H E' S M I N E

C H A P T E R – E I G H T

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Honestly, I would love for the days to pass by quickly so I could just leave school and be done with it, but it's never that easy. I have to instill confidence in a shy person so she'd know to stand on her own and not depend on everyone. I don't know how I plan on doing that, but I start with taking her to a group.

She was obviously confused about it all, but I could care less. It's an after school program to build self-esteem and confidence. I think Chelsea needs it as she can barely speak in front of a crowd. I didn't want to go in with her, but she claimed she couldn't do it without me. She acts like we're best friends from kindergarten or something. We not. She's a transfer student, she didn't even come in the school at freshmen year, which means we barely know each other. She can't just expect me to go in with her, I'm not the one with self-confidence issues.

"I'm Chelsea," she says in a short sentence. Aren't you supposed to tell a bit about yourself? I shrug it off, as did the instructor as she went on to me. "I'm Shae. I'm only here for moral support." The short haired blonde nodded her head at me as her red lips curved in a smile. She moved onto the female next to me. She looked like the shy type, her name is Paige. The rest of the group introduced themselves, but I was too busy taking in this room to pay attention. The room was not drab, in fact it looked more like an art room, than a room for depressed kids. I like it though; I'm guessing this radiant vibe is supposed to rub off on the students.

"Okay, guys, before we start, do any of you guys have anything to share today? Like about your weekend or week?" asks the instructor. I doubt she actually expects a response. These guys are shy, they aren't going to talk, not even if they visited the god damn President, they aren't saying anything. I glance at Chelsea, hoping she says something.

As much as I hate to say this, I would like to see her speak up and have confidence in herself. I honestly believe in her, and I think she can be brave and self-dependent if she wants to be. And I'm not saying that because I solely want Xander, I just (surprisingly) want to see her do something for herself.

"Chelsea would like to share," I speak and they all looked to me, then at Chelsea. She gave me a wide eyed look and I smiled at her and nodded my head. It's weird how almost confident she is around us, but now, she just freezes up. She opened her mouth slightly to say something, but nothing came out. I don't know what she did for the past few days, but she has to say something, everyone is staring at her. They shouldn't do that though. They know how fucked up it probably seems for all eyes to be on you, why would they stare at her that way?

"Chelsea?" says the instructor as she expectantly looked on.

"Uh..." is Chelsea's reply. The instructor next looked at me, "Okay, well, Shae, would you like to share?" I feel bad because I put Chelsea on the spot. Though it would be totally okay if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

"Okay, well, I didn't really do anything. Just stay in and ate."

She smiled, "That's good, Shae. Thank you for sharing. You are very brave."

I know that, "Thanks."

She continued her class, telling them about speaking out and they shouldn't be afraid to do so. A guy says it's hard to speak up when in your mind you keep thinking that all listening ears are judging you. Mrs. Barley replied, "Honey, it may seem like they are all judging you, but I can assure you they aren't."

"Some of them are," another says.

"Yes sweetie, some of them, you can't deny that, but are you guys really going to let that get to you? Everyone has a right to an opinion and your opinion matters just as much as the other person's. Listen, usually, no one is really going to judge you, it's just your brain and thoughts making you believe so. I'm not saying you're all insane, I'm just saying that you should focus less on what others think and more on building up courage to work past your vulnerability and uncertainty."

"Sometimes it's just your own internal fears, that maybe what you want to say 'won't be as good as' or 'can't compare to' but the thing is what you're saying or going to say will be valid and it shouldn't need to be compared to another. You are who you are, with your own point of view and your own opinion, you will be different and sometimes you will be wrong, but you cannot let these minor things prevent you from saying what you really want to say, which I believe will be major."

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"I hope you enjoyed it..." I say to Chelsea as I enter her driveway to drop her off.

"Yeah. It wasn't extremely horrid," she smiled at me and I nod. I agree with her. Mrs. Barley said some things that were completely true and seems like what's necessary for them to hear. I'm thinking of pitching the idea for her to actually get registered there. I think it could help her, and I even volunteer to go with her.

