We were in Max's truck. Her and I talked and talked. Unfortunately her and I came to a point of awkward silence.
I turned on the radio and we were both singing along to Count on me by Bruno Mars. Once the song was over I had it stuck in my head.
If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea, I'll sail the world to find you. If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see, I'll be the light, to guide you. Find out what we're made of when we are called to help our friends in need. You can count on me like 1-2-3 I'll be there. And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4-3-2 you'll be there 'cause that's what friends are 'sposed to do.
I loved that day so far. There was just one question burning in my mind that I needed an answer to.
"What's it like?" I asked softly
"What's what like?" Max asked in return.
"Having the disease."
"Well. First of all those of us who have it like to think of it as more of a development. When you have it, you don't feel like you're living. You just feel like you're slowly dying. All you want to do is lay down on the ground and never move again, but at the same time you want to run and never stop. Each day is no longer a gift instead it's torture. It takes everything you have to not fall over and cry. You can feel gravity pulling on your every limb suddenly your body gets heavier. And every time someone asks how your doing you push them away with an "I'm fine." But when you do this you don't want them to leave you alone. You want them to look into your eyes, to look past your smile, your laugh, your appearance, and realize that you're not ok. That you need them to hug you and let you cry on their shoulders."
"Wow. I always just thought that you get really sad and you feel like time goes way to slow."
"Well yeah. I mean time does go way to slow. And yes you do get really sad."
"Yeah. Why your eyes though?"
"Well I'm sure you've heard that your eyes are the doors to your soul. Your eyes hold all of your secrets. Everything you've ever seen is held within your eyes."
"I've never thought of it like that."
"Mmhm."
That was when I realized that we were outside of some restaurant that I don't remember the name of. I was thinking about what Max said. I wanted to be that shoulder for her to cry on.
Before Max could open the door to the restaurant, I grabbed her by her wrist again. I pulled her to me and lifted her up so that she was standing on my feet. I wrapped my arms around her trapping her in my warm embrace.
"Let me be your shoulder." I whispered.
"Ok." She whispered back. That was when I felt a single tear fall onto my shirt.
I let her go and we went inside.