Alastor: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.
Angel Dust: Killed without hesitation.

Alastor: I learned a valuable lesson from this.
Angel Dust: I'm guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lesson you actually should've taken away...
Alastor: DEATH ISN'T REAL AND I AM BASICALLY GOD!

Angel Dust: Ok, maybe playing 'whose family is most dysfunctional' wasn't the best idea we've had. Alastor's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get them out...

Angel Dust: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside
Alastor:
Alastor: Angel Dust, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn...
Angel Dust: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Angel Dust: I've already sent good vibes your way... they're coming. There's nothing you can do to stop them.
Alastor: This is the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up.

Angel Dust: You're alive.
Alastor: No need to sound so disappointed.

Alastor: What do you do for a living?
Angel Dust: I exist against my will.

Angel Dust: If you kill me, my teeth only have a 2% drop rate.
Alastor: What?
Angel Dust: Good luck.

Angel Dust: Alastor... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Alastor: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Angel Dust:
Angel Dust: I wrote sanitize, Alastor.

Alastor: I don't even have time to tell you how wrong you are.
Angel Dust: Okay?
Alastor: ...
Alastor: ...
Alastor: Actually it's gonna bug me if I don't, so—

Angel Dust: I've connected the two dots.
Alastor: You didn't connect shit.
Angel Dust: I've connected them.

Alastor: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help.
Angel Dust: I went to the park today.
Alastor: There you go! I hope you got something from that.
Angel Dust: *opening their coat* This duck.

Angel Dust: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Alastor: Aren't you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Angel Dust: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Alastor: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

Angel Dust: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it's illegal to dig up!
Angel Dust: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

Angel Dust: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Angel Dust: Guess what I'm about to get!
Alastor: On my nerves.

Alastor: Can you be serious for five minutes?
Angel Dust: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Angel Dust: I am not out of control! I'm a law abiding citizen!
Alastor: Really? Name one law
Angel Dust: Don't kill people?
Alastor: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

Angel Dust: You're right.
Alastor: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Angel Dust: If you spell skeletons backwards, it still spells skeletons.
Alastor, deadpan: Wow, I can't wait for Halloween to see some snoteleks.

Angel Dust: Alastor! Have you no dignity?
Alastor: Of course not! How long have we known eachother?

Angel Dust: I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

Angel Dust: Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!

Angel Dust: So, Alastor, do you have a crush on anyone?
Alastor: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

Alastor: The Ocean is a soup.
Angel Dust:
Angel Dust: Do elaborate.
Alastor: What are needed for something to be a soup?
Angel Dust: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.
Alastor: *Tilts head*
Angel Dust: The Ocean is a Soup.
Alastor: The Ocean is a Soup.

Alastor: Hey guys, today Angel Dust pushed me, so I'm starting a kickstarter to put them down.
Alastor: The benefits of killing them are that I would get pushed way less.

Angel Dust: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog".
Alastor: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

Angel Dust: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.
Alastor, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

Alastor: This is getting embarrassing.
Angel Dust: Getting? We're already there!

Angel Dust: Can you cut me some slack, Alastor? I'm sort of in love.
Alastor: I'm sorry, but that's really not my problem.
Angel Dust: I'm in love with you.
Alastor: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

Angel Dust: I feel awful about killing you.
Alastor:
Angel Dust: Even though technically you never even died, so I don't know what you're bitching about.

Angel Dust: You don't deserve me.
Alastor: At your worst or your best?
Angel Dust: I don't have a worst.
Alastor: Because you're already at your worst?

Angel Dust: I'm doing what I can to jog your memory.
Alastor: It's jogging, I guess. Its tiddies are jiggling a little.
Angel Dust: Nice.

