*TOMMY P.O.V.*

I sat in the passenger seat of Adams car as I squished myself even closer to the window that my eyes were beaming into. I have no idea why I agreed to do this but honestly I didn't think I could say no. He was my boss, and he said he wanted to talk business, even though we both know what this conversation will be about.

I had to sneak out of my room this morning when Adam called me and asked to meet. If Isaac was awake he wouldn't have let me leave. I knew I wasn't pissed at Adam but all the rage that I should've felt towards him, reflected onto Isaac. I've never seen him so pissed, and this is the first time that he's been mad at Adam. Yet another thing that's my fault.

I can still feel the coldness of the ice radiating all over my body. I inwardly shuddered as the car came to a stop and I heard the keys jingle. I wasn't mad at Adam, and surprisingly I wasn't even mad at Sauli, sure he basically gave me hypothermia, but to me he was still a close friend.

I respected him, and that's why I feel like I'm at least partially responsible for how it played out.

''Tommy.'' Adam started, before the silence could get anymore awkward. I didn't turn to look at him but I did relax a bit more in my seat. Usually Adam never makes me uncomfortable, but I don't want to have to turn and look at the guilt on his face. I don't like the feeling that I get when I think about how him kissing me has turned his life into a living hell.

''I'm sorr-''

''No, don't.'' I said cutting him off.

''Tommy-''

''I said don't Adam! I'm not going to forgive you, I'd rather just forget and keep this professional.''

''No-''

''We can either have it that way, or I'm quitting Adam. Your complicating things. You almost lost your boyfriend over a stupid meaningless kiss that should have never happened anyway. You love Sauli right?'' I asked, still refusing to look directly at him.

He didn't answer me after a while and I gave into my resistance to turn and look at him. I was caught in a moment of shock and confusion as I watched tears stream down Adams face as he was looking ahead with a heartbreaking stoic expression on his face.

''Adam?'' I asked when the silence became to much for me to take.

''Love...is not how I feel about him Tommy.'' He said lowly. Now he was the one avoiding my gaze and I was okay with that, because I think my strength would all but break if I had to see the pain in his hazel blue eyes. I've never seen him so vulnerable.

''I care for him so deeply. I would do anything for Sauli, I would even die for him, he's my everything. But...I just can't love him. And it's me, not him. I'm incapable of loving someone that's good for me...someone so perfect.'' He said.

I felt something sting in my chest when I was listening to him describe his affection for Sauli, his flawlessness. But I didn't understand what Adam meant.

''But I've heard you tell him-''

''I lie.'' Adam said quickly, cutting me off before I could finish my accusation. ''I lie to him every time. And it kills me, but I rather hurt him with a lie than a truth that would end his world. I know what your thinking Tommy, I'm a shitty boyfriend. But trust me, I do care for him with such deep affection that I know some day I will love him like he deserves, I just can't be what he needs right now. I'm not good enough for him.''

I took a breath, letting out air that I didn't even realize I was holding, as I ran a hand through my messy tangled blond hair. This is not what I expected our business conversation to be about.

I don't exactly think that I'm the person for Adam to be sharing his feelings with. I mean sure we know each other well but I can't help him with his problems. I don't know how.

''Why are you telling me this, Adam? I don't know how I'm suppose to react to this or feel about this. You've conflicted me.'' I said staring at his face concerned as he wore the exact same expression.

I watched as he wiped his tears away, fixing his makeup in the process. He was so used to the routine that he didn't even need a mirror. He turned to me finally, giving me a half-hearted smile.

''I have an interview in five. I'll be playing the basic songs that we usually go through in rehearsal, nothing new so I know you know the notes.'' He said.

It was like he just shut down completely and went into performance mode. I've never seen him change his personality so quickly. One second he's open and vulnerable but the next he's more secure than a lock, with a perfect fake smile plastered across his face.

''Don't do that.'' I protested, reaching over to grab his arm as his hand went for the door handle. No way was he leaving now. He had just basically threw me half a bone and I wanted the rest.

''Do what?'' He asked staring at me confused, but we both knew he knew what I meant.

''L-look I know that we haven't known each other for that long, and we may not be incredibly close but don't push me away Adam. I've never seen you like this, its a new side of you...a different side.'' I said trying to plead with him. It didn't seem to work as he gently pulled his arm from my grip.

''Were going to be late.'' He said.

I sighed shaking my head. I've had enough of this. ''I don't care about the damn interview Adam, just talk to me!''

''Well unfortunately I have no choice but to care about the interview, so lets--''

''Oh just shut up.'' I said cutting him off, bringing my hand up to run over my face before resting my head in both my hands.

I had a headache that felt like a hammer pounding into my head. I don't know why I wanted him to confide in me so badly. I just felt like he had to, like he should trust me, like he should want to. He looked so hurt, that I couldn't help but want to fix it.

''Excuse me?'' He said, narrowing his surprised gaze to look at me.

''I told you to shut up, because if you won't clarify your intentions to me then there's no--''

''I've never felt like this before.'' He said cutting me off. ''It's like having your oxygen taken away only to have it replaced with something else, something not as good as oxygen but suitable, reliable.''

''You see that's what I mean. I don't understand what your saying.'' I said picking my head up to look at him. He ran a hand through his hair as he chuckled lowly.

''Your a good guy, that's why you don't understand. Your trying to fix my relationship, Tommy. I appreciate that but trust me once you figure out the reason for it crumbling in the first place, you'll want nothing to do with me.'' He quickly left the care before I could protest.

If it matters at all to him, I wish I could've told him that he was wrong. Something inside me would never allow me to not want anything to do with Adam. And I felt the shock and fear consume me at once as I realized what it was, just as well as what he meant.

I had feelings for my boss...my boss was losing his two year relationship because of me...because he cared for me much more than he should've.

All this over one god forsaken kiss, a kiss that I suddenly hated myself for wanting again as I remembered his glossed lips colliding roughly with mine as his tongue dove into my mouth and stole my precious air.

 ~~~~~~~~

A/N

  I'm sorry if their romance seems a little rushed, but I was just getting tired of all the fluff. Anyway this is still the beginning so it's not like there's gonna be steamy makeout sessions...yet. Lol, next update is going to get you in your feels...be prepared.

REMEMBER!

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