XXI


Rushed and unedited.

aye cuties, wrote this for short two hours because my mind has been messing with me. i needed to write or else i'll get crazy.

- Hannan ♥

🥀🥀🥀

Chapter Twenty-one

♪ Soundtrack: Dying Inside To Hold you by Timmy Thomas ♪

Who said following what he said, conceding to what he ordered and going the way our bodies both screamed was easy? It was too embarrassing and almost killing in my part to slowly bring my legs to part, my heart beating wildly than it had ever done as his fingers daringly pinched at the skin he caressed and my body shaking more than possible.

Sobrang hirap dahil hindi ako makapaniwalang talagang aabot kami sa puntong iyon. That here I was, too vulnerable and very messed up in his arms, all too willing and too weak to protest against his sexual assaults to me.

Again? Was I innocent? With someone like him in my life? I sure was not.

Feeling even more embarrassed, his manly humourless chuckle on my ear quickly brought my legs to close again but failed when his fingers once again pinched at my skin, not letting me sandwich his hand again in between my legs. I carelessly yelped in pain, my face contorting when the pain was accompanied by something pleasurable from within me.

It was there, right deep within me that it already scorched my entire being and sending waves of unnamed sensation all throughout my body. My head was swimming with that something, desperate to get acquainted with it and wanting to just reach it.

"Really, Julie? Really?" He mockingly asked me, a chuckle resounding again at the end of his deep voice, finding everything funny when it felt so humiliating for me. "You're opening your legs for me? For my hand?"

Fire spread all over my cheeks, realising what he really wanted to prove me. It was embarrassing that I never wanted everything he had done to me before but just because he made me feel such emotion, I was ready to cave into him now. Hindi pa nakatulong na patuloy pa rin ang kamay niya sa paghaplos sa hita ko, sa kada-hihinto ang kamay niya malapit roon ay nagpapakawala ako ng marahas na hininga. He would then slowly and achingly trail his hand down then up again, and would stop dangerously near where I desperately wanted it to be, not really going deeper.

He was clearly doing it in purpose! I wanted his hand on somewhere my body and he wasn't giving it to me! It was embarrassing that it frustrated me!

Na kung may lakas lang ako ng loob at hindi nilulukob ng sobra-sobrang kahihiyan baka ako na mismo ang humablot ng kamay niya at dalhin doon. I wanted him to end my suffering and just give me what my body had been aching for, because I didn't know if it could still hold on any longer.

My body wasn't ready but it was honestly aching for his touch… for that.

"P-Please…" My lips scorchingly caressed the hot pad of his palm that still covered my mouth, my fists on my sides closing tightly and my soles desperately holding on to the ground so I wouldn't stumble down. I couldn't even bluntly say what my mind had been whispering.

It wasn't something my innocent tongue could just easily blurt out! Hiyang-hiya pa rin ako sa kasalukuyang kinaroroonan ko, na kapag nawala na ako sa bulang binuo niya sa utak ko, paniguradong isusumpa ko ang buong pagkatao ko.

His palm on my mouth loosened a bit, giving me space to speak properly and clearly what I wanted to say but his hard body on my back remained pinning me against the door, his hand on my thigh stopped for awhile. It was like he wanted to give me time to recollect my thoughts and he was willing to wait.

He was such a devil! How could he do this to me? How could he bring me into this state and leave me wanting for more? Just why couldn't he just give me what I had been wanting from him?!

"What is it again, my bad girl? I'm all ears…" The ends of his hairs tickled my cheeks when he leaned closer to me, lightly grazing his soft lips on my jaw.

We shouldn't even be doing this kind of intimacy in the first place, his girlfriend was just outside of this room and what if they caught us? And yes! It was a miracle that despite the desperate and almost unbearable aching deep within me, thirsty for his touches, I was still sane enough to think about Ate Mira. It made my feel guilty!

Hindi ko dapat hinahayaan si Kuya Yoongi na gawin sa akin ito, hindi kahit na wala talaga silang relasiyon.

My heart ached at that, it brought tears to form at the corners of my eyes but I quickly shook my head, to both answer him and shake away those tears. No, I was still sane enough not to let him do this to me. What if my body was aching for that? This wasn't right! He shouldn't be touching me like this!

