Edited and republished
041119

- Hannan ♥

Special Chapter

Noon pa lang ay hindi ko na talaga gusto ang ideya ng pagbubuntis, lalo na kung magaganap iyon bago ang kasal sa murang edad. Hindi ko kailanman isusulong ang teenage pregnancy, kahit na guilty as charged ako sa paulit-ulit na pag-commit ng premarital sex.

It was inevitable for Jimin and I, I might be guilty for admitting it, I wouldn't deny the fact that I loved everything about our relationship.

Noon ko pa tinanggap sa sarili ko kung ano kami sa isa't isa at noon pa lang, pinatunayan ko na sa kaniya kung gaano ko siya kamahal na kaya kong baliin ang prinsipiyo ko maging ang batas ng diyos para lang sa kaniya.

We were sinners, we were immoral human beings but only because we were not perfect, we were humans with a lot of flaws and imperfections.

At habang naka-upo ako sa toilet lid sa loob ng banyo ng office na inilaan para sa akin ni Daddy rito sa main office ng U-Co., habang nakatitig ako sa bagay na nasa mga palad ko na tila isa iyong napakalaking pala-isipan ay damang-dama ko ang mabilis at malakas na tibok ng puso ko.

I didn't want to acknowledge the truth being lent right in front of my eyes because my mind was constantly standing up by its principle—my ass—because I knew how misplaced it was. Also, for the first time since ever, my heart had to agree with my mind, they became on the same boat, failing to accept the truth.

Damn it, kahit ako! Kahit ako ay hindi ko rin matanggap. I wasn't ready for it! I didn't like it! I knew, I would never be, in that very moment.

Kusang nagpakawala ng mga luha ang mga mata ko kahit na walang pahintulot ko. I was too messed up to even mind it. My hands that cradled the white rectangular thing started shaking as everything also started sinking into my mentality.

I almost felt like vomiting, hoping it would make me vomit what I had put myself into.

Yes, pinangarap kong maging ina ng magiging anak ni Jimin pero hindi kailanman sa ganitong pagkakataon.

Mga bata pa kami. I just graduated and I still had yet to find out what I really liked in this world, kasama si Jimin doon pero marami pa akong gustong malaman. I still wanted to explore my life, set and achieve goals, and being pregnant and a mother wasn't something that ever crossed my mind. So instead of being happy like I knew any normal woman would do, I just sat on top of the toilet bowl, crying and mourning for all the goals and dreams I would probably lose if I would decide to keep it.

I wasn't a murderer and I was afraid to become one just because I was both scared and unprepared, I couldn't go on to this without properly equipped with knowledge and courage, I knew I would fail.

"That… that sucks," ani Mira na mas nagpalala ng nararamdaman ko.

I had to tell someone about it, kung hindi ay baka hindi ko kayanin at tuluyan akong makagawa ng desisiyong maaari kong pagsisihan. Ayaw ko ring mabaliw kaka-isip ng tungkol sa bagay na iyon kaya kinailangan ko ng taong makaka-usap. I knew Mira wouldn't understand me, I knew she would only make me feel even worst but she was the only person I could trust with it.

"I know! I don't want to blame him for this 'cause it was my fault for forgetting taking a pill! Mira, I don't like this, n-not at all," naiiyak kong sabi saka ko siya hinila para yakapin. Saglit kong naramdaman ang paggaan ng kalooban ko nang yakapin niya ako pabalik pero muli rin naman niyang pinabigat ang nararamdaman ko sa mga sunod niyang sinabi.

"You've already done a mistake once, so try not to do it again. Kung ako ang nasa kalagayan mo ay paniguradong itatakwil ko pati sarili ko pero isipin mo, you have Jimin. He won't let you go through this alone. Let him know, and then make a decision together. This isn't a joke, everything isn't."

I didn't feel comforted through her words maybe because those weren't the exact words I wanted to hear from her, those weren't the exact words my heart and my mind would only want to acknowledge. And well, it was Mira, she would really tell me only those she thought were the right things to do though they weren't very favourable to me.

