H E' S M I N E

C H A P T E R – F O U R T E E N

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Troy completely broke down when he heard Jay was on drugs. It was his first time doing it and his body obviously wasn't accustomed to it. He passed out because he took in way too much. We aren't allowed to see him yet but I'm guessing he was stressed and heard that drugs help. I don't know. And I totally blame myself. For the past days, I've been a terrible friend to them both and I should have been there for them more.

Troy's mum is here, but she isn't really doing anything. Troy is leaning on me, and holding my hand. We're both comforting each other right now and we just really want to see Jay. I need to see Jay before I believe everything is okay with him.

Later, the doctor allowed us into his room and Troy was the first one in. It was just Troy and I. Jay lay on the hospital bed, with the sheets up to his waist and the top half was in a diagonal position, making him sit up. Troy went to the side of him and took his hand.

"I'm so glad you're okay, Jay..." Troy says then glance up at me, who was on the opposite side. I nod my head. It would be best for Troy to just tell him how he feels instead of us bombarding him with a bunch of 'Why's and 'How's. Troy squeezed Jay's hand and my eyes immediately went on the heart monitor. However, neither of them seemed to care about that.

"I missed you so much," Troy continued, "And I'm sorry about what happened. I didn't know how you felt about me and I was a complete idiot and I'm totally sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me Jay, I mean, I already admitted to myself that I have feelings for you, like a lot of feelings that I can barely decipher, but I know they are good. I just don't know if I'm worthy of you. I mean, you're such a great guy and I'm just-"

"Perfect," Jay completes, "You're perfect, Troy. I mean, yeah, you have your many flaws, but I like you with them. It makes you who you are."

I was just silently waiting for them to kiss and smiling like an idiot at the nice things they're saying to each other. I blinked at his heart rate and grinned. I blinked back at them and realized the exact reason why Jay's was beating as fast as it was. I'm not usually a fan of watching couples kiss but this is an exception. They are by far the best couple I have ever seen in my entire life; I'm not even exaggerating. Jay and Troy kissing gives me life, I was fucking tempted to take a picture and frame it for their children to have forever.

Eventually after they were kissing a while, I finally decided to take the picture, but then I was just standing there, I decided to take a seat and awkwardly look out the window, re-evaluating my life. My two best friends are kissing in a hospital room and I love a guy who's got a girlfriend. My life is fucking great right now.

I notice the door opening and the doctor stepping in. I look at the boys then back at the doctor. He furrowed his brows and he stepped more into the room. I decided to speak before the doctor does because I'm pretty sure he is going to say something that might make me want to kill him.

"When can he leave?"

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The entirety of the weekend was spent with Jay and Troy. I wasn't the third wheel, thankfully. They were just holding hands a lot and basically kissing every second, but I wasn't the third wheel. It's a shame I won't be able to do those things.

Well graduation is in two weeks, so I basically only have two weeks until Xander dumps Chelsea... or at least that's what he says. If it's after grad and he hasn't broken up with her, I think I'll have to call it quits with him. I mean, I'll be going to college, I can't be doing this, we can't be doing this. I know it will hurt both of us but it has to be done.

At the moment, ironically enough, I'm with Chelsea at her stupid group therapy thing. Everyone is speaking about their life, slowly breaking out of their shells. And then there's Chelsea. She's sitting next to me silently and I don't get why she won't just talk. No one here would judge her. Basically everyone is gaining confidence and she's just here.

I don't get what's the point of her coming here if she says nothing. She's just listening to everyone else talk. It makes no sense. Why sign up for this if you're going to just sit and take in everything? I lean over and whisper to her, "Aren't you going to tell them how your weekend was?" I feel like a mother to a shy child. I don't want to be a fucking mother, I'm only seventeen.

"Uh no.." she mumbled. I groaned softly and excused us from the circle. I pulled Chelsea's arm, leading her outside the door. She looked at me confused. "Come on, Chelsea! You seriously need to build your confidence. I mean, you can't really expect to go through life like this, right?"

"Shae, I just get all shy and stuff. I really can't speak in front of people..."

"Sweetie, that's why you're here. And I know it won't be easy for you but you have to at least try. I know you can do this, Chelsea." I honestly want to see her better. I'm not all bitchy. She stared at me and a smile appeared on her face. She pulled me in for a hug and whispered, "Thank you," in my ear. I nod at her, actually pleased with myself for being this nice to someone besides my friends.

We walked back into the room and Chelsea actually wore a smile on her face. She took her seat as she said, "I'm uh I wanna share..."

