Interlogue
I don't believe it. Did that really happen? Am I dreaming? I must be dreaming. This can't be real. How can that person, someone I trusted, someone I grew to love, someone who is by moral standards meant to protect me do this? How can one be so evil, so vile, so wicked, so ruthless!!. That person has ruined my life. What do I do with myself, what can I do? My life is forfeit. I can still see it, I can still feel it, every time I close my eyes, it's a reoccurring nightmare, it hurts, it hurts so bad. I am not able to sleep anymore. I am a shell of who I was, nobody will understand what this feels like. I can see the way my sister looks at me, the pity in her eyes. Is that what I have become? Something to pity? What do I do with myself? What can I do? All I can think of is making that person pay for doing this to me. I want to make that person regret ever being born, I want to make that person experience hell on earth. That monster, has truly ruined me. This must be what hate feels like. All I want to do is clasp the flesh around his neck, I want to feel his pulse slowly fade as I squeeze, I want to hear him sputter and gargle as the life is pulled out of his body. I want to see the look of horror upon his face, I want to see his eyes turn cold and lifeless. I want to feel his body go limp. I want to end him. Unfortunately he is protected, that man, the greatest tragedy to ever happen upon me. I know that however I try, my anger may never be able to reach him.

* Samir
The sound of Mima's fingers drumming against the bare surface of the door brought me back to the present. I had been reliving and replaying last night in my head. Hanifa, the only girl I ever loved, I never forgot the last time I saw her. The events that led to that moment three years ago. The last thing she said to me. The way she said it. The blankness of her eyes exhuming no emotion.
Things had been great for awhile since we had started dating but some 5 months down the line she started acting different. She started ignoring my calls, replying my messages late with words that were barely three syllables. I did not want to assume the worst, I never liked to assume, assumptions were the source of all misunderstandings as far as I was concerned. I had reached out, tried to talk through it but she always said everything was alright. After which she went right back to doing what she had been doing. I didn't need a fortune teller to tell me things were not okay. And then one day, Dalke bumped into her, she was with some other guy on what seemed like a date. According to Dalke, she acted as if she didn't know him, it was quite embarrassing because she blatantly ignored his pleasantries making the other guy give him a quizzical look. Dalke came to mine and Aiman's place fuming. Aiman then confessed that he had been seeing her with a guy recently, probably the same guy. I became rightly angry and that same evening I sent a 'we need to talk' text to her. She replied to the text two hours later, in the affirmative. I told her I was coming to her place immediately.

I called her when I got to her place, she came out forty minutes later, further spiking my fury. I couldn't go in because she stayed at a 'Ba Shiga' (Zaria slang meaning A hostel for females only were males were not allowed to enter). She had moved there quite recently when we came back for the second year session.
When she came out I skipped pleasantries and berated her, with all the events of recent days and angrily asked how she expected me to continue keeping quiet about what was going on.
I remember the way she looked at me, Wild curiosity in her eyes.
"Wow, I never knew you could get angry." She said smiling slyly "You seem even more manly when you're pissed off"
I couldn't believe it. She wasn't taking me seriously at all. Finally realizing what I was dealing with, I felt my anger dissipate quickly. That was what she wanted, drama. She had probably gotten bored of me being a good boyfriend and she decided to incite me. Did she think I did not see her flaws? I usually saw through people, I was very observant, but I was never able to to read Hanifa. Maybe it was the fact that I loved her that made me unable to read her or the fact that I couldn't read her that made me fall in love with her. That didn't mean I didn't see her flaws though, I saw them bright as day but I chose to ignore them for peace to reign. I wasn't a person who liked confrontations, I had had enough of those as a kid. Yet, here she was intentionally destroying the peace I worked so hard to maintain.