Hindi rin siya magsasabi ng mga magagandang bagay para lang sa ikagagaan ng loob ko, reason why it was her who I told everything about.

"He has been waiting for this. And I'm afraid to see his eyes fall if I break to him how I don't like any of this. Ang nararadaman niya ang pinakamahalaga rito…"

"Or you can just consider settling down with him, Hannan. That'll be the most right thing to do."

Also that, that might be the most right thing to do, she knew, I would still have to go through a deep thinking about it.

Isa pa, how would Daddy react about this? Hindi siya pabor sa relasyon namin ni Jimin, hindi na niya kailangan pang isatinig iyon sa akin dahil alam ko. He had never treated Jimin the way he did before, at least before was better.

Sa tuwing nasa iisang lugar sila ay ni hindi man lang niya nagagawang batiin o tingnan man lang ang boyfriend ko. He wouldn't even act civil around Jimin, it was as if he didn't know Jimin at all.

That hurt, to be honest for one of the things I had ever wanted in this world was for the two precious men in my life to get along with each other. I wanted to see them both talking and laughing together but my Daddy was still being stubborn and I could only let him, I loved him to the point that I spoiled him too much.

Ayaw ko nang magkagulo na naman kami ni Daddy.

Only if Ate Milan was here, then maybe I wouldn't feel very troubled. Hindi ko sinasabing hindi nakatulong sa akin si Mira, pero kasi, my sister had always been a comfort to me. She never failed to bring ease and peace to my heart whenever I was having an internal mess, she was always there for me and taking part of what I was feeling. And I couldn't believe that only mere thinking about her could somehow do the magic, though short-lived, I felt like I wasn't having any problem at all.

God, I miss my sister!

Hindi ko masabi kay Mira na wala sa plano ko ang bagay na iyon, na hindi kailanman pumasok sa isip ko ang magpakasal sa murang eded.

At twenty-four, still, marriage was a far-off thing for me. It was still a haze momentum, I couldn't even envision myself wearing a wedding gown while vowing to forever love Jimin Park for until death do us part, though I could promise whenever that I would only love him for until death came for my life.

Nilisan ni Mira ang office ko kasama ang ilang bilin sa akin na paniguradong para sa ikabubuti ng buhay na nasa loob ko. She was hesitant to go first but I threw her out of my office giving her th assurance that I wouldn't do something stupid. She was only assured when I agreed to call her if I wasn't feeling very well.

Buong magdamag ay wala akong ginawa kung hindi ang tumunganga lang habang naka-upo sa swivel chair ko. I felt normal in my body, like I didn't have a life inside me. Hindi ko alam kung ilang weeks o months na ito pero kung iisipin kong mabuti, hindi pa naman nag-iisang linggo simula noong gabing mangiyak-ngiyak ako kay Jimin dahil nakalimutan kong mag-take ng pills.

I had always been very particular with my pills, I always made sure I took one in the morning every after we had sex the night before. Wala naman akong matandaang ibang pagkakataon na nakalimutan kong mag-take ng pills maliban sa araw na iyon.

He had me comforted that night, even brought me to the hospital the day after to have me injected of Depo. We were even advised that it worked very effectively, that was why I was surprised that a single cell from Jimin managed to outrace the shot injected on me!

That brute!

I also stopped taking pills already because the Depo worked for three months. Ni hindi ko ma-imagine na bago pa man ako maturukan ng Depo ay may nabuo na kami ni Jimin, o kung possible man iyon dahil isang araw pa lang naman ang lumipas pagkatapos may mangyari sa amin!

How reckless, paano pala kung maka-apekto sa buhay na nasa loob ko ang Depo shot na iyon? I might file a case against the doctor who injected me, seriously.

Maraming beses akong natuksong tawagan si Jimin para papuntahin siya sa office at masabi ko sa kaniya ang tungkol sa kalagayan ko pero ilang beses din akong pinigilan ng kaduwagan ko.

Just a big part of me couldn't let me decide for I knew within me, I was not ready for the uncertainty.

