It was seven am, Frank was waking up in the morning - he had to have his bowl, and cereal, everybody was rushing, and time was going, he had to get to his bus stop, he had to catch his bus, and see his friends, and of course have a hardcore dilemma regarding which seat to take. He sat down, and checked the date on his phone - it was Tuesday.

But no, unfortunately, Frank did not live in some sort of messed up alternate universe in which he was fourteen year old Rebecca Black, although he was just about as tall as a fourteen year old, but that was irrelevant and certainly the last thing on nineteen year old Frank Iero's mind as he rolled out of bed at something like three pm and accidentally hit himself in the face with his laptop in the desperate struggle to open the thing as soon as possible.

He then proceeded to blind himself, because yes everyone needs to leave their laptop on full brightness at four in the morning, which just about when Frank had passed out last night. He then found himself experiencing the serious first world problems of when minimum brightness is still too bright, and he found himself lying there with at least four chins and the worst eye bags known to man as he groaned and regretted ever being born.

Oh, the life of a college student.

Frank found himself gravitating to his tumblr and doing some quality shitposting to help start his day, ensuring he reblogged at least four pictures of dogs, because aesthetic, before switching to Facebook, and preparing himself for the shit storm of why aren't you awake messages from all two of his friends: Jamia and Bert, although Jamia was his girlfriend as well, so she didn't exactly count, so in reality, the figure was something closer to one point five friends, but Frank had woken up about one point five minutes ago and despite it being three pm, it was still too fucking early for this shit.

He typed out a quick 'hey' to Jamia, before closing the chat window and liking the few Facebook statuses from his friends and some tolerable acquaintances that he felt obliged to like in order to show support for the friendship, and not because he actually gave a shit about what his best friend had come to realise in an incredibly hilarious and totally not copied from reddit way at one in the morning after he'd drunk his body weight in orange juice - Bert was kind of weird, okay?

But then again, so was Frank, Frank was so weird he'd make the 2009 random trend supporters proud, not that was really something to be particularly proud of, but Frank was a psychology student who got more D in his assignments than he did in his sex life, which might be something to do with the fact that he was dating someone with a vagina, but he was bisexual, which was his apparent 'character quirk' according to the slightly less tolerable acquaintances, like seriously, that shit made him want to punch himself in the face.

There was once this guy called Bob Bryar who'd asked if he could have a threesome with Frank and Jamia, Frank had told him to go fuck himself because no one else wants to, and it wasn't even like he was lying - Bob has no friends, no one fucking likes Bob.

There was also the fact that he was a boy who had a vagina, but no one besides Bert and Jamia knew about that, like seriously, his genitals were no one's fucking business. He told Bert once at four in the morning when he was having a minor emotional breakdown, whereas Jamia, let's say she found out first hand.

About a month into Frank and Jamia's relationship, she'd taken off his boxers, and just stared for a moment, before asking him where his dick was, and if he'd lost it and needed help finding it, (they were quite drunk, okay?) to which Frank had responded - 'I don't know, it just never grew.'. Bert had been the one to explain it properly the next morning, because Frank was fucking useless at many things, and explanations was one of them.

Frank then proceeded to go deaf as Jamia responded to his message, and he'd also decided to leave his volume on full, which made absolutely no sense, but whatever, he turned his volume down, and he made some sort of effort to respond to his girlfriend.

'It's 3pm are you fucking serious?'

Frank groaned a little, tapping out a severely misspelt response, leaving autocorrect to sort that shit out. 'No. Sirius is dead.'

'Motherfucker. Come to my dorm room.'

'Why?' Now this was all the proof in the world that Frank Iero was a ten out of ten quality boyfriend, and Jamia Nestor was incredibly lucky to have him.

'Why not?'

And with that, Frank closed his laptop and rolled off his bed and onto the floor, enduring an injury what felt like the breaking of seven ribs, but was actually a small bruise on his right arm, but he appreciated the bruise nonetheless and cherished its value as an excuse to lay on his bedroom floor for another four minutes.

It was then that Bert, who he shared a dorm with, decided to come back from class, and pause for a moment, just eyeing his best friend and considering just what the fuck he was doing on the floor, before closing the door behind him and sitting down on his bed.

"Afternoon." He added a few minutes later, starting his laptop up.

Frank mumbled something in response, which may have been 'afternoon' before it was muffled by the carpet.

"Get up off the floor." Bert continued, once Frank had pretty much made it apparent that he wasn't moving.

"Why?" Frank let out a sigh, rolling over onto his back, and making brief eye contact with Bert before closing his eyes once more.

"You got out of bed for a reason."

"No I didn't. It was a mistake. Much like the rest of my existence." Frank continued to groan on like an angsty teenager, like he was going to turn twenty in a few months, he had to cling desperately to the the angsty teen aesthetic.

"Jamia wanted you to go and see her, didn't she?" Bert let out a sigh, grabbing his cellphone and texting Jamia a picture of Frank laid on the floor with his eyes closed, captioned with 'relationship goals'.

"Did you text her that?" Frank groaned, blinking a little from the flash.

"Yes." Bert said, appearing all too proud of himself with one hell of a smug grin.

