Beginning Things

"Charlotte. Please fucking explain to me why I was not your first call. Why was it Jack? Why the fuck did you not call me?" Ryder heaved out.

My entire body shook with fear. He looked feral. And it terrified me. Even the shadow guy didn't scare me as much as this.

He brought himself closer to me and I could feel his body heat radiating off of him and it enveloped my body. I squeezed my eyes shut and my hands curled in to fists at my sides.

Fuck. This is how I'm going to die. Not by chocolate, bungee jumping, or rock climbing. But by Ryder. The man that told me I was his "beloved". Whatever the fuck that even means to him is beyond me. It's not like he was my bully and tormentor for years.

I heard talking coming from the other two, but the words came out muffled and I could only concentrate on his body heat and his breathing. I couldn't even look at him.

"Love." His voice whispered out and I opened one eye up to see what the fuck was going on. Jack and Nicole weren't even in the room anymore but Ryder was back to normal.

I relaxed and let out a breath that was long. I must have been holding it in anticipating him freaking out on me again.

"Char. Please. Why did you not call me?" He asked and his words finally registering for me through my brain fog.

I looked up at his face and all I saw was worry etched across his facial features. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. Why is he so worried if he hasn't answered me since Florida?

"I honestly didn't think you would answer the phone." I said.

His demeanor changed. He looked tense but his eyes were so sad looking. He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed loudly and made me jump.

When he made me jump it also made me mad. "Ryder. You can't just expect for everything to be forgiven. You treated me like scum for years. You can't drop all this shit on me and expect me to be perfectly fucking fine with it. I'm not a rag doll. I'm a human. I called Jack because I knew he would answer. I didn't call you because you have ignored the shit out of me since Florida. After dropping all this on me. Now I have some fucking shadow fuck outside my damn window and you think you deserve to get pissed? Fuck off Ryder." I ended my point my shoving my finger in his chiseled chest.

He didn't fight me. He didn't move. He just looked sad.

"I have failed you for so long." He whispered as he tucked hair behind my ear. His touch burned my skin and I wish he would just take me in his arms and let me burn.

But he didn't. He pulled away and gave me a small smile.

My face screwed up as he kissed my forehead and walked out the door.

He walked away from me again.

Shadow man, at this point, was a distant thought as I realized I didn't know when I would see or hear from Ryder again. I sighed into the quiet lonely room again as Nicole bounded in the room.

"You ok?" She asked softly.

"Did you know about all this? About the boys?" I asked softly. My voice barely loud enough to even register in my own years.

"Yeah. But I didn't find out till after you from Jack." She said and I nodded.

"I need to be alone." I said and turned to look at her.

"Of course sis. We have to do some shopping tomorrow anyway for school." She said as she pulled me into a hug and I nodded.

And my life went on from there for the rest of the summer. I worked, I spent time with Nicole, I caught glimpses of shadow man and I texted Ryder every time I did.

But he never checked on me. He never came to see me. He would read my text message and then I wouldn't see shadow man for a few days.

Talk about this boy being confusing as hell. I didn't do anything wrong. Did I?

Summer flew by once I realized that Ryder wasn't coming back anytime soon and I found myself in Nicole's car on a Friday driving up to Washington.

The trip took 4 days but we weren't in a hurry. We knew we would be there a whole week before classes started so we could get set up in our off campus housing.

I needed this fresh start. Leaving my family behind to hopefully create a circle of new friends that would become family so I could feel wanted. Don't get me wrong my parents loved me but after my sister was born I wasn't their primary focus. I got lost in the background.

As we arrived at the campus the gate to our apartment complex greeted us. Because of my grades I received scholarships that made college a very minimal price for me. I had worked every summer since I was 14 so I could save up and I had enough to pay for my apartment instead of living in a dorm with someone I didn't know.

Nicole and I met the lady at the front office who went over the rules, gave us the keys, and had us check out the apartment. It was small and the rooms were the size of closets but it was home. I couldn't wait to start my life here.

No word from Ryder meant that he had better things to do. I would be lying if I said  that he wasn't always in my thoughts but I didn't know what to do with my feelings. My texts still to this day went unanswered. I even called sometimes just to hear his voicemail.

I needed to start a new life. Something that gave me meaning since I felt direction less. I didn't feel like me anymore.

My hair whipped in the early fall wind as I stood by the English building waiting for my friends to leave their last class. I still had Nicole but I had surrounded myself with others too.

A few getting the same teaching degree as me. A couple of nurses, a mechanical engineer, and an artist.

All of us just looking for a place to belong.

I walked up to my apartment door with my backpack full of homework to take care of. Two papers to write, math tests to study for, a philosophy questionnaire to fill out, and a religion group project to start.

I could hear laughter from the other side of the door. Nicole must be in a good mood. Maybe Jack is visiting her. Jack came to visit more now that he was on campus. And no I don't ask about Ryder.

If Ryder cared he would be here. I open the door to see Nicole and Jack curled up together on the couch.

"Hey bitches." I called out.

"Hey hoe!" "Hey Charlie!" I heard from the living room.

"Hey Charlie?" Jack asked as he entered the kitchen as I searched the fridge for something edible.

"Yes Jackie?" I asked.

"Hes back. I just wanted to let you-" Jack started.

With my hand on my hip I rolled my eyes. "Jack. He should be here talking to me if he's on campus. But thank you for letting me know." I stated as I grabbed the leftover Chinese and tossed it in the microwave.

"Nicole. I will be incommunicado this weekend. I have a fuck ton of school work and not enough time to do it in." I said as I grabbed my lukewarm food from the microwave and went into the solitude of my room.

Being here for two months already, I have decorated my room and painted my walls. Dark blue walls with matching sheets and a white comforter adorned my bed. A simple desk by my window in my room and pictures of home, friends, and my past littered my wall.

I glanced up at the picture that I took of Ryder and I on the beach on our last night. I was smiling up at the camera and his face was snuggled in to my cheek, but he was full on smiling. That night felt so right. But if felt like it was so long ago that it didn't matter.

I sighed wishing it was better, wishing I could be stronger, and praying that he comes back to me so I can beat his ass then kiss him till his lips fall off.

A knock at my door interrupted my thoughts as I opened my bedroom door, shocked to see who was on the other side.

"Hey Bambi."

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