Harry's POV

Everything is blurry and all my actions are vague. I can't quite describe it, but I've lost most memory of even getting here. It feels as if it wasn't me passing every red light, but someone else I was watching from a distance.

I park my car and step out, barely closing the door behind me. My legs are still taking me without me even thinking.

Through my tears, I manage to spot the emergency entrance. As much as I know I need to walk through that door, I stop dead in my tracks, again. 

I'm literally only an inch away from the door, but I can't get myself to open it. I lean my body against it instead, my forehead touching the cold steel.

I need to see Louis and make sure he's okay. I have to be there for him, I know that, and I want to. But on the other hand, I don't. I don't want to get inside at all. I'm scared that this entire situation is way worse than I think it is. And I'm not ready to hear or see it.

I take a deep and shaky breath. Why am I being so weird? It'll be alright. Louis will be alright. I mean, he's always been. He's the most energetic, happy and loving person I know. He's a literal sunshine and Louis is always joking around. So this will just be another one of his stupid pranks, won't it?

The door opens very suddenly then and I almost fall inside. I was leaning all my weight against it and didn't think the door was just going to open. I manage to keep myself standing though and just stumble around. A man walks through it, past me, looking at me weirdly. 

"Shit sorry," he says, realising he practically made me fall through the door frame. "You alright, mate?"

But I don't answer him or so much as look at him as he walks away. I'm only focussed on the long, cold, grey hall in front of me. And once I finally get myself to take a step forward, the smell of hospital fill my nostrils.

God, I hate this smell.

I head straight to the info-desk, trying not to look around me as much. 

A woman smiles up at me and I ask her about Louis. She starts typing on her computer, then looks at me, her smile faded, and tells me to wait in the waiting room down the hall. His family's supposed to be there too.

The lump reappears in my throat. Why won't they let me see him right now?

I thank the lady anyway and start to walk down the hall like she instructed. I turn a corner and enter a too colourful, yet dull waiting room. And to my surprise, there are a lot of people in here already. And they're all related to Louis.

I spot Niall and Zayn in the very corner, talking together, looking sad and oblivious to everything around them. Lou, our hairdresser, is here along with some other people from management. Louis hates them. What are they even doing here? Johannah's here too, trying to comfort Louis' oldest sisters, Lottie and Fizzy.

My stomach turns at the sight of all of them here and I'm left wondering why I got here so late. Why are there so many people here already? I'm like the last person to arrive whilst I, as Louis' fiance, should've been the first person to step inside this building.

"Oh, Harry," Johannah cries out once she sees me, making everyone else in the room also notice me now. 

Jay gets up from the plastic chair and walks over to me. Her eyes are bloodshot and swollen, tired. She takes me into her arms and lays her head on my shoulder, crying out quietly. I can feel her eyes are wetting my shirt. 

"I'm so sorry about the wedding," she whispers and I knit my brows together.

I pull away slightly. I'm feeling rather confused about all of this. Why is she crying as if she's never going to see him again? 

"Oh that'll be alright," I say. "We'll just have to reschedule it,"

Jay pulls away from me completely now, her eyes are filled with sympathy. "I'm not sure, Harry," she whispers, taking my hand in hers. But I detach myself from her, shaking my head.

"Why not?" I ask. "We can marry each other later. It'll be fine," 

I even manage to smile as the words leave my lips, but Jay fails to look me in the eye. More tears slide down her cheeks and her lower lip starts to tremble.

What? Do I really sound that dumb right now? Because I honestly don't understand why everyone is crying so much. I don't believe Louis is in a state this bad. I don't get it.

Lottie appears from behind her mother and takes a hold of her arm. She whispers a 'hi' to me before she pulls her mum away. They both take a seat again, leaving me standing in so much more confusion.

Zayn approaches me immediately after with Niall following. They both pull me in a big hug, only, they don't say a thing.

"Why can't we go see him?" I ask, breaking the silence after our hug. I don't care if I sound naive or anything like that. I just don't understand.

Zayn shakes his head no and turns away from me. What's his problem?

I look at Niall instead. Pain is clear in his eyes. 

"Let's just sit down, okay?" he asks, but I tell him I won't.

I can't sit and wait right now. Not again. I want to know what is going on and how Louis is doing. I don't care about the wedding anymore. All I care about is my fiance's well-being. I swear I could hit something right now. Why can't anyone tell me?

A few minutes later, footsteps sound behind me. For a second I'm sure it's a doctor, but when I turn to look, I only see Liam.

His eyes are red and swollen just like Johannah's and the sight of him running towards us makes my blood go cold. Liam doesn't usually cry that easily, or run. This is serious.

A man gets up and pulls him to his chest immediately. 

