Chapter Twenty-five

"I'm keeping this…"

I had never in my life been very proud of myself for my drawings. Yes, the satisfaction and the fulfilment always made me happy about myself every time I would finish one beautiful drawing. Sa tuwing nakakatapos ako ng isang pahina ng kung anu-anong drawing lang natutuwa ako sa maliit na achievement na iyon.

I guessed that was normal for someone like me who loved to draw…

I had never been proud of myself not until I saw how his beautiful gummy smile appeared from his lips upon seeing my drawing earlier. From the way his brows shot up while admiring my masterpiece—that was him, from the way his red thin lips pulled up for a wide smile revealing his gummy smile, from the way his eyes disappeared when his cheekbones appeared, I felt like it was the best drawing I had ever done.

Kung makikita kaya niya ang mga drawings ko na nasa kuwarto ko sa Min mansion, matutuwa rin kaya siya? They were quite a lot, drawing his handsome face had become my escape from boredom when I was at the Min mansion before, when he was busy with something in his room and I was left all alone at the living room.

Smiling widely at him, I submissively and slowly nodded my head at him. "Hm, be careful in d-driving." Yumuko ako kaya nalaglag ang mga mata ko sa mga kamay kong nasa harap ng mga hita ko, ang ilang hibla ng kulot kong buhok ay nalaglag din sa gilid ng mukha ko.

Why I was so enchanted with his handsome face, why I was so marvelled and blessed with his gummy smile but at the same time, the feelings that were dripping from within me was too much to handle I couldn't help but look away, I seriously didn’t know. Ganito na ang epekto niya noon sa akin, ngayon ay unti-unti na akong naliliwanan.

I knew what this was, I was just thinking that maybe, I was too young to accept that finally, I was feeling it already, and to the last person I had have ever thought.

At hindi na rin yata ako masasanay sa tuwing bigla-bigla na lang niya akong hahawakan. Stepping back a bit in surprised when I felt his long pianist fingers softly hold my hands and lift it up, I pouted when I saw him bring his face near my arm, to where the skin-tone band-aid was patched.

My heart was leaping again from the way he softly held my hand, but the gaze he was giving my patched wound wasn't good again. I couldn’t also take in the idea of his duality. How could he be both soft and menacing at the same time?

"Uh, it's just a s-scratch. I always get that f-from—" Hindi ko na natapos ang sinasabi ko nang mas ilapit niya pa sa braso ko ang mukha niya hanggang sa dumampi ang malalambot niyang mga labi sa band-aid. I couldn't control it anymore, my heart was already too loud and too chaotic, I just couldn't take hold of it anymore.

My feelings for him were dripping.

Why was he like this? Why was he so soft and so… so pulling? He was pulling me to fall, he was pulling me deep down my downfall and I knew, it wouldn't take long anymore before I finally fell, all too whipped and too vulnerable for him. Would he even be there to catch me? For sure, a lot of girls had already scraped their knees and had their hearts shattered because of him… what guarantee did I have that I wouldn’t be just like those girls?

I didn’t have the guarantee, but the emotions that had been caged within me weren’t asking for guarantee or assurance, they needed an outlet, they needed to be heard and to be out.

"What this disgusting thing doing in your precious skin, I don't know but I wouldn't want to see something like this again. God, you're so precious to me, so you should help and take care of yourself."

And who would have thought that Yoongi Min was such a vocal man? I meant, he was known to be the silent one, also contrary to his rough and harsh attitude, who would have thought that he was such a sweet and thoughtful man? Kaya nga ba oras na mahulog na talaga ako ng tuluyan ay hindi na ako magugulat.

Who wouldn’t fall for him? I had known so many people who were ripped for him, they were all hopeless for him, and being one of them was something wasn’t surprising anymore.

Hindi ko na binanggit sa kaniyang si Milktea ang may gawa sa akin ng scratch na iyon sa braso ko lalo na at matalim ang tingin niya roon. He hated Milktea so much already. Baka kapag nagpunta ako sa kanila sa susunod, hindi na niya hayaang isama ko si Milktea.

