A sigh leaves my lips as I feel myself slowly awaken from my sleep.

My body feels tired. As if I've aged up forty years overnight. But weirdly enough, I also feel well-rested. This was the best lie-down I've had since the world turned hollow and dark. I've actually been asleep for a change.

A strong smell of tomato figths it's way into my nostrils as I turn to my side. I groan at the sensation and pull my sheets over my face.

What is placed on my bedside table cannot go unseen even with my eyes still closed. I know mum means it well, but yet another bowl of soup is getting ridiculous. It's the fourth one given to me and I've only been here since last night.

I push myself up from my warm spot in the bed and fixate my vision on the bowl of liquid. I allow my brain to wonder about silly things like the origin of soup and all things related to it. I think about nothing important and feel light and empty for a while. Until, then suddenly, Louis pops up in my mind. His eyes are sparkling with blue and a witty smile is plastered on his face. It's how I like to see him most. My favourite version of him. It's a side of Louis that I might lose forever..

The memories from yesterday click together like a puzzle and sweat breakes out from under my pits. It's in that exact moment that my blank mind clouds with worries and sadness fills the empty spaces in my bones. It makes me nudge the bowl of tomato away from me in disgust.

Even in my old bed from when I was a child, a bed that was never Louis's and mine to own together, it still feels weird to wake up alone. I'm so used to having Louis right beside me. And today, I feel intensely alone.

I jump from the bed and stumble around my old room, bumping into everything in my way to get to my phone. When I click it on, there's no message. No new call. Nothing.

I throw on my shirt and jeans from the day before and hurry out of the tiny room.

I want to see him. I need to. I'll maybe have break an entrance since it's only seven in the morning -no visiting hours- but I couldn't care any less.

I'm coming for my man. The love of my life.

-

When I arrive at the hospital in my mum's hot-pink car, it's still pretty dark outside. And I'm glad. I think this adds to my favour. Because in the dark clothes that I'm wearing, I won't attract attention as much. Although that's a different story for the pink car... So let's just ignore that.

I park her in the most distant parking-spot available and swing myself out of the vehicle.

I only know which floor Louis was on before he got taken away. Before his heart stopped beating. But that room is still my best shot at getting to him.

I'm sure he's back there by now. He must be. I haven't had a call from the hospital. I haven't heard from the boys. So I just know Louis is alive. I can feel he's okay and breathing. He would never leave me alone in this world.

His hospital room is on the second floor. I debate going through the window for a moment, but then realise they'll probably never open. And what if there's an alarm on them?

My best shot is the front door. If I go in there slowly, like I belong, no one will notice. And then still, I just have to try.

I make my way over to the entrance with my head and shoulders ducked down. I don't see anyone so far. My only fear is that there'll be people at the reception-desk.

The door is large and made out of glass. Anyone with eyes could see my standing in front of it by now, but not a soul seems to notice. The door is a two-piece and has the be opened from the middle. When, after a deep breath, I do so, I'm actually relieved it takes me so much strenght. If these doors were to open automatically (like they usually do) it would've definitely caught notice of some guards.

I take the next four small steps and laugh to myself when I realise I'm actually inside. My confidence is cut short though, as my vision lands on the three secretaries chatting at the desk right in front of me.

I stop dead in my tracks.

None of them have seen me yet. And it surprises me how a dark figure -not more than five feet away- doesn't even catch their eye. Or flaunt a panic. Nonetheless, this is a good thing for me. The ladies are still chatting. Still sipping coffee, eating their morning pastries. And as scared as I am, I decide to keep walking.

I don't know what is happening to my conficence, but I like how I feel right now. It's now or never. Be bold or forever lose your loved one. I feel like I can rule the world.

I move slowly and try to keep an even pace. I keep my arms at my sides, my head turned into the direction I want to go. I try to keep everything still and move only my feet. I feel like a moving statue. But in addition to this, I still hear the women chatting. It doubles my confidence.

Once I reach the right door, I scurry through it and fly up the stairs.

It's only two levels up to reach the floor I'm meant to go. I take three steps at a time. When I get to the top, I don't spot any doctors or guards and feel safe enough to push the heavy door open.

All there's left for me to do, is walk down the corridor. And it's never seemed so long.

My heart is pounding when I finally -and actually- reach the door to Louis' hospital room. I can't believe I got here without any security running after me or some shitty doctor holding me back. I should become a ninja or a super-spy.

I lay my trembling hand on the door and waste no more time in opening it. I'm absolutely ready to see my Louis. Ready to have him get better and to take him home.

I ninja-crawl inside and jump up with a smile on my face. My hands are up at my sides as to say: 'I'm here, my love!'.

But the smile drops from my lips just like my heart drops out of my chest.

The bed is empty.

It's made up perfectly, sheets folded neatly over the ends of the mattress. The monitors are out. Curtains closed. There's no sigh of Louis. This bed in front of me hasn't been slept in.