"Motherfucker!" Frank exclaimed, leaping to his feet, pulling yesterday's clothes on, grabbing his phone and running out of the dorm room in a quest to save his dignity, as Bert sat there on the bed, laughing his head off, and continuing to text Jamia about the situation in detail.

-

'I'm dead', 'this is my favourite', read the tags on a video Gerard Way reblogged on his tumblr dot com account by the name of 'aesthetictrashprincess666'. The video in question was entitled: 'Dog of Wisdom', and Gerard found himself enjoying some relatable shitpost content on the tumblr dot com.

The tags on Gerard's post were very true, because this video of a dog flying through the sky in an airplane was his favourite, and Gerard was indeed dead, you know, with being a vampire and all, which was perhaps the only detail of his personal life he didn't share on his blog.

That kind of sucked because the fact that he was a vampire was probably the most interesting fact about Gerard's personality, which was definitely a major part of the reason just why the fuck he'd died his hair a love shade of vaguely vibrant 'he tried to make it pastel but it didn't work' pink, also aesthetic - the aesthetic was very important to him.

As were animals, like seriously, Gerard was shitter than the vampires in Twilight; he had bright pink hair, he was a literal sweetheart, an anime nerd, drew cute pictures of deers and shit, wore dumb animal hats, make up, and even skirts sometimes, also he used those dumb fucking Japanese aesthetic trash emojis.

Oh, yeah, and of last month, he was also a vegan.

But no, he didn't fucking sparkle, despite this all, he kept that part of his dignity in tact, although, it wasn't like he was particularly opposed to the idea of sparkling, and when he thought about it, he was prepared to cover himself in glitter for the aesthetic, but even then he wouldn't be a vampire who sparkled, he'd be an idiot covered in glitter.

He did burn in the sun though, but through the generations of vampires, they had evolved to not turn to ashes instantly, and with the help of the existence of SPF fifty, clouds, and long sleeves, Gerard had indeed managed not to die for twenty one years, although when he did get sunburnt, it was fucking nasty.

He'd also managed to protect his identity and not get staked, although he doubted that really happened anymore, but Mikey was always nagging him about being careful.

Mikey was his younger brother, who was excellent at nagging, and just a little more proficient at being vampiric than his brother; Mikey wore black, having not really ever grown out of the emo phase, and actually drank proper blood, instead of soy blood like Gerard.

Not that Mikey actually fed from people, though, like he could, well it would be difficult considering the fact that vampire teeth were in general much more human like now, a little pointed yes, but due to the lack of actual neck biting anymore, the teeth had evolved to be much more discreet, but capitalism hadn't avoided the supernatural communities, and it was just easier to mass produce animal blood and put it in discreet cartons for an extra cost, and yes the vampire capitalists had engineered what they called soy blood.

Soy blood didn't actually contain all that much in the way of blood, as vampires need blood to replenish their energy and serve more as a vitality booster than anything; they just evolved to drink blood, as when they originated centuries ago, vampire capitalism wasn't quite as prominent and drinking human blood was just the easiest and tried and tested method.

In fact, soy blood was a lot more like an overkill energy boosting smoothie, containing things rich in iron and general vitamin supplements, and a whole load more vegetables than blood. It didn't even contain any fucking soy, but soy blood just sounded a whole load better than 'A Vegan/Vegetarian Alternative To Human Or Animal Blood Packed With Excessive Amounts Of Iron And Those Green Vegetables Like Spinach Your Mum Had To Lie To You About To Get You to Eat'.

Yeah, Gerard was a pretty sorry excuse for a vampire, and well, person in general; he liked anime for Christ's sake!

Gerard and Mikey had been born vampires, as had their parents, and grandparents, and in fact, it went many generations down the line, and the two were more than used to the whole ordeal, and were entirely far more fussed with finishing college with adequate grades than slaughtering the innocent and feasting on their blood.

Yeah, okay they were shit vampires, but there were werewolves these days who just lived as dogs, and Mikey would rather be a disappointment than a dog, and well, Gerard wouldn't actually mind being a dog, but Gerard's opinion was stupid and therefore not counted.

Gerard wasn't really the stupid one in the scheme things, after all, he wasn't Pete Wentz, a human dude, who was about three feet tall, wore excessive amounts of eyeliner, and loved memes beyond the point of irony.

Pete was Mikey's boyfriend, Mikey's boyfriend of over a year, Mikey's boyfriend who laughed off the subject of vampires, and most definitely didn't believe in them, let alone know that his boyfriend was one, and it wasn't even like they were really trying to keep it from him anymore.

Gerard and his friend Ray Toro often played this game to see who could make the most vampire puns or references around or in conversation to Pete, without him catching on - he never did, but they always succeeded in making Mikey extremely annoyed, so it was absolutely always extremely worthwhile.

Gerard did kind of live for the day when Pete would finally find out, and just what his reaction could possibly be, although Gerard wondered if just be even more amusing if he never actually figured it out; he did deem that unlikely, but with how stupid Pete Wentz seemed to be, nothing was impossible.

