H E' S M I N E

C H A P T E R – N I N E T E E N

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It has been a week. Time flies, I know. Soon we'll be going shopping for prom and then actually have our prom, and I know it would pass by like nothing. This week, I spent it solely with people who make me smile, that is, Jake, Troy and Jay. Xander is an asshole, Spence is Spence and Chelsea hates me. She refused to look at me for the entire week. She didn't even ask me to go to her silly therapy. I hate to admit this, but I miss her.

I miss how talkative she is and that she is strangely always smiling. For the entire week she sat away from me, it's like I actually told her I slept with Xander for a whole year. However, this week, in the classes we had together, I notice her raising her hands to answer questions, and she's communicating with other people in class. She hasn't dumped Xander yet, but she sure as hell is acting like it. She got a lot more friends in such a short time and basically everyone in school now knows her name. It's sad she's leaving on like Friday.

Today is Saturday. I decided to go out with Jay and Troy, then I invited Jake, as they began being all cutesy and stuff with each other. So, Jake is here and we're sat at an ice-cream store in the mall. I was actually really happy and I wasn't sad as fuck and moping around. Jake makes me happy.

Although I can't help but feel...different around him. I mean, I'm not awkward and stuff, it just doesn't feel normal. I keep telling myself that Jake isn't it. I don't feel how I'm supposed to feel when I'm with him. He is excellent company, but I just can't see myself doing anything more, to be honest. I know we kissed and whatnot, but we could still be just friends. Friends kiss right?

Gosh, but I like him. I think he's got a great personality and he is really good looking, but it doesn't feel right. I wish my heart would just cooperate and allow me to like him, but it seems impossible. I don't know exactly what's missing, but something is missing. I feel confused as hell, but there is no way I'm voicing that.

I let out a weary sigh and gain three pairs of concerned eyes.

"What's wrong, love?" Jake asks me.

"Uh, nothing. I'm just thinking..." I reply. Jay and Troy took in my appearance and I immediately knew they didn't buy it. I look down at my lap. "What's wrong, Shae? You were all happy and bubbly some minutes ago..."

"Yeah, but then I started thinking and it's just sad."

"What are you thinking about?" Troy asks me. I can't tell them. I feel so fucking stupid right now. Why can't I just forget about it all and just move on with my life. I actually have someone and I'm being a complete idiot. I'm finding a fault in Jake because I'm hung up on that idiot. Why am I so stupid?

"Uh... leaving you guys..." I lie. I mean, that's sad, but it's not really my main thought at the moment. I'll miss them both, but it's not like I won't be able to call or text or something. Social Media is great for that. But I have a broken relationship that is just haunting me, and I can't get over it. Social Media isn't great for that. I don't know what to do right now. Hell, I don't even know if he feels the same way. And honestly, I think I'm scared to hear that answer.

"Honey, trust me, we'll see each other," says Jay. Troy nodded in agreement, "Yeah, there's Skype and video calling and text messages and all that fancy stuff."

"That's true," I mumble, "I just want to actually see you guys after the summer."

"Oh you will, honey," Troy smiled. I turn to Jake with a smile, "And I want to see you after the summer also."

Jake grinned, "of course."

I lean in and peck his lips. We pull away and a random topic came about. I don't even know if I'm happy or not. Maybe I'm kidding myself. Maybe I am not happy and I'm just trying to hide it. It would make total sense... I still don't know why though.

God dammit! I'm confusing myself.

"Guys, I want to go home." I really hope no one is home today. I seriously need to just be alone and think. I'm not even feeling for food. I just want my pillow.

You know what? That's a lie. I don't want that. I want beer. I would really like to get drunk and pass out and just get numb as fuck. I don't want to feel anymore. I want to get completely hammered. I won't survive the quiet alone, which is why I suggested getting as drunk as possible. That way I won't have to feel my tears.

"Fuck that," I roll my eyes. I stood from my chair, "I'll see you guys tomorrow, okay?"

"Where are you going?" Jake asks. I shake my head and dryly chuckled, "Please don't worry. I'll be fine. I'll be with my brother."

"Uh Shae, are you sure-"

"Yes, please guys don't worry," I flash a feign smile. I quickly make my way out of the store before any of them could follow me. I fish out my phone from my bag and dial Spence.

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I leaned my head back on the couch in the basement and stared up at the ceiling. How do carpenters even make a concrete ceiling without having it falling down? I doubt I could ever be that skilled. I can make fries. I raise my head up and pull in the smoke then blow it out after a while. I feel great to be honest. It's like I'm not even part of this stupid world with all these fucktards. Why can't life always be like this? It's so much easier right now.

I close my eyes and a grin formed on my lips. I'm totally in the mood for like, I don't know, cotton candy. Gosh, that's a really good candy... How is it possible to make that shit with some dust?

