Chapter Sixteen

♪ Soundtrack: Sex You Back To Sleep by Chris Brown ♪

One thing about Jimin Park that had been so untamed and uncontrolled when it came to me, he always had ways to punish me every time I went against his will.

Nakakatawang isipin na ang isang Jimin Park ay agad na tumitiklop sa mga salita ko at nasisindak sa mga titig ko, ngunit agad din naman akong bumibigay sa mga kilos niya. His sweet kisses, his hot touches and every breaths of praise to me all sent me to the highest means of submission that I couldn't do anything but to submit to him all over again.

Maybe it wasn't really about him, submitting to me, maybe he couldn't just let me go 'cause I gave him satisfaction and pleasure so he would really deal with me, until he needed me. Maybe it was really about me, submitting to him 'cause if everything of this ended, if he even found me not useful anymore, I couldn't see myself submitting to any other guy but him.

It was Jimin Park or no one else.

"I could feel you starting to stray from me," aniya sa mahina at paos na tinig na pumuno sa tahimik na silid.

Banayad akong ngumiti habang pikit ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman kong banayad na humahaplos ang mainit niyang palad sa hubad kong likod habang nakadapa ako at nakahiga siya sa tabi ko. Ang asul at mabangong comforter—that had the evidence of him—ng kama niya ay nakatakip hanggang sa may baywang ko at ipinapakita ang maputi at makinis kong likod.

I was still so sore because of what we just did and I didn't think I was ready for another round. Kadalasan, nakaka-idlip na ako sa tuwing nakakatapos kami ng isang round, ngunit hindi ngayon, that he just shook the hell out of me.

Dumating siya sa ARMY Pools kanina nang hindi nag-iisa dahil kasama niya sina Kuya Yoongi at Kuya Namjoon, na hindi ko na inalam pa kung paano niya na-isama gayong busy ang mga ito. I was too stunned of his appearance though I was expecting him so I didn't also have the chance to think of Kuya Hoseok, Kuya Jin and Jungkook's whereabouts.

Ang nakakatakot na presensiya lang ni Jimin ang tanging tumatak sa buong sistema ko kanina nang makita ko siyang pumasok sa loob ng pool room, his pair of dark and pitch small eyes was instantly fixed to me as his intimidating and striking presence strode towards my direction.

I could still remember the way his jaw hardly clenched when I stood up from sitting on the couch and took little steps away from him because of fear. The rage through his eyes, they were new yet so familiar.

"Fvck you, Taehyung. Nakakarami ka na!" galit niyang sigaw nang bago pa siya makalapit sa akin ay hinarangan na siya ni Taehyung habang hawak ng huli ang isang cue stick. He looked too mad but very restricted, his fist were tightly closed when my eyes lowered down.

Para siyang handa nang manapak anumang oras. Ngunit kahit na sa kalagitnaan pa ng kaguluhang iyon ay nagawa ko pang hangaan ang natural niyang ayos na hinding-hindi ko na yata talaga makakasayanan.

Naiintindihan ko kung si Cielo Severino ang dahilan kung bakit magulo ang blonde niyang buhok at hindi na naman maayos ang necktie niya dahil kung ako si Cielo Severino, baka mas messy pa siya sa lagay niya ngayon. But damn it, gusto kong ako ang gumagawa noon sa kaniya! Ako lang! And don't even ask me where was this greed coming from, 'cause even myself, was so damn confused.

From behind Jimin, nakita kong hinawakan ni Kuya Yoongi ang balikat ni Kuya Namjoon nang subukan nitong lapitan ang dalawa para pigilan dahil sa tensiyong nagsisimulang mamuo.

"What is your problem? Sht, Jimin! We're just hanging out!" Taehyung answered in a same furious tone, his natural deep and raspy tone sounded so dangerous. Kumpara kay Taehyung, Jimin was more uncontrolled and untamed, at sa estado ng galit niya ngayon, I didn't think it was a good idea for Taehyung to get on Jimin's way.

Alam kong hindi sila magsasapakan dito, their friendship was too deep and sensual for them to throw a fist onto each other for a petty reason like this. Pero hindi rin naman ako puwedeng magpakampante dahil sa nakikita kong galit ni Jimin—that was a little bit out of the box for me, baka mag-away talaga sila, isa pa, nagmumurahan na sila. Kaya bago pa man mangyari iyon ay mabilis ko nang pinutol ang distansiya namin.