“You’re still awake, baby?” Daddy was surprised to see me walk down the staircase while following Kuya Yoongi who was just causally walking down, one hand in his pocket while the other one held the piece of paper he refused to stick into a harder surface so it wouldn’t get crumpled.

He wanted to take it already.

Ang mga magulang ko na nasa living room ay agad na tumayo nang mapansin ang pagbaba namin. Usually, when Kuya Yoongi would visit here, I would just stay in my room and wait till he went home. Ni hindi ko na nga inaalam kung umuwi na ba siya o kung anong pinag-uusapan nila ng mga magulang ko. Kakatukin na lang ako ng mga magulang ko sa kuwarto ko para ipalaam na uuwi na siya at magtutulog-lugan ako para lang hindi na nila ako palabasin.

That was how it was before. Just how fast things had changed. Also, though I was confused about what Kuya Yoongi said earlier, about losing me, I just trusted him that it was maybe better to keep what we had low-key and not obvious… I would let him control what we had because even I didn’t have an experience when it came to this.

Hindi ko rin naman gugustuhing matapos kaagad kung anuman ang mayroon kami. He was right, it was still too early…

Pouting at my father, I tried so hard not to look at Kuya Yoongi’s direction as I wielded my heart from leaping because it was feeling upset upon his departure. Kung dito siya matutulog ay may kuwarto naman siya, wala rin namang pasok bukas at matutuwa akong gugulin ang buong weekends kasama siya.

My parents would be at work so it would only be us with the oblivious maids…

“I’ll send Kuya Yoongi to h-his car, Daddy…” I softly answered Daddy. Bahagya akong yumuko nang makita ko kung paanong umangat ang mga kilay niya, tila hindi inaasahan na sasabihin ko iyon. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Kuya Yoongi’s intent watch over me from where he stood. It felt like I was being grilled from the gaze I was getting from him and from the shock look I was getting from my Daddy.

Nakakagulat ba talaga iyong sinabi ko? I meant, I didn’t really do this, they also knew I hated Kuya Yoongi but couldn’t that change?

“Sweet pea, you’re in good terms with your Kuya Yoongi now? You don’t hate him anymore?” Mommy’s soft voice from beside Daddy made me quickly turn to look at her. Hindi naman gulat ang mukha niya pero may pagtataka roon. Also, from the way she addressed my past feelings to Kuya Yoongi, I didn’t think it was a good idea now that the cold guy was just a distance from me and he could hear it.

He knew I hated him! But coming from Mommy? I didn’t want him to think of anything.

“I… I d-didn’t mean hating him before, Mommy…” Yumuko na talaga ko dahil hiyang-hiya ako, mas lumala pa iyon nang marinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa ni Mommy saka niya pinakawalan ang mga salitang nagtulak sa akin para ipinalanging sana ay hindi na lang ako open kay Mommy para hindi ko na nasabi sa kaniya ang lahat ng iyon.

“So he’s not the man of your nightmares anymore? Aww, sweet pea, I know you didn’t mean it.”

It was hard to just stand there, feeling every pair of different eyes looking at me. It was like everyone was waiting for what I would say next when deep inside me, my mind was so messed up thinking about what he would feel about the fact my Mommy just broke now, my heart was too chaotic protesting about the fact the he might not like it… that he might feel upset about it.

“El, they grew up together, sometimes, children just hate how they're being disciplined. Our Fraye must have hated Yoongi’s way of discipline and not our Yoongi…” Daddy tried to save the situation that I mentally agreed to at least make myself free from the guilt.

Sana nga ganoon talaga. Sana nga iyong ugali lang talaga ni Kuya Yoongi ang hindi ko gusto noon pero alam ko sa sarili ko kung paanong isinumpa ko ang buo niyang eksistensiya at paulit-ulit na hiniling na sana ay hindi na lang siya nag-e-exist sa buhay ko. I was guilty, alright, I knew that was unfair in his part but what could I do? That was how my young self saw him.

