Chapter Seventeen

The trip in Malta with my family was perfect. Aside from I had the chance to see the beauty of Malta that anyone had yet to see, I was happy that my parents enjoyed every bit of it more than I did.

Nakita ko na naman kung bakit sila pareho na-in love sa isa’t isa. Sinabi ko na, my parents’ relationship wasn’t perfect, but the people in it were what made it the best.

For my eyes, for me, they were.

At that moment, they weren’t the great Elaina and Sergio De Asis of De Asis Holdings, they were simply just El and Serge, my parents. Kahit na halos naging photographer lang nila ako sa lahat ng mga romantic and photo-worth spots na nakita nila, okay lang sa akin dahil na-enjoy kong panoorin kung paanong feeling nila, bumalik sila sa pagiging mga bata. They had also dragged me into some photos, poor one from the bodyguards getting the burden to take a picture of us.

All of it, all of those photos, I added them all to the beautiful sequence of my IG feeds.

We also did fishing, it fascinated me how my father was very good at it. Alam ko namang bukod sa golfing, fishing ang isa pa sa mga bonding niya with his business partners pero hindi ko in-expect na magkakaroon kami ng feast of sea foods noong araw na nag-fishing kami.

“Using a net in fishing is a cheat, El. You should be patient, in time, they’ll come flocking at the bait you placed for them. In ten fishes, there’ll probably at least one of them you’ll catch.” Iyon ang sinabi ni Daddy habang kalmado siyang naka-upo sa ilalim ng malaking payong, naghihintay na may isdang kumagat ng pain niya habang tuwang-tuwa si Mommy sa mga isdang nahuhuli niya gamit ang mahabang net stick.

I was just busy looking at the poor earthworms in a big pail, sympathising with them for they were being used as a pain. Ang ilang mga bodyguards ay nasa tabi lang at nagbabantay.

“Why would I settle for one fish when I can get all those ten using a net? Manahimik ka na lang diyan, Serge. This isn’t one of your business gatherings, I’m starving already,” inis na sabi ni Mommy, mukhang nakahuli na naman ng mga isda. She carefully put them all on the black pail in where were her other catches. Nang nilingon niya ako ay sumimangot siya. “Look at your daughter, you using those poor worms saddens her. Papatay ka para lang makahuli…”

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi ni Mommy saka mabilis na tumayo habang inaayos ko sa likod ng tainga ko ang ilang hibla ng mga kulot kong buhok na nalaglag sa mukha ko. Looking at my Daddy, I pouted when I saw him staring amusedly at me.

“You feel bad for them, Fraye?” he asked softly.

I brought my eyes to his own pail of catches and saw that he had caught a few already. Marami na iyon kung ang paraan ng pangingisda niya ang pagbabasehan. At alam kong sa kada-isdang naroon ay isang earthworm ang nagsakripisyo ng buhay.

“I’m just thinking that it must scare them to be fed to those fishes, Daddy…” mahina kong sagot. I felt even worse when Daddy’s laugh boomed around the place. Si Mommy ay nangingiting naiilang na lang. Bumuntong-hininga ako saka tumalikod na, pipicture-an ko na lang sila.

“Aye, don’t go, baby. I won’t use a fishing rod anymore. Mag-ne-net na lang ako.”

And yes, we got more fishes that we could have gotten if we used the lazy way of fishing. Naisip kong ganitong mga gawain ang nababagay kay Kuya Yoongi. Uupo lang siya at maghihintay ng isdang magpapahulog sa bitag niya. I could only imagine him lazing around, lazily holding the fishing rod while he lazily awaited for the thread to weigh, announcing a catch.

We had also tried other exhibitions at some islands. We rode a big speed boat to see the wide and scenic islands in Grand Harbour, there were lots to see to be honest. Kinulang talaga ang dalawang linggong stay namin sa Malta para bisitahin ang buong lugar.

There were also a lot of attractions offered by the locals. Bukod sa maganda talaga ang lugar, Maltese people were also very nice. They were so warmly welcoming to tourists like us, even offered us big amounts of discounts when we bought souvenirs.

