Edited and republished
04919

- Hannan ♥

🔥 🔥 🔥

Special Chapter

The first trimester was like hell, it was the most difficult time of being pregnant not until I reached my last two months. The bloated belly that looked like carrying a whole watermelon—that was a lot more heavier than normal—in my stomach, the constant back pain and leg cramps, and the fear and anxiety of my upcoming delivery time were all jittered my pregnant self.

Dapat ay stress-free ako at wala dapat iniisip na kahit ano pero hindi ko maiwasang isipin na malapit na akong mag-labor at base sa mga naririnig ko mula sa may mga experience nang manganak, I had also joined a forum of baby Mommies online, mga Mommies ang nandoon pero may mga kagaya ko ring first time magbuntis at nangangailangan ng gabay mula sa kanila, mahirap daw talagang manganak kapag first time.

They shared a lot of their experiences, bad and good, and it seriously scared me as my stomach got bigger and bigger, and as my delivery time got nearer and nearer. Hindi pa nakatulong ang paulit-ulit kong pagsusuka. It was normally just around the first trimester based on my personal OB but my case wasn’t that bad. Maselan din ang pagbubuntis ko lalo na at mahina ang katawan ko kumpara sa kapit ng baby ko.

Hindi ko tuloy mapigilang isipin na baka dahil iyon roon sa Depo na itinurok sa akin noon pero hindi naman daw dahil doon, kinulang lang daw talaga ang katawan ko ng immunity para sa baby ko.

That was why Jimin and I had decided to enroll me into this pregnant women organization. It was an organization looking out for pregnant women like me, we learned things there like the basic safe routine of a pregnant woman, we exercised activities such as water workouts, strength training and riding stationary bike.

Sa bahay ay may sarili na akong exercising space para sa daily activities ko. Jimin even got me a personal stationary bike para kahit sa bahay ay may magamit ako. I also sometimes did yoga and aerobics but not so often, while my favorite was the water workouts. The pool in our house had become my personal exercising leisure.

Jimin had never missed a moment during those routines, ‘cause he also filed a paternity leave as I filed a maternal leave. Akala mo talaga siya ang manganganak.

Isa pa, nakakatuwa rin ang iba pang Mommies na nakakasalamuha namin ni Jimin sa organization. We had also befriended some of them, madalas ay nag-gu-group exercise kami kasama rin ang mga asawa nila. It was better and more pulling to be honest. Marami rin ang katulad namin ni Jimin na first time parents, and as the time went by, I was slowly feeling the little changes in my body. Nandoon pa rin ang struggle ng pagkakaroon ng malaking tiyan pero nakasanayan ko na rin siya.

Last in my list of exercises was my night activities with my husband. Mahirap siyang sabayan lalo na at walong buwan na ang tiyan ko, pero binigyan naman kami ng ilang suggestions ng OB namin para roon. He didn’t do me rough and hard like what he always did, we were achingly slow and sensual yet fulfilling. We had this certain position that our OB had advised us, it was actually very perfect with my bloated belly and his high libido.

Ni hindi man lang siya nahiyang itanong iyon sa OB namin noon. My OB said, we could still have sex until my eight month so he really had his time.

With the help of those activities, I was congratulated by my OB for being a healthy and active pregnant woman. Plus the organization was giving me assignments, involving my diet goals and eating habits. Sa tuwing meetings ay kailangan kong ma-meet ang assignment weight ko, ganoon din ang ginagawa ko sa buwanang checkup ko with my OB.

I was advised to eat specific foods and banned from eating certain foods also.

Nilingon ko si Jimin na kanina pa hindi mapakali sa pagkakadapa sa puwesto niya sa kama namin dahil na-iistorbo niya ako. Abala siya sa kung anong itina-type niya sa laptop niya na hindi ko naman inaasahang trabaho dahil sa buong panahon ng paternity leave niya ay wala siyang tinrabaho.

He looked too serious, only if not of those occasional chuckles and smirks as if he was having fun with what he was doing.