“It’s fine, Tito…” Even when his raspy deep voice resounded in a low tone, I still refused to look his way. “What’s important now’s she kinda eased up with me already.”

“You’re right, hijo. So paano, it’s getting late. You can stay here if you want, we’ll make your room ready. May gagawin ka ba bukas?”

Mabilis akong nag-angat ng tingin nang marinig ko ang sinabing iyon ni Daddy. Nang makita kong nakatitig siya kay Kuya Yoongi ay saka ko pa lang muling ibinaling kay Kuya Yoongi ang atensiyon ko. I almost felt my knees give up as they wobbled when I met his lazy blank kitten eyes behind his specs, his lips was already in a thin line, I suddenly missed his gummy smile a while ago. His arms were already crossed in front of his chest, showing me primal superiority that always dominated my every being.

Alam kong hindi niya nagutushan ang mga narinig niya kay Mommy pero ngumuso pa rin ako sa kaniya at may pagsusumamong tinitigan siya para lang paunlakan niya ang imbitasyon ni Daddy sa kaniya. He just stared long at me, not even blinking his eyes as if weighing things in his mind. I just couldn’t bluntly tell him to accept my father’s offer when my parents were here and watching us.

That would be weird!

“Serge, our Yoongi here's such a busy man. Let him go home—“

“I’ll call Papa to inform him I’ll spend the night here. Ayaw po akong paalisin ni Julie…” The sides of his lips tugged up a bit when he saw me widen my eyes at what he said, a gasp escaping my throat.

Hindi ko na siguro talaga kinaya ang kahihiyan dahil mabilis na akong tumalikod saka nagmamadaling tinahak ang hagdan patungo sa kuwarto ko. I even heard them laughing over me. Hindi ako makapaniwalang pinagtatawanan nila ako gayong hiyang-hiya na ako.

When I reached my room, I instantly jumped on my bed and covered myself with my thick comforter. Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras ang itinagal ko sa ganoong posisyon, kung anu-ano lang ang pumapasok sa isip ko tungkol sa amin ni Kuya Yoongi pero nagbubunyi ang puso ko dahil dito siya matutulog, hanggang sa marinig ko ang mahihinang katok sa pinto ng kuwarto ko bago ko marinig ang pagbukas noon.

Slightly pushing the comforter away from my face to peek at the new comer, I sighed deeply when I saw my Mommy walking toward me with a tray in her hands on where a tall glass of milk was placed. Nang makalapit siya nang tuluyan ay nilapag niya sa bedside table ang tray saka siya naupo sa gilid ng kama ko, matamis na nakangiti sa akin. I pouted at her as I helped myself get up from lying down, letting my comforter fall to my lap.

“You still haven’t changed into your pjs yet, sweet pea.” Napansin ni Mommy na suot ko pa iyong overall na suot ko kanina. “Nahihiya ka ba sa Kuya mo?”

My brows furrowing instantly hearing how she addressed Kuya Yoongi. Sanay naman ako na ganoon pero hindi na siya maganda sa pandinig ngayon. It felt like they were pushing us to think that Kuya Yoongi was my real brother. He was not! We were not blood-related!

“He’s not my brother, Mommy…” Sinalubong ko ang malalambot na mga mata ni Mommy, gusto kong makita niya sa mga mata kong hindi ko nagugustuhan kung paanong iniisip nilang Kuya ko siya. Ayaw ko.

“Of course not, Fraye, but he is a brother to you. You grew up together, right?” She tried to reach for my head to smoothly caress my hair but I backed away, my brows furrowing even more. Mukhang nagulat siya sa ginagawa ko kaya bumuntong-hininga ako.

“What’s wrong, Fraye? I thought you’re in good terms with your Kuya—“

I hardly shook my head. “No, he’s not! He’s not my brother, Mommy!” Nanginig ang mga labi ko kasabay ng mabilis na panunubig ng mga mata ko, sumasakit ang dibdib ko dahil hindi ito pabor sa kung anong pinipilit nilang paniwalaan ko.

Just why they kept on pushing that Kuya Yoongi was my brother? He clearly wasn’t!

