It's been five days. 

Five whole days and nothing new has come up. We haven't seen a new chimera or even heard from the Dread Doctors. Five whole days of silence. Five whole days of awkward tension filled silence that nobody is brave enough to break. 

I can tell that Scott is torn on whether or not he wants to speak to me. Hell, I don't think he knows where to even start. I don't either. I feel so disconnected from him that I hardly know how to act around him. Stiles, Lydia and I are the only ones actually talking... and even then it's brief. I don't know why the lines of communication were dropped, but suddenly everything is different than it was before. 

Stiles had mentioned to Scott about what happened to me, he told me that he talked to him about it and Scott had asked him if I was okay. Scott wouldn't ask me himself, but Stiles told him that I was doing just fine. Which wasn't technically a lie. I feel different than I had before, like I'm stronger. My senses are heightened in a way that I feel way more powerful than I did back when I was a hybrid. I keep hearing screams, random screams that I can't place. I mentioned it to Lydia and she thinks that the Dread Doctors had maybe turned me into several different supernatural creatures, one of them being a Banshee. 

It makes sense, why they kept giving more and more tests. They kept adding more and more pieces to me, trying to make me stronger. Trying to turn me into something extremely violent and dangerous. I'm not sure if they failed or not, because maybe they did succeed and they are just waiting for me to snap and turn into whatever they want me to be. I honestly don't know anymore. 

My mother could tell that something was up, so I told her everything. I even told her about Tracy. I was afraid that she would practically disown me because she shares a lot of the same feelings as Scott when it comes to saving people and such. Thankfully, she knew the difference between murder and self-defense and she assured me that Scott would come around eventually. 

I'm tired of waiting on him to come around. 

As far as I'm concerned, if he wants to cut me out of his life... I'm not gonna try and stop him this time. 

Do I really need him? I've managed just fine these last five days without his support and his help. I've gotten through every nightmare without him. I've managed to get out of bed every morning without him. I've managed to live without him. 

It was obvious that the Donovan thing was starting to really get to Stiles. He was keeping to himself a lot, and he kept losing focus in conversations. I knew that he was feeling guilty and wanting to stop lying to everyone about it and come clean, but he also knows that there is a time and place for everything and right now might not just be the best time to tell anyone.

We were both currently laying in my bed, our eyes glued to the ceiling as we lay in silence. We had to get ready for school in about twenty minutes, but neither of us could find the will to move just yet. I've been sort of on autopilot when it comes to school. I get there and go to class, but I'm only half listening to what the teachers are saying. I have too much going through my head sometimes, and school ends up being a less important priority. 

Stiles let out a sigh and ran his hands over his face, "We should probably get up." 

"We probably should," I agreed, but not having any intention to follow through with my statement. 

Because that meant I was going to have to change my clothes. That ran the risk of Stiles seeing the scars on my stomach. I haven't told him about them nor do I plan on going into detail about it any time soon. I don't know why they didn't heal properly, but I fear that I'll have them for the rest of my life. I'll always have this constant reminder of what the Dread Doctors put me through. 

He chuckled and grabbed my hand, "I mean, or we could just skip and stay in bed all day?" 

"I can't... they'll call my mom and she thinks that I'm doing just fine, I can't break that facade just yet." I explained quietly. 

Technically, it's not exactly a facade. I'm doing incredibly well considering what all I had gone through. I could be a crippling mess on the floor sobbing my lungs out 24/7, instead I just would rather lay in bed and sleep than get up and go to school. I don't want my mom to worry about me anymore than she already does. I'll get over everything and be okay in time, it's just going to take a little while. I'm totally okay with working towards it, I know that things don't just happen overnight. 

Stiles sighed and squeezed my hand, "If you need an off day, you need an off day. I'm sure she would understand, Kasey." 

"I can't take an off day," I stated as I hesitantly glanced at him, "I can't take an off day because that means losing my momentum. I can't allow myself to stop because what if I never start again?"

