Epilogue

♪ Soundtrack: How Would You Feel by Ed Sheeran ♪

At eighteen, here I was, safe and sound, loved and treasured in the arms of the very man I would have never thought would mean so much to me. When I was four, during the very first time I met the boy in him in his nine years of age, with his lazy and cold pair of kitten eyes, thin red lips in a grim line as if giving a smile was taking him so much effort, pale white skin glittering under the bright lights of the chandelier and shining black hair that seemed so soft to touch, I knew right there and then that his types weren't the easy ones.

I was four, very young and too innocent to decide for myself and to stand up for what I was really feeling so even though there was already a slight hint of fear lingering in my heart because of his very intimidating presence in his elegant pair of white tuxedo and white slacks with a white bowtie, I hadn't done anything but to abide when my parents told me to go and play with him upon being introduced to him. Hindi ko rin makakalimutang sobrang damot niya sa pagbibigay ng kahit na tipid na ngiti man lang kahit na halos hilahin ko na ang mga labi ko para lang bigyan siya ng ngiti.

I was only comforted when he seemed to be like that to anyone around, their visitors trying to sweetly talk to him as he showcased his cold face as if telling anyone to back off because he didn't have time to talk to people.

Back then, he was already a very cold boy, so it didn't surprise me anymore when with our second meeting, still at their mansion but in a completely different circumstance, his darker shades were already revealed just because I accidentally poured the apple juice I was drinking on the keys of his beloved piano—that those times, I still didn't know he loved so much. I was rewarded with his scary growls of curses as he hardly warned me not to get on his nerves because he hated bad girls, and he wouldn't think twice giving me a punishment.

Iyon pa lang ang pinaka-unang pagkakataong may nagsabi sa akin noon dahil mabait akong bata, hindi naman ako pasaway at palagi kong sinusunod ang lahat ng mga sinasabi sa akin ng mga magulang ko. Hindi nagustuhan ng murang isipan ko ang sinabi niya kaya ngumawa ako nang ngumawa, insert Kuya Yexel who instantly came to my rescue, hawig niya pero pagdating sa ugali, sobrang magkaiba sila.

The older guy was a lot more carefree and comfortable to be with. He defended me from his younger brother, just as my mind adopted that he was the saviour of my young self. It continued like that, Kuya Yoongi would get so riled up with me, getting mad at me, while Kuya Yexel would defend me, saving me from him. Habang lumalaki ako, nagkaroon ako ng sarili kong pananaw sa ugali nilang dalawa.

Kuya Yexel was tagged as my saviour in my mind, as Kuya Yoongi was marked as the man of my nightmares in my heart.

He had done so many bad things to me that had made him into the top list of the people I loathed… to be honest, I didn't have a hate list for people, he was actually the only one in the list so now that I was already in my legal age, with a mind that could already think rational things and contemplate proper decisions, I would honestly say that it would have never crossed my mind at all that we would be at this point… that someday, I would die if I lost him. That somehow, he would make it into the most crucial part of my heart, that no one had ever touched, that no one had managed to cross because ever since, its door would only be opened for him. That somewhere, of all the places he could cross, it would be my heart.

Lightly closing my eyes as my hands were carefully holding on the railings of the boat, I deeply inhaled, taking into the fresh air as the saltiness of the Mediterranean sea came filling my nose. Ang malakas na hampas ng hangin sa mukha ko ay nililipad hindi lang ang maxi dress na suot ko kungdi maging ang kulot kong buhok. Nakakagaan ng loob ang malamig na simoy ng hangin, nagdudulot iyon ng lamig sa mga braso kong naka-expose pero hindi ko na alintana pa iyon dahil nilulunod na ang puso ko ng kapayapaan.

This was what I really needed after all the storms that came crashing almost all of me. I was happy that we were given this opportunity to let ourselves forget for a while and enjoy the rainbow after the storm.