I softly held Jimin's arm 'cause despite the fear in my heart for his sudden anger, I knew, I could still calm him down. Hindi na niya kailangan pang isisi kay Taehyung ang lahat dahil kasalanan ko, ako ang nagdala rito kay Taehyung at ako rin ang nagyayang mag-ditch.

Kung may dapat man siyang pagalitan, ako iyon.

My heart drummed wildly when his face softened just as our eyes met. Kailan ba ako masasanay sa malalamlam niyang mga mata? Pakiramdam ko, lulunurin ako ng mga mata niya sa lalim ng mga ito at nakakapagtakang handang-handa ako… sisisirin ko pa ang mga iyon.

In exchange, I wanted those eyes to only look at me.

"You're being too unreasonable, Jimin. Sort it out immediately and stop what you're doing or else, I wouldn't help but interfere. Remember, hindi lang ikaw ang kaibigan ko."

What Taehyung said confused me.

Hindi ko na nagawa pang itanong ang kung anumang ibig sabihin ni Taehyung sa sinabi niya dahil galit na itinulak na siya ni Jimin saka ako marahang hinawakan sa kamay at hinila palabas ng pool room, both Kuya Namjoon and Kuya Yoongi silently giving way for us.

Wala kaming imik pareho hanggang sa makasakay kami sa kotse niya at makarating sa bahay nila.

Good thing his parents were not home and his brother was still at the school when we arrived.

Dumiretso kami sa kuwarto niya hanggang sa nakita ko na lang ang sarili kong muling dumadaing dahil sa mga halik niyang mapagparusa at mga haplos na nagpapaligaya sa akin, kulang na lang ay kusang mamutawi sa bawat pagdaing ko ang pangalan niya. But no, for as long as I was still unaware of what we were, of what I felt for him, I would never moan his name.

Just not yet.

Making him furious would really lead us to that thing. At wala akong kakayahan para tanggihan siya dahil lahat… gusto ko ang lahat ng mga ginagawa niya sa akin.

I tightly pressed my lips together when I felt his hand slowly going its way down the deeper part of my waist. Sa sobrang banayad at rahan ng haplos niya pakiramdam ko ay hindi pa siya tapos sa pagpaparusa sa akin. His hand went even smoother while trailing an invisible line down my bottoms, his heat burning my spine and leaving an aching on my still very sore yet sensitive core.

"Ugh…" I silently moaned when his fingers found my still sore yet already wet folds and slowly eased one long and slick finger inside, curling and squirming as if teasing my walls. Mariin kong kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi ko at pinagdikit ang mga hita ko nang magsimulang gumalaw ang daliri niya sa loob ko, nararamdaman ko na naman ang pag-usbong ng kakaibang init na iyon sa puson ko.

"Taehyung was just rambling nonsense, wala siyang alam, east. Wala siyang alam…" bulong niya malapit sa tainga ko na damang-dama ko ang nanunuyang mga labi niyang dumadampi sa punong-tainga ko. He was still not yet done punishing me. He knew too well how to freaking tease me and he was using it to punish me.

Isa sa pinaka-ayaw niya ay ang nag-di-ditch ako at hindi ako nagsasabi sa kaniya ng mga lakad ko, so he had my phone a GPS tracker. It was fine with me, it never bothered me, also I wanted to assure him. Pero iyong galit niya kanina kay Taehyung, it was like it was rooted from something deep… I couldn't understand.

"Oh, p-please…" I breathed heavily as his finger started moving in and out of me in an agonizingly slow pace. Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa malambot at mabangong unan dahil sa mga ungol na hindi ko mapapayagang kumawala sa bibig ko, at nahihirapan akong magpigil dahil sa ginagawa niya sa akin.

He was torturing me!

"He doesn't know how I can fvcking crash everyone who'll get in my way, I can even give up everything just for you, Hannan. So he doesn't have a single right to give me an ultimatum."

"Jimin!" I desperately cried out when in an instant, the movement of his finger went pleasurably fast, hitting a sensitive spot inside me that he knew, could easily nip out my left sanity and control. Inangat ko ang sarili ko at mabilis siyang pinangababawan. Just as his other free arm went snaking around my waist, I dipped down to claim his awaiting lips.

Who cared if I was still so sore? Damn, soreness was nothing compared to the heavenly pleasure he was making me feel again!