I grin and nod my head. Chelsea stood up and smiled down at me. "Uh well..." she began, "I uh...uh this weekend was uh actually pretty good." Everyone in the room looked up at her and I could tell she was having a hard time. I reached up and held her hand. She looked down at me and smiled. She continued, "Well for the first time in forever, I actually felt happy. it's mainly because of my now best friend, Shae." Chelsea looked down at me and she smiled, while I was still trying to figure out how I fell about that statement.

"Also, this weekend I feel like I actually connected with my boyfriend..." she says and I furrow my brows, "I-I mean, he's never actually kissed me...a-and t-touched me the way he did this weekend..."

My eyes widened and I let go of her hand almost immediately. I didn't want my anger to show, but it just sort of happened. Chelsea looked down at me and I tried to play it cool by coughing and covering my mouth. I contained my anger to ask, "So what you two had sex?"

She nodded at me, "Uh yeah." Chelsea spoke softly as though she didn't want anyone else to hear, but everyone else fucking knows what she meant when she said that shit.

"Oh...okay... And was he like...you know into it?" I asked her. I don't give a fuck about who's here and hearing. Xander told me he doesn't do anything with her. Why would he do this shit?

"Uh Shae, please don't ask about that..." she slowly took a seat and whispered to me. I rolled my eyes. I'm beyond pissed at the moment. How did that shit even happen? If he wanted to have fucking sex he could have called me, that's what I'm here for. What was he even trying to do or prove, that he has a fucking dick? I just can't wrap my head around this. He slept with her. It's totally fucking over.

I was so happy at the end of that shitty therapy thing so I could finally leave. I actually just want to go home and stay in my cave. I want to see a sum of zero people. Especially not that fucking asshole. Chelsea wanted to hang out after but I completely denied the invitation. She called me her fucking best friend, like what the fuck? I barely know the girl, its barely been three weeks since we fucking met. She's to fucking eager to have a fucking friend she doesn't realize that I fucking hate her guts. She's too fucking annoying.

My front door slammed closed as I entered the house. Everyone is, unfortunately, home this afternoon. I tried to go straight up to my room, but it obviously failed because that was the fucking time my mother decided to call me. I groaned loudly and walked to meet her and Spence in the living room.

"Yes?" I answer, trying to hold in my anger as best as possible.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked me.

"That's what you called me for? really?" I groan and stamp my foot on the ground. I turned and walked away. She can't be fucking serious? Mothers are so fucking annoying, I swear. The moment I enter my room I plop down on my bed violently. I grab my phone and find his stupid name. I'm not one of those girls who give them the silent treatment. I tell them the shit they did then make them feel horrible afterwards.

"Shae?" I hear his voice on the other end of the phone and I wanted to curse it.

"Don't fucking sound so innocent, asshole."

"What are you talking about?" he sighed as though he's tired. I'm not insulted by that because I know he thinks I over-react a lot, which is untrue. I don't overreact.

"I'm talking about you fucking that bitch you call a girlfriend!" I basically shout into the phone. I don't give two shit about who can hear right now.

Okay well maybe with my mum yeah... so I shall not continue this conversation under her roof. I like my life. I quickly run down the stairs to my car and lock myself in, where I can scream how much I want. During that time, Xander said, "It wasn't my fault."

That's his fucking excuse? I'm glad he isn't lying, but he can come better than that shit.

"Seriously Xander? You fucking promised me. What the hell happened, Xander?" I questioned.

"Shae, she basically forced me, I swear."

"I don't give a fuck about what she did or didn't do, Xander! What happened to us? Did you forget me?!" I shout.

"It was just one fucking night Shae!" his voice was a bit louder than mine, and deeper, and much more intimidating.

"It doesn't matter! You fucked her after you promised-"

"This isn't fucking kindergarten, Shae! Promises get broken! And how was I supposed to make it fucking convincing if we didn't do anything God Dammit!" He screamed at me. I rolled my eyes, "You know what, Xander, Fuck you!"

"Yeah well Fuck you too Shae! I can't fucking believe you're arguing over this shit!"

"So am I supposed to sit here like a fucking idiot while you go fucking other girls!?"

"Are you forgetting that Chelsea is my fucking girlfriend?! She's the main-"

"Shut the fuck up, you asshole!" I scream at him.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do, Shae. I can fuck my girlfriend if I want."

"Fine! I don't give a fuck anymore, because I'm fucking done with you, and her!"

"Yeah well I'm fucking done with you to!" he says.

"great! I'm fucking happy."

"Well so am I!" he says to me. I roll my eyes, "Delete my fucking number and don't ever fucking talk to me again. Any and everything between us is gone and in the past, because I fucking HATE YOU!" I scream the hang up the phone. I threw the phone on the passenger seat and slap my palms against the steering wheel in front of me. Gosh, I fucking hate him, so much. I can't believe I even liked that fucker in the first place.

God dammit, I fucking hate Xander Wilde.

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