I wanted this getaway, I wanted this so I could leave everything behind, even only for a few days. Ayaw ko munang isipin ang mga maaari kong datnan oras na bumalik kami sa Pilipinas, gusto kong kalimutan muna ang lahat at ibigay sa mga sarili namin ang magsaya ng totoo… ng magkasama.

Wala munang pirmadong kontrata kung saan nakalahad ang pagpayag ko sa alok ni Daniel Kang na maging leading lady niya sa music video niya. Yes, akala ko noong lumabas ako ng hospital noon ay ayos na ang lahat, my family was already starting to get back to the Min family, maayos na rin si Kuya Yoongi at ang pamilya ko. I already talked with Kuya Yexel, and he cleared to me everything. Akala ko puwede na akong magsaya at bumalik sa dati. Oh, how wrong I was.

I forgot about the chaos I did online, it was actually fine if it was only me who was affected but who said? I posted something online, dragging along with it was someone so popular with a lot of people loving him, Daniel Kang. Saglit ko ngang tinigilan muna ang IG activities ko kasi sa dami ng mga nangyari, hindi ko na maiisip pa iyon pero hindi dapat ako nagpakampante.

I had a lot of roses, and he had a lot of fans… that had looked up for the nonexistent ship between me and Daniel Kang. Marami rin ang umasa na mangyayari nga ang pagiging leading lady ko sa music video niya dahil lang sa katangahang ginawa ko noong lasing ako. Even his management was hyping up about it, posting stuff about him, hinting that I would be really doing the music video with him! Like, inaamin kong nag-post nga ako sa IG at sinabing pumapayag na ako pero kailangan nilang malaman na hindi ko iyon sinasadya!

'surely the mv will be lit!'

'yes i can see it breaking records!'

'fraye and daniel in one fvcking frame is a bop already, what more them in one music video?!'

'omggg i can't wait! they can have all my money'

'digging my grave coz it'll prolly be the death of me bye'

Hindi nakakatuwa ang dami ng mga taong nag-aabang ng music video niya dahil lang iniisip nilang nandoon ako! I would also willingly admit my stupidity, and would honestly take responsibility over it, I could post a public apology explaining how everything was just a big misunderstanding, and send my deepest apology to all the people who was expecting the music video, and mostly to Daniel Kang for dragging him with this mess. Kaya kong gawin iyon, kung hindi lang ako nakatanggap ng private message mula mismo kay Daniel Kang.

The rapper-model was too soft and too innocent for all this, he was just trying to work hard for his career and for all the people looking up to him. Kaya ko bang maging dahilan ng pagkabigo niya? Kaya ko bang hayaan siyang bumagsak at biguhin din ang mga taong tinitingala siya? I wasn't that heartless, so even though it didn't favor me, though I didn't feel good about it, I maturely handled the mess I did in the most proper way I knew.

danielkang: hi! i know you're probably pressured by now with a lot of people showing their expectations about my upcoming music video. i can also give you more time to think through it, you don't have to decide immediately, but i just want to let you know that aside from those people, i too, will be very much happy to have you in my music video. thank you so much for the chance, fraye.

Bukod sa alam kong sobra ko nang nape-perwisyo ang management ni Daniel Kang dahil sa tagal kong magdesisyon, ilang beses nang na-move ang released date ng album niya, alam ko ring paniguradong pressured din siya sa kahihintay sa desisyon ko. It might be the most stupid thing I did, still, it was the most right thing to do, to pay him for all the damage I had done to him, and to his management.

Yes, I asked for an appointment so we could talk about the arrangement.

"I'll go with you…" Kuya Yoongi wasn't very situated with it at first, but with a little convincing from me, well, it wasn't little because I really had to cry at him just so he would agree. He agreed but he said he should be there when I went to the meeting, not outside but inside, joining the meeting.

