H E' S M I N E

C H A P T E R – E I G H T E E N

<><><>

After school I went straight home. I was so pissed at the world I just couldn't. To be honest the only person that is making me happy right now, believe it or not is Jake. We didn't do anything horrible, we just made out. We skipped the rest of afternoon classes and remained in my car to talk. He made me smile, genuinely.

Xander may have done that also in the past, but I'm just figuring out that it was probably all a lie. I haven't figured out his motive yet, but I'm working on it. Maybe he just wanted sex... I don't know.

I try to keep my mind off of him as I am trying to move past him. I basically barely have two weeks in that school and to be honest I want the best of it. I have no time for people like Xander Wilde. Exams are over, stress is gone, worries and pains are gone and I can just relax for two weeks. I'm confident in myself as I already got an acceptance letter from my second choice college.

Right now life is sort of going well academically. If I can just focus on how good I'll be feeling in two months' time after high school is passed and done with, I might actually make it. I have no time for Xander, only my friends. I have to take as much fucking photos as possible now, because pretty soon, the two weeks would be up and we'd be graduates and then prom and then summer and then college and we start over. Goodbye high school friends. I don't know if I'm ready for that shit.

I don't even know why I'm thinking about this right now. I still have to do a lot before we leave. For example, I have to go shopping with Jay and Troy for prom. I already told them I'm not attending graduation and no matter how much they beg, I won't go. They've come to just live with it and be happy I'm actually going senior prom. I think I have to go. It's our last dance together, I'm not that heartless to miss that night with my friends.

I chew on a cheesy Cheetos stick and called on Spence when I heard him coming down the stairs. He groaned loudly and I ignore that, I ask, "Spence, who are you going to prom with?"

"My gorgeous sister. I hope you have a good dress."

I roll my eyes, "I'm so serious right now..."

"I don't know, sis. It would most likely be you because no other girl is worthy of being called my date than my one-in-a-million sister." I don't know if he's being sarcastic or not but I feel pretty damn special. I grin, "I'd totally go to prom with you than anyone else..."

"Not even your new boy toy?"

"He's not a boy toy, and yes. You're my prom date so don't ask any girl, got it?" I kneel on the couch to look back face him. He's walking around in the kitchen, probably for something to eat, as usual.

"Sure thing, sis," he replies, "Have you seen the bag of Cheetos I bought? I left it in the cupboards but it just fucking disappeared..." As he said that I faced front immediately and slowly put the bag on the couch next to me.

I was so glad when I heard the doorbell ring. I let out a sigh of relief and jump up to run to the door. I quickly pulled it opened and I wasn't exactly shocked when I saw Chelsea standing at the door. She held her hands in front of her and she looked a bit nervous. I raise my brows at her for her to begin speaking. She cleared her throat, "Can I take you somewhere?"

"Uh no thanks, I-" to my surprise she cut me off. She straightened her posture and rose her head higher, "You're coming with me, Shae."

"Excuse me?" I test her.

"I- I said you're coming with me. I'm taking you out so get up off your lazy ass and come with me," she confidently says to me and I was blown away. This isn't the Chelsea I met some weeks aback. She held my gaze and I was the one to look away. Her voice just portrays confidence and independence. This is Chelsea, she is no longer dependent of anyone and she can look a bitch in the eye and order her to follow her. I hope she's more thrilling now for him, though I don't think he deserves her.

"Spence, I'm going out, I'll be back soon!" I shout into the house. I don't wait for a reply, only closed the door behind me and followed Chelsea out. I'm actually curious to know where she so confidently wants to take me. I feel so proud of her. Though I would be really impressed if she stands up to someone like Xander and dumps him.

I take the passenger seat and she begins to drive. As we leave my street and basically exit the small town, I found the route to be strangely familar. I can't really but my finger on it, but I remember coming here, or at least driving this way. I glance over at Chelsea, she drove as if she knew exactly where she was going. This is a planned destination.

"Chelsea, where exactly are we going?" I ask her. I look out the window at the cars passing on the road,

"Uh a place that we can just think. I know you probably feel annoyed with Xander and Spencer today, so I think you could use some time to just relax or whatever," she says to me. I nod my head, "Thank you."

"No problem," she says. I look over at her and notice a smile on her face. About twenty minutes later, after we park and we come face to face with tall grass, I realized where we were. How does Chelsea know about this abandoned house? Xander said it was the house of his dead friend, what does she know?
Or maybe I'm overthinking it and she just like found this place and thought it was relaxing.