The best part for me was witnessing the Saluting Battery at Malta Valletta in the afternoon of the lovely days. Bukod kasi sa nakakabilib na ma-witness iyon, ay napakaganda rin ng Fort Saint Angelo na overlooking habang nasa itaas kami.

It was both a privilege and an honor to watch the traditional saluting battery as if giving life to the beautiful and solemn view of Fort Saint Angelo.

We got a family picture while the Saluting Battery was ongoing. Inutusan ko rin ang isa sa mga bodyguards namin na kuhanan ng video ang moment na iyon para mai-share ko sa mga roses ko.

We only dined in at home once, my parents found it more exciting to go out to places and search for restaurants that served Malta’s famous foods. Hindi ako nagreklamo roon dahil totoo namang mas maganda ang ganoon. Foods were foreign to our tongues but they were, no lie, so delicious

It was honestly perfect. Gusto kong pasalamatan si Ate Mira dahil sa pagpapakilala niya sa akin ng bansang Malta. I might have taken her posts badly at first because the way she mentioned Kuya Yoongi sent me a weird impact, I also couldn’t deny that I really had to thank her. Kahit ang mga magulang ko ay tuwang-tuwa.

We were already days back home but they weren’t still done talking every during meal about all that happened in Malta. Ako rin. I couldn’t stop telling my roses all that happened. Ilang araw yatang naging topic ko lang ang Malta sa bawat live streams ko. Nakakahiya pa na sa tuwing nag-la-live ako, may isang viewer ko ang palaging hindi nagmimintis sa pagpapangiti sa akin.

danielkang had already made it a habit to appear on the comment section every time I would come out to show myself to my roses. Nakakatawa pa kasi kahit na iisang salita o pangungusap lang ang ni-ri-reply ko sa kaniya sa tuwing magda-direct message siya sa akin ay hindi pa rin siya tumitigil.

I seriously didn’t know what to do to him anymore. My roses had already built up an imaginary ship in between us. Nakakahiya talaga! May nakita pa akong isang beses na fan art naming sobrang intimate sa isa’t isa! Ni hindi pa nga kami nagkikita! I meant, I didn’t usually reply to his messages, I only acknowledged him.

I had already stalked his IG feeds. Fine, I didn’t intend to, I was just really curious why my roses was so thrilled and riled up about him. That fact alone made me thrilled about him too that it brought me one day into embarrassingly stalking his feeds. Ingat na ingat pa ako dahil baka may ma-heart akong isang picture niya at malamang niyang ini-stalk ko siya.

How embarrassing could that be?!

The guy was a famous rapper and a model. He was half-Korean just like Kuya Yoongi, and also rapping! He was handsome, I would admit. Hindi na ako nagulat nang makita ko ang ilan sa mga photoshoots niyang naka-post sa feeds niya. He also seemed young, I guessed, the same my age.

And he had a lot of followers, ni hindi nangalahati ang dami ng followers ko. Nanliit din ako ng makitang pina-follow siya ng ilang sikat na Filipino actresses na ka-edad namin. I meant, there were a lot of beautiful ladies following him, even leaving comments on his posts so I couldn't understand why he was wasting his time for me.

Nakakahiya…

It was actually taking me so hard not to check my message and not to accidentally open his direct message because I didn’t want to leave his message seen and without a reply. Minsan ay sinusubukan ko talagang i-acknowledge ang message niya kapag nangungulit siya. Aaminin ko ulit na natutuwa ako sa kaniya pero ayaw kong bigyan ng mas ipa-fantasize ang mga roses ko.

They believed so much in the ship they built, I was afraid I would disappoint them.

Nakakahiya ring sa tuwing may bago siyang post ay nasasangkot ang username ko o ang pangalan ko sa comment section dahil sa mga makukulit kong roses na talagang umaasa sa aming dalawa. Ang mas nakakahiya pa, hina-heart niya ang lahat ng mga comments na sangkot ako.

“Daniel Kang? I heard he’s a model?”

“I don’t care about what he does in his useless life, Fern. Ang akin lang, sino siya para landiin ang Fraye natin?”