Gasping loudly, my head falling hardly on the flat surface of the door and my body completely giving up when finally, his long and warm fingertips quickly made their way to where I had been wanting them to be. Mabilis lang niyang nai-gilid ang suot kong underwear para bigyan ng marahas na haplos ang bahagi ng katawan kong iyon. It felt so pleasurably electrifying that the first thing I did was let my throat growl for a loud ear-shattering moan.

Ang mga nakasarang kamay ko ay mabilis na nahanap ang gilid ng suot niyang dress shirt para roon kumapit dahil sa biglaang panghihina ng mga tuhod ko. Kung hindi niya lang ako malakas na idinidiin sa pinto ay baka bumagsak na ako. Ang katawan niya sa likod ko ang nagpapanatili sa aking nakatayo para hindi ako matumba, hindi ko rin maisara ang mga hita ko dahil kapag ginawa ko iyon, paniguradong babagsak ako.

I couldn't move. I was afraid one wrong move would send me to my painful fall.

The way his sinful long pianist fingers moved so harshly, ministrating that sensitive part of my body, the way the pads of his fingers circled that little bundle of nerves and the way his very assualt to my fragility were all sending me to my greatest submission, it was foreign yet so pleasurable.

I almost questioned whoever how could something pleasurable like this exist?

"I can't believe this…" He chuckled on my skin again, sounding amused of something he found out about me. "You're leaking more than I've ever imagined." And I would never used to his dirty mouth.

He was assaulting me already and he still had the guts to dirty to talk me?! I can't believe him!

"I h-hate you, K-Kuya…" Internally cussing at myself when I felt him chuckle again because my low voice came out more like a muffled moan, I just pursed my lips hard to suppress another word from coming out of my stupid mouth.

I should just shut up before I embarrassed myself to him even more.

He just continued harshly touching me there, deliciously rolling and flicking his fingers to his satisfaction, sensitively rubbing and circling a part of my sensitivity. Mas humigpit ang kapit ko sa gilid ng damit niya nang mas bumilis pa ang galaw ng mga darili niya. The lewd wet sound of his fingers on my dripping heat made me desperately hope for a hole on my ground to open up and eat me whole.

Paano ko pa idi-deny na hindi ko gusto ang mga ginagawa niya sa akin kung tuluyan na akong binigo ng katawan ko? It felt like my mind and my body left me already to conspire with him. It was also very hard suppressing myself from uttering his name for his every ministration.

Mas lumala pa iyon nang unti-unti kong maramdaman ang pagsikip ng puson ko. Lamely throwing my head on his shoulder when I couldn't take the pleasure anymore, something within me was nearing to explode, I carelessly moaned again, his name sounded like a pray from my mouth. "K-Kuya Yoongi!"

He felt it. He was already looking forward to it because even before I could reach what was that, his fingers painfully stopped. Mabilis niyang hinila pabalik ang kamay niya mula sa loob ng skirt ko habang naiiyak na napatitig ako sa nakasarang pinto, buka ang mga labi.

It… it felt so painfully frustrating. My knees wobbled, my heart hurting and my pride bleeding, he finally let me fall to the ground.

It took me long seconds, staring at the closed door before I felt my throat hurt and my eyes sting. Nanginig ang mga balikat ko kasabay ng pagpapakawala ko ng malakas na iyak. Naiiyak akong hinayaan ko siyang gawin sa akin iyon, naiiyak akong nagpadala ako sa nararamdaman ko pero mas naiiyak akong hindi niya ako hinayaang abutin kung anuman iyong dapat kong maabot.

It was like he made me fly high, but left me mid-high only to fall and get shattered.

I just cried so hard when I felt him sit down behind me, his arms carefully wrapping around my waist as he gently pulled me closer to his body, his legs locking me in between as if shelling me comfort when he was the reason why I was crying. I wanted to shove him away, to get away from him but not when my heart was too weak and vulnerable for him.

Just since when did I become this weak and vulnerable for him?

"You seriously thought I would let you reach your orgasm like that? Baka nakakalimutan mong parusa iyon, Julie…" he whispered comfortingly to me, his words were filled with venom but his tone ironically showcased softness and comfort.

"Y-You shouldn't have even t-touched me like that!" I sobbed loudly, still feeling humiliated because of what he did. He knew I wanted it, he knew I would be desperate for it so he did that.

Naramdaman ko ang marahas na pagpapakawala niya ng buntong-hininga, ang dibdib niya sa likod ko ay marahas na nagtaas-baba. His strawberry scent once again torturing my system, coated with the fading scent of his menthol cigarette.

