H E' S M I N E

C H A P T E R – F I F T E E N

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The last thing I want right now is to go to school, but my mother finds it necessary to go to school. No one knows what I'm going through right now. My heart aces, but I'm also really angry and confused and sad. I don't know what I want right now. Well, I think right at this moment, I want to be in my bed. I don't want to have to stay here with people who I all hate.

I decided that the best thing to do is sit in the bathrooms and eat licorice. I doubt anyone I actually respect and would listen to would come in here. I doubt my mum would leave work to come to find me in a bathroom. I chew on my licorice and rest my head back against the wall. I run my fingers through my hair.

I'm such a screw up. Everything is perfect with everyone else besides me. Jay and Troy are happy, Spence is happy, my mum is happy, it's just me who feels like a complete idiot right now. I don't know if I messed up my life by doing that or if I made it better for the future.

He was good for me. He was what I wanted. Everyone has their idea of a perfect guy, while I have him (or had). I know there is no perfection, so I'm happy with him. I didn't care if he was really horrible at making important decisions or he can't plan to save his life, or just the huge fact that he isn't the perfect guy, I loved that. I've grown to learn that perfection is totally overrated. No one wants perfect, perfect is too boring. We all need some bumps in our road, and Xander was my bump. I guess I drove passed it.

But I would totally give anything to reverse to that bump. He was by far the best and the one year we had together would never ever be forgotten. I could never forget Xander to be honest. Even if I go off to college and get a new guy, he'll always be my first.

Suddenly, I'm not feeling for my licorice anymore. I want to cry. I hate being that sobbing girl, but now I actually understand what she's feeling and why it's so necessary for her to be the sobbing girl. It's only been a day and I miss him so much. Usually I would have hope, knowing he'd show up at my window, but now I doubt that might happen. We spoke to each other as though we're the worst of enemies and we've never spoken like that before. He rose his voice, at me. He's never like that.

Gosh, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I thinking about him? I should be strong, right? as much as I want to burst into tears, I should just ignore the urge and be strong. Hold my head up high, long enough so I could find someone else. If he wants Chelsea, he can go right ahead. I need neither of them, I have Troy and Jay.

But I'm not moving from here. I just want to relax. The floor of this bathroom is a bit cold but I've been sitting here for a while and it feels pretty normal. I let out a sigh, wanting it to be a loud, angry scream.

My phone began to ring on the floor next to me and I glance down to see it's Troy calling me. I bite my bottom lip and answered, "Uh hey."

"Hey, where the hell are you?" he asks.

"The girl's bathroom..." I mumble.

"Aww, what's wrong, baby?" he asked me. I don't reply. That just makes me want to cry. I end the call and rest the phone beside me. I lean my head against the concrete wall once again and tried not to cry. I bit the insides of my cheeks to help prevent myself from having a tear leak down.

"Shae! Babe, are you okay?" Troy asks as they burst through the door. He locked the bathroom door as Jay came to me. I pressed my lips in a thin line and blink at them. They are so lucky to have each other. I'm so glad that they finally can be together.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Jay took my hand and squeezed it a bit. I look at him and opened my mouth to say something, but I didn't. Instead, tears flowed down my cheek. Jay immediately pulled me in for a hug which was supposed to comfort me, but I only want Xander right now.

"We broke up..." I tell them as I pull away. My makeup was running down my face and I wiped my tears which made the makeup look worst. I run my fingers through my hair and lean my head back again. I let the tears fall and I sniffled. "It's done... we g-got in a fight and ...and we broke up..." this is probably the first time I ever cry and I know it's strange for them. When I begin to cry, I can't stop because then all he memories begin to come back.

"Baby, stop crying," Troy pulled me in and I ruined his really pretty top. "He called me 'baby'..." I sob pathetically. I hate myself for this.

"Shae, if it was meant to be, you'll be back together," Troy says to me. I shake my head, "I want him back. He's like the only guy I loved..." I begin to sob again. How could this possibly happen? We were perfect one day, now I'm fucking crying in a bathroom.

"No, Shae. He's a fuckboy. If he wanted the bitch, he can take her. You are a gorgeous girl and you can find a guy like that," he snapped his fingers, "You don't need him, or anyone else. So stop crying for a guy who barely even cares."

"Jay, I loved him. I can't just forget him," I sit up and begin to wipe my tears.

"Oh the easiest way to forget someone is fuck someone else," Troy added. They both stood up then helped me up. I rolled my eyes at them both. They must be fucking crazy. Jay took out a bunch of baby wipes from his bag and wiped my cheeks and under my eyes. "I have make up!" Troy exclaimed happily.