“Babae iyan, ‘no?” inis kong tanong saka padabog na inilapag sa kandungan ko ang librong binabasa ko. It was a mother guide book I bought online.

Saglit niya lang akong nilingon. “Sure…” he nonchalantly answered and went back to typing, his lips once again stretching for a smile again.

“What the hell?!” Nahirapan akong gumalaw dahil sa bigat ng tiyan ko pero sinubukan ko pa ring lumapit sa kaniya. Mabilis siyang napabangon nang mapansin niya ako. He carefully held me so I would stay still but I just pushed him on his chest.

“What? Let me see your woman!” sigaw ko.

“Woman?” Pinangunutan niya ako ng noo, ang ilang mga hibla ng ngayon ay itim niyang buhok ay tumatabon sa mga kilay niya.

“Yes, you brute!”

“Wait, kailan ako nagkaroon ng babae?”

At ang lakas ng loob niyang mag-deny gayong kakasabi lang niya kanina!

Naramdaman ko ang biglaang pagbagsak ng kung ano sa sikmura ko kasunod ang pagsikip ng lalamunan ko at panunubig ng mga mata ko. Nanghina ang mga kamay kong nasa dibdib niya kaya wala akong nagawa nang yakapin niya ako, ang malaki kong tiyan ay tumatama sa tiyan niya at pumapagitan sa amin.

He had been so careful in handling me as if I was a breakable glass he should handle with so much care.

My emotional status hadn't been coming back to normal. Halos siyam na buwan ko na ring pinagtitiisan ang nakaka-inis na agad-agad na pagbabago ng mood ko. Naiinis din ako sa tuwing mabilis akong naaapektuhan ng mga bagay-bagay. I had been a crying baby and I hated it.

Baka magsawa siya sa akin at ma-realize niyang hindi niya pala gusto ako gusto dahil napaka-iyakin ko.

I just cried in his chest though I was trying so hard to stop my sobs from coming out and my tears from falling. My heart was aching with the thought that our little princess might also be crying with me.

He gently ran smooth and soothing caresses on my back while kissing my face. “It’s our daughter, east. I’m writing a letter for her. Don’t even think about having any other woman in my life, it'll only be you… and soon our daughter. You wanna read it?”

Dahan-dahan akong tumango kaya lumayo siya sa akin. With a light and comforting peck on my lips, he softly caressed my face before taking the laptop and softly giving it to me. Binasa ko ang letter na ginawa niya para sa anak namin.

Indeed, he would be a very great and amazing father.

“It’s your last week, Hannan. Stop moving around.”

Umiling ako kay Daddy na nasa countertop at ipinaghihiwa ako ng mga prutas bago ako ma-ingat na na-upo sa couch. Parehong-pareho sila ni Jimin na masyadong overacting dahil lang huling buwan ko na. Hindi sila mapalagay kahit na ilang beses nang sinabi ng OB ko na safe naman akong manganganak.

They had me locked in-door and banned from doing my normal routines, it was also agreed by my OB, so I confided. Maghintay na lang daw ako ng araw ng delivery ko.

My Daddy and Jimin’s relationship was one of the slowest thing to develop. Noong bago kami ikasal ni Jimin ay halos hindi ako kausapin ni Daddy. He reasoned out that I was still very young and I might be just in love, that it could phase out. Sinabi rin niyang hindi ako puwedeng magpakasal kay Jimin lalo na at hindi ko pa nasusubukang magmahal ng iba.

He was my first love, he was my first in everything and I was proud to say that I would be marrying him.

“That’s the case, Daddy! I can’t surely love someone else other than him! Siya po ang gusto kong pakasalan dahil sa kaniya ko lang nakikita ang kinabukasan ko.”

I remembered having a big argument with my Daddy.

“No, no, no. You’re still too young! You still can find someone better than—“

“I hope you’re not referring to Jungkook! Daddy, hindi po kailanman mangyayari ang gusto mo! Hindi ko po gusto si Jungkook, hindi ko po siya mahal at panigurado, naka-move on na siya!”