"Then what should I do? Tell me? I've been holding myself back from touching you, I couldn't hit you again because you've grown already. Bullshit, I've always wanted you to grow fast but seeing how beautiful and hot you've become, I just want to lock you in my house just so people wouldn't have the privilege to see your beauty." Humigpit ang yakap niya sa baywang ko, isinubsob sa leeg ko ang mukha niya habang halos tumalon na mula sa dibdib ko ang puso ko dahil sa mga sinabi niya.

When I had been thinking so differently about his assaults to me, about how he treated me, he had his own reason as to why. Ang buong akala ko ay sadyang istrikto lang siya, na para sa kaniya ay obligado siyang bantayan at disiplinahin ako dahil magkaibigan ang mga pamilya namin.

I had always known how his ways were too different from how my cousins protected me, I still didn't think it was like this.

"W-Why? Why don't you want people to s-see me?" Muling kinain ng iyak ko ang boses ko.

"Tss, you really don't get it, do you?" he sarcastically asked me, as if I was too stupid not to get what he wanted to say. Ma-o-offend na sana ako kung hindi ko lang naramdaman ang pagdampi ng malalambot niyang mga labi sa balat ng leeg ko. "Why would I seriously touch you like that? Tingin mo ba gagawin ko iyon sa iba? Julie, I'm not a pervert…"

Ngumuso ako para pigilan ang hikbing kumakawala sa lalamunan ko. "But you are."

Hindi raw siya pervert pero hinawakan niya ako kanina. Hindi ko na babanggitin pa iyong mga ginagawa niya sa akin noon dahil pareho naming alam iyon.

"You want another punishment?" He warned me. "You're not going to reach your first orgasm until you turned eighteen, Julie."

Humarap ako sa kaniya saka malakas siyang pinaghahampas sa dibdib. From my tear-filled eyes, I saw how a smirk form on his lips. Marahan niyang hinuli ang mga kamay ko saka maingat na ibinaba sa gilid ko. Meeting his pair of kitten eyes behind his specs, I pouted hardly when he just grinned wider.

"You like it, I know," he smugly said. Sa hitsura niya, labas ang mamula-mulang gums at pantay-pantay na mga ngipin, mukha siyang tuwang-tuwa sa nalalaman niya.

My heart seriously swelled within my chest seeing again his gummy smile that I missed so much. It was too bright and too endearing for my eyes. He didn't smile often so maybe, it was euphorically foreign seeing him do.

It was actually a bless to my eyes. Parang nakaka-inis kung ipapakita niya ang ngiti niyang iyan sa ibang tao…

"I-It… it w-was embarrassing…" I admitted honestly, letting my eyes fall to the ground from his handsome face when I couldn't take into his beauty anymore. Ni hindi ko inaasahang magiging ganito kami sa isa't isa.

He just molested me again! And I was being embarrassed about it instead of getting mad! Mas masakit pa iyong ginawa niya sa akin ngayon kaysa sa mga pamamalo niya noon sa akin noon! I might don't know what he just deprived me to reach, I knew it was something pleasurable with how my gut clenched earlier for the preparation for it.

He was too evil! Sana hinayaan man lang niyang maabot ko iyon…

"Embarrassing? So you'll be embarrassed every time I'll do that to you?"

Eyes widening, I once again raised my head to look at him. He didn't look fazed about what he just said, as if it was something normal to say to me. Whimpering weakly, I once again threw my fists to his chest when his grip on them loosened.

Malakas siyang tumawa. "God, Julie, it's just a touch! You don't know what I've been wanting to do to you ever since you turned fifteen!" Hinayaan niyang pagsusuntukin ko siya hanggang sa unti-unting bumagal at humina ang mga suntok na iyon.

"Y-You're just too pervert…" I embarrassingly said, feeling my cheeks burning even more with how blunt he was.

"Hm, sa'yo lang."

Heat burned my cheeks more and more with that. Inamin niyang sa akin lang. I might be a fool when it came to relationship since I hadn't been into one, but I wasn't stupid not to get what he was saying to me. Hindi niya sasabihin sa akin ang lahat ng ito kung sila ni Ate Mira.

"I hope you learned now that every time you'll anger me, I'll have to punish you that way…" Inangat niya ang mga kamay niya para marahang punasan ang mga luhang natuyo na sa mukha ko.

Pouting, I bravely met his kitten eyes. "Why… why punish me in that… that way?" Gusto ko rin namang malinawan kung bakit niya ginagawa sa akin ang ganito.