Hindi na rin ako nagprotesta pa kasi alam kong iyon lang ang tanging paraan para mapapayag siya. Maayos ko namang ipinaliwanag sa kaniya kung bakit feeling ko, ang pagpayag ang pinakatamang desisyon. I had to open my heart out to him, speak my guilt to him and lend to him all the mess my mind was going through. Naintindihan niya iyon saka siya pumayag.

He understood that I wasn't going to do this just because I wanted to, I was doing this for my guilt.

"I won't let you drink again the next time. You do scary things when you're drunk…" Bago niya ako hinayaang makalabas ng kotse niya nang makarating kami sa gusali ng management ni Daniel Kang ay halos kalahating oras din ang ginugol namin sa loob ng sasakyan niya para lang mapakalma niya ang sarili niya at ma-assure ko siyang okay lang ang gagawin ko.

I had to re-apply a lip tint, fix my hair and my clothes before we went out of the car.

In a wide room with a long table that had several chairs lining at both sides, I once again met Daniel Kang and his manager, only this time, with other two people. Hindi ko na masyadong pinagtuunan ng pansin pa ang ibang mga kasama namin sa loob ng silid dahil ang gusto ko na lang ay tapusin na ang pirmahan nang maka-uwi na kami ni Kuya Yoongi. Those people were clueless about what happened to us, they were unaware about what we just gone through. Hindi ko alam kung ikatutuwa ko ba iyon o hindi…

The meeting was quickly escalated as rules and schedules were talked about, Kuya Yoongi was silent all the while though he was getting weird and confused looks from Daniel Kang, and from the other people in the room. Mukhang nakilala siya ng mga ito dahil matapos kong pirmahan ang dapat pirmahan, kasabay nang pagpapakawala ng mga ito ng malalim na buntong-hininga ay ang pagbaling nila kay Kuya Yoongi. They all giddily asked him about stuff that were too business-like for me to comprehend, light nods was sent to them from Kuya Yoongi as a response before he found my side, firmly holding my hand.

Hindi rin nakalagpas sa mga mata ko kung paanong kunot-noong bumaba ang mga mata ni Daniel Kang sa mga kamay namin pero wala naman siyang sinabi, nag-angat lang siya ng tingin sa akin saka ako tipid na nginitian, hindi noon ipinakita ang gummy smile niya. Doon pa lang, alam kong nahulaan na niya kung ano kami ni Kuya Yoongi sa isa't isa… isa sa dahilan kung bakit hesitant akong pumayag.

Once we started shooting, we would have to forget people in our lives as we both acted after our roles, and once the music video was out, we couldn't avoid people from building up a romantic connection between us… at hindi puwede iyon dahil may boyfriend ako. Pero hindi ko na inisip pa iyon dahil hindi pa naman nangyayari. For sure, his management wouldn't reveal any of my personal information because that would be confidential, it was also in the contract I signed.

That was settled, at least, for a while I didn't have to think about Daniel Kang for the mean time since I was given enough time before the shoot started.

From the horizon at where the sky and the sea line met, from where the sun was already bidding its goodbye to give way for the moon, I smiled sweetly seeing how pretty the sun was, shading the sky pink, indigo and orange. Sobrang gandang kombinasyon noon sa langit, dumagdag pa ang asul na asul na karagatan sa ilalim nito. The boat was moving in a slow pace, enough to let us have all the time to watch how the sky was slowly being eaten by the comforting darkness in the middle of the Mediterranean sea.

"Kuya…" Lumingon ako sa couch kung nasaan si Kuya Yoongi, prenteng nakasandal habang nakapatong sa hita ang isang binti niya. His lazy eyes were already bored to me, as if he had been watching me being mesmerized by the beautiful scenery of the Mediterranean sea at dusk. "The sun's setting already," obvious kong sabi.

Pulling up a bit for a tad smile, his lips revealed his pink gums and set of short teeth before he tapped the space beside him, from his other side was the big round plate of the fingers foods he had been eating. May red wine din doon para samahan ang mapayapang atmospera sa gitna ng karagatan. He looked too cozy yet too lazy in his pair of black thin sweater and black short pants, a black snapback was on his head… his pale white skin was truly mesmerising even at this time of the day.