He face fell in sadness and he let out a depressing sigh, "Kasey, you can't think like that. You're so much stronger than you realize. Sometimes, things get to be a bit too much and you just need a break. There's nothing wrong with that." 

"There is when people's lives are on the line and I very well could be the cause of it." I muttered as I sat up fully. 

I don't know why I have such a bad feeling that I'm dangerous, but I do. The Dread Doctors have been creating teenagers that turn into killers and so what does that mean for me? It's only reasonable to believe that the same thing is going to happen to me, right? 

Stiles sat up alongside me and narrowed his eyes in confusion, "What did you just say?" 

"They make killers, Stiles. It's not hard to put two and two together." I sighed in defeat. 

He shook his head from side to side sadly, "Kase--" 

"You can save the inspiring little pep-talk," I snapped, "I'm either going to be a killer or I'm going to be killed, that's the way it works. Hell, I could even be a killer and then still be killed. Don't try to sugarcoat the situation, Stiles." 

The look that he had on his face made it appear that I had just slapped him. I guess words are more powerful than physical actions, but in this case I wish that I had smacked him instead of saying what I did. I could tell that my words had a heavy affect on him and I regretted it the moment after I said it. I don't know what's gotten into me, normally I wouldn't turn on him like that. 

"I'm not sugarcoating anything," he breathed out harshly, "I'm just saying that maybe you're reading too much into it. I'm trying to stay positive here, because lately we've just been surrounded by negativity and it's eating me alive." 

I know the feeling, but I was afraid to agree with him. I'm afraid that if I open my mouth, words that I don't want to say will spill out and I'll end up saying something else that hurts his feelings. I have next to nobody right now, I can't push him away. Liam has been so worried about Hayden he hasn't talked to me since we got back. Malia is so wrapped up in her own head she hasn't bothered to send me a text message. Scott is just Scott, and he's choosing to ignore me. Lydia is the only one, besides Stiles, who is actually still talking to me.

Well, and there's the occasional text from Mason asking me how I'm doing. 

Hell, Theo dropped by yesterday to check in on me, too. 

I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face, "Stiles, they did something to me that I can't explain."

"I know, they turned you into a chimera?" he said slowly, not following my statement. 

I shook my head from side to side, "Not just that, there's something different about me. Something that I can't quite explain yet, but I'm trying to figure it out." 

The difference was in my thought process and my lack of a filter when I speak. Granted, I never really had much of a filter before, but it's vastly different now. I feel a lack of remorse when saying things, and then moments later I think to myself, maybe I shouldn't have said that. For instance, my relationship with Scott... I'm totally fine with never speaking to him again... and I shouldn't feel that way. I should want to try and fix things with him. 

But then there's this voice, and it's screaming at me and calling me names because I feel like I need to try and mend things with my brother. It's telling me that I did nothing wrong and he should come crawling back to me, and then I should put him in his place and still not forgive him for what he did to me. 

I shouldn't feel that way, right?

The only person I care about losing right now is Stiles, and that scares me. I should be scared of losing everyone, but I'm not. 

I'm not scared because that same voice is telling me that I don't need anybody else, I barely need Stiles. 

I don't like this newfound voice in my head. I don't like what it's telling me to feel. I don't like the lines that it's trying to draw. I don't like these harsh cutthroat decisions. 

"Kasey, what all did they do to you down there?" Stiles asked hesitantly. 

As soon as the words left his lips, images began appearing in front of me. Images of needles and blood and then screams filled my ears. My screams. My desperate calls for help that fell upon deaf ears. My constant sobbing because of how much pain I was in and it never stopped. I could see the door slamming shut, leaving me alone with nothing by my lonely thoughts. I could feel the blades digging into my skin once more, ripping me apart for their sick games. I could feel the black liquid pumping through my veins, draining me of any and all energy I had inside of me. 