Liam cries out, holding the man tight as if he's the only thing keeping him from drowning.

A few other people enter the room not much after Liam. I recognize some of them, but I have no idea who the others are. Clearly, they know me, though, because they all embrace me one by one and tell me to have faith, stay strong and whatnot.

Everyone sits down after a while, making me the only one left standing.

I've called my mom a couple of times, but she's only picked up once and told me she had to deal with the wedding. She'll be on her way to the hospital as soon as possible, though, but I just wish my mom were here with me now.

I know she'd rather be here for me too and I understand that there's a lot she can't just drop right now. There's just a lot that's been done for this wedding. So much planning, organising, so many orders and people, caterers, music and all that comes with it. Someone needs to take care of this, otherwise, it'll be the biggest mess. But it still sucks a lot.

I kind of drift off into thoughts of Louis and I. I try to imagine how our wedding will look like later. On our rescheduled wedding, I mean. Maybe we can even still marry at the end of today! We could definitely still do that once Louis gets out of here. We've hired the chapel for 24 hours, so that should work.

I almost smile and feel my body relax a little bit. It's lovely to imagine our life together.

In the corner of my eye, I see a man in a white coat approaching us. It's as if my body jolts awake because I immediately walk over to him. 

He's got news about Louis, I can feel it.

Johannah joins me, grabbing my hand as we stand together in front of the man.

"You're his mother, right?" he asks. "Johannah?"

Jay nods with tears in her eyes, she's not able to form words.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," he continues. "Louis is lucky to be breathing. He was in a serious accident,"

A sob leaves Jay's lips and I start to feel dizzy. What does he mean by serious accident? Why should Louis be lucky to be breathing?

"But he's okay now, right?" Lottie speaks, suddenly standing beside us.

The man looks at her and I notice that pain is written all over his face. He shakes his head ever so slightly before turning his attention back to Jay.

For the first time since I got here, I realise something's seriously not okay and Louis may be in a very bad state.

I hold Johanna's hand even tighter, for as far as that's possible. I don't know if I'm ready to hear this.

"Listen, ma'am, his injuries are fatal and he's got a severe trauma to his chest from the head back. Multiple ribs are broken, he's got a ruptured spleen and a possible traumatic aortic destruction. I really hate to say this, but we're not sure if Louis will make it. He's in danger of life,"

"But you can fix him?" I say more like a question than a statement. "He'll get better?"

"Well, what we need to do first is operate him, but if this doesn't fix things... Then there's not much left we can do,"

My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach and everything starts to twirl around me. There's not much left to do? How is this real? How is this happening? And how did Louis even get in an accident? What does he even look like right now? He's probably all sore and bruised. Wounds everywhere.

My mind is racing and I can't stop it.

My hands let go of Jay's and move up to my face. I bite my hand to keep me from crying or screaming, I don't know. But what I do know is that I don't want to cry. Because if I cry, it means I let it in and I'll have to believe it. 

I can't let that happen, because once I let my tears fall, I don't think I'll be able to stop.

Nonetheless, I'm already crying inside. 

I fall to my knees, slam my hands to the floor and ask God why he let this happen. I'm breaking inside and I don't know for how long I can keep all of this it inside.

I move my hands to my hair and tug on it in frustration.

I'm supposed to be next to Louis, forever and always. I should be inside of that room sitting right next to him, holding his hand, keeping him safe. But I'm not there and he's all alone, feeling whatever pain there is to feel. And he's probably really afraid.

"I understand this is hard on all of you,but ma'am, you need to sign these forms so we can start surgery," I hear the doctor say.

His voice sounds as if he's miles away though he's standing right in front of me.

Jay takes the paper with shaking hands. Tears roll down her cheeks now too, more than before.

Lottie has sat back down. Her eyes are focussed on the chair opposite of her, only there's no emotion whatsoever on her face.

Félicité is holding her sister tight, though, but it's as if she needs the feeling of comfort more herself than Lottie does.

The doctor mutters a soft thank you and walks away.

We're left alone again. Feeling as if he threw a brick in our faces and twisted our guts.

-

I think hours have passed by and I've eventually sat down. This operation is taking all day. I have no idea when I can finally go in and see my boyfriend, but I keep hoping. I mean, they have to let me see him eventually. He's the love of my life. They can't keep me away from him.

But is it a bad sign that Louis is still in surgery?

God, it feels as if something is eating me from the inside out. This is horrible.

-

Three more hours have passed by. Three more hours of waiting, hugging and crying. I've never seen so many tears, people embracing each other and cups of coffee in my life before. We're all relying on nothing more but 'faith'. 