Naramdaman ko ang pagngisi niya sa gitna ng halikan namin dahil malamang sa biglaang pagtawag ko sa pangalan niya kanina. It was just an instant expression because I couldn't take the pleasure anymore. His chest under my breast made a tingling vibration when he laughed that tightened even more the pool in my stomach.

"Next time, I'll make sure you'll really moan my name." Nagawa niyang putulin ang halik para lang sabihin iyon kaya nang muling magdikit ang mga labi namin ay buong lakas kong kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi niya ngunit ang walanghiya, tinawanan lang ulit ako.

Deep inside me, I knew, it wouldn't take long anymore before I could finally moan his name. No, not out of pleasure but out of something else, something deeper and stronger.

Something I had been trying to find out.

Pinanood ko siya habang isinusuot na niya ang pulang blazer niya malapit sa pinto ng walk-in closet niya matapos niyang manggaling sa kuwarto ng mga magulang niya para magpatulong kay Tita Janna na ayusin ang necktie niya.

Seriously, hindi ba dapat ay inaaral niya kung paano iyon ginagawa? Like, hindi naman puwedeng si Tita Janna na lang palagi.

"Mom said you should learn how to do it," aniya habang pinaplantsa na ngayon ang blazer niya gamit ang mga palad niya at matamang nakatitig sa akin.

Prente lang akong naka-upo sa ibabaw ng kama niya, magkapatong ang mga hita dahil tapos na akong magbihis at mag-ayos, mabuti na lang at ribbon ang sa aming mga babae dahil hindi rin ako marunong mag-ayos ng necktie.

"What?" kunot-noong tanong ko dahil hindi ko alam kung anong kailangan kong matutunan.

"This, fixing my tie, east. Sabi niya, ikaw raw dapat ang gumagawa nito para sa akin." Tinalikuran niya ako para pumasok sa loob ng walk-in closet niya habang hindi ko napigilang magtaas ng kilay.

What? Did I look like his maid or his babysitter? Bakit ko naman gagawin iyon? Baka masakal ko lang siya kung sakali mang ako ang mag-aayos ng necktie niya dahil maaalala ko lang kung paanong nasisira iyon dahil sa mga babae niya.

Nang lumabas siya ay may suot na siyang pares ng palawit sa mga tainga niya, the last time I remembered, they were color gold, ngayon ay silver na ang mga iyon samantalang simpleng pares lang ng emerald stones ang gamit ko.

It was really funny how he could perfectly bring that getup when most of the guys copying him were failing miserably, ang iba kasi ay nagmumukhang bakla.

Isang silver Rolex naman ang nasa kanang pulupulsuhan niya para kompletuhin ang ayos niya ngayon araw.

I would really love his over all appearance only if he wouldd turn back his hair to black. Ilang buwan na siyang blonde at sumasakit na ang mga mata ko sa dami na ng blondes sa school. Damn, were they even aware how trying hard they looked?!

"I'm not your babysitter. Hindi ba't ikaw ang dapat na matuto? Why pass me the trouble?" inis kong sabi habang masama ang tingin sa buhok niyang nakaparte sa gitna kaya ipinapakita ang makinis niyang noo.

"You don't get it, east. She's assuming you to be my wife at bilang asawa ko, dapat lang na gawin mo iyon." He brushed his hair up with his fingers, but just like how soft they looked, they just came back from how they were.

His wife… that was something we couldn't predict. Lalo na sa estado pareho ng pagkatao at relasyon namin, pero kung sakali mang magagawa ngang kontrolin nina Tita Janna at Tito Nigel ang future namin pareho para lang masunod ang gusto nila… I didn't think I would ever go against it. Never.

Being his wife would be the very best thing that could happen.

Pinakamalaking katanungan sa isipan ko nang makarating kami sa school at sumaktong kararating lang din ni Jungkook matapos i-park ang motor niya sa usual spot nito na hindi naman kalayuan sa sasakyan ni Jimin, ay kung bakit mukhang hindi yata sila nag-uusap? When in fact, in normal days, they would usually greet each other and even do their man-to-man fist bump but today, it was just a no-talk walk towards our room.

Nag-away ba sila? I thought it was just Taehyung and Jimin?

Kahit nang marating namin ang room ay ni hindi man lang lumingon si Jungkook para magpaalam kay Jimin samantalang nagtatakang pinanood ko lang ang napaka-rude at walang emosyon niyang entrada papasok.

