IDK why i keep making the library the place of pivotal conversations and events it just feels right

"Babs? What're you doing here? Why's Dick with you?" Tim asked when he opened the door to the pair. He hadn't heard her pick him up nor had she asked any of them for permission. Then again, they had been working overtime so it could've been scheduled and he didn't remember what day it was. That happened more often than he would like.

"I just took him for a milkshake. One of the only places that didn't change was this diner not far from here," she explained, lying easily. The acrobat was silently thankful she could pull it off so well. All of them were presumably trained in lying but he always found it difficult to lie to people he knew. Anyone else was fairly easy. "Why don't you head upstairs?" Dick nodded and gave her another hug before making his way to his room. Once he was out of earshot, she let out a sigh. "You guys need to talk to him. I know you're busy trying to get him back to normal but it's been nearly two months now. At some point, you're going to have to settle for who you have and not who we had."

"What're you trying to say?" Tim asked, knowing exactly what she meant but needing to hear it.

"There is a very real and very young Dick Grayson living with you who already has issues. Maybe it's time to focus on who he is now and not who he was."

"We can't give up. He's not supposed to be nine."

"Yeah well, I'm supposed to be in a wheelchair right now. Things change and we adapt."

"I can't adapt to this."

"Listen to him and you might change your mind." He glanced upstairs and then back to her before nodding. "Good luck with it all."

Upon relaying the message to the others, they decided to give their search a rest for a night to see what was going on. They really were trying to make Dick happy even when they were searching for a way to get him back to normal. Bruce maintained his promise to go to therapy and although he was still awkward in his showing his affection, he made more of an effort to make his emotions clear. Who knew the look he gave them when they failed a mission wasn't disappointment and instead worry? Still, it appeared that even though they were making the effort it had been lost on the young hero. He did seem dulled recently but they assumed it was because to him his parents died a year ago and it was coming up to that time of year when everyone talked about family. He'd always said that he didn't celebrate properly until he was eleven and he stopped feeling guilty being happy when they weren't there. Maybe they should've asked rather than leave him be but wasn't that the typical Bat way?

So, they brought everyone together, including Duke who had felt way too creeped out by the concept of a tiny version of Dick Grayson running around to properly discuss things. They supposed this conversation should've happened when they first realised their plan wouldn't work and their backup subsequently fell through but it was much easier to push ahead than stand back to look at it all. They met in the library, by far the tamest part of the household, but didn't say outright what they were there to do. Dick seemed content with just spending time with them though as he let Steph braid his hair. They should probably get it cut soon. They should probably buy him his own clothes too at some point because he was getting swamped in the hoodie he'd borrowed from Damian. It was just that doing those things felt like they were accommodating to a permanent situation which none of them really wanted. 

As nice as this moment was with him giggling as Stephs huffs when his unruly curls defied her braiding, it couldn't last. 

"Is there something you've been meaning to tell us?" Bruce asked softly yet the question started the young acrobat anyway. He moved away from Steph and all the light that he previously had dulled. "You're not in trouble if that's what you're worried about."

"Yeah, we get that things can feel difficult sometimes so we just want to check up," Steph reassured him. "You've been quiet lately and we know you've been worried about us figuring out how to reverse this." The comment made him flinch. He wasn't sure why because there was nothing nasty about it but he didn't like the way she gestured to him like he was wrong because he wasn't wrong. He was himself at nine instead of himself in his twenties.

"That's why you brought Duke, isn't it? Because you want me to tell you what I told Babs," he stated, ignoring the comfort being offered to him and his voice dripping in the sting of betrayal. "That's why you're spending time with me. I knew you didn't actually want to."

"Grayson, you must understand that we're working hard to get you back to normal."

"But it's not my normal. I'm normal now. You guys just don't want that."

"Of course we want you," Bruce soothed but when he reached out to collect his child in a hug, Dick shook his head and moved back. 

"You don't. You guys said so when I first told you your plan wouldn't work," he reminded them. 

"We regret saying that," his mentor told him only for Damian to say that he didn't. "Damian! We'd love you no matter what."

"No, you wouldn't! At least he's being honest! The rest of you are so fake saying you don't mind when you're spending every minute of your time finding a way to "fix" me when I've already told you there isn't a way to without changing me. He doesn't want what you want and you won't listen!" 