I smiled at them both, "I love you guys so much."

"Sweetie, trust me, guys aren't worth your tears. Hold your head high and forget them," Troy says. Jay clears his throat in an obvious way. Troy smiled at him then pecked his lips, "You're obviously an exception."

"Good," he answers. I smile at them and rolled my eyes.

"Okay, take a seat," Troy instructed. They both put their bags in the sink and I took a seat on a closed toilet. Troy stepped to me, "I'm pretty good at this."

I nod my head, "I know." He has a zip-lock bag of makeup supplies and he knows exactly what he's doing. It's not surprising, Troy would sit for hours watching YouTube tutorials on make-up and hair. That's one of the reasons he spends so much time on his hair, which is already fricking perfect.

After Troy was done with my make up, I fixed my hair, "Babe, you look perfect. I just hope you feel perfect too."

"You guys make me feel perfect," I smile at them both. They both grinned at me then kissed for some strange reason. It was cute though.

This morning I came to school looking good, but not looking good. I wore a pair of denim jeans with a black armless top and an oversized flan. I thought I looked good, but I wasn't really feeling good. I bet I looked drained. I tried hard with my make up to hide the tears last night, but don't think I did so well. Now that I'm looking in the mirror after Troy was done with me, I realize he's better at makeup than fucking me. I have a makeup artiste for the rest of my life now.

"Thanks guys..." I mumble.

"It's what friends are for, love. So are you ready to go out and face them all?" Jay asks me. I nod my head. Soon it would be lunch, which is just fucking perfect. It will be really fucked up but I have to face it. I'll just ignore everyone. Plus, it's not like everyone even knows. That was only between Xander and I. I hope Spencer doesn't fuck things up by talking to me and bringing his stupid best friend to talk to. I swear to God; I would walk away.

When we exited the bathroom, the bell for lunch rang so we walked straight to the cafeteria. I decided to just focus on my friends. Troy and Jay are proud of their relationship, but not as proud as me. So many things had to fucking happen before they both grew a pair and started to date. I just really wish those things didn't happen. I hate the fact that Jay went as far as taking drugs just so he would be less stressed. His parents are asses.

"You guys are like dating?" a random girl walks to them, her eyes on their entwined hands. Jay nodded his head, "Yeah."

"Oh congrats, guys," she grinned then walk away. Cool girl.

We arrived at the cafeteria and take a seat at our table, waiting to see what will happen. I'm guessing Chelsea would want to sit here. And since the asshole is so fucking obsessed with the girl he'd join. I hate them both right now, but I think I hate him more. I'm passed sobbing (Thanks to my babes) and now I'm onto hating. Yes, I'm that bitchy ex.

They enter the cafeteria. The entire clique. Chelsea and him usually separate from them to come to us, but today it was just Chelsea. I was glad. She left him behind, which is epically awesome. She could have stayed there too, but whatever.

"Hey guys!" Chelsea greeted with all smiles. I don't answer, but Troy did. "Hi, Chelsea."

"Are you two dating now?" she continued to speak.

"Yes," Answered Troy.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked me. I nod my head, "Yeah."

I've kept my eyes down since they entered the cafeteria. I know I'm supposed to keep my head held high but I don't want to have to look at him. It's disgraceful.

"Raise your head, love," Jay says to me. I groan softly and raise my head. They are such parents. I stick my tongue out at them, then turned my head to get my bag at the back of my chair. I have gummy bears.

"Why are you guys so silent? Is it something I said?" Chelsea asked worried. I couldn't help but giggle lightly, "No, Chelsea. You're okay."

"Oh, okay. Well guess what guys!" She exclaimed, "I'm taking you guys shopping!"

"What?" Jay immediately asks, "I love shopping."

"Great! After school?"

Jay turned to his boyfriend, "Troy?"

"Yes, babe, of course. It's shopping," he grinned. They all face me, "Shae?"

I don't really want to go shopping, because I know I won't be buying anything. I'll probably just sit at the cafeteria on my phone. Plus, its Monday, I don't shop on Mondays. For some reason my eyes flicker to his table and find him smiling and laughing, as though nothing fucking happened. I was going to stay home and reminisce after school, but not now obviously.

"Yeah, sure," I finally said. They all cheered, which had almost the entire cafeteria looking over at our table. He, of all people looked over and automatically look to me. I bite my bottom lip as we held that awkward (probably full of hate) stare. I was the first to look away, I don't want Chelsea to notice I was having a staring competition with her boyfriend.

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Okay guys... I've been lagging lately, I know :/ so to make up for it I'm posting another chapter in just a few minutes :) Hopefully you guys like it >.<

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