"Spencer Vega!" I grin at him. He looked at me, completely dazed. He then began to chuckle softly and he rolled his eyes. Spencer was on the single chair across the room from me. He had a ball in his hands and he was throwing it, but he can't catch, so he would always have to bend to pick it up again.

"This is so great," I nod my head at him. Getting wasted is nothing compared to this. I feel fucking great and frankly I like it. I like not having to worry about shit, which is how I feel now. So bet your bottoms dollar I'll be doing this again. Not very long after, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. I couldn't care less and was too high to even worry about who it was.

"I invited some friends," Spence says to me. I shrug my shoulders and took in more of the murderous smoke that is just so addicting. They came down and all took a seat. There were four guys, all of which are Spence's friends. And of course his best friend was present, but frankly I don't care. I'd even offer him a drag-

My thoughts were interrupted when I hear Spence's singing and I just had to laugh. He can't sing for shit. I laugh and stand up from my seat. These guys were pretty quick. They already had their small packets of white powder. I was planning to leave when they arrived, but strangely enough, that shit attracted me. I took my seat once again.

I have only ever seen like two of these guys. The other two I don't recognize at all. But I make friends easily, I mean everyone wants to be friends with me. Even my brother can't fully hate me as a sibling, it's because I'm fucking awesome.

"So this the kind of shit you into?" a dark haired guy who sat right next to me asked me. He was loud and basically everyone heard. I don't give a shit.

"Just roll the shit. We're sharing."

"I don't even fucking know you. And I spent good money on this shit, I'm not going to share," he selfishly stated. I roll my eyes, "I'll get my friend to give you a blowjob."

"You're so fucked up," he laughs. He clears a spot on the table as I went to get some music. It's so fucking boring down here without some music! I turned up the volume and cheered loudly, appreciating the song playing currently. I bob my head as I plop down on the couch. This guy is taking forever with just one fucking blunt. I reach to the table, where Spence just put out a bunch of booze and grabbed something that isn't taking as long as this fucker.

"I thought you said your sister was a pain?" a dirty blonde haired, well-built guy questioned Spence. I laughed, "How could I ever be a pain?"

"You are a fucking pain," Spence commented, "You're just normal today."

"I'm not a pain," I roll my eyes and lean back in the chair, putting the bottle to my lips. I'm not a pain, he's a pain.

"Are you guys always this silent and awkward?" I ask them, my eyes shifting to each one of them. I tried my hardest not to hold his gaze, but I failed, as usual. "You know I never see you guys around," I speak to the blonde and the guy sitting next to me. The other two are Xander and some guy named Mason or something.

"That's because they are never in school," I was sort of surprised when Xander answered. He was smoking, looking hot as ever and I just sipped the drink.

"You're those types who skip school to fuck around with girls, right?" I roll my eyes as I spoke to the guy next to me. He chuckled and ducked his head. It's obvious its true.

"Don't feel bad, if I were a boy, I'd be a whore too. I mean like have a girlfriend and cheat on her with a close friend, kind of whore." My eyes flicker to Xander's and they stay there for a while, then I looked at Spence.

"Okay, Shae, best you go now. You're annoying."

"Not as annoying as your man-whore friends," I rolled my eyes and stand up. I hold my beer in my hand then looked around at the five guy watching me. What's their problem? I decided to rest down the beer, but eyes were still on me. I bite my bottom lip, feeling like a really annoying child. "Do you guys actually want me to leave? I mean, I have a really cool friend who's totally willing to give you all blowjobs."

"Shae all your friends are gay," Spence points out. I laugh and shake my head, "Nope. Not all. She's totally tired of her jerk of a boyfriend and will do anything to get over him." I move from the couch and walk to the stairs. I look at Xander and smirked, maybe I should be more annoying. I just wished there were more people here.

He scowled at me and I only blinked at him. "Can you help me with something, Xander?"

He only stared at me. I smiled, "Please."

He wanted to rip my head off and tear me to shreds, but I don't care. He actually looks really sexy when he's angry. Especially that clenched jaw, it gets me going. Xander stood up from his seat reluctantly and walked to me. I grin, "You're such a good guy."

We walked up the stairs in silence, then I led him up to my room. He walked in and I closed the door behind us. "What are you doing, Shae?"

"Being annoying. I'm being a bitch, something I find very enjoyable these days," I smile at him and step closer to him. "Do you miss me, Xander?" I run my hands down his body to his jeans. "I mean, is she as good as me?" My fingers touched his skin under his top and he held my hands. I laugh softly and move away from him.

"Do you know how irritating you are sometimes?" he asked me with raised eyebrows. I laugh softly and rolled my eyes. "It's my objective in life to be irritating."

"Wow."

"You know your girlfriend took me back to that house where you said your friend died or something and turns out, your friend was Chelsea's brother," I smiled.

"I know."

"Do you have a thing for your friends' sisters?" I smirked.