"she looks at me with the same fire
as the sun,
that shares its light with the moon,
to light up the dark sky"

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Siddharth's  POV
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I started kissing like she is my favourite meal which in fact she really is, leaving wet kisses I started moving down to the valley of her breast. She tugged on my hair that made me groan in pleasure, I’m all aroused.

Her hands moved down trailing her finger tips against my back muscles, she made her way near my stomach and started moving her hands inside my shirt touching my bare skin beneath and soon tugged on it to try to take it off.

Making me shiver under her touch, she was responding equally and making me feel even hotter if possible.

I was happy, she missed me too.
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This is the first time she confessed something to me. I was so happy for the very first time in this whole week.

And just like a bucket full of ice water I was hit by realization. The aching reality I was dreading to believe, she confessed that she missed me but not her love for me.

Within this moment all my happiness got drained into gutter, everything vanished.

I pulled back. Looking into her eyes, searching for some emotion and the only thing I can see is love and desire. For me.  Love for  me!

Then why this love is not coming out in words from her mouth?  Why Anusha?

She was looking at me in confusion. Must be wondering why I stopped.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked shyly biting her now swollen lips.

Everything!

I stoop up straight running a hand through my hair, what to do with this woman!

“This won’t happen again I’m sorry” I said

I can’t do this.

She too stood up in front of me.

“won’t happen again? What do you mean?” she asked confusedly.

“yes this! It will not happen again. This was wrong…………all wrong”

“Wrong? This was not wrong……never…. it can’t be..” She said looking into my eyes.

“This was wrong Anusha! This should not have happened.”

“Why do you think that was wrong?” she said shyly.

Her cheeks turning red. She is blushing. She hide her face and sit down again on the sofa.

Oh! how much I wanted that to continue.
But you have to grow a grip Siddharth. I turned showing her my back. Taking a deep breath I said-
  “Because…..……… this should happen between lovers. And you don’t even love me!”

Someone have to tell her,  because she is too stubborn to realize this. And I have tried to leave this on her,  to realize, but It was for no use!

“Who told you, I don’t love you?” she said abruptly.

I turned looking at her questioningly. Hope! It was all that came up in my heart. I cupped her face in my hands kneeling front of her, where she was sitting. A ray of hope shining inside me brighter than ever.

“Say you love me……. please Anu!”

I waited.

Again waited.

But nothing she was looking everywhere but me. I get it. She is still not sure about her ownself.

I can’t do this anymore.

Enough.

That’s it.

She will never understand her love and her own feelings.

I stood up and started leaving the room. Before I could say anything that will hurt her, I wanted to leave. Because hurting her is the last thing I want. And I’ve already done that enough.

“Siddh……………. Where are you going?” she asked

I stopped in my track. She is still asking! I took a deep breath trying to control from my burst out.

“Give me a reason to stop” I looked at her over my shoulder.

Silence. Was all I get.

Nothing else.

I decided, that’s it. I should leave now this is my cue. I was about to leave when she held my hand and stopped me once again.

“I-I’m s-sorry but I d-don’t kn……..” before she could complete I cut her off.

“Enough……..” I shouted too loud that made her jump. She was looking at me in horror.

Because I know what is coming next. She don’t know about her feeling n all. Enough of this.

“Enough of all this. I’m tired of your excuses. I don’t want to hear any nonsense anymore.” Closing my eyes taking a deep breath I continued.

“Since from the past 6 months I’ve tried, forget about 6 months, even before....... from the moment I proposed you” I said faking a laugh.

How stupid I was, I really wasted my time on someone who was not ready by herself to fall, because all I was feeling was that she worth everything she worth all my effort.

“I made every possible attempt to make you fall for me but you………… you didn’t get it. Your eyes your face is screaming everything loud why can’t you read your own self……….. Just……………. leave it.” I said and wanted to leave because I can see her face I’m scaring her.

I wanted to leave but she was holding my hand. Why? Anusha why? Can’t you see how much you love me? you don’t even want me to leave.