The pictures were so vivid, the sensations and sounds were so gut wrenching. I placed my hands over my ears to try and shut them out, but it wasn't working. The radio was playing and through the static I could hear the screams again. I could hear the hundreds of people crying out for help and they wouldn't shut up. Why won't they shut up? What the hell is happening to me? What did they do to me? They turned me into some kind of freak and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. 

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to talk about it. I want to completely erase it all from my head, but I can't. I just can't. I wish for these horrid things to leave me alone but they won't. I'm broken. The Dread Doctors have broken me and I don't know how to put myself back together. 

God, what the hell is wrong with me? 

"Kasey?" Stiles asked as he gently pulled my hands away from my ears. 

His voice was drowning out the screams and eventually his steady and even breathing was the only thing I could hear. His heartbeat was going at a nice and calm pace. Everything about his demeanor was calm, so it helped me to become calm as well. I just need to calm down. I'm getting all worked up over nothing.

I cleared my throat and glanced at him, "I'm fine. I'm gonna go take a shower, then I'll be ready for school." 

Without giving him a chance to speak, I stood from my bed and quickly made my way to the bathroom. I let out a sigh as I closed the door, shutting me off from him and all of the bad things I had just remembered.

⬘ ⬘ ⬘

"Kasey, you've found this thing in your sleep how many times?" Lydia asked me as we were wandering around in the Beacon Hills Preserve. 

It was now later into the afternoon and Stiles, Lydia and myself decided to spend our free period trying to track down the nemeton. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is. We have been wandering in circles practically trying to locate the damn thing. It's like it suddenly became invisible or something. 

I groaned, "That was different. I was possessed by a Japanese spirit. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was going."

Lydia rolled her eyes, "But you've been there before, so try to think about it or something."

"Not exactly sure that will help, but whatever." I muttered as I stalked away from her. 

This mission was a bust. We aren't going to be able to find the damn thing because it doesn't want to be found. I remember Deaton saying something about it wanting to be seen or something like that. It's a supernatural Beacon, it's not exactly gonna have a sign with some flashing lights around it. It's supposed to be hard to find, that's kind of the whole point of it's purpose. 

It still was frustrating though, because I had been to it several times and I know that it's around here somewhere. I just wish I could go back in time and actually find out how I found it. I mean, I was sleepwalking and I found it so it's not like it's intricately hidden or anything. It's just hidden in plain sight. Which is the worst type of hidden, in my opinion. 

Stiles threw his hands up in the air in frustration, "It's almost like this thing doesn't want to be found." 

"Maybe it knows that we're late for class?" Lydia mused. 

I glanced at the tree that I passed by and noticed that it had a white X on it... which meant that we had already been past this area. Lydia had the bright idea to mark the trees with chalk so we knew where we had already been. Stiles ended up leading us backwards. 

I nodded at the tree, "We've been here already." 

"Crap," Stiles exhaled in annoyance. 

Lydia rolled her eyes, "Can we talk to Parrish now?" 

She had another bright idea, which was to ask Parrish if he knew where the nemeton was... seeing as how he apparently has dreams about it and Lydia thinks that is where he is putting the bodies. I mean I don't see why asking him would be a bad idea, but Stiles is against it. Honestly, I'm up for anything if it means we find the damn thing.

"Hang on. If the nemeton is covered in bodies, shouldn't you be able to find it?" he asked her, walking away from the tree. 

Lydia glanced at him oddly, "Me?" 

"Yes, you." he deadpanned, "That's what you do. You're the Banshee. You find the bodies." 

"Well, the Banshee's having an off day so how about we talk to Parrish?" she retorted sarcastically. 

She wasn't going to give up and I don't blame her. Stiles can be relentless when it comes to certain things, but he's not always right. Maybe it was a good idea to involve Jordan, maybe he could end up helping us get some answers. 

"We can't." Stiles stated firmly. 