Surely, he didn't see me just as a younger sister like what our parents had been seeing it. Hindi ganoon dahil nakakadiring isiping na kapatid ang tingin niya sa akin sa mga pinanggagawa niya.

"Why can't you get it? Do I really have to say it? Yah, Julie, I'm not good at it. Don't ask anymore." Ipinagpatuloy niya ang pagpupunas sa pisngi ko matapos niya akong bigyan ng inaantok na titig, kumukurap pa ang mga mata sa likod ng salamin niya.

Saglit kaming nanahimik bago ako naglakas-loob na magsalitang muli. The idea of it was burning my system, almost killing me but I still built up courage to speak. Hinila ko ang dulo ng sleeves ng suot niyang dress shirt para kunin ang atensiyon niya. Sinking into his chest when his arms scooted me closer, I got the message that his attention was on me already.

"I… I f-felt—" I choked in my own saliva that made him chuckle again, obviously teasing me. Ngumuso ako saka yumuko, wala nang lakas ng loob para magpatuloy.

"C'mon, tell me, what is it?" He reached for my chin and gently raised my face to look at my face, I just wished the room wasn't bright enough for him to see my burning cheeks. Yumuko siya sa akin, ang buong akala ko ay hahalikan niya ako kaya mabilis kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko pero ang marahang pagdampi ng tuktok ng ilong niya sa tuktok ng ilong ko ang dumating.

Inhaling deeply, my heart once again felt like leaping out thinking about sharing his breath.

I slowly opened my eyes. "I felt sticky…"

His amusement was very clear from his eyes. "Even without orgasm, you still felt sticky? I'm so proud of you—"

"Kuya Yoongi!" Kulang na lang ay hilahin ko siya palapit sa akin para itapal sa bibig niya ang kamay ko. I had always known him for having a bad mouth, he always cussed, he always blurt out bad words without even thinking but I never expected him to be blunt about such thing.

Wala pa rin akong alam sa mga ganoon at na-eeskandalo ang buong pagkatao ko kapag nakakarinig ng mga ganoon!

"Okay, okay, we better clean you up then before I kiss you. God, why do this to me?"

Lumunok ako nang dahan-dahang siyang lumayo sa akin saka siya tumingala. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down, it took me so much courage not to bring my hand up to touch it.

"You c-can kiss me."

Wait, what? What, Fraye?!

Now, I would seriously dig a hole myself to bury my stupid self. Sa sobrang kahihiyan sa nasabi ko ay umayos ako ng upo habang itinutulak siya palayo sa akin pero hinuli niyang muli ang mga kamay ko saka ako hinila palapit. Akala ko talaga hahalikan na niya ako pero muli lang niyang pinagdikit ang tuktok ng mga ilong namin.

Brows furrowing in frustration, I strongly pushed him away from me that got him chucking loudly again. Natutuwa siyang pinagloloko ako. I couldn't even imagine him having this playful side because I was used to his cold and savage side.

Though it was undeniable how my heart was leaping so wildly with his playfulness.

"Eskimo kiss, hanggang doon lang muna tayo, Julie. You're still seventeen." Natatawang umiling siya na nagpanguso sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako sa takbo ng isip niya o maiinis.

Kiss was a lot more lighter than what he did to me a while ago, what kind of mentality he had?

"You've already t-touched me, but you can't kiss me—"

"Because kissing you will probably lose my control, and I might just throw the bullshit away and fvck you senseless. Now, let's get you clean up."





He wanted to kiss me. Hindi niya lang magawa kasi baka mawalan siya ng kontrol at humantong kami sa mas malalim pang kaganapan. He was being a gentleman for real, low-key respecting that I was still too young and he still couldn't touch me that way… that way.

Dapat ba akong matuwa roon? What did that mean? He wanted me? He liked me? Kuya Yoongi did?

I couldn't justify his doings to me before with that unsure resolution. Kasi kung totoo mang may gusto siya sa akin, hindi katanggap-tanggap na ganoon niya ako pakitunguhan! Why would you spank the girl you like for every mistake? That was just too unjustifiable!

Mas iisipin ko pang kinamumuhian niya ako! And what my parents would say about this? Kapag sinabi ko sa kanilang may gusto sa akin si Kuya Yoongi? Would they be fine with that? We were family friends with the Mins, maybe they would somehow be happy?