I looked at her hand which was holding mine, “All I wanted was to make you love me back and somewhat I’m successful everyone can see that…..... but you”

“I thought this is new for you, you never felt this before. So I waited. I waited for too long. I gave you your own space. Never forced my love on you. Always allowed you to make your own choice, except everything that is happening in front…. I know I crossed some lines and stepped ahead more than necessary but…….. can’t control my feelings when it comes to you”

“Fuck!.................... I can’t do this anymore” I completed annoyingly.

She left my hand, bend her head down looking at her feet. But I can’t stop myself now. This needs to stop. She needs to know.

“I never called you before our wedding because I knew you won’t like it. I wanted to take you out on dates, take you out for shopping, hang out with you, wanted to know everything about you but still my heart was telling me to take everything slow with you. I wanted to do every cliche romantic stuff with you....  That I always found irritating with others,  I wanted to see how I will feel to see the love of my life happy. Because you are special……. Special for my heart for this stupid blood pumping machine”

She started fidgeting with her fingers  still her head is down.

“I was controlling myself in front of you,  but that was okay. This is not the thing to be worried about. Everybody needs time, so I gave you yours.”

Still head down she sat down on the couch not meeting my eyes. Thank god for that, because I know the moment our eyes met I won’t be able to say anything.

I again took a deep breath closing my eyes, tried to once again to control my anger.

Then I continued-
“ I know you are afraid of expectations and love. But Anusha trust me, you don’t need to be worried about this. You are good in everything. You are completely capable of fulfilling every god damn expectation. You are perfect for everyone. A daughter, a friend and more than a perfect daughter-in-law. But you are more perfect for me. My wife. ”

“ And then comes love” I laughed in sadness. “ I love you Anusha can’t you see. You are always afraid that what if my feelings are temporary but every day you make me fall even harder. My feeling are fucking permanent.” I paused for a while,   “Open your eyes and see what my eyes are saying. There is a purest feeling in this world called ‘love’, which I have for you” I commanded.

She looked at me for few seconds, her eyes were filled with tears, she was sobbing silently I know.

You are doing right. Just make her realize everything. My brain reminded my heart.

“ my feeling for you were intensifying every single day and here you are completely oblivious of your own. I adore everything about you. Every single thing. The way you talk, you smile in your sleep, you dance when you are happy and……..and act like a kid when you want something badly.”

Her sobs become louder, I can hear them clearly now, but I was too pissed too comfort her.

“why can’t you see how much you love me? You cook food for me even when you are by yourself too tired. You take care of my family just like you care for yours. You wait for me in your office to pick you up. You are always worried when I don’t text you or don’t reply too you.”

“whenever I’m with someone else you are jealous, you like it when I kiss you......You never protested, even you started kissing me back......Why? just tell me. WHY?” I demanded.

She was silent still not uttering a single word but sobbing.

“forget about telling me, just tell yourself, because I know its hard for you to figure that out by yourself. I decided not to touch you but your eyes were always telling me how much you are longing for me....... Being physical, getting intimate is not what we call love……………. damn it,  how can I think of consummating our marriage when you don’t feel anything for me. I want your love, not your body.”

Raking a hand through my already messy hair  “right now what we were doing on this couch, it wouldn’t have happened if you were not feeling the same. If the feelings were not mutual” I said pointing at the couch.

“Just tell me one thing Anusha. What you do you feel when I’m with you?” I made my way closer to her.

Kneeled down in front of her keeping my hands on her knees. I wanted to make her look at me but she didn’t.

“ Just tell me how you feel when I kiss you, when I hug you. But tell yourself the reason why you feel this way first.”

“Just tell your stubborn brain that you are……………falling for him”

I waited for her to say something to me.
But my head was so full of rage and anger that I was too pissed to wait any longer.

Because you have waited enough. My brain was saying.

Standing up straight I started leaving the room. I look at her for the last time through my shoulder but she didn’t said anything. Sobbing covering her face with her hands.

I left before I do anything wrong in anger.
I left her alone.

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"I'll endure sleepless nights,  just to see you at peace"
 

                                           -Shoshine A. Singh

'inkwithstars instagram'

More like he was talking and she was listening!
But don't worry she'll talk soon,
fingers crossed for their best,
for what we all are
waiting for.

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