What I liked about dusk was how it was painting the sky with different simple colours, I liked how the combination of pink, indigo and orange up at the sky was giving a very aesthetic view for people to marvel at. Sobrang calming noon sa mga mata…

"You can watch the sunset while sitting beside me, baby…" tamad niyang sabi saka muling tinapik ang espasyo sa tabi niya. He looked too lazy slumped there, as if he was too lazy to move. Ang kaya niya lang yatang gawin ay ang dumukot ng pagkain sa malaking pinggan at mabagal na ngumuya.

"I prefer here, the calming sound of the base of the boat against the water is satisfying." Umiling ako saka muling binalingan ang horizon, humahalik na sa dagat ang araw kaya hindi iyon masakit sa mata.

"You can also hear that beside me…" Pagpupumilit niya pero hindi na ako sumagot, inilibot ko na lang ang mga mata ko sa karagatan at namangha sa ilan pang nga boats na nagkalat, may isa pa kaming makakasalubong. Maybe I was just really excited or too overwhelmed with the calm so I happily raised one of my hands to wave at the other boat.

Nang makalapit iyon sa amin ay saka lang ako tumigil lalo na nang makita kong isa iyong maliit na cargo boat, may iilang mga lalaki ang nasa deck din at nakangiting nakatitig sa akin. Nakaramdam ako ng hiya, akmang tatalikod na ako para iiwas ang mukha ko sa kanila nang sinalubong nang mainit at malapad na katawan ang likod ko, pares ng matitigas na mga braso ang pumalibot sa baywang ko bago ko maramdaman ang mukha niya sa leeg ko.

The cold salty air was instantly accompanied by his familiar sweet strawberry scent, taking over the sense of my nose.

"Did you just flirt?" he lowly asked me, soft lips already leaving open-mouthed kisses on the skin of my exposed shoulder.

"I just waved—"

"You waved at those men, probably making them think you're flirting…" He was really blunt.

"But I wasn't flirting—"

"Of course, you were not, baby. Your beauty is just too captivating, men couldn't keep their eyes off you." Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin saka mas isiniksik pa ako sa katawan niya. "Let's watch the sunset then."

Now that he was holding me so close, now that I could feel his soft lips constantly brushing my skin, all of what he was before, all of what we were would only be a memory tattooed in my mind, they were going to be kept because it was us, that though a lot of those were filled with not so good memories, I was willing to place them at the part of my mind where I could always visit. Magiging parte sila ng isipan ko na palaging magpapa-alala sa akin kung ano ang mga pinagdaanan ko para lang mahulog din sa kaniya sa huli.

It wasn't about all the bad things he did to me, it was about how he had always made me feel, enough to pick a very special part of my heart. I couldn't even see myself being like this to any other man, not to somebody who wasn't him.

I wasn't such at lose, Kuya Yoongi was every girl's desired guy. Napakasuwerte ko na nga dahil akin siya at ako ang mahal niya dahil alam ko, habang nagpapakasaya ako ngayon sa piling niya, may isa o higit pang mga babae ang nangangarap na lumagay sa posisyon ko.

"Kuya…" Muli kong tawag sa kaniya nang may maalala ako. We both decided to go here in Malta and leave the Philippines, and all the people we knew there. May mga bagay at tao kaming ginusto muna naming takasan para bigyan ang mga sarili namin ng pagkakataong magsaya…

Malta was one of the places I loved to visit again, I wanted to bring him here so we could raid the country together. Malta and Yoongi were both a very perfect combination, I couldn't ask for anything anymore.

"Hm…" He hummed against my cheek, his breath was hot yet so calming.

"I'm sorry about Ate Mira," I answered.

"Why are you sorry?" tanong niya, inilayo ang mukha mula sa akin pero nanatiling nakayakap.