We must look like a complete mess together as well. All mournful, our cheeks wet and crammed into this small room. Most of the people in here are still in wedding clothes. I am too. We're all looking tired as hell and staring at these walls with no emotion on our faces.

There's some more waiting...

Some more tears...

More embracing...

It's starting to get dark outside now, too, and we're still not allowed to see Louis.

Even more waiting...

It's nine in the evening now. 

Niall and Lou, our hairdresser, have just left the room to get all of us some more coffee and a few sandwiches to eat.

Lottie and Fizzy have gone home about an hour ago. This is all too much for them to take in and they have school tomorrow. They didn't want to go home, though, but Johannah made them.

Some of the other people who I had never seen before have left as well. They made Jay swear to call immediately once she got news.

That makes it only Jay, Zayn, Liam and I now. Niall and Lou will return soon.

I'm glad it's not that crowded in this small room anymore and that I'm just with the people I'm close with. I finally feel like I can breathe -just a little.

But my mom still isn't here...

Another half an hour passes.

I'm starting to give up hope that I'll even get to see him today, but then suddenly, a door opens.

The same doctor as before walks out and approaches us.

He scans the room until his eyes meet Jay's.

She gets up. 

So do Zayn and Liam, and so do I. 

But the man stops us from coming closer. He looks absent and when he looks at Jay, their eyes they don't even meet.

The tension is killing me and this silence is deafening. 

He just needs to speak, because I don't think I can handle this any longer.

"We've done as much as we could," the man speaks. "But we can't get him back to consciousness and he's not responding to any incentives we gave him,"

"What does that mean?" Liam asks. "Did you fix his injuries?"

"We did as much as we could," the doctor repeats. "But he's not responding to incenti-"

"Meaning what exactly?" Zayn cuts in.

"Meaning," the man says with a sigh. "He's in a coma,"

My heart stops and my entire body goes numb just like before when Zayn called me.

For even the slightest moment I feared the man was going to say Louis died. And now I can't quite understand what I feel. I'm relieved though I can not get it over my heart to believe that Louis is in a coma.

"The coma was caused due to serious brain damage," the man continues. 

He sounds as if he's telling people news like this all day. It's as if he doesn't see we're literally breaking inside. 

"He's stable for now, but his chances to get out of his coma are extremely low. I'm terribly sorry to have to tell you this, but I think you should prepare for the worst,"

I take a step back. My hands go up to my hair again and I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm suddenly so aware of the fact that I could lose Louis. It's like a smack in the face. I hadn't thought of this before. I can't imagine a world without Louis. This entire time I was thinking that he would be just fine. I thought nothing bad could happen to him, but it turns out it can.

I can't get the vision of Louis all alone and cold in a room out of my mind. He's laying there, injured and with bruises and cuts all over his body. I don't know if he can hear or feel things and if he's even aware of his surroundings. Maybe he isn't here at all, oblivious to the world, but nonetheless, it freaks me out like hell.

It's killing me not to know and it's killing me not to be with him right now.

"Please, Sir," I speak, but my voice is barely coming out. "Can I go see him?"

"Are you family?" the doctor asks.

"Yes," I say without thinking. "Well, no, but I'm supposed to be. We were going to get married toda-"

"Only family can go inside to see him,"

"What? No!" I say, walking closer to the man. "I am practically his family,"

"You're not related. I'm really sorry, but I can't let you in"

"Jay!" I cry out and turn to look at Louis' mom.

She has to help me. I'm feeling as if I'm going to vomit. They can't keep me away from my bloody own fiancé!

Tears are rolling down my face as I'm pacing around the small area. I think I'm hyperventilating again and my vision is blurry.

Liam tries to calm me down, but I shake him off.

I take a step closer to the doctor again, trying to keep my breathing as even as possible.

"Sir, I'm begging you. Louis is my fiancé. I have to be with him. You can't keep me from seeing him" My throat feel tight, almost keeping me from speaking. "Please, he's the most important thing in my life,"

"Yes, please, doctor" Jay then speaks up. "I don't see why it would be such a problem. He and Louis haven't been apart since the day they met. He's with my son more than I am,"

The doctor sighs.

He starts to shake his head again and I lose all my hope once more. 

Then suddenly, Jay takes my hand in hers and looks at the man with hard eyes. 

She insists on taking me in with her.

The doctor still seems to be doubting, but then he finally mutters a quiet 'yes'.

Thank heavens.

"But you're the only exception I'm making," he speaks sternly, clear for the rest of the people in the room to hear.

"Thank you so much, Sir," I tell him and I can't help but to cry quietly.

He nods his head at me before Jay and I walk past him and towards the room Louis is in.

When we enter the room, I shiver.

Louis is in the room alone. 