“Okay, okay, sweet pea. He’s not…” She was quick to pull me and wrap me in her arms, pulling me to her chest as I silently cried. Hinahaplos niya ang likod ko tulad ng madalas niyang gawin sa tuwing masama ang loob ko at umiiyak ako. “You still hate him after all.”

Gustuhin ko mang itama siya sa sinabi niya dahil hindi niya pa rin nakukuha kung bakit hindi ako natutuwang pinipilit nilang Kuya ko si Kuya Yoongi ay hinayaan ko na lang dahil kahit papaano ay binigyan ako ng kapayapaan ng una niyang sinabi.

Kuya Yoongi wasn’t my brother, coming that from my mother, it was enough for now.

Nang tumahan ako ay saka pa lang niya naalala ang ipinunta niya rito sa kuwarto ko, natatawang tinulungan niya akong tuyuin ang mga luhang bumasa sa pisngi ko habang maingat na sinusuklay ang buhok ko. She asked me if I preferred taking a bath first or drinking my milk first. Naligo muna ako dahil wala namang kaso sa akin kung iinumin ko ng malamig na iyong gatas. She had to wait for me even until I finished changing into one of my pair of pyjamas. When I climbed back on my bed, she was already lifting the comforter for me to slip in.

“Here, it’s cold already…” Inabot niya sa akin ang gatas na agad ko namang ininom, nakangiti siya habang pinapanood ako samantalang hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip ko ang lahat.

Would they even be fine if ever they would find out what had been going on between me and Kuya Yoongi? What if they wouldn’t? What if they would interfere? I couldn’t lose him yet…

Now it made sense, now I understood why he had said those to me, we were both uncertain about how our parents would react to this and we couldn’t both risk it because we might lose each other.

Kaya ko bang suwayin ang mga magulang ko kung sakali? I was just exploring this feelings I had with Kuya Yoongi, I wouldn't want them to interfere, I wouldn’t want them to stop us. At least not now.

“Thanks, Mommy…”

With a soft and tender kiss on my cheeks and forehead, Mommy leaned away from me. “Good night, baby…”

Waking up knowing Kuya Yoongi was just around the house, probably still sleeping inside one of the bedrooms in De Asis manor made me gush foolishly around my room to quickly freshen up and fix myself into a dress I knew he would like. Imbis na magsuot ng overall short na siyang nakasanayan ko kapag nasa bahay ako ay nagsuot ako ng isang tied-shoulder spaghetti dress na hanggang tuhod ang tabas, sinuklay ko nang sinuklay ang buhok kong may maliliit na kulot saka nag-apply na kaunting powder.

It was about eight in the morning and my parents must have gone to work already. Kapag weekends ay hindi na nila ako ginigising para sumabay na mag-breakfast sa kanila dahil wala namang pasok. Also, I couldn’t expect Kuya Yoongi to be awaked already since he wasn’t really such an early-morning person.

While getting myself pretty for him inside my room, I couldn’t help but wonder if he had had a good sleep. Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na natulog siya rito sa De Asis manor pero hindi ko kailanman inalam kung naging maayos ba ang stay niya, ang iniisip ko noon ay kung kailan siya aalis. I would then tell my parents to send him off already because I didn’t want his presence, they would only laugh at me like always.

Nang sa tingin ko ay maayos na ako at puwede nang lumabas ay dahan-dahan kong binuksan ang pinto ng kuwarto ko. I lightly put my head out to peek outside and I sighed when I saw the empty hallway. Pursing my lips tightly to suppress a smile, I tiptoed towards the other end of the hallway, finding the door of his room. Kumatok ako ng tatlong beses pero agad ko ring naalala kung paanong ayaw niyang iniistorbo ang tulog niya kaya hinawakan ko ang doorknob.

It was hard, I was afraid a maid would see me sneaking into his room early in the morning. Nakakagulat na ngang magkasundo kaming dalawa, ang pasukin ko pa kaya siya sa kuwarto niya? I would just wake him up so we could eat breakfast together, because if I wouldn’t wake him up, he would probably be up by one pm. I didn’t want to eat my breakfast and lunch together!

Bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang umikot ang doorknob. He still didn’t lock his room! One last look around the hallway before I took all the courage to push the door open and silently slip myself in. Maingat ko ring isinara ang pinto saka ko nilingon ang kama. Ngumuso ako nang makita ko ang imahe niyang natatabunan ng makapal na comforter, ulo lang niya ang nakalitaw pero halatang nakadapa siya.

Before, it would scare me to even near his sleeping form, afraid he would go raging on me again for his disturbed slumber but now, my brave heart just willed my feet to walk towards his bed until I stood on the side, finally seeing the half of his handsome face still lost in dreamland. His other cheek was pressed flat on the white pillow so his lips were in a little pout, looking so tempting and inviting. His hair dishevelled all around the pillow, framing his pale white face.

Sa hitsura niya, mukhang buong magdamag siyang gising kagabi kaya tulog na tulog ngayon. Kung hindi ko lang siya kilala, ganoon ang iisipin ko.

Slowly advancing to sit on the edge of his bed just so I could look closely at his sleeping handsome face, my heart almost leaped out of my chest when he lightly stirred, moving to lightly brush his face on the pillow. He looked so cute, like someone who didn’t growl and who only knew sweet and soft stuff when I knew too well how wrong that was, he was anything but soft.

I never knew watching him asleep could somehow send me into thinking that I could seriously stay long watching him like this, I could even go all day.

Tinigilan ko lang ang paninitig sa kaniya nang makaramdam na ako ng gutom. I realized that I was too stupid for thinking I could last a day watching him, of course, I needed to eat! Mag-aalas-nuwebe na kaya malamang ay nagsusumigaw na ang tiyan ko para sa pagkain.

I hesitantly stared at his peaceful face, feeling both awed and sorry for I had to take him out of his dreamland because I wanted us to eat breakfast together so lightly bringing my hands to the thick comforter that was covering him up till his shoulders, I slowly pulled it down. Naramdaman niya iyon kaya hinabol ng kamay niya ang comforter at mabilis na ibinalik sa balikat niya, tulog na tulog pa rin.

Ngumuso ako. Paano ko ba siya gigisingin? Inulit ko ang ginawa ko pero nakatanggap ako ng ungol ng protesta mula sa kaniya saka niya muling hinila ang comforter. I tried shaking him a bit but to no avail. Bakit ang hirap niyang gisingin?!

“K-Kuya…” I softly called him, once again tugging the comforter away from him. “Kuya, w-wake up…”

He just hummed but did not move!

Sa inis ko, mahigpit kong hinawakan ang comforter saka malakas na hinila palayo sa kaniya. Hinanda ko ang sarili ko sa galit niya kaya prente akong tumayo sa gilid ng kama niya habang magkasalubong ang kilay na nakatitig sa kaniya. I wanted him to see the braveness I painted on my face.

Growling in frustration, he lazily opened his eyes as thread of hard and angry curses escaped his mouth.

“Who the hell is waking me up this earl—“ From his still sleepy eyes, he found my form looking down at him. Hindi niya tinuloy ang sinasabi niya sa halip ay malalim siyang bumuntong-hiniga. “Hey, bad girl, what are you doing here in my room? Unaware how dangerous this is for you?”

Pinanood ko nang tamad siyang bumangon habang nagkukusot ng mga mata, magulo ang buhok. The comforter that was already on his lap just gave me way to see his black shirt and black short as his night clothes, he had his own pair of pyjamas and they were too far from a pair of black shirt and black short.

“I want to eat b-breakfast with you…” I answered, ignoring the last sentence he said. Hindi ko na gugustuhin pang malaman kung bakit delikado sa akin ang ganitong sitwasyon dahil wala namang pinagkaiba ang ganito noong siya ang nasa kuwarto ko kahapon.