I glanced at him with a raised brow, "Why not?" 

"Because one of the bodies... one of them... one of them could be..." he trailed off, not exactly knowing how to phrase his thought process. 

I picked up on what he was trying to say the minute he said one of the bodies. Parrish had taken Donovan's body, and if he put it at the nemeton then we would see the body there and then Stiles' secret would be out. That's not exactly the way that he wanted to break the news, so now I can see his hesitation when it comes to asking Parrish for help. 

"Could be what?" Lydia asked him. 

He blinked once, "One of them could be a clue." 

"I'm leaving now, Stiles. I'm going to talk to Parrish and tell him he's the one taking the bodies." Lydia stated as she began to make her way back to the car. 

Stiles began to follow after her in silence, not knowing what to say to her. I sighed and jogged beside him, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. He glanced at me and then looked to the ground, and I knew that he was starting to panic. 

"It's always better when they know." Lydia said. 

Stiles rolled his eyes, "Well then, he should know that he owes me a jeep."

⬘ ⬘ ⬘

"You guys are sure that's where Parrish is taking the bodies?" Theo asked as we pushed through the double doors to the library. 

Stiles and I had, unwillingly on my part, met up with him on the sidewalk outside the building and we were, but we I mean Stiles, was catching him up on what is going on. I'm not sure why Stiles is suddenly okay with talking to Theo, but apparently Scott has welcomed him into the pack so he gets to know everything know. It pisses me off beyond belief.

"Lydia says that's what happened in his dream." Stiles nodded. 

Theo grabbed Stiles' arm, "You know if Lydia finds the nemeton she's also going to find Donovan..."

Our walking came to an abrupt halt and Stiles and I both narrowed our eyes at Theo. Not only because he had mentioned Donovan in general, but also because he mentioned it while we were in the library and anyone to walk past could have heard what he said. Theo was certainly skilled when it came to giving me reasons to dislike him further. 

"Sorry," he said quickly once he realized that he had overstepped.

I folded my arms over my chest, "Josh is there too, or did you forget that you're part of the chimera murder club as well?"

The three of us had all killed a chimera. The only difference is that Scott already hates me because of it, he still loves Stiles and Theo like nothing is wrong. Which he should, because they did kill the chimeras in self-defense, so that means he should still love me too, like nothing is wrong. But he won't and I can't figure out why he's so hell bent on treating me this way.

I'm sure once Scott finds out about Theo killing Josh, he won't be so keen on letting him be his new left hand. Seeing as how Stiles is his right hand and I was usually his left hand, Theo has gone and replaced me. Which is fine. I'm over it. I'm over Scott and his petty bullshit, if he wants to shut me out, two can play at that game.

Theo swallowed thickly, "You know what, maybe she should find them. I think things are different now for Scott, especially after what he did to Corey. I don't think he's going to blame us for defending ourselves. I know he won't blame you, Stiles." 

I was curious about what Scott had done to Corey. It had to have happened while I was taken, because I can't remember anything. I assumed they got into a fight or something, but as far as I know Corey is still very much alive, so Scott didn't kill him in self-defense.

I laughed, genuinely amused by his words, "He blamed me though, you sure you want to take that chance? You might not be his favorite anymore after he finds out what you did, Theo." 

Stiles was silent, his eyes losing focus as he became lost in his thoughts. He had glanced over his shoulder so he was looking at something behind him. I'm not exactly sure what he was looking at but you could tell he was definitely thinking about something pretty intently. Theo folded his arms over his chest, "He'll come around." 

"Well, if he doesn't then he's going to lose everyone." I muttered in annoyance, because it was true. 

Scott was pushing away everyone and if he doesn't lighten up on his moral code that he expects us all to live by, he's not going to have anyone left but himself. And he can't very well save everyone like he wants to by himself. He needs our help, whether he wants to admit it or not.