There's just one bed. The atmosphere is freaking me out and it's quite dark in here as well. There's only a small lamp turned on in the corner of the room.

I've been thinking about this moment over and over when I was in the waiting room. I imagined myself practically running over to Louis' side, but now, I'm taking the smallest steps forward as possible. I'm scared to see Louis and the state he is in because reality will hit me all over again and like I said, I don't think I'll be able to stop crying once I start.

Jay is already at Louis' side, though. 

She's taking his hand in hers as she kneels down and looks at her son's unconscious body. Big tears roll down her cheeks as she kisses Louis' hand and closes her eyes.

I don't know whether I should comfort her or not.

I need a moment with Louis just like Jay is having now. I have to tell Louis how scared I am, but for me to do that, I want to be alone with him. That's why I assume Johannah would like a moment alone as well, so I let her.

I'm standing in the empty space between the door and the bed Louis is on. 

I can't see much of him yet. But it's good because I just don't want to believe it's him.

There are tubes and wires coming from him and they go into weird boxes. There's a heart monitor and it's beeping every few seconds. I've only been in here for a minute, but it's already stressing me out.

My eyes catch sight of Jay. She gets up slowly and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She walks over to me after that and pulls me into another hug.

I welcome it.

"I'll let you have some time alone," she whispers. "I'm going to call the girls and some other family members. I'll be outside if you need me,"

I only nod and don't even look at her as she walks out. Even though Louis is right there, I suddenly feel terribly alone.

My eyes fix on the motionless body in front of me. I approach him as slowly as possible, but I'm next to his bed within seconds.

His eyes are closed, his face is damaged and his lips are busted. 

I can barely bring myself to look at him. 

His face is recognisable, but with all the swollen parts and the cuts and bruises, I barely realise it's him.

There's a cap over his mouth. It's probably giving him oxygen, which is good and keeps him alive, but it's a scary sight.

More tubes and wires catch my attention and there's information on the small computer next to him. Only, I don't understand what it means. I guess it's tracking his breathing or his blood pressure or something.

I don't even want to think about it if I'm honest.

Some more of his exposed skin is bruised and holds cuts. He's wearing this hospital gown and it makes him look even paler.

I never thought I'd have to see Louis like this.

He doesn't move even a bit when I grab his hand and sit down on the chair next to his bed.

I bite my lip to keep me from crying, but I already feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. My lip trembles under my teeth and my eyes start to burn.

Louis' skin feels just like it always has -minus the cuts- but the sight in front of me breaks me down. It's aching my heart. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to Louis. He's the last person on this planet to deserve this.

I let out another sob. 

Can you blame me?

I let my head fall down on Louis' arm with the next sob and cry out against his skin. I don't know if he can hear me or feel me, but I can feel him and I'm here. I'm not letting go of him. I can't.

I don't know how much time has passed, but I'm still holding Louis' as tight as possible and I'm still crying. I've probably soaked his hospital gown by now but I don't care about it.

The universe has taken the love of my life. I'm so thankful Louis is still breathing, but in a way it feels like he's not even. 

He's not really here and he can't speak with me.

I feel so powerless. I don't think there's anything I can do to save him, but I need to and that's what drives me mad.

"Lou," I try to say, but it sounds more like a muffled sob. 

My lips move against Louis' now wetted skin, but he doesn't even flinch.

I lift my head ever so slightly.

My face must be red, my eyes swollen and my cheeks puffy, but I don't give a shit. Not when I can see the injuries on Louis from just an inch away. They look so weird from up close.

"Lou," I say again after clearing my throat. "I'm so sorry," I cry out. "This shouldn't have happened. I should've- I can't-"

Another sob escapes my lips. I feel like I can't reach him. There's no way I can make him listen to me. And even if he was, there's no way he can show me.

I once read an article about a person who claimed he could hear everything when he was in a coma. You see it in movies too, but it's kind of hard for me to believe it right now.

Louis doesn't make a sound nor does he move even just the slightest. It's as if he's asleep, only I don't hear his soft snores and the small things he always mumbles in his slumber. He doesn't roll over or nuzzle his face in the pillow.

"Louis," I speak up through my tears. "I need you to fight, okay? You have to fight," I cry. "Not only for me but for your mom and sisters too. Lou, fight for the boys. I need you to be strong, okay?"

I can't continue what I was saying because more sobs take over my voice. I don't have the strength to look at him in this state any longer. I bury my face between his arm and hip. 

My words knit together in my mind and I can't even recall what I was trying to say to him in the first place.

This entire day feels so surreal.

But I won't let it consume me. I will stay and never leave his side or let go of his hand for even a split second. I will be here the moment Louis wakes up. I'll be by his side.

Forever and always.