Pakakasalan ako ni Jimin, sigurado iyon at walang duda pero makakaya ko bang maging ina? Masyadong mabigat na responsibilad iyon, kahit nga ang pagiging asawa lang ni Jimin ay masyado nang mabigat sa pandinig.

One, two and several pregnancy tests were used, all showing me the same result. Para bang ipinagsisigawan nilang wala na akong takas, na kahit na anong gawin ko, nangyari na.

Nasa akin talaga ang desisyon.

Nilagay ko sa isang kahon ang lahat ng mga pregnancy test kit na ginamit ko at sinigurado kong itinago ko iyon sa pinaka-ilalim na drawer ng office table ko, ni-lock ko pa iyon para siguradong walang makakita kahit na wala namang magtatangkang maki-alam ng mga gamit ko.

Maaga akong nag-out sa office, sinabihan ko na lang si Jimin pero hindi ko na siya pinapunta para sunduin ako. Sa tingin ko ay kailangan ko munang pag-isipan ang lahat ng ito. Hindi makakatulong sa akin ang presensiya ng lalaking iyon, baka magkaroon lang ako ng mga padalos-dalos na desisyon.

Pag-uwi sa bahay ay sinabihan ko rin si yaya Mia na huwag akong aabalahin. I spent my afternoon browsing on the internet about basic guidelines or simple knowledge about pregnancy.

Mas natakot yata ako sa mga nalaman ko. Mas pinatunayan lang noon na hindi pa talaga ako handa pero ang hindi ko maintindihan, may kung anong pakiramdam sa loob ko… munting pakiramdam nang makita ko ang stages of pregnancy at kung paanong nag-di-develop ang isang sanggol sa loob ng tiyan.

It looked so impossible but very beautiful and amazing at the same time. It felt so surreal and real…

For the nth time, muli na naman akong napahawak sa tiyan ko. Nakakatakot nga ang ideyang may buhay na unti-unting lumalaki sa loob ng tiyan ko pero hindi ko ma-iwasang makaramdam ng amazement sa tuwing naiisip kong kami ni Jimin ang may gawa noon.

It was both of our blood and cells, it was ours.

At kung noon ay masyadong malabo ang larawan ng kinabukasan namin ni Jimin, sa saglit na pagkakataon, malinaw kong nakita ang sarili kong nakangiti habang masayang pinapanood si Jimin… hindi siya nag-iisa dahil nakikipagtawanan siya sa isang bata.

The vision might block my sight of what could be the child's gender, I was sure, it was our child. I was sure that the excitement that shortly picked at my gut was for that very short yet very beautiful vision.

It was very vivid and vague at the same time but the feeling it gave me, it pulled me into wanting to feel more.

See? It was scary.

What if I considered settling down with him for real like what Mira suggested? Hindi naman talaga masama sa pandinig iyon e. I would be his wife, he would marry me and we would have our children. We would build our own family.

Nakakatakot nga siguro ang mga responsibilidad na kalakip noon, nakakatakot nga siguro kasi hindi pa ako handa pero hanggang kailan ako hindi magiging handa?

Jimin had been waiting for me. From nineteen to twenty-one and till I was twenty-four. I probably couldn't make him wait till forever just because I was afraid of a serious commitment for life. I had already rejected many of his marriage proposals and had his heart broken every time.

I needed to decide, I needed to choose the path I wanted to take 'cause I knew, for whatever I chose, for either way, Jimin would be there.

"You're still not visible…" Marahan kong hinaplos ang tiyan ko habang nakatayo ako sa harap ng life-sized mirror ko. I was only in my undergarments, on my way to dressing up when I noticed how my stomach was still showing no signs of pregnancy.

Tumagilid pa ako pero wala talaga akong makitang kahit na maliit na lump. Naalala ko tuloy si Ate Milan. She was like this too during her early months of pregnancy. I remembered her stomach still very flat in her fourth month and truth be told, Lao came out to be a very small baby.

