H E' S M I N E

C H A P T E R – T W E N T Y

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"Is that why you called me up here?" he asked me, already getting aggravated.

"To annoy the shit out of you? Yes," I grin and walk to him again, "You are an asshole, so you deserve so much more than this shit. But I'm kind of oozy at the moment and I can't think of anything else," I laughed. Xander rolled his eyes and moved passed me to go to the door. I immediately turn and hold back his arm.

"Come on, Xander, stay for a while."

"I don't want to stay," he simply says.

"You wanted to stay when you were sure to get a fuck from me, why not now?" I raise one eyebrow.

"Shae, that wasn't all I wanted and you know that," he faced me. I scoffed and stepped back, "I doubt that."

"So you're saying we had nothing?" he faced me. I shrugged my shoulder. It meant something to me, I don't know about him...

"Did we have something?" I ask him. Xander nodded his head, "Yeah, we did."

"I know that. I just wanted to hear you say it. Maybe if you said it out loud realization would hit you. Maybe you would look into my eyes and see that as much as I try, I'm not okay. That I miss having you around and I want to hear you tell me you love me again," I don't know what I'm doing. I have too many emotions going on right now, and the drugs isn't helping. But its best I say it now than never.

"Shae..." he stepped to me and I moved back. I don't want him now. I might be missing him and shit, but I don't know if I can't even touch him without feeling like it's totally and completely wrong. I only feel this way now because I'm Chelsea's friend. I know her and what she's been through so I can't do this again. Xander should step up and actually be a good boyfriend because she might dump him. Gosh, she isn't even speaking to me and I fricking care about her.

"Don't, please. You probably don't care for her, but I do, okay? She's my friend now," I tell him, shoving some hair behind my ear.

"So you don't know?" he asked me.

"What? Know what?"

"Chelsea dumped me last night. Did you tell her?"

"No, I didn't. She isn't speaking to me..." I look down at my feet. I actually don't want to speak to her because I don't know what to say and how to say it. I was a bitch to her and I doubt she might even think to forgive me.

"Hmm," he hummed his reply. I furrowed my eyebrows and suck out my tongue. This is just awkward.

"I'm sorry about Chelsea. She was actually a cool girl. Are you guys still friends?" I ask. He shrugged his shoulders, "I don't think so."

"Oh."

"Are we still friends?" he immediately asks. I don't know. I was hoping he has the answer to that. I would like to be friends. But I just know it won't feel right. There always be awkwardness between us. Plus, it's not like we could actually be friendly towards each other at school and stuff, so that would just make it weirder.

"Yeah, I don't know. Do you want to be friends?"

"No. I can't just be friends with you. I love you," he says.

"Don't say that, because I don't want you to love me because I already moved on."

"You're lying, Shae. I know you are. It's obvious you still have feelings for me," he says to me. I roll my eyes, "I have a boyfriend."

"Seriously? Jake? I know you're just using him to get back at me."

"So what? He's a great kisser so its fucking worth it," I reply and shrug my shoulders. I look into his eyes, who was reading mine like a book. So I eventually looked away. "So you just make out? You've never gone further with him?"

I roll my eyes, "Well no. But that's only because-"

"You like me, right?" he stepped forward. I scoff and look down, but don't step back, like I've been doing since we entered the room. Why would I admit to that? I mean, yeah we had a thing (for a year) but it's over now. I'm totally over it... I think...

I bite my bottom lip and look down. "It's more than just 'like', Xander, and you know that."

"You're right."

I glance up at him for a brief moment and forgot everything that went wrong with us. I'm begin to stare into his eyes and I fall for them, hard. It's so hard to not forgive. Those gorgeous brown eyes that I get caught in every time I look at them is irresistible. I miss them, so much it's impossible to even begin to explain. I know it hasn't been a long time but it feels like eternity since I touched him and kissed him.

I miss that. Kissing him.

To be honest, it won't really be extremely horrible if I kiss him. I mean, he wants it and I definitely want it, so why not right?

The moment I go forward to kiss him, he kisses me. My life is complete. Unfortunately, as quickly as it began is just how quick it ended, when I heard my brother's shouting from the opposite of the closed door. I quickly pull away and Xander stepped back. I groan and walk to the door, opening it angrily.

"Don't you have a boyfriend, Shae?" Mason asked me, with an amused smile on his face. He looked into my room at Xander standing awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. I rolled my eyes, "We weren't even doing anything?" I say to all four of those stupid guys who needs to mind their damn business. They all laugh as though they don't believe me. That's expected. I am lying.

"I expected more from you, Shae Vega," another said.

"Nothing happened! Why are you guys even up here?"

"We heard the moaning from the basement," says Mason again. I groan, "You guys are so idiotic, I'm fucking fully dressed!"

"It could have been a blowjob. Maybe he's a loud moaner."

"Oh my fucking God! Spence, please take these idiots back downstairs," I hang my head back and let out the longest drawl. The guys laughed and I just closed the door in their faces. "Your friends are annoying. Get out."

Xander laughed softly and run his fingers through his hair.