And what if he really liked me? How would I seriously take it? I mean, we didn't talk about it! Nang nasa sasakyan na kami pauwi ay hindi kami nagkaroon ng pagkakataong mag-usap dahil sila ni Ate Mira ang magkausap! I was seriously mad about it!

Parang hindi niya ako hinawakan kanina! Sobrang pagpipigil ko na makisali sa kanila dahil hindi magandang makisali sa usapan ng matatanda. The last thing I wanted that night was to get punished again by him. I didn't want it! It was painful and frustrating!

To be honest, thoughts of him and what he did to me inside that room were still lingering in my mind and messing me up. Nahihirapan akong mag-focus sa school nang dumating ang Monday. I didn't see him during weekends and just no one knew how difficult it was to be thinking about his whereabouts.

Nakakabaliw isiping na nasa De Asis manor ako, at halos maloka na sa bawat mga posibilidad na pumapasok sa isip ko. I had thought about him and Ate Mira during the whole two days of the weekends, having fun together and who knew? They were doing more than what he did to me that night?!

I was thankful to Netflix and to my roses for keeping me sane or else, I might have asked Mang Estacio to bring me to where he probably was. Hindi ako masyadong nakapag-live during those days pero nag-post naman ako ng kung anu-ano para sa mga roses ko.

Also, I didn't want to make my Instagram account private but due to the increasing number of people following me, mostly from well-known and verified accounts, I had to. Hindi maganda ang pakiramdam ko sa mga artistang nagsisimulang i-follow ako. Of course, I knew it was because of Daniel Kang, that was why I didn't really reply to his direct messages anymore.

I was so flattered about his appreciation of me, but I didn't want to use him to be famous. I just didn't like Dawn and any other people thinking that I was a famewhore.

"You're not listening again!"

Sighing deeply, when I heard Cali's soft and huffing voice from beside me, I slowly brought my eyes to look at her. Mayroon na namang light makeup ang mukha niya. She really looked mature for our age.

Isa pa siya, gusto ko ring magpasalamat sa kaniya dahil kapag kasama ko siya sa school ay hindi ko masyadong naiisip si Kuya Yoongi, masyado kasi siyang maraming kuwento na nakaka-distract.

"Let's just see each other again tomorrow, Cali. Nandiyan na si Mang Estacio." Tipid akong ngumiti sa kaniya dahil nasulyapan ko na nga ang itim na sasakyang sumusundo sa akin na naka-park sa usual spot nito. Nasa labas si Mang Estacio at pinapanood ang bawat mga estudyanteng patungo sa parking lot.

Nang magkasalubong ang mga mata namin ay tipid akong ngumiti rito.

"My brother's here too! Let me introduce you to him first! I've been wanting you to meet!" Bago pa man ako makapagprotesta sa sinabi ni Cali ay nahawakan na niya ang kamay ko at hinila na ako sa direksiyong malayo sa kinaroroonan ni Mang Estacio, nakita ko pa kung paanong naalerto ito pero kumalma rin nang lumagpas sa likod ko ang tingin nito.

He must have seen the Pagoda Blue from behind me.

"Cali, we could just walk—"

"Oops, I forgot! I'm sorry, young lady…" natatawang sabi ni Cali habang bumabagal ang paglalakad namin. It was not for too long until we stopped in front of a crowd. Hindi namin makita ang pinagkukumpulan ng mya estudyante maliban sa pulang sasakyang naroon.

"Excuse me! Excuse me! Sundo ko iyan!" Cali smugly shouted that made the crowd of students scatter and make a way for us. May mga nakita pa akong umirap na pabirong susuntukin dapat ni Cali na palagi niyang ginagawa kapag naiinis siya sa mga nambu-bully sa amin.

Chuckling with her, we just stopped when we both heard a subtle clearing of throat. Pareho kaming tumitig sa harap para lang makita ang napakapamilyar na lalaking prenteng nakasandal sa pulang sasakyan. He was wearing clothes I would always see him wearing.

"Kuya! Sabi ko sa'yo dadalhin ko siya sa'yo e!" Cali's loud voice boomed in my ears, her hands dragging me further towards her brother. Tumigil lang kami nang isang metro na lang ang layo namin sa Kuya niya na hindi ko inaakalang ang siyang bokalista rin ng Boyz with Fun ng The Min's resto-bar.

He was also wearing a dark shades but I knew, his eyes were on me.

"Fraye, he's my brother, his name's Cody de Villa!"

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