Nag-ti-take naman si Ate Milan ng mga vitamins noon para kay Lao pero siguro ay nasa lahi na namin iyon. I already met Ate Milan's mother during her funeral, the Greek woman was indeed small but very beautiful, her freckles reminded me of those with Ate Milan's. They also had the same eyes and nose, mas malakas ang kapit ng banyagang dugo sa dugo ni Ate Milan kaya mukha talaga siyang foreigner.

Masuwerte si Ate Milan dahil nakuha niya ang tangkad ni Daddy samantalang mukhang nakuha ko yata ang liit ng Mommy ko.

Hindi malaking tao si Jimin, kaya nakakatawang isipin na baka nga mamana ng baby namin pareho ang mga height namin. It was fine for me, Jimin's height wasn't that bad, it was actually a normal height for a guy.

"I'm sorry if I didn't like you. Please understand that Mommy's still very scared, I'm scared that I may be very incapable and unknowledgeable for you. I just wanna be ready because you're something I should be prepared for, you're so precious to me." Nanginig ang mga labi ko dahil alam ko sa sarili ko kahit na saglit lang ay sumaglit pa rin sa isipan ko ang pagpapalagpag

I couldn't imagine an innocent angel crying back to heaven just because of my selfish reasons.

I raised my arm to gently wipe the bit of tear that filled my eyes as I came into a hard decision, it was hard because only the bravest could do it.

"Yes, baby. You'll see the light of the day, you'll become your father's most treasured possession and also mine's." Ngumiti ako sa repleksiyon ko sa salamin, nakatitig sa tiyan ko habang marahan pa ring humahaplos.

Mabilis kong tinawagan si Jimin. My pace back and forth inside my walk-in closet as I first called him before thinking of dressing up. Napagtanto ko lang iyon nang muli kong mapasadahan ng tingin ang sarili ko sa salamin kaya mabilis din akong humablot ng robe para ibalot ang sarili ko.

I needed to be extra careful with myself, I already had a very precious life inside me.

Suminghap ako nang sumagot si Jimin. "Jimin!" And I hoped, that didn't sound excited or weird for him.

["Oh, hello east. Did you get home safe? I told you to text me when you get home—"]

"Stop rambling first! I need to tell you something important! Seven pm sharp! At your suite! Leave the food to me, I just want you to be there! Okay? Okayyy?!"

["What's with the rush, east? Is something wr—"]

"Jimin!" I couldn't wait for him while he rambled about this and that, I still had to do things before that seven pm struck the time of the clock.

["But I have a scheduled meeting prior to that time till ten—"]

"Of course you have to reschedule that! Bakit ba kasi may meeting ka ng ganoong oras?" Inis akong humalukipkip saka sumimangot kahit na hindi naman niya nakikita.

["Someone so bossy told me that we didn't have plans tonight so I have myself committed into some important meetings just to save time,"] natatawang sagot niya.

"I did?" I bit my lower lip as memories of the talk we had earlier came back to me.

Sinabi ko nga iyon!

["Uh-uh, I wanted to see you badly but you told me you needed time alone so…"]

"Not anymore! I've already got my time alone! C'mon, Jimin, I miss you…" Pinalambing ko ang boses ko sa huling pangungusap saka mabilis na tinakpan ang bibig ko para mapigilan ko ang mapahagikhik. At hindi naman ako nabigong mapapayag siya.

["Fvck, east! You're so unfair! You can just easily cancel our date and then take it back while I can't even say no to you? Life's so unfair!"]

Napangiti ako nang malapad dahil damang-dama ko ang frustration sa tono ng boses niya.

Sa relasyon na ito, hindi ko masabi kung sino sa amin ang nagmamahal ng lubos. If I said I loved him more than he loved me, it was like insulting his love for me when I knew very well how he could always sacrifice and do everything for me. If I said he loved me more than I loved him, then that was like making a joke to my own feelings and not acknowledging every bit of its truth.

Basta ang alam ko, pareho naming mahal ang isa't isa sa paraang hindi namin ma-ibibigay sa iba.

"I love you, how's that unfair?" natatawang tanong ko sa kaniya.