"Thank you, Shae," she leaned across and hugged me. I awkwardly hug her back and then pull away. "Would you like to come in?" she asks me. I cleared my throat softly and shook my head, "Sorry, my mum is expecting me for dinner. Maybe another time?"

"Uh sure," she mumbles and exits my car. I quickly turn the car to go home. I'm a hundred percent sure, I'll be going home to an empty house. My mother is at work and Spencer is probably out. He fricking hates to be at home. He would rather hang out with his stupid ass friends all day and night, than spend a god damn hour with his sister. He's really unbelievable, but I don't care. Spencer can do whatever shit he wants.

When I arrive at my house, I notice Jay and Troy sitting on the steps to go to the door. Neither of them wore their million-dollar smile, which was weird because these guys are never sad. I'm confused as hell. I furrowed my brows and made my way out of the car. "What's up with you two?"

"Oh uh nothing," Jay glanced at Troy, who's eyes were to the ground, but then continued, "We just came to uh hang out."

"Really?" I ask them as I walked past to get to my locked door. They both followed behind me as I entered the house. "You guys seem upset, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Do you have chocolate or something? I'm hungry," says Troy. I nod my head to the fridge. I don't get why he's asking when he knows he can just go into the fridge. I looked at Troy as he rummaged through the fridge and rose a brow. I can basically sense something is not right with these two.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Jay excused himself and left the kitchen in no time. I completely turn to Troy, "What happened?"

"Nothing. He's just upset with me for some reason," he rolled his eyes and closed the fridge door. I nod my head, "Okay, I'll talk to him..."

"Sure. I'll be in the living room. I'm really in the mood for a movie..." he says, as though nothing is wrong. Troy is a really good actor, because I doubt he really doesn't care right now. He must care, something is going on with Jay and he wants to watch a movie? Troy isn't usually like this; he cares for everyone. It must obviously mean that he did something to cause Jay to react like this.

I knock on the bathroom door and call Jay softly. It took him a little while before he slowly opened the door and let me in. I stared at his back as he turned to walk to the toilet seat. He didn't look okay, something definitely happened.

"Hey, what happened, love?" I ask him and move closer to him. I went down on my knees in front of him and took his hand. Jay's puffy eyes found mine and he leaned in for a hug. Now I'm curious. Jay was crying. Jay never cries, Troy is the crier. But lately Jay is slowly changing....

"What happened?" I asked as I rubbed his back. He sniffled then sat up, preparing himself to tell me.

"Well, I went to his house today, to see if he was ready, you know, to come here..." he trailed off and sniffled, "But uh, when I got there, no one was home, but the door was open so he had to be home. I saw clothes on the stairs as I walked up but I just thought it was him being a slob, but it wasn't... I found them in his room, both completely naked and my heart sunk. I mean I know I'm overreacting because he's not mine but-" I stop him and pulled him closer to hug him again. Damn it, Troy! I rub his back again as Jay began to sob. I hear the sobs falling from his lips and I feel my top dampening as his tears spilled. I feel for him, I really do. It's hard seeing someone you really like with someone else. It hurts your heart and brain and everywhere because you know they belong with you.

"Jay, it's not okay. You must feel horrible, I'm sorry."

He nodded, "How could I ever..." he trailed off. "Shh, babe, you can get through this okay? You must tell him how you feel."

"Shae, I don't want to ruin our barely substantial friendship. I can't lose Troy."

I bite my bottom lip, "So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I'll just forget about it. I mean he's not even my boyfriend. I don't know why I'm acting like this..." he mumbles as he sat up and wiped under his eyes. I rolled my eyes, "Hon, you have every right to act like this. You have strong feelings towards him and he's hurt you, it's totally okay to cry."

"Shae, you're amazing. If I liked girls, I'd totally date you," he flashed a smile but it came out fake. I smile, just for his benefit. "Okay, get cleaned up, we're watching a movie tonight!"

