c h a p t e r 1

I'd gotten her name from a guy at my school who sold people's phone numbers to any person who was seeking out a number. The guy with the phone numbers' name was, Beck Yarns, but everyone either called him Becky or just Yarns. Initially I had asked him for Abi Dearest's number, but he gave me one look that told me everything I already needed to know.

"That'll will cost you a good 100, my friend," He says, chewing on what looked to be apparently sunflower seeds as I see him spit out the shell. I give him a look that must've made him feel a bit antsy cuz the next you think you know, he his putting his hands up and getting defensive about it.

"Hey dude," he says, "it's not my fault that she's on top of the food chain." I give Yarns a look like he needs to be on some meds. Making out the whole student body on a food chain. If so where am I on the list?

"I know that it'd take a lot for you to get this chick's number in real life," he says simply, but really he is starting to piss me off. "So," he finishes, "that's why you're gonna have to pay a lot for her fucking number."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I say, hastily. It isn't everyday you skip lunch so you can negotiate with some fucking pizza faced guy to give you a girl's number. Am I starting to regret skipping lunch over this asswipe?... Mmm, maybe just a little.

"Can you hold it for a month?" I ask him.

He shrugs. "Maybe. Maybe not."

"Don't be a dick. I need a for sure answer."

"Well, I can't give you a for sure answer, if I don't have for sure money."

"Okay, be a dick then. I'll have your money. Just hold the number."

Yarns shrugs, and I walk off before I say something that will be the reason for why I don't get Abi Dearest's number.

👓👓👓

I walk into my mom's room. It is 12:00 am, and I am literally tip toeing to her dresser to retrieve her bag. Should I feel bad about snagging a couple bucks from my mom's wallet? Yeah, maybe I should...but I care more about getting Abi Dearests' number at the moment.

For a minute, finally reaching her dresser, my hand on the bag, I don't hear my mom's snoring. I look to the platform bed and see that she is still sprawled on the bed in her polka dot pajamas, and smeared make up. When her body shifts, her face is turned toward the dresser.

The air is full of suspense.

I expect for her eyes to snap open, but no, instead she let's out an even louder snore, and is back to snoring like she was doing.

I open her bag, and pick out the wallet. I open the wallet and fish out two twenties, and a ten.

The fifty dollars will only cover half the cost, but I am not hopeless yet. I do have a secret stash under my bed where I keep about $55. That is all from mowing the lawns over the summer for my elder neighbors, and fixing computers for people who either got a virus on their computer or didn't know a damn thing about how a computer works.

After I snag the money, I walk to my room, and lift up the mattress on my bed. With one great heave, I finally get the mattress to fall against the wall.

In the center of the box spring I spot a Ziploc bag full of money; my money.

Smiling and picking up the Ziploc bag quickly, I take out 3 tens and a twenty.

Once I combine the money and count it, I smile and think of Abi.

I'm so excited.

👓👓👓

"I guess you really are desperate for the girl's number," Yarns says to me the next day. "What'd you do to get the money? Rob a bank? Kill someone?"

I hold out my hand, ignoring Yarns' retort. "Just give me her phone number. I gave you the money. Just do your end of the bargain."

"Okay Collin, don't be a dick."

"You're a dick."

"Then I won't give you the number."

"Then I get my hundred dollars back."

Yarns quickly takes out his binder of phone numbers and flips through the pages. He glares at me a couple of times before he finally stops at a page.

He rips the page out, and before giving it to me he says, "You have a valuable thing here. Not only do I have her cell phone number, but I have her home phone number as well."

I nod, impressed.

He then gives me the paper, and for once, I don't feel so bad about myself, or school.

I can finally talk to Abi Dearest.

👓👓👓

"Guys, I don't like how you make me sound like some crazy obsessed fan; like I'm stalking her."

I say this to two friends of mine named Ethridge and Is-Su who are currently over my house to tell me why calling Abi is such a bad idea.

"When she finds out you're not Danny, man," Ethridge says shaking his head, "She'll be so pissed at you. Then all odds of you going out with her will go kapooie."

Is-Su then adds in. "What makes you think the ruse will work anyway? Do you know what Danny even sounds like?"

I nod. "Yeah, I do. You guys know what I'm good at. Here I'll show you now."

Ethridge sets down his Ukulele. And looks at me, waiting for me to do my Danny Sanderson Impression.

Is-Su says, "This is going to be good."

I stand up straighter, and cross my arms like I'm this cool guy with lots of confidence. "Hi, I'm Danny." I say it all deep, but I make him sound a lot dumber than he actually is.

I begin to act like I'm bouncing a soccer ball up on my knee. "And I'm pretty much every girl's dream."

Is-Su laughs a little, and then says, "Say somethin' he'd actually say."

I think for a bit. I see Danny everyday, walking the halls with swagger and confidence every guy envied.

He is the type of guy that girls aren't ever mean to, and didn't look at like shit.

Then there's the guys like me. Who are overlooked, friendzoned, insulted, or taken advantage of.

It's tempting to get discouraged. How can I ever measure up to a guy like Danny? Is-Su thinks I'm trying too damn hard with his voice.

I try something different.

"Hi, I'm Danny, how's it going?"

Is-Su and Ethridge both shake their head.

"What was wrong with that?"

"Sounds too forced," Ethridge says. "This isn't the fucking 60s man."

"You just didn't sound all that genuinue," Is-Su then says.

I try again.

👓👓👓

I stare at Abi's number forever.

The digits are my happiness.

Tomorrow I will try my luck at calling her.

She couldn't reject me.

She can't reject me.

I'm Danny Sanderson now.