He had no idea what Mikey saw in the guy; he was kind of cute okay, but he was a pure fucking idiot. Maybe it was just the case of 'wow, we're the only two gay guys we know, how about we date?', Gerard could hardly talk though, being a virgin at the age of twenty one and being perhaps a little less than proud of it, but seriously, he liked anime, what was he expecting?

-

"Jamia, this fucking sucks." Frank let out a groan rather akin to one of a six year old about to have a temper tantrum, because really, between Frank and a six year old, it was rather hard to tell the difference.

"It's a library, Frank, it's not that bad, I just need to get a few books for my essay." She let out a sigh, meeting her boyfriend's eyes and planting a kiss to his lips, "I love you, but stop being such a baby."

"I'm not being a baby." Frank protested, pouting.

"Okay then." She raised her eyebrows, laughing in disbelief, "look just go and sit down and wait for me or whatever, I'll just get my books: I'll be as quick as I can, I promise."

"You'll be like twenty minutes, I know it already." Frank rolled his eyes, sitting down on a chair near the entrance, still fucking pouting at Jamia.

"I won't, I promise." She narrowed her eyes, "you're like a kid, I swear to god, Frank." She shook her head in disbelief, "look, see you in like five minutes, I mean that." And with that, Jamia Nestor descended into the depths of the library to never be seen again, okay maybe that was a little overdramatic, but Frank was a fucking idiot, so it was sort of vaguely acceptable to him.

He leaned back against the wall, making bets with himself as to just how long he'd find himself sat there waiting for Jamia goddamn Nestor, she was lucky, she really was fucking lucky that Frank was far too socially inadequate to meet anyone else even vaguely interested in dating him. But for real, he did appreciate her; she was wonderful, and damn beautiful too.

After four minutes passed by, Frank gave up all hope, and put his earphones in, plugging them into his cellphone and finding himself a suitable library waiting for your girlfriend angst anthem, which was trickier than expected, so he ended up settling on Blink 182 instead, because Blink 182 were appropriate for all occasions, except when your mother was present... then they really weren't appropriate.

Two songs later, and as Frank had expected, Jamia still wasn't back, and his legs were starting to grow numb because he sat with his legs crossed like a fucking seven year old, although, he didn't particularly doubt that his legs weren't all that different from the legs of seven year old. However, to cure the curse of his dying legs, he stumbled to his feet, and nearly fell over, but he just took a moment to thank god that the library was hardly a social hotspot at five pm on a Saturday, so no one could see him fail at life spectacularly.

Frank walked around the corner, into a random section of the library, dragging around a numb leg it wasn't part of his body, and really just praying that his legs would calm the fuck down right now, because he wasn't appreciating this bullshit at all.

He found himself bored enough to actually glance his eyes over the titles of various books, like Frank barely read, and when he did, it was fanfiction, gay fanfiction usually. He was quite a fan of Drarry, not that it was something he was particularly eager to announce. However, that was kind of irrelevant, and soon rid from his mind as Frank lay his eyes upon a certain book that seemed to stand out from the rest.

It was visibly old, not exactly ancient, but it looked like it'd been sitting on that shelf, untouched for a good few years. The book was a kind of crimson in colour, which instantly made it stand out, however the title on the spine, originally written in black, was now indistinguishable. Frank reached for the book before he could stop himself, his body seeming to tingle a little as he held it in his hands, although he put that down to the fact that his leg was still kind of numb

The front cover was the same crimson colour, despite black lettering in some sort of old style font that read 'Standardised Spellbook 1989-1994'. Frank raised his eyebrows at that, but found himself opening the thing despite his skepticism - his curiosity would always be his number one vice.

He glanced at the first page; it appeared to be a contents page of some sort, however he was certain that half of the text wasn't even in English, but this didn't suppress his curiosity in the slightest, as he even found himself turning the page forward as he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Frank promptly had a minor heart attack, pulling his earphones out and glaring at Jamia in disbelief, "motherfucker."

"Not my fault if you have your earphones in at full volume." She laughed it off, "what the fuck are you doing, Frank? Are you actually looking at a book, are you okay?" She exclaimed, stepping forward in mock concern.

"Fuck off," he let out a groan, glancing down at the book, a million thoughts crossing through his mind as he finally began to focus on the page he'd turned, all of which appeared to be in some other language, besides the title, which clearly read in a bold font: 'Pyrokinesis'.

"Come on, I've got my books, we can go now." Jamia's voice seemed to fade in, as Frank's attention faded away from the book, moving his head to meet her eyes.

"I want to get this book." He said, and Jamia just looked at him like he'd told her he was a brony or something.

"Fine. But don't make me wait twenty minutes." She pouted, mocking his earlier tone. "Or I think I'll die or something."

-

lmao new fic vibes !!! this is my favourite thing in the world already I'm so dead i love this so much i said i'd write this like a week ago I'm sorry i went through one of those sims phases where u play it for like 30 hours and then never pick it up again for like 5 months yeah lmao.

also title credit to FallOutLola because this pun is almost as amazing as them. also I'm so bad at titles recently I'm trash.

and yeah this is what i ended the elite club for... u feel why now?? u feel??? this is too good u feel???

vote and comment if u feel!!!!!

i lov u pals !!!!