"Our Grayson wouldn't leave us like that. He'd want us to keep trying because he wouldn't leave us with-with you."

"Dude," Jason muttered. "Not the thing to say."

"If he wants honesty then that's exactly what he'll have. We shouldn't lie and say we're content with his condition when we simply aren't! None of you want him to be like this but you just won't say it."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is! You don't want me like this no matter how much you say you do. This isn't my home and you aren't my family but now we're both stuck with each other. It's not easy watching you look at me the way you do because I know you'd swap me and him in a heartbeat," Dick explained. Tears bubbled up and he squeezed his arms tightly to comfort himself. He didn't want them but he was always a touchy person. He needed something to keep him from falling in part in front of them. "But there's nothing to swap. He's gone."

"What do you mean he's gone?"

"He's gone! Gone! I'm losing his memories! All of them are saying goodbye and that's it! You're stuck with me so I'm sorry but that's what happens. People die they just do and I don't get why he died like this I'm sorry you couldn't have the body for him but here we are!" He dug his nails into his skin as he fixed his eyes anywhere but theirs. That didn't stop him from hearing their breaths hitch and feeling their stares burning holes into them. He always hated delivering bad news just as much as he hated receiving it but they needed to know.

"We could at least restore some of your mem-"

"They're not my memories! I don't know who these people are. I don't know the Teen Titans, I didn't know who Slade was and I didn't know basically everyone here because I'm not your big brother! I'm who I was at nine and that's it," he hiccuped. There was a pause and he heard someone run out of the room. He knew it was Damian. The kid must've really adored his big brother because he'd never taken Damian as the run out of the room trying not to cry type. Then again, he hardly knew him no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he did.

It was agonizing to sit there as the family let the news sit. Maybe he should've told them earlier before they spent so much time on their research but even he had only started to accept the concept of being stuck here recently. Before he'd known that it was the situation but he hadn't acknowledged it. It was like breathing without thinking. He knew what was happening but wasn't concentrating on it. Now he did and so did they and he could only hope the others took it better than Damian was.

"We could figure out a way to have you remember them for the time being," Duke offered, his voice strained as he awkwardly sank back into his seat. When there were hums of curiosity at the suggestion, some genuinely thinking about the idea, Dick huffed and stood up. 

"Ugh, forget I said anything. It's useless trying to talk to you."

"Dick, you have to understand that we can't give up," Bruce tried to explain. "You held an important place in people's lives, not only ours. How do you think your friends feel knowing you're not there to listen anymore or the people who loved you would feel knowing that their version of you is basically dead?"

"I don't feel great about but your version of me already has given up so why can't you? You've been at this for months following the same dead leads and you end up in the same place every time but you still don't get it. Think logically for five seconds. Why would someone make something to de-age a person in order to train them and then put a reverse button on it? I don't know if villains got stupider here but my guess is that this is permanent and your version of me understood that." He was so tired of this and they weren't listening. He may as well be explaining his feelings to a wall and he didn't have the energy to keep fighting their attempts to deny what he was saying. "Do whatever you want with me when you finally realise you can't turn me back. I don't care anymore." 

"Chum, we'll still want you even if we can't get you back to normal."

"I'm nine, not stupid. Damian said it himself that he didn't want me and Tim confirmed it when I first told you. You just don't say it in front of me or when you think I'm not listening," he argued back. The acrobat shrugged to himself, shaking his head as he held himself impossibly tighter. "Whoever I was, I'm not. I'm sorry you lost him and I get that I'm a reminder but please-" He didn't know what else to say so he hoped they'd get the message. "I'm gonna check on Dami because that's what your version of me would do then I wanna be left alone for a bit."

"Dick-"

"Please."

Damian was surprised to feel a presence join him on the rooftop and even more surprised to find it was Dick climbing over the lip of the gutters. Then again, something deep down made him feel as though he should've expected the boy even if he was no longer the person he could look up to. He watched as the acrobat made a face at the leaf gunk on his fingertips before crawling over to sit beside him. For a moment, neither of them spoke and somehow sat in comfortable silence.

"How'd you find me?" Damian asked.

"I think you forgot I've lived here a year my time. This is where I go when social workers and Bruce are getting too much," he answered quietly. The older nodded slowly. That made sense. He always did love heights thanks to his life as an acrobat and it had been his older self that had shown Damian the spot when they wanted to get out of an awkward dinner. "You've been crying."

