Randomly dedicated to TosinAd, QUeeN_BethY, oohlalaacassy, xoanneox, natasyawijayanti, Walker-Savage,

Grace's P.O.V

I couldn't find the keys fast enough. I couldn't get the door open in time. I barely made it inside. I was crying like a child. There was no one to comfort me. Nora had taken Levi out for a walk. Her fiance was away on business. I had the place to myself for maybe an hour, but I couldn't rejoice in that. Not with my mind reeling. Fresh memories stamped in my brain for eternity.
It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over.
My heart repeated as I made my way to the bathroom with a stagger. Slowly I eased out the tie that held my hair in a ponytail. My hair fell past my shuddering shoulders in heaps. The woman in the mirror looked back at me helplessly.
How many times have I seen her in this state? Tears caused by one man.

The absence of my wedding ring seemed to weigh down my finger. It felt strange... and bare. Two years of wear can do that to someone I guess.

He can give it to Cecil. I don't care.

I regretted having that thought. It made me weep even harder.

Why am I even wasting my tears? Divorce stands waiting on a distant shore.

I never wanted all of this to happen. Time apart should have been good for us. It was good. He was trying.

A few more months? A year? Was he really going to change? Was it all pretense?
What about me? Can I really forgive him? Let loose and live in this present reality?

I get nightmares. Scary sensations.
My skin beaten until raw and red.
A lash here and there. Over and over. Over and over. Despite my wailing for it to stop.
His grip around my neck like a noose. Squeezing. Squeezing. Squeezing.
I feel it.
Until I wake with a start to the darkness of my bedroom.

Baby on the way now. How can I see past that? This child will forever be a reminder of what he did.
And Levi? Big brother wasn't something I saw in his future unless the child came from me...and Jeremy.
This baby would be like a kick in the stomach everytime it cries, laughs, exists. A reminder that I couldn't keep my man mine.

With that I eased myself to the bathroom floor. It was cold and sent brief comfort to my mind.
I would allow myself the time to get my emotions in check. Tears were healing waters or so I've read.

Jeremy's P.O.V

"Another glass thanks," I called to the bartender. He nodded at me curtly before serving a couple sitting four seats down. I gazed down at the two empty glasses in front me. They were once filled with Tequila until I emptied them down my throat. I could feel the alcohol starting to do it's thing, but I didn't care. I needed to clear my head or at least get away from it for a while.
Too many things weighed heavy on my mind. Apparently, Cecil, who I have officially deemed mentally sick and obsessed, wasn't expecting a baby. I knew that I wasn't foolish enough to sleep with her without protection. Not that sleeping with her wasn't an over all foolish move.

She lied and Grace believed. Swallowed all of her words. It pained me to know that I was once again the cause of her despair.

Jeremy the destroyer has struck again.
Why did you ever believe that you could fix things?

Even though I didn't hit Cecil, there was a part of me - a part that was hard to kill - that wanted to hurt her the way she hurt Grace. I feel so bad for even thinking it. Bad that I was almost tempted to revert even though I was trying so hard to change.
What if I can't change? What if I'm just suppressing this thing? Forcing it into dormancy until I snap again? Snap at Grace? Maybe I should just stop this. All of it. Grace would never want to see me again. Even if I tell her the truth about Cecil, what's going to happen then? Did I really expect her to want to try again? I've had too many second chances. I don't deserve anymore.

I watched as the bartender fixed me another glass of Tequila. I knew that drinking wasn't going to change things. It will all be the same when soberness returns.

Why don't you give her what she wants? She wears her ring no more.

The bartender handed me the glass and I drank it's contents in a single gulp.

Fine.

I won't try to pursue her.

Or persuade her decision.

I messed up.

I'll continue to mess up.

At least she'll be happy.

"Another glass," I slurred.

The bartender nodded in acknowledgement.

I'll drown my pain in alcohol.
I'll forget my regrets for the night.
Reverse my actions in my head.
I can't make things right.

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