Pouting, I helplessly stared at my cousins who took the privilege of invading my room and rattling the hell out of me when they suddenly showed up. Abala ako kanina sa panonood ng bagong movie sa Netflix nang dumating sila. Nilayasan ko na rin ang kama ko dahil sa laki nila pareho, hindi na ako kasya roon.

“He doesn’t flirt on me, he’s just too nice to appreciate me.” Humalukipkip ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nandito sila sa totoo lang. Wala na ba silang mga pinagkaka-abalahan sa mga buhay nila? At hindi na ba sila mga busy para umabot pa sa kanila ang tungkol kay Daniel Kang?

Wait, it sounded rude to just easily call him in his name when we didn’t personally know each other. Nasanay ako sa username niya.

“Nice my ass. No guy’s allowed to appreciate your beauty, Frayanne. We’ll do that for you. You have us, your Daddy and our fathers.” Tamad na tumihaya si Kuya Key saka marahas na hinablot mula sa ilalim ng ulo ni Kuya Fern ang isang unan para yakapin.

Getting up annoyed, Kuya Fern threw Kuya Key a glare. “What the fvck, man! You could've asked nicely!” He snarled angrily.

“Hindi mo ibibigay kapag nagtanong pa ako.”

“Then go and take another! Give me the pillow back.”

Pinanood ko nang pag-agawan nila ang unan kong iyon, ang isang unan ko pa ay nasa gitna ng mga hita ni Kuya Key. He was too selfish to share my pillows to Kuya Fern. Well, ugali niya iyan. Ugali talaga niyang iniinis si Kuya Fern dahil natutuwa siyang nakikita iyon.

Sa kanilang dalawa, si Kuya Key iyong madalas mang-asar at si Kuya Fern iyong madalas napipikon.

Bumuntong-hininga ako saka naglakad sa closet ko kung nasaan ang mga extra bedsheets at pillows ko. I took an armful of those and went back in front of the bed. I lamely put them down. “Stop fighting, I got you pillows.”

Luckily, hindi naman na pumalag pa si Kuya Fern at inis na dinampot na lang ang tatlong unan na inilabas ko. Akma pang aagawin ni Kuya Key ang isa nang pinagsisipa na siya ni Kuya Fern hanggang sa malaglag siya sa kama, kasama ang dalawang unang ipinagdadamot niya kay Kuya Fern kanina.

Hays, tell me, my cousins were normal, or at least, remind me that I was the younger one here, and most likely the most stable one.

“Fvck you, Fernando! That hurts!” galit na sabi ni Kuya Key, bumabangon na pero yakap-yapak pa rin ang unan ko.

“I’ll gladly fvck myself, Whiskey but you see, there are lots of girls out there who'll gladly do that for me.”

Grimacing at their choice of words, I pouted even more. Tell me I was innocent if I had cousins like them. Bukod sa matagal nang dinungisan ni Kuya Yoongi ang isipan ko, wala ring akong takas sa dalawang ito. Madalas nila akong ilayo sa mga lalaking katulad nila pero sila, ipinapakita rin nila sa akin kung ano ang mga dapat kong iwasan.

“Why are you seriously here? I’m watching…” Hardly biting my lower lip, I refrained myself from saying how they were kind of being a nuisance to me because it wasn’t my forte to offend anyone. Kahit pa kasing-baliw sila ng mga pinsan ko.

Sabay silang lumingon sa akin. And as if being brought back to what they really went here for, both of their faces hardened as they shot me a glare. Tamad na bumalik si Kuya Key sa kama. Akala ko ay tapos na sila pareho sa pag-aaway pero halos mapa-ungol ako sa sobrang inis nang hampasin ni Kuya Key si Kuya Fern ng unan bilang ganti.

“He-hey, gumanti lang ako! You kicked me off the bed!” Mabilis na sinalag ni Kuya Key ang unan na ihahampas din sana ni Kuya Fern sa kaniya.

“You started it! Inagaw mo sa akin iyong unan!”

“At least it didn’t hurt! Imagine my precious ass hitting the hard marbled floor? Dude, you should be grateful I didn’t make your ugly face meet the headboard!”

“Man, you call this face ugly? Then what does that make you? A turd?”