Ang pag-iwas niya ng tingin ang nagpatunay na talagang si Jungkook pa rin ang gusto niya para sa akin. Hindi kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataong pag-usapan ang tungkol dito pero alam ko naman iyon. He didn’t need to tell me.

The guy was still in some part of Korea. Nagkita na kaming muli dahil ilang beses na siyang nakabalik dito sa Pinas simula noong umalis siya noong mga bata pa kami. Though our relationship had stayed the same, somehow, his relationship with Jimin had improved.

He also attended our engagement party and wedding. Noong funeral ni Ate Milan ang unang beses na balik niya rito sa Pinas, silang magkakaibigan ang magkakasama at nakita ko kung paano silang nag-usap na parang walang nangyari.

I guessed, boys has a weird way to handle their things…

“He'll be a better husband for you, Han—“

“I’m pregnant, Daddy and I love how it’s with Jimin…”

Let’s just say na wala nang choice si Daddy noon kung hindi ang pumayag kaya na-ikasal kami ni Jimin samantalang nagawa pang mag-pa-party nina Tita Janna at Tito Nigel bago ang engagement party namin ni Jimin kung saan pormal niyang hiningi kay Daddy ang mga kamay ko.

Daddy had got us threaten that night thinking he would reject Jimin in front of many people but he didn’t, he agreed and gave Jimin his blessing and approval in a formal and civil manner still.

I had really hoped my sister was there to witness the happiest day in my life, it was already perfect with my loved ones being there but my sister would have made it even more perfect.

Nang matapos si Daddy sa paghihiwa ng mga apples at pagbabalat ng mga oranges ay lumapit na siya sa kinaroroonan ko. He carefully put the bowl of fruits on the center table and sat beside me. He was here with me because Jimin had to attend an important meeting that was supposed to be attended by Tito Nigel. My parents-in-law were out of the country due to an even more important matter so even though Jimin was on-leave, he needed to go.

Naintindihan ko iyon pero hindi siya. We hired a maid for us but he said he couldn’t get assured so he shamelessly called Daddy who was busier than he was and asked if my father could look out for me.

Hindi ako makapaniwala nang sabihin sa akin ni Jimin na aalis siya kapag dumating si Daddy kaya nasurpresa talaga ako nang dumating si Daddy. No conversation was made in between them aside from simple nod thrown to each other, it was better than nothing at all.

At least, para sa akin, sinusubukan nilang magka-intindihan.

“Do you already have a name for her?” Daddy softly asked me as he held my shoulder to stop me from reaching the bowl.

Nahirapan akong yumuko dahil sa tiyan ko tapos nakatungtong pa ang parehong paa ko sa couch. I murmured a soft thanks in response when he put the bowl on my lap and let me piglet on all the fruits he prepared for me.

“Yes, Jimin seriously spent a whole day just thinking about a name that'll suit her. He even anonymously asked people on the internet just for it, he’s very excited, Daddy.” Humagikhik ako nang maalala kong halos ika-stress ni Jimin ang mga name suggestions na natanggap niya mula sa kung sino-sino sa internet.

In the end, with his hard work and patience, he managed to come up with something pretty. Hindi niya iyon nakuha sa iba dahil siya mismo ang naka-isip noon at sa tingin ko, bagay na bagay nga sa prinsesa namin ang pangalang naisip niya.

Masyado iyong weird kung iisipin pero wala na akong ibang maisip na pangalang babagay sa anak namin… isa pa, pinag-isipan niya iyon. I was sure our daughter would understand her name if she would know its origin.

It was her father’s idea.

“You know… I was thinking of h-handing Jimin one of the branches of U-Co. since I can see how efficient he is when it comes to handling a business. W-What do you think?”

I almost choked in a single seed of the orange pulp I was eating. Mabilis kong nilingon si Daddy para lang makita ang paghihirap sa mukha niya. It was like he had seriously thought about it a lot and had come up with the smartest result but he was still hesitant about it because… well, it was Jimin we were talking about.

“I mean, the whole company will be on your hands someday so I just thought that giving Jimin a part of it will be the start,” aniya saka tipid na ngumiti.