"I've done nothing of the sort."

"I hope I told you it's okay to cry especially when you suck at hiding the evidence," he muttered. 

"You did."

"Then why are you trying to hide it?"

"Because I don't like it!" he snapped. The younger hummed and rubbed his arms, drawing Damian's attention to the small crescent cuts. He made an aborted attempt to touch them before thinking better of it. "You're hurt."

"So are you."

"I'm not hurt."

"You're hurting emotionally," he countered. Damian narrowed his eyes because that was exactly the thing his Grayson would say right before he broke down. It was like asking someone on the verge of tears if they were okay. A damn burst and it felt so horrible to cry in front of a child, a child he'd told he didn't want repeatedly. Dick never made him feel like that even when they first met. Sure they didn't get on but he was never unwelcome in his own home. His Grayson would be so disappointed in him right now. "I've been reading his journal lately. I got to the bit where Bruce was gone and he had to look after you. I hope it makes you feel better when I tell you he loved you. Like a lot...like Bruce loves me." That only made him cry harder and the small hand gently patting his shoulder certainly didn't help. "I'm really sorry."

"You shouldn't be," he muttered. "It's just- I- With you here, I don't have him and he sort of feels like a dad."

"And you've lost your dad even if I wasn't your father. I get it. I know what it's like to lose a dad."

"Grayson-"

"It's alright. The older me is kinda dead, isn't he? Or maybe he's stuck in limbo or become some kind of Jiminy Cricket for me. I'm not really sure how it all works. I know that as long as I'm here, he isn't." Carefully, Dick wrapped an arm around the crying teen and brought him into a hug. He tried not to hiss when the salty tears hit the cuts on his arms but even if he let a few go, it couldn't be heard over the crying. He felt that now familiar guilt of not being their version of Dick Grayson swirl in his stomach. It's not like he didn't want to be old again, there was just no way to do it. "Thing is Dami, I'm here and I don't think he's coming back. I think you have to face the music."

"I can't lose you again."

"You're not losing me you're just meeting a different version of me. We've gotta be at least a little similar. I found you up here, didn't I?"

"You're equally as terminally energetic to the point of annoyance," he mumbled, getting a giggle out of the comment. "You're uhm you're equally kind. You both have shown me understanding even when I don't truly understand why you bother."

"You ever watch the Ninja Turtles?" The seemingly random question made Damian chuckle and he nodded, intrigued about where it could lead. "You're like Raph and I'm like Mikey. You've got anger issues and might say some mean things to me but you're my brother and you really do care. You just don't know how to show it all the time."

"Do you really think I can't get my big brother back?"

"Well like I said, you're Raph and I'm Mikey. Mikey still looks after his older brothers even though he's the youngest so I guess you didn't really lose me. You just got a pocket-sized version." That once again drew out a chuckle. "See, I'm already making you laugh!"

"You are a strange soul Grayson." 

"Got you to cheer up though."

"Indeed." They went quiet for a few minutes, still hugging as Damian came to terms with what this conversation meant. In some way, it was like he got to say goodbye to his Grayson. He felt like he was drowning realising that but there was a hand on his shoulder that reminded him that his brother wasn't dead. He wasn't the man he was but he certainly wasn't dead. This was just a new start. "I had a friend. Jon. He went to space and when he returned, he was much older than he left. Rather like the reverse of you and I felt terrified that I would once again lose someone I consider worthy of my presence but it appears I haven't lost you. You're just different."

"I know it's not easy, believe me it's not easy for me either. Things are so new."

"Perhaps, I could help you settle as you helped me."

"Maybe but not today. Today I need some alone time."

"Why?"

"I can't stop everyone from seeing the man I was but I don't want to see it either. I need some time alone. To think."

"You sound awfully old for being nine Grayson."

"I think," he paused, his face scrunching up as he tried to decide how to phrase it. "I don't think I'm nine. I think my body is nine and my mind is nine but not thinking the way normal nine-year-olds do. B said it trauma ages you. Good ol trauma." He patted Damian on the back before moving away. "You gonna be alright?"

"I suppose so. I do apologize for saying I didn't want you." He gave the teen a watery smile.

"Don't say sorry when you don't mean it." His response had Damian stunned long enough for him to climb down from the roof and go to his room. 

Once inside, he took a deep breath before sliding down the door and sobbing as he'd never sobbed before.