Rain was pouring down from the sky like a waterfall. Dripping down the glass window of my dorm, my eyes trained on the drips sliding aimlessly on the glass. Class was canceled today because of a flood watch and i would be very happy, but rain isn't the same without him.

I hate to admit it but I've been thinking about him all day. My chest fills with pain just lingering on the thought of..

A lightning strike glows in the sky for just a moment. Casting a bright shine before instantly going away. A crackling thunder booms like a huge bomb going off. I scrunch my eyes shut gripping the blanket wrapped around me.

I remember when he was scared of the rain, and i use to be the one to hug and console those scared feelings away. He'd never admit it but i know when i hugged and made him watch a show with me just to get his mind off of the horrible memories rain brought him, he liked it.

With all his heart and soul i knew he loved it. Because everyone else would've laughed and said "get over it it's just rain" but  I didn't. I was there when no one else was. He had no one but me. I was his entire world and more.

I fucking want him back.

I miss him so fucking much it hurts.

Tears flood down my face as i let out all the built up emotion out. My nose becomes snotty and my head aches but i can't stop crying. The thunder gets louder a wind i didn't even know was there started to howl like a vicious wolf snarling at a hopeless creature. I can't figure out how to breathe my eyes won't open i can feel myself gripping the roots of my hair tugging so hard it becomes sore.

"WHY DID I DO IT!"

Another boom of thunder.

"OH PLEASE WHY DID I FUCKING DO IT.."

"Why.." My voice cracks. Tears steadily slide down as the rain slowly comes to a drizzle.

Fuzzy feeling inside my chest, head throbbing from sobbing, i wanted the pain that i couldn't describe to go away. A burning desire to scream and throw things, cry out like a lion roaring. Claw down anything in my path and just break everything that reminds me of him.

But i don't. I sit there on the small scratchy couch, swaddled in a blanket staring at the rain covered window.

No voices taunting me, utter silence.

Maybe the cops know.. Maybe someone snitched and saw me doing the awful task i did. Telling someone who told another.. A wild rumor no one can exactly trust or believe, better yet prove it. A dark secret i have, that eats me alive while someone out there on this very campus might know. They just can't say it.. Because it's to vile and cruel to talk on.

Alec. So close to being Alex.

Maybe i can have a second chance.. With him. Try to clean up past me mistakes. It's not a good idea, but what else is there to do? 

I promise alec, i will protect you. Guard you from ever seeing the other side of me i can't control.

I promise.