I was sitting on the steps outside of the school, watching as students walked around aimlessly. I was jealous of their blissful ignorance. To them, a catastrophic situation is failing a test next period... to me, it's being a supernatural hybrid of God knows how many creatures. The Dread Doctors didn't just mess with by abilities either, they did something to my head. I know I'm not the same person that they kidnapped. I came out a new jaded version of myself.

But, I guess 24 hour around the clock torture will do that to a person. 

My phone started buzzing in my pocket, but I ignored it and let it go to voicemail. It's probably Stiles. He won't stop calling me. I don't know what he wants me to say, and after how I left things in the library, I'm not in the mood for a lecture. I'm not even sure if he would give me a lecture, maybe he'd give me a free pass and let it slide because of what I've been through.

A presence approached me and I could hear their footsteps coming to a halt behind me. I turned my head to inspect but they were sitting down beside me before I had the chance. It was Malia, and she had tears in her eyes. I quirked an eyebrow, "What happened to you?" 

"I'm sick of losing like this." she stated as she wiped at her eyes. 

I blinked in confusion, "Losing what?" 

"People. I'm sick of it, I can't handle another body. I'm not like Scott, I just can't do it." she elaborated. 

I snorted, "Well none of us are like Scott, he walks on water compared to us." 

"I'm trying to have an actual conversation with you and you're not being very helpful." Malia snapped, I could smell the anger coming off of her. 

My eyes widened slightly in mock shock, "Oh, my bad. Let me start over. Oh my God, Malia. What happened? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"What's the matter with you?" she inquired, wiping at her eyes again.

I wish I could give her a satisfactory answer, but I can't. I just feel so detached from everything, like nothing really matters. This whole situation does matter, it's really important actually, and I know that it's important... I just can't find it within myself to care.

I shrugged, "My mom's been asking herself that question since I was born." 

"This conversation is obviously going nowhere, so I'm just gonna go." she stated before standing up. 

Once again, I blinked, "Nice talking to you." 

"Whatever," she muttered before storming off into the crowd of students. 

I watched as she disappeared and I was left with an empty feeling in my stomach. I'm not sure what the feeling is, but it's something that's starting to become familiar. It's something that I've been feeling off and on since I've been back. It's something that I dislike greatly.

My cell phone vibrated again and I decided to check it this time. I had been right before, it was Stiles calling me. I sighed as I tapped the green icon and pressed the phone to my ear, "What?" 

"Uh, okay." Stiles breathed out in confusion, my tone obviously striking a chord. 

I rolled my eyes, "Sorry. What are you calling me about?" 

"I wanted to tell you that there's another body. Malia just told me about it and a teacher just called 911, the paramedics should be showing up anytime now." he explained. 

Sirens wailed in the distance and I knew that they were heading straight for the school. I can't believe that there is another dead chimera. That means that the Dread Doctors finally came out of hiding and are causing trouble again. It makes me feel slightly sick to my stomach that they killed another one of their failed experiments. What if I'm next?

I nodded to myself, "Okay. Did you call Lydia?" 

Lydia was supposed to be with Parrish, and since he's the one collecting the bodies it's probably not a good idea to be around him when another body pops up. He doesn't know what he's doing, so I'm guessing he blacks out when he gets them. Which means he is probably emotionally detached and is 100% mission oriented. 

"Yeah, but she's not answering her phone. I left her like three voicemails." Stiles said, I could sense his nervousness through the phone.

I watched as the ambulance pulled in front of the school, the paramedics rushing out with a gurney and high hopes to save a girls life. I let out another sigh, "I'm sure she'll be okay. I'm gonna go the ambulance is here." 

Without wasting another second I ended the call. I slid the phone back down into my pocket and watched the scene unfold. I wasn't exactly interested in the scene to the point to where it was driving me crazy, but I did want to possibly see who the dead chimera was. I rose to my feet and followed the mass of students into the building. The crowd was packed tightly when I crossed through the double doors and I was being shoved around by boys who were trying to get to the front of the group.

I pushed my way through the crowd and found my way to the front, I saw Sheriff Stilinski talking to a paramedic and it made me curious if Stiles was somewhere in the crowd watching as well. I then caught sight of Theo. He was standing in the front row of the opposing crowd and when Sheriff Stilinski saw him, he approached him and pulled him off to the side. I quirked an eyebrow, curious as to what they could possibly have to talk about.