“You talking about your shitty life?”

I was so done with them.

Imbis na panoorin pa sila ay kinuha ko na lang ang laptop ko mula sa bedside table para sa living room na lang ipagpatuloy ang panonood. Hindi ko ring kakalimutang tawagan sina Tito Luigi at Tito Santi para kunin dito sa bahay ang mga anak nila. I didn’t want them littering around me, I was afraid my mind would get corrupted with their insanity.

Sa mga sumunod na araw bago magsimula ang klase ay hindi na ako ulit nakapag-live dahil palaging bumibisita ang mga pinsan ko. Ilang beses na akong nagsusumbong sa mga magulang ko na huwag na silang pabalikin sa manor, pero tinatawanan lang nila ako. I also tried their fathers, men once arrived at the manor, dragging both Kuya Fern and Kuya Key out but after a few days, it stopped.

Mukhang sinukuan na rin sila ng mga Daddy nila. They weren’t really that scared of their father, sure they were, but we were all seriously more scared of Tito Aldwyn. Sobrang istrikto kasi niya. He didn’t have children so his strict parental guidance was being subjected to us.

Close naman kaming magpipinsan, pero hindi kapag magkakasama kami. Close ako kay Kuya Fern, close din ako kay Kuya Key pero world war three talaga ang madalas mangyari kapag sila ang magkasama. They showed their affection to each other in a weird way. Puwede nga nilang isama isa Kuya Taehyung sa kanila e.

They would be my happy pill line. I meant, they might be very weird and crazy, but they all could make me happy in a way anyone couldn’t.

“Man, look at this! He isn’t even that handsome! He looks like a girl!” Agad na nagkumahog si Kuya Key sa paglapit kay Kuya Fern na naka-upo sa single couch para tingnan ang phone ni Kuya Fern. Their faces immediately grimaced at the sight on the screen.

I ignored them and just continued drawing. I needed to concentrate because I was trying to properly draw his gummy smile that I had stored in my memory. It was still very clear to me though it happened many days ago already. Hindi ko na pinagka-abalahan pang alamin kung anong kulang sa mga mata niya dahil mas gusto kong ma-iguhit ng maayos ang ngiti niyang iyon.

His gummy smile.

Hays, what I would give just to see his gummy smile again.

“Dude! You look more girly than him! Look at your long hair, I’m actually looking for a right timing when I could cut your hair without you knowing!” Kuya Key laughed hard, teasing Kuya Fern again.

“Try and I’ll tell seriously snatch Ara from you! Akala mo ba hindi ko alam? Man, you never dated a girl twice!” Kuya Fern’s voice sounded annoyed.

“Tss, you aware of past time? She’s kind of a good company. Snatch her if you can.”

“Anyway, her best friend? What’s her name again? I saw you with them once, man, she’s gorgeous! Ilakad mo ako…”

Bahagya akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kanilang dalawa na mukhang nakalimutan na naman kung bakit sila nandito. They were easily distracted by their fighting and some talks that involved girls.

“Si Soft? You won’t like her. She’s trouble. Even Ara often gets in trouble because of her.” Umiling si Kuya Key na tila may naaalalang pangyayaring hindi na niya gusto pang balikan,

“Trouble? I’m trouble, man! We’re soulmates! Her number? Give me her number!”

“Tss, you’re seriously looking for a headache. Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you about her. No one can handle her—“

“Nah so much talking! Give me my girlfriend’s number!”

“You’re hopeless…” Wala nang nagawa si Kuya Key kung hindi ang ibigay ang hinihingi ni Kuya Fern.

That was once again another day they just littered around the De Asis manor, annoyed each other and corrupted my mind with their unending talks about their likes and interest. Nagtagumpay lang talaga silang pag-usapan talaga ang gusto nilang pag-usapan kasama ako nang bumalik sa bahay ng mag-isa si Kuya Key.

“The brat’s out to date a trouble. Sinama pa nila si Ara…” inis na sabi ni Kuya Key nang nagtatakang tinitigan ko lang siyang padabog na humiga sa long couch. He looked too annoyed that he didn’t even greet me.