“This early? It’s still—“

“The clock’s about to hit nine. I’m starving, Kuya!” Kulang na lang ay magpapadyak ako sa sahig para lang mapatayo na siya paalis ng kama at nang makapag-ayos na siya para makakain na kami. It was even frustrating that my stomach was growling already and he still had the guts to stare amusedly at me as if he was enjoying watching me get frustrated. “You should get up and fix yourself, I’ll be waiting downstairs.”

Grinning widely, his brows shot up. “You’re really getting so bossy, Julie,” natatawang sabi niya, umagang-umaga ay pinapatalon niya ang puso ko sa gummy smile niya na iyan. He must have known I was really ripped for it.

“Hurry!”

“Fine, fine! Give me my good morning kiss first…”

Heating up, I felt my cheeks burn with that. He arched his back as if offering his face to me as he just grinned even louder. Nang matagal akong hindi nakakilos ay nag-angat siya ng kilay saka marahang tinapik ang tuktok ng ilong niya. With my heart leaping within my chest, I slowly leaned down at him and let the tip of our nose touch, it was him who moved so there would be a little caresses against the tip of our noses.

“Now, I wonder what I have been doing in your nightmares…”

And of course, hindi niya makakalimutan iyon. He gave me that as I gave him the time to fix himself. Binigyan niya ako ng oras na makapag-isip ng eksplanasiyon at binigyan ko naman siya ng oras na ayusin ang sarili niya bago siya bumaba. I just waited at the dining table, all sweaty and nervous because I didn’t know if telling the truth would be the best idea or should I just lie so he wouldn’t get mad.

Really, I didn’t know.

When we were already both settled at the dining table, I couldn't help but steal glances at him while we were silently eating, all heard was our tablewares. He knew so much how to make himself look even more good, he wore a nice pair of yellow oversized hoodie that looked big on him and a black tight jeans, it had tatters at the knee part.

“Focus on your food, Julie. You might choke.”

Coughing instantly as articles of food directly went down my throat, my hands were quick to reach for the glass of orange juice just beside my glass of milk—that he personally made. Nang maka-inom ako ay narinig ko ang mahinang pagtawa niya na nang pagnguso sa akin kaya muli kong ibinalik sa kaniya ang tingin ko. He was amusingly staring at me, though his pink gums were showing, his jaw was moving for the food he was munching.

Pinagtatawanan ba niya ako?

“Y-Your fault…” I softly said, my voice barely audible.

His brows shot up. “My fault? It’s not my fault that you couldn’t take your eyes off me, I won’t also take the blame for being handsome, Julie.” He laughed loudly, obvious that he was teasing me.

I tried so hard to get pissed off his teasing but not when he was laughing that happily. I meant it wasn’t so often for anyone to see him smile, what more laughing like he was holding in his fingers all the sunshine of the sun? It was seriously melting my heart. Imbis na panatilihing nakasimangot ang mukha ko ay unti-unti kong pinalaya ang isang matamis na ngiti sa mga labi ko.

I couldn’t help it. His gummy smile was beautiful and he was too perfect when he laughed.

Nagpatuloy kami sa pagkain. It seemed like he didn’t have plans for the day because he wasn’t saying anything about leaving yet. Napili naming tumambay sa living room, dala ko ang iPad ko samantalang inabala naman niya ang sarili niya sa telebisyon kung saan naroon ang paborito niyang basketball broadcast. I didn’t know if he was just updated because he always knew when to seriously watch basketball.

Somehow, we had decently chosen to sit not so close to each other seeing as the maids were just around the manor. Alam kong hindi niya gustong makita kami ng mga itong malapit sa isa’t isa dahil ayaw niyang makarating sa mga magulang namin ang tungkol sa amin. I also gave him that. I also couldn’t risk it. I was afraid of the uncertainty, afraid I might lose him when I was just about to explore my feelings for him.

Paminsan-minsan ay sumusulyap ako sa kaniya mula sa pagi-scroll sa iPad ko. I was checking if he was also stealing glances from me but he was just too focus on the TV. Hardly biting my lower lip, I decided to move closer to him, just enough for me to smell his natural scent, but he still didn’t move to look at me. I disappointingly stared down at my iPad again, thinking how he preferred watching television than talk with me.