⬘ ⬘ ⬘

"Kasey, I guess you're mad at me or something... I don't know. I've been calling you all day and you aren't getting back to me, I just want to talk so please just text me or call me." Stiles' voice came through on the speaker of my phone. 

It was a voicemail that he had left me while I was in the shower. I wasn't exactly mad at him, more like I was mad at everything but him. I'm just mad in general. I have so much pent up rage inside of me and I don't know where it's coming from or what to do with it. I just want to know what else happened when the Dread Doctors were experimenting on me because apparently they did something else. 

My hands were still slightly wet as I snatched my phone up off the sink and I called Stiles back. I'm not sure what he wants to talk about but I guess I owe it to him to explain myself and my behavior. It's not like he's done anything wrong and he's only trying to help and be there for me. 

"Hey," he answered quickly. 

I put the call on the speaker as I began to get dressed, "Sorry I missed your call I was in the shower." 

"Oh, that's fine. Can I come over?" he asked hesitantly. 

Once my lower half was completely clothed I nodded in response, but then realized that he couldn't see me, "Yeah, if you want that's cool. I should be done getting dressed by the time you get here." 

"Cool, see you in a few." Stiles said before ending the call.

I quickly finished putting on my clothes, which consisted of a black t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I was feeling like an all black outfit suited my mood for the day. Not that it made a difference really because I always wear black in general. I have a thing for the color black and it drives Lydia insane with how much of my closet is black attire.

The towel I used to dry myself was then tossed into the hamper and I plopped myself down onto my mattress. I sent Stiles a text saying that the door was unlocked and then I positioned my head on my pillows comfortably. He would show up soon and then we could talk or whatever it was he wanted to do. I'm not sure how productive the conversation will be but I'm gonna have to talk about what's going on with me sooner or later. 

A part of me was curious if Stiles had ever gotten a hold of Lydia earlier to tell her about the new dead body that appeared, because that meant that Parrish was going to go after it eventually and we now know to stay out of his way whenever he's going for a body. I decided to give her a call to see if she was aware of the current situation. 

Four rings later and I got her voicemail. I didn't bother to leave a message, I'm sure once she sees that she missed my call she will get back to me. I then tried to call Malia, because she hasn't reached out to me since earlier at school. Once again, I was met with a voicemail and I sighed. Nobody is answering their phones today. 

I could hear the front door squeak open and I could smell Stiles' cologne as soon as he entered the house. His footsteps were light as he pushed the door shut and ascended the stairs. I waited patiently for him to pop his head in my doorway with his usual level of enthusiasm, only instead he just walked into my room with his shoulders slumped and a blank facial expression. 

He sat down on my bed without saying a word and I quirked an eyebrow, "Something wrong?" 

"What?" he asked as he turned to look at me, "With me? I mean not really, apart from the guilt that's eating me alive."

I rolled my eyes, "Why are you still upset about it? In my opinion the guy had it coming. What did he expect to happen, like did he really think he would be able to kill you and your dad and be able to get away with it?" 

"What has gotten into you? You're acting different." Stiles said as his expression morphed from sad to confusion in a matter of seconds. 

My eyebrows went up, "Different? Different, how?" 

"You're being a little insensitive.." he said slowly, obviously afraid of my reaction. 

Was I being insensitive? I mean, I probably am because I have nothing inside of me that wants to care about what's going on. Like I said before, I'm different now. I'm not the same Kasey McCall that I was before. I'm new in a way that people aren't going to understand. 

I shrugged, "I'm sorry?"

"Can I ask you a question?" Stiles inquired. I'm not sure if he is trying to change the subject or if he is going to ask me something about the Dread Doctors and what they did to me. Which I guess would technically be changing the subject. 

I chuckled, "Even if I said no, you'd ask me anyway." 

"That's true," he responded, "but I wanted to ask you how you're feeling?" 

I blinked slowly, "How I'm feeling?"

"Yeah, are you feeling okay? You know, after everything?" his tone was slightly softer and I could see the concern pooling in his eyes. 