“You didn’t come with them, why?” tanong ko. Patapos na sa pang-ilang drawing ko ng mukha ni Kuya Yoongi. Paubos na ang sketch pad kong binili niya sa akin. I still had a lot of sketch pads at my room so it wasn’t a problem.

“Ayaw ni Ara.” He hissed, irritated.

“Girlfriend mo?” I lightly tilted my head towards his direction to see him.

Mabilis siyang bumangon at kunot-noong tinitigan ako. “What? Of course not!” He shook his head defensively.

Ngumuso ako. “Hindi ka pa sinasagot…” sagot ko dahil dalawa lang naman ang dahilan kung bakit hindi pa sila noong babaeng iyon.

Kuya Key would immediately dump girls if he didn’t like them, if he did, matagal na niyang girlfriend ang babae. At dahil hindi pa sila, at mukhang gusto ni Kuya Key iyong babae,  ay siguradong hindi pa siya sinasagot.

I would raise my thumb for that girl. My Kuya Key, or my cousins needed a girl in their life who would show them that girls are to be treasured. Kailangan nila ng babaeng magpapa-realize sa kanila na kailangan na nilang itigil ang pakikipaglaro sa mga babae. They wouldn’t seriously gain anything from it.

“W-What? Hindi naman ako nanliligaw! I don’t like her. I have a lot of girls out there.” Humalukipkip siya.

“Yeah sure, but I want to meet that Ara.” Pinigilan ko ang matawa nang manlaki ang mga mata niya saka siya nag-iwas ng tingin. We were silent for some time, I went back to drawing and ignored him when he again spoke to break the silence.

“Is that labanos guy already knew about this Daniel Kang flirting on you? What he say?’

And my cousins really had their nickname for Kuya Yoongi.

They weren’t honestly the best of people to put in a same place. They would clash. Kuya Yoongi hated my cousins so much. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero nakakatawang pare-pareho silang protective pagdating sa mga lalaking nagtatangkang lumapit sa akin. And no, Kuya Yoongi didn’t have an idea about Daniel Kang, not that I knew of. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong mga pinagkaka-abalahan niya ngayong bakasyon, panigurado nasa Min mansion lang iyon at natutulog.

“I don’t know. I don’t go out of this manor, Kuya Key. Wala akong alam sa ginagawa niya…” Bumuntong-hininga ako saka tinitigan ang mukha niyang nasa sketch pad ko. The way his sketched kitten eyes stared back at me, I drew them perfectly, with details, the laziness and coldness present but something was really missing.

“You should go out sometimes too. He always goes to The Min’s resto-bar with his girlfriend. Kilala mo? That Drewford lady? Dang, he’s lucky.”

Holding the pencil, my fingers weirdly tightened around the hard and thin stick upon hearing what Kuya Key said. It didn’t feel good within my chest as it didn’t sound nice to my ears. My heart and my ears were two far from each other but they managed to conspire together to spice my eyes. Nanlabo ang mga mata kong nakatitig pabalik sa mga mata niyang iginuhit ko.

Hindi ko na talaga alam ito. Bukod sa hindi na ako natutuwa, nafu-frustrate na ako dahil gulong-gulo na ako sa nararamdaman ko. He was always in my mind the whole duration of this summer break, had been the subject of my drawings and it wasn’t very like this before.

It was so hard to name what was this because I didn’t have any idea, aside from I knew, it was hurting me.

Ibinaba ko ang hawak kong pencil sa takot na maputol ko iyon at mabilis na pinunasan ang mga mata ko gamit ang braso ko. Itinabi ko rin ang sketch pad ko saka ko hinarap si Kuya Key.

“T-The Min’s? Can you b-bring me there?” I firmly asked him, bravely meeting his confused eyes. Hinintay kong pumayag siya pero nang umiling siya ay naintindihan kong hindi siya papayag.

“I’m not bringing you there just to see Min, Fraye. Hindi rin iyon matutuwa panigurado. Hey, did you take what I said badly? When I said you should go out sometimes, I didn’t mean anything bad—“

“Then I’ll go there alone—“

“WHAT?!” He shrieked at me. “No, you’re not going anywhere away this manor, Frayanne. Pasukan na bukas, just stay here and be safe.”