⬘ ⬘ ⬘

I'm sick and tired of Theo. Everything about him just makes me want to rip his face off. He had the nerve to text me and tell me that him and Scott were going to the hospital to check on Corey, because apparently Corey started bleeding mercury at school today. I didn't want him to text me, but obviously Scott wasn't going to do it so someone has to keep Stiles and I in the loop. 

Stiles was sitting next to me in the library, zoning off again. I'm not sure where his head is at today but it's certainly not with our current situation. I think the Donovan lie is really starting to get to him. I know it makes me a hypocrite to tell him to keep it from Scott when I did the exact opposite, but look how telling him the truth worked out for me. It just made him practically disown me. 

I was tapping my pencil against the table in annoyance. I was not happy with how everything is working out for us lately. I'm just filled with so much anger and I don't know where it's all coming from. I'm very rarely this angry over something as mundane as dislike for another person, but Theo has my blood pressure skyrocketing because I can't stand him. How is it even possible to hate a person this much? 

"He's going to tell Scott about Donovan." I stated heatedly. 

Stiles glanced at me in confusion, "What?" 

"Theo," I clarified, "he's going to tell Scott, you just wait. He keeps bringing it up and he keeps saying how Scott will have a change of heart, I'm telling you that he's going to say something to him." 

He shook his head from side to side, "He won't, because he knows that I'll tell Scott about Josh if he does." 

"I don't think he'll care, because by the point Scott will probably think you're lying." I explained as I continued to tap my pencil. 

My heart was pounding in my head and I just wanted it to stop. I just want all of this to stop because it's too much for me to handle. I don't know how to control what I'm feeling and I just want it all to end. I wish the Dread Doctors had never taken me. I wish they would have just left me alone so I didn't have to feel so uncomfortable in my own body. 

Stiles let out a sigh and ran his hands over his face, "I'm going to lose him, Kase. It doesn't matter who the hell tells him, he's going to hate me and I'm going to lose my best friend." 

"Join the club," I breathed out as my pencil snapped in half. I had been hitting against the table way to hard it finally broke under the pressure. 

He glanced at me oddly, "What's gotten into you today? You seem extremely angry." 

"I am extremely angry because I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of Scott not talking to me and treating me like I'm a social leper or something. I'm tired of Theo infiltrating our lives thinking he can just waltz right in and we all trust him. I'm tired of being the constant damsel in distress and not knowing what the hell is going on with me. I'm tired of everything lately, Stiles. And most of all, I'm tired of losing. This whole time, we've just been killing or watching all these chimeras die and we aren't gaining anything from it. The Dread Doctors are winning and we're losing because we don't even know what the hell the game that we're playing is." I rushed out in a bitter tone. 

I was finally voicing my thoughts and it felt nice. It felt like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can finally breathe a little easier. I never thought that being open with my feelings would result in something like this, but now I want to keep doing it because this relief is life changing. 

Stiles sighed and reached for my hand, but I pulled away from him. I stood from my seat and grabbed my bag off the floor, "I'm gonna go to my locker or something, the bell's gonna ring soon anyway. I'll talk to you later." 

I could hear him muttering curses under his breath as I walked away from him, but I didn't have the desire to go back to him. For once, I knew that I had hurt his feelings and not a single fiber of my being cared enough to turn back around.

_____________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 17 YAY!!! I WANTED TO GET THIS DONE BEFORE I HAD TO START GETTING READY FOR WORK AND I REACHED MY GOAL. I'M SORRY THAT I DIDN'T UPDATE YESTERDAY I WAS JUST TOO BUSY. I'M NOT GOING TO TRY AND UPDATE EVERYDAY IF WRITING DOESN'T FIT INTO MY PLANS I HAD ALREADY MADE FOR THE DAY. THAT BEING SAID, I WILL STILL TRY TO UPDATE AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE. 

BE SURE TO FAN, VOTE AND COMMENT WHAT YOU THOUGHT!!! XX