"Hanifa, why are you doing this?" I had quietly asked her
"Huh? Doing what?" She replied, I could see the mischief in her eyes.
"Dalke told me he saw you on a date with someone else"
"Dalke?" She cupped her chin with one hand as if trying to remember something "Ah yes, that was Khaleel."
I couldn't believe how nonchalant she was being.
"Yes, and he is?"
"My boyfriend" she answered
I couldn't believe my ears. Everything seemed to pause for a moment. For some reason, it wasn't even the answer itself, it was the way she said it. It was all so matter of factly. Did this woman invest any emotion in this at all.
"I'm sorry" I said laughing of frustration "Did we happen to break up without me even knowing?"
She gave me a smile, a pitiful smile.
"Oh Miru" she started "You can't possibly have believed that you were my only boyfriend right? I mean I can't be your only girlfriend"
I froze. When she realized, her eyes opened wide with mocking shock.
"Oh no" she snickered "Now that is definitely an error on your side. I mean we're too young to be practicing monogamy aren't we?. How do you expect to know what you want in a woman if you don't venture?"
I couldn't believe my ears. The entire situation had to be a joke. But it wasn't.
"So all those times we spent together, all what we talked about it was all a joke to you? It didn't mean anything?"
"Of course it did, You mean something to me. But a woman has to protect herself. Beside I have a big enough heart to care for you and Khaleel, and Jamal and Hamza, so don't be selfish trying to get me all to yourself"
"How could you..." was all I could muster
"Miru, you can't put this on me. This is all on you. But then, I can't blame you. After all, I was the one who took your virginity, so of course you'd be this attached. But you'll get over it once you've had a taste of other girls"

First I looked at her in shock, then I bust into fits of laughter. She did not understand why I was laughing and the bewildered look showed on her face. It amused me even more, she was the one bewildered for the first time this night. But I on the other hand was laughing because I just realized how horribly mistaken I had been. First I had ignored my friends' several attempts at trying to get me to let lose and live outside my identity as a boyfriend. Second I had ignored Sadiya, my best friends' warning that I may be falling too fast and it might be infatuation, I even ridiculed Sadiya asking what a girl who is in SS3 would know. And lastly I just realized I had fallen in love with the devil.
I turned around and walked away without another word. I blocked Hanifa from all forms of social media and barred her number from calling me. It may have been childish but it helped. I never laid eyes on Hanifa again till last night. I didn't know how I'd act if I ever met her again, but I was nonchalant about it yesterday. I realized the feelings were nonexistent. I surprised myself with how I was able to fake being friendly with her. I realized I didn't really hate her but I didn't especially like her either. She even paid me a few compliments about my apparent transformation, but I let it all fall flat. So now I was reliving it all, seeing her now I was a little disappointed in my self that I let myself get played by her. Not that she wasn't pretty or good enough but I had gone to have flings with girls who were far prettier and a lot more classy. I couldn't believe she was the person whom I had spent a long time being hung up on. Not that beauty and status had anything to do with it, but remove those things and she still had nothing on Na'ilah. But maybe I can't let my guard down with her either. After meeting Hanifa and having all those memories uncovered yet again, I'm starting to second guess what I feel for Na'ilah too. Will it blind me like it did with Hanifa?. I don't know, But I have to protect myself. Still, I couldn't paint Na'ilah in a dubious light even if I tried.

Think of the angel and she shall appear. It was Na'ilah who answered Mimas' knocking. The moment she opened the door all thoughts vanished from my mind. The sweet smell of roses filled the air, it was like a shot of adrenaline right to my heart. Silence crashed down upon my mind. Then she stepped forward to greet my Uncle and Aunt in her floral skirt and cream blouse with hair almost completely covered by a peach scarf save for the small, fine, wispy hair that curled across the edges of her forehead. Her smile was so radiant it could have overshadowed the sun. How could one help but not fall in love at first sight, much less third sight.

