane crash karna hai kya?!"

Samrat releases her hand with a sigh and crouches in the hallway. The hallway is a bit muddy, he can't sit and ruin his uniform.

"Crash ho toh acha hai na... It will be a fitting end..."

His quiet words stun Tanvi. She glares at him. With surprising strength, pulls him to his feet.

"Oh shut up, Samrat! Tum officers lounge mei baitho! Main abhi Farhan ko bulaati hun!"

Samrat leans against the wall heaving a sigh. The dizziness returns, but the stubborn soldier inside him is able to withstand it and wait.

"Hah, jis tarah she pulled me. I call her a maiden but she's still an airforce officer. She's strong... much stronger than me..."

He mumbles to himself. "I'm sorry, Tanvi.... You must be disappointed with the kind of person I have become, han... I'm sorry..."

No one's around to hear his words.

***

When he gains consciousness he's in his messy room at the residential quarters he and Farhan share. Tanvi is by his bedside seated on a stool while Farhan lingers at the doorway.

"Samrat ko hosh aaya!" He declares and runs out, possibly to pass the message to other Hawks.

Samrat laughs and looks at Tanvi. Surprisingly, the first thought he has as he looks at her is: Part of me can't believe you chose Saumit.

She's dressed in casuals. Women officers look so different when they dress casually - like ordinary girls. And Tanvi - he never noticed it before but she's pretty in a way that's so different from the other women on the airbase.

"Tanvi..."

She refuses to look at him, still mad.

"Main tumse baat nahi karungi, Sam! You let this happen to you! You passed out in the hallway! Abhi and Farhan had to carry you to the hospital! Pata hai doc ne kya kaha? You need rest and nutrition!"

He tries to get up but falls back into his bed. She finally looks at him when he winces.

"I'm sorry, Tanz..."

He reassures her that he will do better. After a minutes silence Tanvi smiles at him

"So... How are you? You and Saumit, are you sure?"

His question surprises him and her.

He shrugs. It's now or never. Not like they can talk every day in the cafeteria. He's curious and concerned about his dear friend. He also has doubts. Saumit is pretty average with his reputation. When did he and Tanvi get to know each other, let alone arrive at a point of wanting to go out together. Tanvi remains quiet. Samrat rephrases his question.

"I never knew, Tanvi... Tum aur Saumit, kab..."

Though it hurts her, Tanvi replies, "pata nahi kab..."

Samrat sighs. A long silence follows. From the light in the windows it's already evening. He must have slept for a few hours. Tanvi pulls the curtains down which darkens the room further.

"Mere flight ka kya hua tha?"

"Farhan ne handle ki. Tum sochna band karo aur so jao..."

She sits again on the stool and looks at him. He smiles a little weakly.

"I'd be worried for my dear friend na..."

Tanvi hides her frustration. She can't help but be agitated with everything going on. Samrat falling sick and this whole conversation about Saumit. Why, she thought she'd be happy lying but... it hurts. Being a friend now hurts, especially as she has to pretend she has feelings for another. Farhan would probably say, "you dug this hole yourself, Tanvi."

"Do you even know this Saumit guy properly? Kya pata usne tumhare sath-sath kuch aath-dus ladkiyon ko aur pucha ho dinner pe? Some guys do that..."

Samrat's voice brings her out of her thoughts. "Huh... How do you know?"

"Kyunki Main khud... aisa kar chuka tha pehle, you know...."

Tanvi chuckles recalling the olden days. She's pleased to glimpse that Samrat surprisingly has retained that streak of a funny guy who can lighten the mood.

"Oh yes, the Samrat who was a people pleaser!"

The Casanova who flirted with girls like he breathed and even tried to woo Sameera. But all of that was an air he put on, wasn't it? The real him then was revenge-driven and the real him now is... so broken! Revenge can never bring anyone happiness. When he realised the whole revenge was pointless he began to think his life was pointless and the burden of his sins....

Tanvi stops thinking of the past and tries to keep the conversation light

"Sam! How did I forget what a Casanova you were! Tumne khud aisa ki toh why're you worried?"

Samrat smiles. This conversation is better than the one they were having earlier. He's lying in his bed awake for a while. Sleep is finally dancing over his heavy eyes.

"You're my friend! If some guy hit on you, I'd be worried back then too, you know... I..."

Tanvi gets foolishly hopeful for a second, he falls asleep saying, "I care about you..."

Tanvi smiles wryly as Farhan comes in and greets her. "Sam so gaya? Tumne kar li baat?"

She nods. Farhan steps out with her in silence, despite wanting to say something. They remain silent as they walk. Eventually they arrive outside her small apartment with in the block.

"Tanvi, tum chup ho? Kya hua? Samrat se kya baat ki?"

"Haha! Tum puche bina nahi reh sakte na..."

"Tum jaanti ho! Batao na fir..."

"Sam ko yakin nahi ho raha that I like Saumit..."

"Hmm, he knows you too well... Honestly, why did you lie, yaar?"

"Main kya karti! Mere crush ke bare mei kisne baat ki thi? Tumne!"

"Han toh maine kaha bhi, tumne usko jhoot mei badal diya?"

"Kya faaida... Sam ko believe nahi horaha! I can't fool him. And you know aaj usne jis tarah baat ki mujhse before he collapsed... I'm so worried. Mujhe lag raha is sab ki waja main hu."

"Huh, Tanvi, tum kaise?! Kuch bhi yaar..."

"Tum hi socho, Farhan. Uska self-hatred dus guna badh gaya jab se usey shak hone laga ki I might love him... Warna he was doing fine na. Aur ab halat aur bigad gaye. Jiska dar tha wahi ho raha hai, Farhan!"

"Aisa kyun soch rahi ho, aur kyun udaas ho rahi ho? Ho sakta hai tumhara pyar usey bachaye. If Samrat's self-hatred returned it's because it's never gone. Usey iska samna karna padega once and for all. Of course, iss dauran usey dard toh hoga! Bahut hoga. Woh itna bhi kamzor nahi ki situation handle na kar sake. To be honest, mujhe lagta hai, you must confess and convince him. Yaad hai, tum hi ne convince kiya tha usey to stay in the force. To keep moving forward... Ab tum hi uska saathi bano..."

"Pata nahi, Farhan... Kya karu? Kaise karu? Agar main confess kar bhi loon, How can I force him to love me? Waisa karna pyar nahi hota hai..."

Farhan leaves, heaving a heavy sigh unsure of what to say, except, "mujhe jana hai. Samrat akela hai."

Once inside her apartment, Tanvi thinks back to the conversations she had with Samrat and Farhan. Her thoughts once again end up revolving around Samrat.

You care about me Sam, how wonderful it would be if you could love me... Am I a fool? After all, I was the one who decided I'd never tell you or burden you.

She shakes off the gloomy mood soon enough. All thoughts from before are gone, only one thought remains: Samrat doesn't have to love her. It will be enough if he loves himself.

***

TBC!

AN: Up next: Samrat is called in for an explanation regarding his health. Valentine's Party arrives, lightening everyone's mood, leading to some interesting revelations. Yes this story is dealing with sad themes but soon it will turn happy and cute (towards the end). This is still a short story though at this point I can't say how many chapters it will have!

Stay tuned to read more. V & C!