"Great. Just do me a favor and sit between us..."

"Sure thing, love." I smile at him. Jay nodded his head then went to wash his face at the sink. As we walked down the stairs to the living room, Jay asked, "So uh how was the group thing?"

"Surprisingly, it was really good. I think it's really helpful," I nod my head at him. Jay nodded his head, "Maybe I should take Troy to a group, you know, to stop being such a whore..."

"Oh come on, Jay, you don't mean that. And I bet if he knew how you felt he wouldn't have done that." We arrive at the living room, but found it empty. I furrowed my brows then went into the kitchen to look for Troy. Jay is being a bitch as he carelessly went to take a seat and scroll through his phone. I can't believe this is happening. They both are acting like real fuckers. Where the hell did Troy go?

I decided to go back upstairs, maybe he went in my room for something. Thankfully, when I was just about to climb the stairs, I see him coming down. He flashed an obvious feign smile, "hey."

"Where were you?"

"Oh uh I uh went to get some of your gummy bears..." he lied.

"Well where are they?"

He shrugged, "I couldn't find them."

"Okay..." I mumble and take his hand to walk back to the couch. I know Troy is lying his ass off, but I don't want to argue about that. I would much like a peaceful night of movies with my two best friends. I don't want to talk about guys or secrets or anything, just watch the movie and probably quarrel about why the character is wrong or right.

"Okay, so what's the movie?" I ask them as I plop down on the couch. I take the single couch while Jay lay on the three seater and Troy on the double seater.

"I don't want to pick," says Jay and looked up at my ceiling. I nod slowly and slouch in the couch. "Neither me," Troy said. I groan, this is too annoying right now. "You guys are being bitches," I tell them honestly. Whatever they have to work out, they are going to do it now. I can't have them not speaking to each other like this. It's splitting me apart because eventually they would want me to pick sides, and I'm not doing that.

Jay ignores my comment and yawns, "I'm tired. I'm going to go."

"You guys just got here."

"Yeah, but I'm really tired..." he says. "You don't have a car, Jay," I point out to him. He shrugged his shoulders and got up. I glance at Troy, hoping he would at least stop him, but he doesn't. He takes out his phone and begins to text. I walk to Jay to stop him, "Come on, Jay, just stay for a while."

"No, I just need some time for myself. I'll walk home."

I let out a breath and take his hand, "Promise me you'll be safe."

"yeah, I promise. I'll see you at school tomorrow," he says and let's go of my hand. Jay left my house and into the dark night. I bite my bottom lip as I closed the door and turned back to Troy. I walked past him and slap the back of his head.

"What was that for?" he complained. I don't tell him, instead I say, "Are you staying the night?"

"Uh no. I just need to like relax a bit before I drive."

"Relax?" I raise a brow. I actually do not want to know what he's talking about and why. Troy is a different species that takes years to understand.

"Listen, I didn't do anything to hurt him, okay..." he suddenly says after a while of silence. I glance at him and nod my head. He doesn't know what he did, and I can't blame him for that. Troy doesn't know how Jay feels so he wouldn't think he did anything wrong. I take a seat next to him. "I don't know why he's acting like this... I mean I guess he caught me with a guy, but that's it. I really hate to see him like this though..."

"I know..." I wish I could tell Troy how Jay feels about him, but I can't. Then again, Troy must be really ultimately stupid to not realize that Jay fucking likes him. Hell, the guy cried when Troy was caught with another guy. How oblivious can he get?

"Jay is a really nice guy..." he says sadly.

"How is that a bad thing?" I ask him. He shook his head and bit his lip, "I was standing right outside the door when you guys were talking."

"What? So you heard?" I asked in disbelief. Troy nodded and he seemed like he was about to cry. "Shae, you and I both know I'm not good enough for him."

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Hey guys! Next Chapter tomorrow! 

Love you forever! <3

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