Natahimik ang ilan sa mga kaklase ko nang makita siya, sa hitsura niya kasi, hindi mo talaga gugustuhing istorbohin pa. Palagi naman siyang ganoon, nakakapagtaka lang talaga ngayon kasi parang may mali.

"East," tawag sa akin ni Jimin kaya nilingon ko siya. Kunot-noo siyang nakatitig sa akin at pinid na pinid ang mga labi. There was really something wrong. At hindi nila sinasabi sa akin.

"Did you two fight?" tanong ko para mapunan ang kalituhan sa isipan ko.

"We didn't. Sabay tayong mag-la-lunch." Umiling siya saka hinawakan ang mukha ko para halikan na ako sa noo pero mabilis kong hinawakan ang mga braso niya at iniwas ang mukha ko.

"What about Cielo Severino?"

Bumuntong-hininga siya saka pagod na tumitig sa akin. He looked upset but he was trying not to let it get to him, his eyes fell so sadly while staring back at me. It actually pained me to see his sad and tired eyes, as if he was telling me that he was so tired of everything.

At sino bang may pasimuno ng lahat ng ito? Hannan Urduja.

Kahit saang anggulo ko tingnan, ako ang dahilan kung bakit ganito ang mga mata niya ngayon.

That for as much as I didn't want to see him like this, I couldn't help but realize that this was us. Kung wala ang mga kalokohan naming ito, kung wala ang ganitong setup namin, wala ring kami, wala ang lahat ng mga sikreto namin.

This was what we were, all of this was what we could only be.

"You need to be with Cielo Severino," I said with finality through clenched teeth. Mabilis akong nag-iwas ng tingin dahil ayaw kong makita ang bawat pagbabago ng emosyon sa mga mata niya.

It would only hurt me more.

Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak niya sa magkabilang pisngi bago ko maramdamang banayad na dumampi ang malalambot niyang mga labi sa noo ko. It hurt, it damn hurt because deep inside me, I also wanted to have lunch with him like we always did. I wanted to be with him every minute, see his handsome face as he sweetly smiled at me and stare at his pair of small eyes as he lovely stared back.

Alam ko, malapit na ako. I was getting there, to the point where I could already decipher what the hell was this damn feeling I had for him.

Sobrang mahalaga siya para sa akin, that I could probably spend the rest of the day with him and it wouldn't be enough, I would need more. That I could probably do anything just to keep him with me even if it meant, I would have to endure every damn woman he would flirt with. That I could probably give everything that it would take me just to keep what we had, just to keep him.

And damnation, I couldn't wait to find out why the hell would I willingly be fine with such ordeal!

Dahil ayaw ko siyang mawala, could be a good reason but I knew, there was more than that, something acceptable and reasonable.

Something deeper and beyond.

"Pumasok ka na," he said in a low and soft voice, surrendering to me again just as I willed my feet to turn around and go in the room, not even giving him a look.

Ayaw kong bawiin ang sinabi ko. Looking at him would only make things harder for me.

Si Cielo Severino dapat ang kasama niya sa lunch, iyon ang dapat mangyari. Isa pa, kaunting panahon na lang ang titiisin namin at matatapos na ang lahat ng ito.

Maybe we could both have a break. Willing naman akong pagtuunan ng pansin ang nararamdaman kong ito. Willing akong alamin kung ano itong nararamdaman ko sa kaniya.

May ilang minuto pa bago dumating ang aming unang teacher kaya maingay pa ang buong klase at may kaniya-kaniya pang mga pinagkaka-abalahan, but most of us were holding our phones.

May mga panibago na namang issue sa LSAC Papers, ganoon pa rin, karamihan pa rin ay tungkol sa BTS. May isang article pa roon kung saan featured ang BTS Seniors dahil sa nalalapit na graduation, puno ang comment section ng mga nag-iiyakang mga comments dahil mawawala na raw ang mga ito sa LSAC.

'My team captain @agustD will be living soon!'

At may kasama pa iyong crying emoticon. Si Kuya Yoongi ang tinutukoy niya dahil naka-mention pa ang username ng private account nito sa website.

I just hoped hindi magalit si Kuya Yoongi dahil sobrang private ng taong iyon, or would he even waste time checking this? Ni hindi nga yata siya nag-aabalang bisitahin man lang itong website.