Hindi madalas mangyari ang ganito. This was actually the very first time we were like this. I wanted to talk to him, ask things I had never known about him because I was busy hating him, I wanted him to know some things about me, I wanted to tell him what I had been doing out of his sight, just, I wanted him to give me his attention, he didn’t even need to talk.

Yumuko ako saka inabala na lang ang sarili sa pagtingin ng mga pictures na dumadaan sa feeds ko. I saw some photos of Ate Hannan and Kuya Jimin posted by the latter, I had already liked all of it, I already had caught up with the newest posts in my feeds so it got me bored. Inis akong sumandal sa back rest, hinayaan kong malaglag sa lap ko ang iPad ko saka ko siya inis na nilingon.

I knew I was getting very clingy but I couldn’t help it, I wanted his attention! I wanted him to stay here not so he could watch basketball and leave me unattended!

“Kuya!” Nang hindi na ako nakatiis ay inis ko siyang tinawag. Nang nilingon niya ako ay mas nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko at nagkandahaba ang mga labi ko sa pagnguso. Nainis pa akong lalo nang tinitigan niya ako na para bang hindi niya maintindihan ang gusto kong mangyari. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kandungan niya. His legs were spread apart as his back was leaning comfortably on the couch.

No, Fraye, maids are everywhere…

It took me so much resistance not to get up and place myself on top of his lap just so he wouldn’t take his attention to anything but me. Hindi ko rin kayang gawin iyon, nakakahiya.

“You’re ignoring m-me…” My heart might be the softest when it came to this, it was also the most immature because it didn’t have mentality to think, while my mind was a slave for it. When I felt the corners of my eyes sting and my lips quiver, I quickly looked away before standing to leave.

Kung hindi niya ako kayang bigyan ang atensiyon at kung mas gusto niyang manood ng basketball, sige magpakasawa siya, sa leisure room na lang ako at magdo-drawing. Kahit huwag na rin siyang magpaalam sa akin kung aalis na siya. I had never sought for someone’s attention this way and it was hurting me because I was new to this. Ganito pala kasakit ma-ignore.

“Saan ka pupunta?” he asked as he was quick to hold my wrist to stop me from leaving. I would admit it made my heart go beating wildly again but I was still upset.

“Somewhere far f-from you…” I answered, shaking my wrist off the tight yet soft grip of his long pianist fingers.

He softly tugged at my hand, as if trying if I would let him tug me and when I did, he gently pulled me closer, my body immediately confiding and let him bring me to sit on top of his one thigh, his other thigh locking me—just as I had been wanting. Nagawa ko pang ilibot ang paningin ko para i-check kung may mga maids bang pinapanood kami samantalang abala siya sa paninitig sa mukha ko.

His arms that smoothly found their way around my waist, his hands pinching at my sides brought me to look at him. Nang makita ko ang mga mata niyang tamad na nakatitig sa akin, bahagyang naka-awang ang mga labi na parang bang binabasa niya ang iniisip ko ay ngumuso ako saka pinilit na ipagsalubong muli ang mga kilay ko para ipakitang hindi ako natutuwa.

“I really don’t know who the boss here is…” When his fingers started pinching hardly at the sides of my waist, my back arched, making my chest daringly move dangerously close to his face. “Tell me who’s the boss.”

Patagilid ang upo ko sa kandungan niya at bahagyang naka-twist ang katawan ko para nakaharap ako sa kaniya. Thinking about him lapping me in the living room with the risk of the maids seeing us was scary but exciting at the same time. It actually heightened chills within my spine, sending the butterflies in my stomach into feasting and burning my gut.

Hindi pa nakatulong na masyadong kaakit-akit ang lalim at hina ng boses niya nang magsalita siya, mas pinapa-init ang kung anong sensasyong naglalaro sa kaibuturan ko. He had that power to me, ever since he had me aware of his effect to me, he already had the power to make me feel such emotions too strong for me to handle.

“It’s y-you… it’s you, K-Kuya.”

Yes, he was, because he had me in the grip of his fingers.