I let out a heavy sigh, "I feel different. Which I would assume to be normal, you know because a girl doesn't just go through 24 hours of non-stop torture and then come out the same person she was before. Then again, this is different. I feel... empty. Like, void of all emotion because nothing could ever top what I had just gone through. Nothing could be more important than me trying to stay alive in that moment. Nothing can hurt worse than the 400 incisions they made on me. Nothing can ever top what I went through, and until something does... I don't think I'll ever be the same again." 

Silence fell upon us as Stiles let my words sink in. It felt nice to talk about what's going on with me, because I feel like the more I say out loud the easier it is for me to understand what's happening with me. I'm not sure if what I said was the exact diagnosis but it was what I'm going with because it currently makes the most sense to me. 

"So, basically you feel bad?" he asked momentarily. 

I nodded, "Basically." 

"Do you have any desire to try and feel good again?" Stiles added, and his question struck a chord in my chest. 

Do I have the desire to try and get back to how I was before? 

I'm kind of enjoying this light hearted feeling. Where nothing is weighing me down. I don't feel anxiety sitting on my chest like a four ton block. I don't feel scared that Scott will never speak to me again. I'm not scared that I can't defend myself against a chimera, because I have my abilities back again. I don't feel anything other than anger, and the anger is the only thing keeping me going. 

The only downside to feeling nothing but anger, is that I'm only feeling anger. I don't feel my chest heating up and my face turning red because Stiles is sitting next to me. I don't feel happy that he's so close and I get to see him. I don't feel safe laying in my bed with him. I don't feel secure, like that I know for sure that he won't hurt me again. I don't feel my love for him. 

Which doesn't make any sense because I know that I love him and a part of me wants to make him happy and a part of me wants to touch him and kiss him and love him... but that part of me is outweighed by this new part that is dark and angry and so all of that is being pushed to the back burner and I'm stuck with snarky comments and distancing myself from him instead.

I swallowed thickly, "I don't know if it's gonna be possible. They really messed me up, Stiles." 

"But you healed from everything, right? Like, physically? It's just emotionally and mentally that you're still a little broken?" Stiles asked softly. 

Mentally and emotionally I am broken. I'm not the Kasey McCall I was before. 

Physically, apart from the scarring, I'm perfectly fine. I'm stronger and healthier, in a way.

I didn't want to tell him about how my scars won't heal, because that means I will have to show him and plus it means I have to relive what each and every scar once was and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that just yet. 

I nodded, "Yeah... but being emotionally and mentally broken is a lot harder to come back from than being physically broken." 

"You gotta promise me that you're going to try though, please don't give up. Even when it seems impossible, try to get back to being your old self again." he pleaded, and the look in his eyes pulled out the part of me that wanted to please him.

So, once again I nodded, "I promise." 

I just hope that I can one day follow through on it for him.

⬘ ⬘ ⬘

It was pouring down rain and I was sitting in the front passenger seat of Stiles' jeep. Scott had texted him and asked him to meet him at the animal clinic. Apparently, the Dread Doctors had attacked Liam and Hayden and somehow Scott and Theo managed to save them. They were hiding out right now, and he wanted to rendezvous so we were all on the same page. 

Lately, it seemed like we were all on different pages and there was no hope on catching up with one another. 

Stiles' jeep wouldn't start and we spent twenty minutes at my house trying to get it going. Finally, just as I was about to suggest taking my car, it suddenly powered up. I'm not sure why Stiles refuses to just take the damn thing to a mechanic already. It's on its last leg and it needs some serious updating if he wants to keep it much longer. 

Thunder boomed in the sky as Stiles pulled up to the animal clinic. Scott was standing in front of his bike, the rain falling on his shoulders. I wasn't looking forward to getting out of the jeep to stand in the rain, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Stiles then pulled the keys out of the ignition and hopped out, I followed suit and walked over to stand beside him as he met up with my brother. 

"Hey, sorry, I had trouble starting the jeep again. The thing's barely hanging on. Oh, and I couldn't get in touch with Malia or Lydia." Stiles said to my brother, it was hard to hear him over the rain hitting everything. 

I felt something that I could only think to be a chemosignal. It was coming from Scott. I was hit with a wave of uneasiness and I knew it wasn't my feeling. The way that Scott was looking at Stiles also added to my confusion. He looked like he was questioning every decision that Stiles has ever made in his life. I folded my arms over my chest and quirked an eyebrow, "Scott?"