I sighed in defeat. I knew it was hopeless. Kahit na matakasan ko si Kuya Key, may mga Min guards sa labas na paniguradong hindi ako palalabasin ng De Asis Land nang hindi nakakakuha ng go signal mula kay Kuya Yoongi.

Why was I surrounded with men so overprotective, two so insanely protective and one scary dominating, I didn’t know.

Nang umalis si Kuya Key dahil sa wakas ay tinawagan na siya ni Ara ay nanatili lang ako sa loob ng kuwarto ko. I suddenly lost the will to hold my pencil and draw stuff on my sketch pad, mostly, his face. Pinigilan ko ring halungkatin sa bedside table drawer ko ang lahat ng mga drawings ko ng mukha ni Kuya Yoongi kung saan nakangiti siya para punitin.

I managed to stop myself but I didn’t know for how long I would last.

Gusto ko ring pumunta ng The Min’s resto-bar, gusto kong makita mismo ng dalawang mga mata ko na magkasama roon sina Kuya Yoongi at Ate Mira. For what? I didn’t really know. I just wanted something to finally enlighten me so that this hollow feelings inside my chest would go away.

I didn’t want this, it was making me cry. It was painful…

Kaya nang dumating ang alas-nuwebe ng gabi, tapos na akong mag-dinner mag-isa dahil late na dumating ang mga magulang ko ay niyakap ko ang comforter sa katawan ko saka ako naglakad palabas ng kuwarto ko. I went directly to my parents' bedroom, opened the door that luckily wasn’t locked and went in.

“Sweet pea?”

In the lightly dimness of the master’s bedroom, from the king-sized bed in the middle, I saw how my parents slowly got up and stared confusedly at me. Dahan-dahan akong naglakad palapit sa kama, sumasakit ang dibdib at gulong-gulo ang utak, tinulungan pa ako ni Daddy na makasampa at hinayaan akong humiga sa gitna nila.

Lips quivering and eyes watering, I instantly sank my body onto my Daddy’s warm and bigger one, my hands automatically wrapping around him as I freed the sobs that had been hurting my throat and the tears that had been spicing my eyes. I felt Daddy stiffen for a while before I felt his arms carefully and silently scoot me closer to his body.

Not even the lavender scent of the duvet that covered us, not even the natural musky and comforting scent of my father managed to sooth the pain and the hollowness I felt inside. Everything, the confusion, the mess and the pain all burst into me that I just really wanted to cry my eyes out to my parents, just to have an outlet for those emotions.

Umiyak ako sa dibdib ni Daddy, umiyak ako ng hindi ako alam kung bakit ako umiiyak pero alam kong dahil kay Kuya Yoongi.

“S-Serge…” I heard my Mommy’s soft but broken voice.

“Ssh, it’s fine, Fraye. It’s fine. Just cry, hm…” Daddy’s soothing and gentle caresses on my back just made me cry even more. “Don’t cry, El. Our daughter needs our comfort, come here…”

Pagkatapos kong marinig ang boses ni Daddy ay naramdaman ko sa likod ko ang katawan ni Mommy, isinisiksik ang mga katawan namin sa katawan ni Daddy.

“Why’s our sweet pea’s crying, h-hmm?”

Mas naiyak lang ako nang muling nabasag ang boses ni Mommy. I hated to see my Mommy cry just because she couldn’t also afford to see my crying but I couldn’t stop it. It hurt so much! It hurt to the point that crying was the only remedy I could afford.

Alam ko ring hindi gusto ni Daddy na nakikitang umiiyak kami ni Mommy, my cries alone were heartbreak for him, what more my Mommy’s cries being added?

Mahigpit kong niyakap si Daddy saka ako umiling.

There was no way I would openly tell my parents about how Kuya Yoongi had been affecting me. I would sort it out alone. I would find it out myself. I didn’t want them to get involved, though I needed them at times like this, at times when I didn’t know what to do but to cry and feel the pain.

“T-Thank you, Daddy, M-Mommy…” My muffled voice against my Daddy’s chest probably just broke them even more, and I couldn't be even more sorry.