* Na'ilah
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. But I did not show it. So much for space.
Later Lailah kept teasing me, something about the literal man of my dreams coming for a visit. I ignored her. I had better things to do, like binging on the second season of '13 Reasons Why'. I wasn't about to let my Saturday go to ruin pondering over what's going to happen. Isma'il or Lailah were up for washing the pots since I cooked, while the other would arrange the kitchen. That was how our parents made us share chores, gender roles rarely mattered. Even Isma'il could cook, but he wasn't as good as the women, so we usually end up doing it. And his cooking wasn't half bad though, I would never admit it. I went to the kitchen to wash the plate, cup and cutlery I used, another thing our parents taught us. This way we also learned to take care of ourselves as well as family. It used to be such a bother, but I finally started to appreciate it when I got to University. I stayed in the hostel the first semester of my first year, even with the warnings Lailah gave me. I didn't want to live with her, I wanted my freedom. I had soon found out what the cost of said freedom was. The hostels were dirty, toilets stunk to high heavens, and don't even get me started on what said toilets actually looked like. After a week, I had to beg my sister to allow me come to her place whenever I wanted to use the loo. The inhabitants of the hostels were not left behind, they were mostly unkempt and unruly. I found myself picking up things that should never be on the floor of a room, and having to always declare my space after finding people encroaching upon it. The theft, the noisiness, the fights, the utter lack of privacy all pushed me to finally beg my sister to let me move in with her. Lailah predictably laughed in my face.
"Ba na gaya miki ba? (Didn't I tell you?). Next time you better take my word for it, I was telling you from experience but you decided to be sturrborn. Shey you're looking for freedom? You must experience this freedom o" Lailah had said
It took me crying to Abba & Umma for Lailah to agree, but she still put her foot down that I must at least finish my first semester in the hostel. According to her, I was too spoiled and I should be allowed to experience roughness a little more. To my disbelief our parents agreed to that. Lailah held it over my head for the rest of the semester, whenever we quarreled she'd threaten to make me stay in the hostel for the rest of the school year. It annoyed me to no ends. But at the end of it all, I really appreciated how our parents raised us.

When I was done I went to my room and plopped my self on the bed. I pulled my laptop from the bedside table, open it and typed out my password. I rarely over switched it off, it was always on sleep mode if I wasn't using it. The screen came to live showing the third episode of '13 Reasons' that I paused last night. Stupid Clay's face was plastered over my screen. He was supposed to be the main character but I hated him. I didn't understand the recent stream of shows with annoying main characters and amazing supporting characters. Main characters like Zoey from 'Grownish', Archie from 'Riverdale', Sam from 'Dear White People', Richard from 'Silicon Valley', Issa from 'Insecure' and the worst Dev from 'Master of None', were just so annoying and self centered to a 'T'. I much preferred Luca, Jughead, Jo, Jared, Lawrence and uh, actually I don't even like anybody on 'Master of None', the show is a waste of time. I complained that much all the time but I still watched these shows, go figure. I pressed play and continued to watch from where I stopped.

I didn't realized how much time had passed while I was watching till Lailah barged into my room asking for extra toothpaste.
"Kai, baki yi wanka ba? (Hah, you haven't taken you bath?)" she exclaimed "Ke da kike da manyan baki (The same you that's expecting important guests)"
"What's the time?" I asked ignoring the comment.
"It's past 12" she replied. I checked the time on my Computer and the time read 12:34. I had been there for a good four hours, it felt like two. But then again I was in episode 10 of the series.
"Yi sauri ki tashi ki shirya (get up quick and get ready), Maza maza (be fast, be fast)"
"Okay, okay, sheesh" I acquiesced
She went into my toilet to take a box of new toothpaste and further chided me to get ready quickly before leaving. It seems my little episode this morning may have led her to become active in the whole Samir affair. She was annoying when it came to guys that liked me, it seems I might just find out how horrible she'd be when she thinks I liked someone. I went to take my bathe and get ready. I pondered on what to wear after I came out, it felt like I had nothing to wear even though I had a whole inbuilt closet filled with clothes from left to right. I finally decided on a floral midi-skirt and a cream blouse. As much as I preferred dark shade of clothes I could never deny that bright colors always blended well with my skin.