With tears brimming at the corners of my eyes, I slowly nodded at him as I also felt the proudest because I knew how hard it was for Daddy. He had the tallest pride of all, but he just cut the thread and stepped down himself for me and Jimin.

My father was not the type to show emotions and his affections to people, kahit minsan sa akin madalas niyang ipakita ang affection niya through giving me luxuries. It was misled but I understood because he was a weak for his emotions, he saw them as shame.

Hindi niya alam kung gaano niya ako napasaya, at panigurado, pati si Jimin.

“The guy has proven himself to me, he has showed me how much he loves you and I think, it’s all enough to trust you to him. You’re the only remaining treasure I have, Hannan, and I won’t seriously take if I lose you too so I needed to make sure that Jimin's worth of you. And I think, he is. Bubuo na kayo ng pamilya…” Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko at marahang hinaplos. “Imagine your mother and your sister being happy at wherever they are because of your life now, it’s all enough to finally let go of all the hate I reserved for the poor kid. I still need to apologize to him and to his family—“

“Daddy…” Niyakap ko si Daddy saka ako humagulgol ng iyak sa balikat niya.

“Sssh… your little one won’t like it if you cry…”

“You just don’t know how happy you’ve made me and how you’ll make Jimin happy! Thank you so much, Daddy!” I hugged him even more tightly when I felt his arms wrap around me, soft and gentle as if afraid to squeeze me.

“You’re so precious, Hannan. Stay happy with your husband and with your child. In that way, I don’t have to think a lot about you. Years from now, I might step down to officially hand the management of U-Co. to you and Jimin.”

I smiled in the middle of my cries as I remembered something. “And let yourself be happy too, Daddy. Don’t deprive yourself the luxury that a romantic love can give you. Ibinibigay ko po ang blessing ko sa inyo ni Miss Donna…”

He went stiff but lightened up after lightly shaking me. “I don’t know what you’re talking about—“

Kumalas ako sa yakap niya saka may panunuksong tinitigan siya. Mabilis pa sa kidlat na nag-iwas siya ng tingin, para siyang high school boy na nag-di-deny ng crush niya. Seriously, I had never imagined my father being this flushed over some woman… not some woman, over a woman.

“You've been giving me sunflowers more than necessary, Daddy. Nalaman ko pa kay Mia na personal kang pumupunta sa flower shop na iyon para bumili when you could just ask someone with it or order but—“

“Do you think she’ll like me?” At muli siyang nag-iwas ng tingin.

Sa lobby ng The Park Suites ay isa ang Donnabel sa mga exclusive shop na naroon. It was a flower shop owned by a beautiful and very kind widow, probably someone who would match my father.

Wala naman talaga akong ideya roon pero si Jimin ang nagsabi sa aking madalas si Daddy rito sa The Park Suites pero hindi naman niya ako dinadalaw bukod sa mga bulaklak na ipinapadala niya. And well, Mia enlightened me about it.

“Why not? You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen Daddy,” sagot ko para palakasin ang loob niya.

It was years already since he let himself fall into the idea of love, the romantic one. Si Mommy ang true love niya, hindi iyon magbabago at tatanggapin ko kung magkakaroon man ng panibagong babae sa buhay niya dahil deserve niya iyon. He needed the lighter feeling of love, away from his paper works and suffocating office.

“Really? Not me?”

My heart jumped upon hearing that raspy yet soft teasing voice from a distance. Nilingon ko ang pinto para lang makita si Jimin. He was in his three piece suit and black pants, the same clothes he was wearing when he left hours ago for his important meeting. His black hair was parted in half, a bit messy but only made him even more handsome.

Umayos ako ng upo at akmang tatayo para salubungin siya nang hinawakan ni Daddy ang braso ko kasabay nang mabilis na pag-iling sa akin ni Jimin.

“Stay where you are, pregnant woman. We don’t want our little snowflake get tired, right baby?” His raspy yet soft voice ended sweet and pampering.