Louis isn't here.

And I can't stop my brain from listing all horrible things that could have happened.

-

Niall's POV

The lads are still asleep. I don't know what Harry is doing but whatever it is, I hope he's okay. I hope he can cope, even if it's just a little.

I leave Liam's side and crawl off the couch. I step over Zayn who's fallen asleep on the floor and make my way to my bedroom. We drank our sorrows away yesterday, but I think we've all had a pint or two too much. I didn't even make it into my own bed last night. I don't think we are to blame for it though, because we're this close to losing our friend. I have no idea if Louis is alright or if he's even still with us. It's hard to explain what a fear like this does to your body. It makes your bones feel like stone. Like you can't and don't even want to move anymore. Then there's also the grief. Which is constantly closing my throat. I don't really feel connected to the world.

When I see my puffy, freshly washed sheets, I throw myself on top of them.

I breathe in deeply and lay my head to rest on my pillow.

On the yellow wall in front of me is a picture of all five of us. All lads together. When times were much, much better.

I feel the darkness come over me and my lips start to tremble again. I have so many memories with Louis. Must be millions of them. But then bear in mind, we've been best mates for ages.

I could get lost in memories of him. I could drown in them if I wanted to. We've had so many laughs. Both of us can be so annoying at times. Mostly, that's a lot of fun, but it has also caused plenty of fights between us.

I will forever remember the day we were put together on the X-Factor. I've got that one engraved in my heart. We hadn't met until shortly before that moment. Louis seemed a bit too bubbly for my liking. He even dressed weird. But something of him struck me from day one. I couldn't help but to love him. I love all four boys. And when the judges told us we were going to be group.. well.. I don't think I've ever felt so much joy in my life. Then to be able to share this feeling with four amazing others, made my life complete.

I have yet to shake Louis' enormous smile. A smile he held from the very start. And the way he held Harry.. I just knew that they were destined to be together.

I also knew that Louis was destined to play football. Something he loved to do next to singing. You could see it in everything. He did it so well. And I used to come to all his matches. I loved standing at the sidelines with Harry, cheering like idiots, and watching Louis do his magic. He would turn around every once in a while and flash us the biggest smile. He was amazing at the sport.

Is. He still is.

I sit up in panic. I can't think of Louis as if he's already gone. It makes me feel sick.

If I am to think of Louis, I have to keep focussing on the happy moments. And send him my prayers that he'll be alright. So we can sing together again, so I can keep visiting his football matches, so we can have beers together and gossip about Harry like we used to. He needs to get better so he can be at my side at our next performance. And the following photoshoots.

I can still recall every single photoshoot we've done together. We'd always joke around and annoy the photographer. I don't dare say the number of things we've broken on sets like this.  We're idiots. Both of us just as weird.

And I'm happily surprised that I laugh at this, alone in my bed.

These memories are golden. I'm so thankful to have them.

-

Harry's POV

Tears roll down my cheeks. I watch the droplets fall and collide on the cold, hard floor.

Fear combines itself with grief, loss and panic. I feel powerless. As if I've already lost everything that I held dear in this world. I'm confused. I don't understand why Louis isn't back in his room. The doctors told me they were doing everything to save him. And I refuse to think they failed. It doesn't add up.

I hear the door open behind me. That same shitfaced doctor steps inside. He's got a phone in hand.

"I've got him," he tells the device and then hides it in his back pocket. His face is dark and I know now that he's not going to understand how I feel. "Harry," he speaks then. "I thought I told you to go home."

I don't want to hear it. I take a shaky breath and try to stand tall even though my heartache is killing me. A combination of anguish and defeat force new tears to appear in my eyes. But I can't give up yet.

"Where's Louis?"

But there's only deafening silence.

"Would you please tell me where he is?"

The doctor doesn't say a thing. Only when I step in front of him, our eyes leveled and only inches apart, does he start to talk. Out of his mouth comes the same rubbish as before;

"It's really best you go home and wait for our call."

I can't identify the sound that I make, but it's because all my emotions crash at once. I push the doctor aside and drag my heavy body out of the room. Just like I did yesterday, when Louis was first taken away.

My face is red and illuminated with tears as I rush around the building. I run into one hallway and dart out of another. I open every door, look in every corner. But he's not here.

As I run past another corner, I crash into a nurse. "I'm looking for Louis," I cry out as I nearly get to my knees in front of her. "L-Louis? M-my fiance?" But her eyes are empty and I can't wait around to hear an answer to my plead. She's already said enough.

I can't breath and the building starts spinning around me. I don't know where to look for him.

I step into every room, slide away every curtain. I search the loo's and elevators. I run from one wall to the other and see things I should never have to see. But Louis is not in any of these places. And it's all I can focus on.

I can't find him. He's not here.