"What's going to happen with us? And speak quickly before they come back..."

"Hey, don't tell me what to do," he says. I smile, loving his back talk. I love that he challenges me on a daily basis. It's annoying as fuck, but I like it. "Decide quickly, Xander."

"You act as though I'm the only one involved. Plus, you're the complicated one. You already know I'm willing to put up with you for however long..."

"Forever. You will have to put up with me for forever."

He flashes his award winning smile, "Come here."

I laugh softly and walk into his arms. You know what, fuck everyone and what they think. I really enjoy being with Xander. He makes me happy. And I know I bitch about us sneaking around, but I can totally work with that if it means I actually get to see him.

"Can you please do me one favor?" he asked me.

"Xander you know I hate doing favors," I roll my eyes, but listen to what he has to say anyway.

"Break up with your boyfriend."

I gasp, "I never asked you to break up with your girlfriend!"

"Uh yes, you did. You demanded it, hell you left me because I slept with her!" Xander laughed. See, this is one of those scenarios where shit happens then its resolved and we laugh about it. I like scenarios like that because I like to laugh.

"Okay whatever," I rolled my eyes.

"Who's your date to prom?" he asked, expecting me to say no one. I smile, "Spencer. And I'm not changing dates because I like my brother."

"So who will I go with?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Your phone. I'll dance with you, though."

"Great."

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"Why did you tell Spence about us?" I ask Xander.

"He's my best friend. We tell each other everything," Xander got comfortable in bed. I bite my bottom lip, "What did you tell him, exactly?"

"Just that we're like a thing. Plus, it's not like he got upset or whatever. He's pretty chill."

"Yeah, but that's my brother. He doesn't need to know about my relationships," I say to him.

"And he's my best friend. You told your two friends and I only told one."

"Yeah, but that's my brother," I repeat. Xander sighed then sat up and looked back at me. I know he's going to say how difficult I am and honestly I've gotten accustomed to it. I roll my eyes as he began to speak, "Why are you like that?"

"Because I am," I huff and sit up also. I would totally like to be home. We always quarrel when we sleep at his. His fucking house is haunted... although it's like gorgeous. He has his own fucking bathroom and his room is so fricking big. Xander's house is so modern. There is like glass everywhere and it's so cool. His parents picked the right place.

"Well stop being like that. Just be happy."

"I have questions. And they aren't happy questions, so what am I supposed to do? Keep it all bottled in?" I scoff and sit next to him. To be honest I really don't know how he deals with me sometimes, but I'm so glad he actually does. I bounce my shoulder on his, knowing already that he is annoyed with me. I want an answer to my question, but I don't want him to be upset. I rest my head on his shoulder then tried to wrap my arms around his body. I'm not big enough for that. But I continued trying.

"Please don't be mad..." I rub my cheek on his shoulder.

"Will you stop being so annoying?" he asked me. I rolled my eyes, "I'm not annoying."

"Yes you are," he looked down at me, "You're so fucking annoying, Shae."

"So what?" I kiss his shoulder continuously. I feel his hand on my thigh and I instantly look up at him.

"I love you."

I grin, "Yeah, I know."

It became silent and we lay back on the bed. I rest my head on his chest and tried to keep my mind at peace, but it proves to be majorly impossible. I just want to know why? I know she was his 'girlfriend', but he could have resisted. Why would he even sleep with her? Chelsea is a nice girl and a great friend, but she'd be so much better if she had a different boyfriend. I kept shaking my feet and drumming my fingers softly on his chest. I know that's annoying but I don't think it will all stop if he doesn't just tell me.

"Shae...?"

"Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I'm just..." I sit up then run my fingers through my hair. I can't do this. I need to know why. It will bother me for eternity if I don't know why he slept with her. Did he actually want to do it? Or was he just trying to act like a good boyfriend? Or maybe he wanted to make her feel better or something, I don't know, which is the main reason I'm going to ask him.

"Did you enjoy having sex with her? I mean, like was she any good? Why did you do it in the first place?"

"Because she was my girlfriend, I'm supposed to do things like that."

"Haven't you heard of abstinence?" I roll my eyes at him. His narrowed slightly as he laughed, "Haven't you?"

"Was she sexy to you? Did you actually like... you know..." I use hand gestures but I doubt I even got my point across. It's weird talking about those things when it's with another girl. I want to know if he faked an orgasm or something. I don't know. Was he even enjoying it?

"Shae, please, stop," he ran his hands over his face and softly groaned. I grumble lowly and bite my bottom lip. He barely gave me an answer. How am I supposed to sleep with barely quarter of an answer?

"Can you get me food?" I ask him softly. Xander turned on his side so his back was to me. I pout, "Come on, I'm hungry..."

"Shae, I'm tired."

"Fine, I'll go." I purposely climb over him, knowing he would stop me. He put me back on my side of the bed and sat up. His parents are home and I doubt he wants them seeing me here. I mean, I don't think they even know Xander and Chelsea are done.

I grin at him as he said, "Just stay put."

"Of course," I reply. Xander rolled his eyes and leaned down to peck my lips, then left the room.