I hardly bit my lower lip as I tried so hard not to turn my head back to Daddy. Nanatili akong naka-upo tulad ng gusto nila dahil masyado silang mga overacting. Pinanood ko na lang ang paglapit ni Jimin sa kinaroroonan namin dala ang attaché case niya habang ipinapanalangin kong sana ay hindi iyon napansin ni Daddy.

But then who said?

“Snowflake?” Daddy asked in a disbelief tone. “Did you just call my granddaughter what?”

Mariin akong pumikit at nang dumilat ako ay nakita ko ang malapad na ngisi ni Jimin, tila proud na proud sa nagawa niya. He couldn’t really say anything to my father now that Daddy had somehow smartly considered fixing everything in between them.

“Snowfla—“

“Jimin!” malakas kong sigaw na nagpakunot ng noo ko dahil malinaw kong naramdaman ang pagsikip ng tiyan ko maging ang biglaang pagdaloy ng kung ano mula sa gitna ko. Dahan-dahan akong yumuko para lang makita ang mabilis na pagkukulay dugo ng suot kong puting square pants.

My OB advised me not to wear two piece clothes but it annoyed me wearing maternal dresses so I stuck with my loose square pants.

“J-Jimin…” tawag ko kay Jimin. “Daddy! There’s blood! I’m bleeding!”

Because of panic and fear, I had dragged both Daddy and Jimin inside the delivery room. I was bleeding a lot and my stomach was aching so much I had sworn to never let Jimin plant me his baby seeds again. Mas pinahirapan pa ako ng matagal na paghihintay sa loob ng delivery room dahil hindi pa ako tuluyang umaabot sa eksakto at kinakailangang dilation.

I was too scared and very much mindful of the painful contraction to even listen to what the doctor was saying or the constant whispers of love by Jimin and push of courage from Daddy. Basta ang alam ko, ilang oras din ang tiniis ko bago ko tuluyang marinig ang doctor na nagdeklara ng seven centimeters dilation, it was also the last thing I heard as I let myself fall into unconsciousness.

Nagising lang ako nang maramdaman ko ang mahihinang tapik sa pisngi ko bago ko makita ang mukha ng asawa ko. Worry and fear battled in his face as my reflection bathed his dark circles.

“East, love, you need to stay awake from now on to safely deliver our baby, okay? I’ll have you injected of painless—“

“N-No…” Dahan-dahan akong umiling saka ko naramdaman ang paghawak niya sa kamay ko, sa likod niya ay nakita ko si Daddy na nag-aalala ring nakatitig sa akin.

Jimin’s face turned even more worried. “Hannan, listen, it’s for you—“

“Kakayanin ko, kakayanin ko para sa baby natin. I don’t need drugs for it. I… I just need you to stay with me till the end. Please, Jimin…”

Hinalikan niya ang mga kamay ko saka siya sunod-sunod na tumango. Nang tinanong ng doctor kung sino sa kanila ang maiiwan kasama ko ay hinayaan ko nang lumabas si Daddy matapos niya akong bigyan ng halik sa noo.

“Okay, Mommy. I need you to be a good mother and follow everything I tell you to do, okay? When I say, push, you’ll have to push harder. This won’t take long, you’re a healthy pregnant woman so I’m sure your baby will come out safely.”

With Jimin holding my hand and whispering me sweet nothings, with him beside me as we both patiently awaited and hardly pushed for our precious baby’s arrival… her painful yet lively cries made us both thank God for a beautiful and precious life He entrusted to us.

She was an angel He gave us, she was a treasure and a life of love we promised to take good care of and forever love.

“Jinni Snowflake Park,” sabay naming sabi ni Jimin nang tuluyan ko nang mahawakan sa mga braso ko ang baby naming pinupuno pa rin ang buong silid ng mga iyak niya.

It was painful but it only made her more alive and real.

I softly and lovingly kissed her still blood-filled head as Jimin kissed my head, and to seal that beautiful moment, a flash took over. Nakita ko si Tita Janna na may hawak na camera, naluluhang nakangiti.

“I love you…” Jimin whispered me, also sending me his love for our new born baby.

“We love you too…” I answered in behalf of our baby, letting sleep and tiredness drowned me.