*Bullying Prevention Day at school*
Teacher: Alastor, what would you do if one of your classmates viciously teased you again and again?
Alastor: Oh, that's easy. I'd take a pencil out of my pencil case—
Teacher: To write something to your teacher?
Alastor: —make sure that it's really sharp, and ram it into their eye at full tilt! My mom always says the pencil is mightier than the sword because they can't outlaw bringing pencils to school!
Teacher: *internal screaming*

Angel Dust: We all have our demons.
Angel Dust, grabbing Alastor: This one's mine.

Angel Dust: You're violent.
Alastor: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Angel Dust: That was a joke. Say ha.
Alastor: Ha.
Angel Dust: Now do it again.
Alastor: Ha.
Angel Dust: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

Angel Dust: Don't stay up all night, Alastor. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat your own shirt.

Angel Dust: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

Alastor: Why do you think I don't like you? I do. I would kill for you.
Alastor: Ask me to kill for you.
Angel Dust: ...First of all, calm down-

Alastor: Damn, the power went out.
Angel Dust: Don't worry, I got this.
Angel Dust: *stomps foot*
Alastor: What-?
Angel Dust: *Sketchers light up*

Alastor: Met a dumbass today. Awful.
Angel Dust: You looked in a mirror?
Alastor: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.

Angel Dust: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Angel Dust: Alastor, you risked your life to save me!
Alastor: And I'd do it again! And perhaps a third time! But that would be it.

Angel Dust, texting Alastor: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater...
Alastor′s phone, auto-replying: I'm driving right now–I'll get back to you later.
*Later*
Alastor, texting back: Fuck you.

Alastor: Angel Dust is not a morning person. Or a night person. There's really only about seven minutes a day you are fun to be around.
Angel Dust: The best part is you never know when they're coming.

Angel Dust: Alastor, I think we have a problem.
Alastor: What, the fire?
Angel Dust: No, the- wait, what fire?
Alastor: Oh forget about it, this sounds more interesting.

Angel Dust: Just be careful, Alastor!
Alastor: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Angel Dust!
Alastor: It's everything around me that's careless.

Alastor: COMPANY IS COMING! I WANT THIS PLACE LOOKING LIKE DISNEY ON ICE IN ONE MINUTE!
Alastor: ANGEL DUST IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE YOUR BED THROW IT AWAY IT'S TOO LATE TO MAKE IT NOW!
Alastor: GET RID OF THE COUCHES, WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW WE S I T !

Angel Dust: Stop saving the world and get a hobby.

Angel Dust: Alastor and I are no longer friends.
Alastor: ANGEL DUST THAT IS THE WORST WAY TO TELL PEOPLE THAT WE'RE DATING!

Alastor, trying to flirt with Angel Dust: I think both of our families suck.

Angel Dust: Alastor is playing hard to get.
Angel Dust: Little do they know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Angel Dust: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Alastor: Aww-
Angel Dust: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!

Alastor: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Angel Dust: It was autocorrect.
Alastor: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."?
Angel Dust: Yes.

Angel Dust: I'm trash.
Alastor: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?
Angel Dust:
Angel Dust: You smooth motherfucker.
Angel Dust: And yes it does.

Angel Dust: I have feelings for you.
Alastor: Why? What's wrong with you? Are you sure you're okay?

Alastor: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don't don't like them. That's not true... My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

Angel Dust: Alastor! My face is on fire!
Alastor: Angel Dust! Are you ok?!
Angel Dust: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.
Alastor: But your face is on fire.
Angel Dust: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

Angel Dust: Alastor, I...
Angel Dust: I love you!
Alastor: Not my problem.

Angel Dust: Well, Alastor and I finally did it!
The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*
Angel Dust: That's right... We kissed!

Angel Dust: We have a problem.
Alastor: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Alastor: I owe you one.
Angel Dust: That's ok. You can just date me and we'll call it even.

Alastor: Are you trying to seduce me?
Angel Dust: Why, are you seducible?

Angel Dust: I'm in love with you.
Alastor: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.
Angel Dust: I know.
Alastor: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-