My brother then reached inside of his jacket and pulled out a wrench. I could smell the blood on it, and personally I didn't recognize it. Stiles obviously did, because when he saw it his face fell and he took a step backwards. Scott was watching Stiles wearily, trying to read his reaction to seeing this wrench. What is with the wrench? 

"Where did you get that?" Stiles asked him hesitantly. 

Scott's eyes widened, "This is your's?"

The rain began to fall down harder and I started to shiver beneath the cold water soaking my clothing. Stiles reached for the wrench and grabbed it out of Scott's hands. I was getting more and more confused by the second, what in the hell is happening right now?

The look on Stiles' face was complete and utter defeat... like he knew that his secret was out and Scott knew everything. There is no way that Scott could know about Donovan, and what does the wrench even have to do with Donovan? Is that how Stiles killed him? I never asked Stiles for details, mainly because I didn't want them, but now I'm starting to wish that I had. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Scott asked him, sadness lacing his words. 

Stiles kept his eyes to the ground, "I was going to." 

"Why didn't you tell me when it happened?" my brother continued to press the questioning. 

My heart stopped, because now I know that Scott somehow managed to get a hold of information that wasn't exactly his to know. He was now going to do the same thing to Stiles that he has done to me and we are all going to be split apart and everything between us is going to fall apart. 

Our relationship is going to go haywire.

"I couldn't.." Stiles stated evenly. 

I was waiting to get dragged into the middle of this fight, because I knew it was going to happen. Every time that Scott and Stiles have a disagreement they pull me into it. I was going to be forced to once again take a side, but this time... the decision wasn't going to be hard in the slightest.

"You killed him? You killed Donovan?" Scott finally asked the question that I have been dreading to hear come from him.

I have no clue how he found out, I mean who would--

Theo said something. I knew he would do it, I freaking knew that he would do it. I'm not an idiot and I knew that he was working his angle with Scott to get him to turn on Stiles, too. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I know that this is his doing. He was the only other person to know and obviously Stiles and I haven't said anything.

"Well, he was going to kill my dad. Huh? Was I supposed to just let him?" Stiles asked defensively. 

I really wish I could have gotten more details now about what had happened. I had been more worried about Stiles' fragile state than getting actual information. I remember him saying that Donovan was going after his dad. I remember him saying that he didn't have a choice and it was self-defense. That was all I needed to know at the time. 

Now, I need to know a hell of a lot more than that.

I mean, on the roof Theo said something about scaffolding falling down, but what did that have to do with the wrench? Nothing is adding up and the small bits and pieces of information I have aren't helping me put the puzzle together.

"You weren't supposed to do this." Scott responded evenly, "None of us are."

His eyes drifted to me and I swallowed thickly. The anger inside of me was rising. Maybe Theo lied, maybe he twisted the truth and told Scott something other than what really happened that night. Hell, I don't know... maybe Scott truly doesn't know the difference between murder and self-defense.

Stiles' shoulder went rigid and thunder boomed again as he asked, "You think I had a choice?"

I winced as I began to relive the attack with Tracy. Being put in the position where the only choice you have is kill or be killed, is a terrible thing. Scott has been in that position before, too, right? I mean, how he manages to find a way out of it is beyond me but not all of us are like him. Not all of us will do whatever it takes to save everyone if it means dying in the process.

"There's always a choice." my brother said. 

Deja vu was taking over and suddenly I was back in our kitchen, having this exact same fight with Scott about Tracy and I. Stiles isn't going to be able to get through to him, just like I couldn't get through to him. He isn't going to listen to his side and get all the facts. Once again he is pushing somebody away. 

"Yeah, well, I can't do what you can, Scott. I know you wouldn't have done it. You'd probably just figure something out, right?" Stiles yelled back at his best friend. 

I hated watching this. I hated having nothing to say because until I'm called upon, this is not my fight. I can't do anything positive for Stiles if I speak up, so I decided to just stay silent. Even though my anger was boiling over inside of me.

Scott nodded, "I'd try."

"Yeah, because you're Scott McCall! You're the true Alpha! Guess what? Not all of us can be true Alphas. Some of us have to make mistakes. Some of us have to get our hands a little bloody sometimes. Some of us are human!" Stiles was screaming and it was making my ears ring. 