Chelsea and I walked through the grass and to the front door frame. We stepped inside and we were in the exact same room that Xander and I were in. The concrete staircase is how I know that, and I take a seat on it. I look up at Chelsea with a confused facial expression. She eventually sat next to me and her index finger made strange patterns in the thick dust on the ground.

"There was a family who lived here..." she began. I'm extremely curious to hear what she's going to say. "Two parents and two kids, one older than the other."

"Yeah...?" I don't want to rush her, but I kind of want to hear the ending today.

"They were actually a really happy family and like everything was perfect... or at least that's what everyone though," she let out a humorless chuckle, "It turns out their family life was horrible. The mother was an alcoholic and almost lost her job for it, the father was slowly losing interest in his wife and gaining in other females, it was sad. The older sibling ..." she stopped. I don't have to be a genius to piece this together.

"What happened?" I ask her.

"Well, uh it also turns out that the older sibling was going through some shit of his own. He uh found out about what was going on with his uh parents... and uh he went into drugs. He uh became maudlin and impulsive and..."

I finally look over at Chelsea and I notice her eyes beginning to get watery. I'm guessing my suspicions were correct. I was going to say something but she beat me to it, "Shae, he was only sixteen when he took his own life. Sixteen. He still had his entire life ahead of him." She leans forward and rests her face in her palms. I stretch my arms over her back and comfortingly rubbed her shoulder.

"Chelsea-"

"Don't say it's okay, Shae. Because it's not. My brother committed suicide. I was the one who... I found him, Shae. On our bathroom floor, with hundreds of cuts going up his arm. I didn't even know what he was going through. Our fucking mother pressures us so much to be perfect children, so her reputation wouldn't look horrible, he was under so much stress, w-with school and his friends and everything," she didn't bother to wipe her falling tears. "That scarred me for life. My brother was my rock, we got along perfectly and when he.... died I just couldn't. I felt my world crumble to bits and pieces and I couldn't come out of my shell."

I feel horrible. I fucking teased her for being so shy, I had an affair with her boyfriend because I thought he wasn't deserving of her. Boy was I wrong. She's been through a lot and it's now understandable why she is the way she is. Her brother committed suicide and she was the one who found him. I doubt I could even be as strong as she is if I found Spence lying dead on the floor.

"Chelsea, I am so sorry. For everything, I'm sorry," I wrap my arms around her, allowing her to sob on my shoulder.

"Chelsea, look at me, please," I say to her. Her puffy, bloodshot eyes met mine and I instantly felt it for her. How could I be so cruel? I fricking hate myself for this. But I don't know if I could tell her. I already basically dug up bad memories for her, I can't break it to her that I fucked around with her boyfriend or the entirety of senior year. I've grown to care for her, and I really wish I could be brutally honest with this, but it's hard.

Before I could continue, Chelsea said, "I'm going to break up with Xander. I don't need him anymore. I have a great friend now."

I bite my bottom lip, feeling horrible, "Chelsea, I want you to be happy but I'm not exactly the best friend choice..."

"I know you can be cruel, but I don't care. You are a great friend, whether you want to admit it or not," she says to me.

I shake my head. I can't do this. I can't sit here and be so completely fake with her when she's being real. I have a heart and right now it goes out to her. I rather us not be friends than our friendship be based on a lie. I stand up and walk to the door frame, "Can we leave please? Spence is expecting me back."

"Shae, are you serious? I just told you about my dead brother and that's all you're going to tell me?" she stood up also. It's better to be bitchy in this moment. I don't want her to think I care, so when the truth reveals itself, she wouldn't be as hurt. That was the plan anyway, to toughen her up so she wouldn't feel hurt and she'd move on quickly.

"Chelsea, please. I need to get to my brother," I say, not looking back.

"Wow, just great. You really are a bitch, aren't you?" she scowled at me. I just really hope she allows me back in the car and takes me home, because I don't have my phone with me.

"Sorry," I shrug my shoulders. I don't know if I want this relationship mended or not. But if I do, it will take a lot to finally do it. I wish we didn't meet under those type of circumstances, but it happened and now I can't do anything about it. Chelsea is a good girl but I am basically a terrible friend, and Xander is a terrible boyfriend. Well ex-boyfriend, since she plans to break up with him.

In the car, as we're driving home, I ask, "Why did you carry me there?"

Chelsea cleared her throat. She stopped tearing up a while back, but I could still see the remanence of her crying printed on her face. "Uh I just wanted you to know. So you know you aren't the only one who hurts sometimes."

I nod my head and glanced out the window once again. It remained silent until she stopped in front of my house.