["You know very well your way to me, woman. It's an important meeting but I also know to myself that you're more important than any other fvcking deal, I love you too."] It was funny how he started frustrated and ended sweet.

My heart leaped out my chest, if that was possible as I felt my face flush. Kahit na ilang taon na kami ay parehong-pareho pa rin talaga ang epekto niya sa akin.

"Don't be late, west."

I still had time. It was still five, at kung babiyahe ako patungong suite niya na nasa Manila pa ay hindi naman ako aabutin ng isang oras. Dadaanan ko muna ang office ko para kunin iyong box kung nasaan ang mga pregnancy test kit na ginamit ko saka ako tatawag ng delivery sa The Min's para sa pagkain namin.

Choosing what to wear was probably just the only thing that idled me, but in the end, I got contented with a pair of black lacy and almost bra-type spaghetti top and a matching black silky square pants. Instead of wearing heels, I maturely decided to wear a black doll shoes for my safety while I just let my long blonde hair hanging loosely behind me.

Hanggang ngayon ay blonde pa rin kami ni Jimin, may ilang mga pagkakataong nagpapakulay siya ng itim pero madalas ay ibinabalik din niya agad sa blonde, samantalang paminsan naman ay nadadala niya rin ako sa pagpapakulay.

We loved matching hair colors to the point that it just became a thing for us.

Sa sasakyan na ako nag-apply ng makeup. Jimin would seriously get furious when he found out I was doing it again. He often scolded me for applying makeup while driving. Hindi naman ako nag-da-drive, sa tuwing humihinto ang sasakyan para sa traffic light ay saka lang ako nag-mi-makeup. Isa pa, I had already mastered safe driving. Hindi ko rin naman kayang i-risk ang sarili kong kaligtasan.

Pagkatapos ko sa office ay dumiretso na ako sa The Park Suites. Sa lobby, tulad ng dati, nakatanggap na naman ako ng tingin mula sa mga tao. A lot of them must be confused why I was alone since they were used to seeing both Jimin and I, but good for them, no one really had the guts to approach me. I didn't need any of them for now since I had something big coming.

Alam ko ang passcode ng penthouse kaya hindi naman ako nahirapang makapasok. I just prepared the dinner table the way I wanted before ordering our food, also cleaned Jimin's room upon seeing how messy it was. Hindi siya nagpapapasok ng maids or cleaners dito dahil siya mismo ang naglilinis ng bahay niya.

He said, he couldn't let people have the privilege to see our haven, he was sometimes very cheesy and romantic, I hated him. Mayroon siyang schedule for general cleaning, madalas ay tinutulungan ko siya kung wala naman akong ginagawa, in the end, we would be both panting and moaning in his bed like what always happened.

We were sinners, remember? And I loved how we were like that.

Past six na ako natapos at may ilang minuto na lang bago dumating si Jimin.

The box of my pregnancy test kits was already tied with a red ribbon, it was actually a necklace box big but with more room inside. Hindi naman lalagpas sa sampung kit ang nagamit ko.

I was very paranoid earlier that I had to make sure so I used more than necessary. Itim ang kulay ang box at kahit na sino ay hindi ma-iisip na pregnancy test kits ang laman noon. I didn't plan on giving my boyfriend a heart attack but I was sure, he would really have it.

Nang mag-settle down ako sa couch na nasa living room ay nakatanggap ako ng text mula kay Jimin. He just asked me if I was still on the way since I forgot to inform him that I was already at his house. Sinabi niya rin on the way na siya at nag-apology dahil late na siyang nakalabas ng office.

I gave him that for taking him away from the important meeting he was planning to attend. Hindi pa naman gusto ni Tito Nigel na nag-ka-cancel siya ng mga meetings dahil hindi basta-basta ang mga investors ng Park Corporation.

With Jimin's capability in running their business ever since he took over one of the highest position as next to his father, he always got big deals with big investors and projects with big clients.