I heard he was busy both with the upcoming graduation and the passing of captain position to a qualified member in the basketball team.

'Culinary ang kukunin ni @wwhandsome, right?'

How creepy! Paano naman nila nalamang iyon ang kukunin ni Kuya Jin? Fine, it was not really a secret but that was supposed to be a private thing!

Isa pa, I didn't think Kuya Jin would seriously take up culinary. Lahat ng BTS Seniors ay business administration ang kukunin, maging si Ate Milan.

'@sexybrain, congratulations baby! Ikaw pa rin ang top hanggang dulo!'

I rolled my eyes. Pinigilan ko ang sarili kong pindutin ang username ng nag-comment na iyon nang makita kong hindi lang siya ang tumatawag ng ganoon kay Kuya Namjoon, marami ring reactions at replies ang comment na iyon, mostly, mga babaeng pinag-aagawan si Kuya Namjoon.

"Seriously, these people are pathetic." Hindi ko napigilang sabihin saka nagpatuloy sa pagbabasa.

May ilan ding mga walanghiyang babae ang nag-mention kay Kuya Hoseok para iparating ang kanilang congratulations, there were also some who also mentioned my sister.

"Hannan."

"Shocking news!" Napasigaw ako at halos maitapon ko ang phone ko nang may magsalita sa likod ko, mabuti sana kung banayad lang ang boses niya e, matigas at malalim iyon. Mabilis akong lumingon at agad na sinamaan ng tingin ang kung sinuman para singhalan ngunit kinain na lang ng pagsinghap ko ang dapat ay sasabihin ko dahil sa lapit ng mukha niya sa akin.

My eyes widened at the sight of his deep chocolate eyes that stared blandly yet so deeply at me and how his nose barely passed the tip of mine when I suddenly turned.

"What… what the h-hell?" Dahan-dahan akong umatras saka mabilis na tumayo nang agad na nanuot sa pang-amoy ko ang natural niyang pam-baby na bango. "Bakit ka b-ba nanggugulat?!"

Gusto kong tampalin ang dibdib ko dahil sa pagkaka-utal. Like, bakit ako nauutal?!

"Wala ka sa afternoon classes kahapon," Jungkook said in a firm voice while still staring blandly at me. Ni hindi man lang siya kumurap dahil sa pagsinghal ko sa kaniya ngunit agad din siyang umayos ng tayo mula sa pagkakayuko niya kanina. Ibinulsa niya ang dalawang kamay niya at prenteng tumayo sa harap ko.

And it was not my duty to tell him everything about me! A-absent ako kung kailan ko gusto at wala siyang paki-alam! Hindi dahil pumayag akong i-tutor siya noong nakaraang gabi ibig sabihin ay okay na kami!

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "What do you care?" inis kong tanong saka humalukipkip para ipakitang hindi ako intimidated sa presensiya niya.

Hindi talaga!

"May quiz tayo kahapon, Hannan." His jaw clenched as if he was pissed off 'cause I couldn't get what he was saying. At hindi ko talaga makukuha kung bakit niya ako pinakiki-alaman.

Buwisit na ito. At kung makapagsalita siya, akala mo hindi ko alam na may quiz kahapon. Hindi ba niya alam na siya ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako pumasok? Dahil naiinis ako sa hindi ko maintindihang pakiramdam ko para sa kaniya.

"So? Hindi iyon ikabababa ng grades ko. Mind your own business, will you?!" angil ko sa kaniya para malaman niyang mas kailangan niya ang quiz na iyon. Akmang babalik na ako sa pag-upo nang mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang braso ko kaya muli akong napatingin sa kaniya.

His eyes never went otherwise, nanatili ang mga itong walang emosyong nakatitig sa akin ngunit ang higpit ng hawak niya sa braso ko ang nagsasabing hindi siya pleased. I swore, makakatanggap siya sa akin ng sampal kapag nagkapasa ang braso kong mahigpit niyang hawak.

Just so he knew, I had a sensitive skin!

For a while, I just wanted to give my weakening knees a break and hold to his arms tighter so that I wouldn't stumble down because of his dark stares but I strongly educated my mind that I shouldn't ever do it. Hindi ko gagawin iyon! At bakit ko gagawin iyon?!

"Bitaw nga!"

"I answered the quiz properly yesterday and I got forty-three over fifty. That's for you…"