The scene unfolding in front of me was one to be seen in my nightmares. They were splitting. They were finally falling apart and I don't need to be a psychic to know that this isn't going to end well for any of us. A rift is taking place and it's going to split all of us apart. 

"So, you had to kill him?" Scott asked quickly, it appeared that he was actually trying to understand what Stiles was explaining to him. 

Stiles was looking at my brother as if he was a moron, "Scott, he was going to kill my dad."

"But the way that it happened... there's a point where it's just... it's not self-defense anymore--" my brother was trying to speak but my boyfriend cut him off because he could finish. 

"What are you even talking about? I didn't have a choice, Scott! You don't even believe me, do you?" Stiles asked, his volume lowering.

Scott nodded, "I want to." 

"Okay, alright. So, believe me then. Scott, say you believe me. Say it. Say you believe me." Stiles pleaded, and I could heavily relate to what he was going through. 

I had begged Scott to believe me, too. I had begged him to just try and see things through my eyes for just a second, and then maybe he could understand the situation a bit better... but he wouldn't. He won't. 

"Stiles, we can't kill people that we're trying to save." Scott finally said. 

Stiles began to shake his head from side to side as he took a step towards my brother, "Say you believe me." 

"I want to believe that you two both didn't kill someone, but I can't... because you did. Like I said, there comes a point when it's not just self-defense anymore. We can't kill people, do you believe that?" Scott asked loudly. 

I watched as fear washed over Stiles' face, "What do I do about this? How do I fix this? Scott, just tell me how to fix this, alright? Please, just tell me... what do you want me to do?"

"Don't worry about Malia or Lydia. We'll find them. Maybe you should talk to your dad?" Scott suggested. 

It was at this point, when I saw the look on Stiles' face, that my anger boiled over. I took a step towards my brother, "So, you're really doing this? You're pushing us both away? It's bad enough you won't acknowledge my existence, but now you're doing the same thing to your best friend?" 

The rain was falling down harshly, and I had to keep pushing my hair out of my face. My heart was pounding and Scott was fueling my fire. I may not care anymore about him forgiving me, but he is now hurting Stiles and that, for some reason, is something that I care about. 

"I'm not pushing anyone away, I'm trying to save people and you guys clearly aren't on the same wave length. I don't need your help, I can do it without you." he said, what really got to me was the fact that he wasn't yelling. He was saying the words so simply, as if this whole thing meant nothing to him. 

As if our relationship wasn't worth being saved. 

I bit down on my lip, "Scott, believe us. Take our side, for once in your life just allow the remote possibility that you're wrong about something."

Does he care about me at all? 

I closed my eyes and suddenly we are standing in front of motel Glen Capri. Scott is in a puddle of gasoline with a road flare in his hand, looking at me with nothing but hopelessness in his eyes. I didn't give up on him, even though he wanted nothing more than to end everything that night. I stood by his side and was going to go with him. Now, here we are. Only this time, I'm standing in front of him with my heart on my sleeve and I'm begging him to come stand with me. 

"Scott..." I trailed off, allowing myself to want him to forgive me. Allowing myself to want to be back to how I was before. Allowing myself to be anything other than angry, because I'm tired of being so angry with him.  

Scott shook his head from side to side, "I can't." 

Here I am, just a broken girl standing in front of her brother asking him to save me... and he is turning his back on me and walking away. Leaving Stiles and I standing outside in the pouring rain, alone, with nothing but disappointment and salty tears running down my face with the raindrops.

_____________________________________________________________________

SO, THAT WAS INTENSE. 

Scott was getting through to Kasey and allowing her humanity to come back, but then he turned his back on her. I've been waiting to write this scene for quite some time and I wasn't sure of how I wanted to play things out, but this was my final decision. Stiles and Kasey have been exiled. I'm not sure if any of you picked up on the drop of information in a few chapters ago when Scott revealed (it was the chapter where I wrote in third person when Kasey was taken) that Theo had told him that he overheard Kasey telling Stiles that she wanted to kill Tracy because she didn't think she was worth saving... but that is why Scott is so angry with her. Theo fed him a lie and he still believes it, much like how Theo lied about Stiles and the way that Donovan died. 

Also, I got my hair chopped off yesterday. It's super exciting. I took off 7 inches! It's pretty short but I really like it. I hope you all liked this chapter and think it was worth the wait! Be sure to fan, vote and comment what you thought! xx