Marami na ngang under construction na mga projects ang The Park Residences na siya ang pumirma, may bago ring domain ng The Park Villages ang itinatayo sa labas ng syudad samantalang iilang mga sikat na personalidad ang kumukuha ng units sa iba't ibang branches ng The Park Suites, making those average people want the luxury of a single unit. All just because of his proper and very good handling, even Tito Nigel was hands down about the fact that Jimin had achieved more than he had at such a young age and at the very short period of time.

Couldn't he even more perfect than he already was? Yes, that was when he would legally become mine.

Kaya oo, hindi ko na iintindihin pa ang panahon o kung paanong masyado pa akong bata dahil sa kasalan din naman kami pareho babagsak. We would just make it earlier than what was planned.

Aaminin ko ring hindi ko kailanman ma-iisip ang mag-settle down kung hindi ako buntis, pero why would I look at its negative side when all the positive things about it was lent right in front of my eyes?

Building a family with Jimin as the top of the hierarchy? Wala na akong mahihilingan pa.

"Hey, hey east…"

I annoyingly stirred up from my very short nap when I felt my cheek being tapped softly. A mixture of sweet and minty scent awakened my still sleeping system as I slowly opened my eyes to see my boyfriend's handsome face so close to mine.

"Wake up, east. The food you ordered arrived already. Kanina pa sa labas iyong delivery man…" He softly told me as he held my face before quickly planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Kung hindi ako dumating ay baka nagsilabas na ang mga nasa ibang suites sa baba. Come, sa kuwarto ka matulog."

Umiling ako nang hinawakan niya ang kamay ko para itayo ako. Kusa akong bumangon at umayos ng upo nang mapansin kong nasa couch pa rin ako. Nakatulog yata ako kakahintay sa kaniya. I sleepily fixed my hair and stared longingly at his face that I hadn't seen for days. Ikinulong ko ang mukha niya sa mga palad ko saka ako lumapit sa kaniya para bigyan siya ng mariin at matagal na halik.

Just as he was about to deepen the kiss, I pulled away.

Natawa ako nang makita ang lukot niyang mukha dahil sa frustration. I was getting used to it because I always kissed him then pulled away just before the kiss turned even more sensual and deeper. In that case, I knew I dominated him.

"I slept waiting for you and I'm still sleepy but I have something to tell you so sleep can wait." Humina ang boses ko sa dulo saka ako nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya pero nasulyapan ko pa ang pagkunot ng noo niya.

"It seems so important. Let's go to the dining table, east." He lent his hand to me that I willingly accepted. Itinayo niya ako saka kami nagtungo na sa dining table.

Hindi na siya nagulat nang makita ang ayos ng mesa dahil mukhang nakita na niya iyon kanina pagdating niya pero nang madako ang mga mata niya sa box na nasa gitna katabi ng isang bote ng wine at dalawang wine glasses ay napangisi siya.

"You didn't open the box, did you?" I skeptically asked him.

Mas lumapad ang ngisi niya habang sinusuklay ang blonde niyang buhok gamit ang isang kamay niya. "Why don't we open it now? Mukhang para sa akin iyan. I've been very curious about it and it took me a lot of courage not to be nosy and just wait for you. Two months nang tapos ang birthday ko, I can't think of any occasion for you to give me a present since it isn't like you to give such—"

"You want to open it or not?" Putol ko sa pagsasalita niya dahil hindi kami matatapos kung magpapatuloy pa siya.

Ngumuso siya at kung hindi niya lang hawak ang isang kamay ko ay baka sinabunutan ko na siya palapit sa akin para muling halikan. It would lead us to bed so, no. Binawi ko na lang ang kamay ko sa kaniya. Naglakad ako patungo sa mesa para kunin ang box at nang humarap ako sa kaniya ay isang malalim na buntong-hininga ang pinakawalan ko.

Oras na malaman niya ang tungkol sa pagbubuntis ko, wala na akong kawala. Not that a Jimin Park would let me get away after having his child in me. Kung magtatagumpay man ako, hahalughugin niya ang buong Pilipinas o kahit ang buong mundo para lang mahanap ako.

Just like what he said before, I couldn't run with a Park baby.