"She likes you, Kuya. For sure, upon knowing about us though she forced us to see that she was okay, I know she is not fine. She's too kind, Kuya…"

Bago kami lumipad papuntang Malta, nalaman kong may karapatan naman pala talaga akong magselos kay Ate Mira, hindi dahil girlfriend ako ni Kuya Yoongi kung hindi dahil may gusto ito sa kaniya. I had the right to feel threatened because she liked my boyfriend, and they were very close to each other. Hindi naman sa wala akong tiwala kay Kuya Yoongi, sadyang nakaka-bother lang na malamang malapit sila sa isa't isa…

If I knew, she might have been given false hopes by Kuya Yoongi. Sino ba namang hindi kung iyong taong gusto mo, malapit sa'yo?

"And I've already made it clear to you that I only see her as a friend—"

"You don't get it, Kuya. Ate Mira is very nice, nakaka-guilty na nasasaktan natin siya." Pinutol ko ang sinabi niya para maintindihan niya ang gusto kong sabihin.

"And what do you want me to do? Give into her emotions? 'Cause the only way to stop hurting her is to reciprocate her feelings." Matigas ang boses niya na tila gusto rin niyang tumatak sa isipan ko ang ipinupunto niya. I would admit the idea of him reciprocating Ate Mira's feelings was terrifying.

Mabilis akong humarap sa kaniya, isinubsob ko sa dibdib niya mukha ko saka ko siya mahigpit na niyakap. He was already caging my little frame against the boat deck's railing, the sky was already dark since the sun was already down. Marahas akong umiling habang mas humihigpit ang yakap ko sa kaniya.

"No, I d-don't want you to reciprocate her feelings…" I whimpered vulnerably.

"Then tell me what to do?" He sounded hopeless.

"Tell me you love me, only me." Ngumuso ako kaya nahalikan ko ang mabangong dibdib niya. Nakakahiya iyong hinihingi ko sa kaniya pero iyon lang ang tanging paraan para mapatanag ako. His assurance would mean so much to me. Mahigpit na kumapit sa damit niya ang mga daliri ko, damang-dama ko sa pisngi ko ang malakas na tibok ng puso niya sa dibdib niya.

He stiffened for a while before his arms that were around my waist started pulling me closer, to the point that he was already squeezing me against his hard body, his handsome face hovering over mine, lips pulled up in wide smile again, his kitten eyes gone missing from the way they were stretched. God, he was so beautiful, I must have done something so legendary in my past life to deserve him in this life.

"You're such a demanding baby…" He teased as he let his lips softly brush mine, making me want to just pull him and let him kiss me hard. "I love you, and I can't tell that it's only you because that'll be unfair to our little angel but please know that in my heart, it's only the two of you. You and our precious Luna…" And as he finally dipped his lips to mine in a long and deep kiss, tears from my eyes streamed down to my cheeks, as my heart pounded in both pain and assurance because of what he said.

I didn't need a man who would assure me that it was only me, I needed a man who had a big heart to love not only me, but also the big scar of me. I needed a man who was mature enough to accept what we both lost, and a man who was mature enough to handle me and all that I was… it was him. It would always be him, it was only him.

My dominant Yoongi Min.

The end.

*
Property of Hannan Usman
All Rights Reserved 2019.

🥀🥀🥀

052819

thanks for reaching up to here, cuties 💋 we've all made it to the end, remember that it's not only me who wrote this story, it's not only me who made this story get to this point. each and everyone of you is a part. im sorry if at some point, ive disappointed you 😪, or ive written the ending so much far from what you're expecting, ive thought about it for so long, even rewatched some clips for ideas (bon voyage S3 🤭 bcoz dang, malta is lit 🔥 if you haven't watched it yet, then you're missing so much, like so muchhhh) so im sorry if what's perfect for me is disappointing for you, still, thanks for loving our characters 💕 until next time.

just in case no one has told you yet, you're cute and valid 💕.

- Hannan ♥