I spray some perfume on the clothes, laid them down on the bed and went back to the toilet to fix my hair. I was just about done when my phone started to ring, so I dried my hands and went to pick it up from atop the dressing table. It was Amaal. I answered the call as I made my way upstairs to my room.
"Hello" I answered
"Nally! Have you heard?" Amaal sounded gloomy. I felt a dread about what news she might have.
"Heard what?"
"Those knocker-heads want us to resume school a week early."
Oh thank God. I sighed under my breath. Quite alright it wasn't good news, but I thought somebody her died because of her tone.
"Well, I wouldn't put it pass them" I said
"Yes! I mean they didn't allow us go early for break because of SWEP and now they want us to come back a week early? Most people have made the best of this 5 weeks sai mu (except us)"
Amaal seemed really upset.
"Amaal, calm down. It's not all that deep" I laughed
"Oh but it is Nally, I'm taking it personal" Amaal replied "Do you know we were supposed to travel? An yi mun komai (Everything has been prepared for me), VISA and all, and this crap had to happen"
Okay, I had never heard Amaal use curse words before. Granted 'crap' wasn't much but from Amaal it might as well be the worse word I'd ever heard come out of her mouth.
"Where were you going?" I asked
"Morocco fa" she replied "I have always dreamt of going there. And now those old men at Civil Engineering want to ruin it for me"
"Wow, me too actually" I replied "Morocco is a beautiful place wallahi. I've always wanted to go. Now I understand a little bit why you're so pissed"
"Wallahi fa, and Mami refused to stay back. She's still going"
"Ah, toh me za ta tsaya ta miki? (Ah, what would she stay and do for you?). I wouldn't do that myself" I stated
"Haba, but she shouldn't live me now" Amaal cried
"Look at you, because you're twins doesn't me she should follow you and suffer"
Amaal laughed at this. "She said the exact same thing. Wai tare aka haifo mu duniyar nan Amma ba lallai tare zamu mutu ba (That we were born into this world together but we won't necessarily die together)"
I laughed hard at this. Mami always knew her way with words.
"Where's she even?" I asked
"She's right here making faces at me" Amal replied
"Ah send my regards, and tell her safe trip"
"Wai whose side are you on even?" Amaal said, pretending to be annoyed
"I'm on the side of whoever will be able to bring me souvenirs from Morocco"
"Oh shut up" Amaal said
"Hahaha, hand the phone over to her" I said
"Sorry can't do that. She's on the phone with one her new squeezes"
"Ohh, what's his name?"
"It's one Samir guy"
I paused, "What?"

Just then I heard the knocking from downstairs, so I told her I had to go and ended the call. I quickly got dressed and went downstairs only to find out that it was the generator mechanic. I sighed and found my seat on one of the living room sofas.
"Wow, you really do like this guy" Lailah who had been quietly sitting in the living room without me noticing spoke. She startled me.
I was at a loss for words because I was already feeling embarrassed at how quickly I got dress & rushed out.
"It's not a bad thing you know" she added just before we heard the blaring of a car's horn at the gates.
"Ah sun zo? (Ah, so they've come)," Umma said as she strolled into the parlor, the sweet scent of Vanilla trailing her. "Nally open the door for them, Lailah help me get the food in a flasks. Let me go inform your Abba"
The car had driven in and parked inside the compound and they were already walking towards the door, so I got up. I refused to look at Lailah because I knew she was definitely smiling foolishly at me. But before I could get to the door I remembered that I didn't even put on a scarf so I rushed back to my room to get the scarf and also spray some perfume. I tied the scarf on my way downstairs because I could hear Ummas voice asking why nobody has answered the door. Umma came out of their room just as I got to the foot of the stairs
"Wai Nally ba nace miki ki ansa Kofa ba? (Nally didn't I tell you to answer the door)" she yelled
"Sorry Umma, I had to get my head scarf ne" I replied as I hurriedly rushes to go get the door. They had been knocking for almost a minute now. I opened the door to come face to face with Samir's folks, his uncles was really fair in complexion, had a grey beard that was styled in a way that reminded me of Tony Stark, and he even wore glasses to match. His Aunt was fair too, with round apples on her cheeks and laughter lines on her face. She seemed like quite the cheerful woman as I couldn't help but return her warm smile. I apologized for the delay at opening the door as I led them inside.
"You must be Na'ilah" his Aunt said
"Yes Aunty, I am" I replied as I held the door for Samir to enter. He gave me a smile which for unknown reason I did not feel like returning. Why was I feeling annoyed? Was it because of what Amaal said about Mami and Samir? How was I even sure it was this Samir.
"Oh just call me Mima" Samir's Aunt continued in a sing song voice "Samir spoke so warmly of you. Are you guys dating?"
"MIMAAA" Samir blurted
"Oh shut up, I'm talking to the young lady here not you" Mima retorted "So, what's the gist" she smiled at me as she took her seat beside her husband.
"Stop teasing the young girl Maryam, you're making her uncomfortable" Samir's Uncle responded
"Oh, whatever. This is between women you men should stop interfering, besides it's my duty to make any girl that my boy is gunning for uncomfortable" she winked at me after saying this. She had a beautiful English accent, like someone who didn't grow up in Nigeria or one who spent a long time abroad.
Before I could say anything Umma rushed into the parlor screaming "Sis, is this yooouuu?" Mima returned the screaming with just as much enthusiasm as she got up to give Umma a hug.
'Oh thank God, Umma could not have come at a better time'