"I love you so much, I know it would only be you for until death parts us. I can't see myself being in love with someone else, I can't see myself living the rest of my life with someone who isn't you, Jimin. I'm sorry for taking this long… I love you so much." Pressing my lips after telling him the contents of my heart to prevent a sob, I gently handed him the box—in which contained the very first sign of our baby—as I finally let my heart be at peace because finally, I made it.

Matagal muna niya akong tinitigan bago niya unti-unting hinila ang tali ng ribbon para makalas ito. His eyes staring alternately at me and then back to the black box on his hands. And when he finally flipped the cap opened, revealing to him the contents of the box… it took him long to process what those were for.

Nanginig ang mga kamay niya kasabay nang panginginig ng mga labi ko at ang panunubig ng mga mata ko nang mag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. His plump lips parted, small eyes filled with tears and happiness, I knew, I knew it made him so much happy.

"Yes, brute… p-probably it's an answered p-prayer for you," natatawang sabi ko habang paulit-ulit na tumatango.

Cupping my face with his soft cradling palms, he made me look at him. He had carefully placed the box on the table like it held so much importance to him. Kung kanina ay nanunubig lang ang mga mata niya, ngayon ay sunod-sunod na ang pagbagsak ng mga luha mula roon.

They were not tears of pain or sadness, they were tears of joy and gratefulness. I knew, of course.

His plump cherry lips shook hard like mine. "Yes, east. It's a-an answered long time prayer for me and you… you j-just don't know how I am willing to be a slave of God for this w-wonderful give He gave me, He gave us. Fvck, I'm sorry God, but fvck, fvck, this is the most wonderful gift I've ever received, probably nothing can ever replace this!" He was fast when his arms wrapped around me as I felt my soles get lost contact with the ground and myself get lifted as he strongly twirled me around.

"Jimin, put me down! I'm gonna puke!" Nanlalaki ang mga mata ko nang bigla akong makaramdam ng hilo dahil sa biglaan niyang pag-ikot sa akin kaya mabilis kong tinakpan ang bibig ko gamit ang mga kamay ko.

"Wait, what? Our baby already being mean to me? I was just in the middle of my celebra—"

Hindi na niya natapos ang sinasabi niya dahil tuluyan na akong sumuka sa balikat niya. My throat felt like killing me as I felt my stomach turn upside-down, I couldn't breathe. Mabilis niya akong ibinaba sa sahig at hinawi ang ilang hibla ng buhok kong tumatabing sa mukha ko saka dumako ang kamay niya sa likod ko.

Ni hindi niya alintana ang suka kong nasa damit niya.

"Baby… don't make it hard for Mommy. Take it easy, huh. You probably hate me like your mother but you see, we shouldn't make it hard for her…" Banayad ang boses niya at kahit na hindi niya sabihin, alam kong ang baby namin ang kausap niya.

Lumunok ako saka mariing pumikit na naging dahilan ng pagbagsak ng mga luha ko. I lamely wiped them off using my arm as I raised my head to look at him. "Our baby doesn't hate you, I'm sure it was just its way of recognizing you."

Gusto kong matawa nang magsalubong ang kilay niya pero hindi pa rin maganda ang pakiramdam ko sa lalamunan ko. It hurt, it felt like I would vomit all of my internal organs.

He helped me wipe my tears off. "Well, I stank. Surely, our baby will come out weird." Tinulungan na niyang akong tumayo at sabay kaming nagtungo sa banyo para linisin ang mga sarili namin.

"Jimin, will you marry me?" tanong ko sa kaniya habang naglalakad kami.

"No, don't propose to me. I'll do that but I'll have to propose to your Daddy first. It'll surely be hard but—"

"Will you marry me?" Ulit ko saka marahang hinaplos ang tiyan niya.

"Aish, of course. You'll marry me, Hannan," sagot niya saka mas hinigpitan ang brasong nakakapit sa baywang ko.

And that was all enough for me to know that I didn't need to be ready for as long as he was there with me, 'cause I knew we would get through.